Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
soontobeklg
member
wedding crasher! (long)
I chose not to invite a 'friend' of mine to my wedding (I knew him and sort of dated him for a while in high school), because he had been acting like a total jerk for the past year or so. Whenever I saw him recently, he would very loudy tell embarrassing stories about me to groups of people. And he has a history of posting horrible pictures of me on facebook, including from nights when I was drunk in college (don't worry, I've defriended him so that can't happen again). Well, he showed up at the wedding. Since I didn't want to make a scene or anything, I smiled, greeted him, and moved on. A friend told me last night that he had actually printed out a bunch of the drunken photos of me and was trying to put them around the reception tables. I had no idea this was going on, and the friend assured me she stopped him before anyone else saw. I am absolutely livid. It takes a lot of guts to show up at a wedding you weren't invited to, and that alone made me a little mad. But now this? Seriously? Do I have to write this guy a thank you note for the gift he gave us? What do I say? I'm thinking something along the lines of 'Thank you for salad server. Enjoy the rest of your summer.' Do y'all think that's ok? I would really rather write something with a lot of curse words in it, but I'm being the bigger person here. Sorry for the long post and TIA!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: wedding crasher! (long)
[QUOTE]In Response to wedding crasher! (long) : I agree with PP that you should write the thank-you and move on. Also, I don't think defriending someone stops them from uploading photos of you to FB. But, I could be wrong about that.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
Defriending someone doesn't stop them from uploading pictures. But I believe you can only tag people who are your friends as being in the pictures. So if the OP isn't friends with this guy, the unflattering photos won't show in a search as pictures of her.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding crasher! (long) : Defriending someone doesn't stop them from uploading pictures. <strong>But I believe you can only tag people who are your friends as being in the pictures. </strong> So if the OP isn't friends with this guy, the unflattering photos won't show in a search as pictures of her.
Posted by SaraAndrew2010[/QUOTE]
No. You can tag anyone, including people who aren't on FB, in pictures. I've tagged people in my pics who aren't on FB before; there just isn't an automatic link to a profile.
OP--why does he have so many unflattering pics of you drunk? It seems like he's pretty dedicated to pasting these pictures everywhere. At this point, I'd worry less about the wedding/thank you note and more about why this guy is so dedicated to making you look bad.
I made a bio?!?
and yes, you can tag anything/one in a picture on fb. i tagged "a big red robot" that my nephew asked santa for and got. and i have tagged old pictures of family because some family members wouldnt know who is who, few people in the pics have FB. there is no link in the tag is all. and it doesnt show up on fb profile pages.
Thanks for the advice everyone.
[QUOTE]I think you should have your husband return the gift to him. What an ass.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
I agree that you should return the gift. This guy is no friend of yours and clearly does not wish you well.
As far as asking him why, then you just give him satisfaction of knowing he got to you. You may want to talk to the police about a restraining order, possibly it can include that he cannot post, give, provide any inflammatory information about you to anyone.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
My Blog
This guy sounds like a nut job. Why would he come to your wedding and try to ruin it but get you a gift? And who told him when and where your wedding was?
I'd find that person and flip a table at 'em!
[QUOTE]Returning the gift just plays into his games. Write a short, simple thank-you note, return the salad server and get something else, and be done with this person.
<p>Posted by ThePinkSuperhero[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>Ditto this 100%. He is clearly trying very hard to capture your attention. Having someone return the gift only gives him an excuse to contact you to try and reconcile. Write the note and leave it at that. </p>
He could easily say, "but see, she contacted me and was very nice, if I was that threatening, why would she do that?"
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding crasher! (long) : No. You can tag anyone, including people who aren't on FB, in pictures. I've tagged people in my pics who aren't on FB before; there just isn't an automatic link to a profile. OP--why does he have so many unflattering pics of you drunk? It seems like he's pretty dedicated to pasting these pictures everywhere. At this point, I'd worry less about the wedding/thank you note and more about why this guy is so dedicated to making you look bad.
Posted by npasquale16[/QUOTE]You can tag people whom you have not friended, or who are not on Facebook. However, pictures tagged this way will not show up under the profile of the person tagged, and will not include a link to that person's Facebook.
For example, suppose a Facebook friend tags a picture of me as 2dBride. If someone looks at my profile under "photos," they will see a link to "photos of 2dBride." Clicking on that link will take them to a page that will include my friend's photos of me. Conversely, there will be a link from the photo to my Facebook page.
By contrast, suppose someone who is not a Facebook friend tags a photo as 2dBride. Although that photo will be tagged with my name on the person's page, there will be no link to my profile. And the link to "photos of 2dBride" will not include that photo. Thus, there will be no way to tell that the 2dBride referred to is me, as opposed to someone else with the same name.
Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale
[QUOTE]My only problem with writing a TY note is, if she does need to get a restraining order, would the courts view it as her voluntarily keeping the contact and communication alive? He could easily say, "but see, she contacted me and was very nice, if I was that threatening, why would she do that?"
Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]
Have the husband write the thank you note and sign it in his name only.
[QUOTE]Completely off topic, but those are some adorable shoes in your picture :)
Posted by crcoff3997[/QUOTE]
Thank you!
But crashing your wedding AND trying to distribute drunken pictures of you to your family and friends on your wedding day is a whole level of crazy that kind of transends etiquette.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485