Bridesmaids jewelry

amandaloren · March 2010

Hi Ladies!

I am taking my girls dress shopping next month and we are also gonna go look at jewelry. I am letting them pick out their dresses, they will most likely all be different (unless they all fall in love with the same dress lol) they just have to be black. Then after dress shopping we are going jewelry shopping for them. I want their jewelry to all match though. For part of their bm's gifts I bought them all black pearls which I am not gonna give to them till a couple weeks before the wedding. None of them know this either...So my question is should I tell them I would rather them not wear neckalaces or just let them buy whatever and choose which they would rather wear when I give them the pearls. I don't want them to waste their money on red neckalaces if they dont end up wearing them in the end.

emilykathleen511 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-jewelry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8dab5a03-c746-48ba-877b-90d29bdd76b6Post:324330fa-8a64-4ddb-84e7-c333f714b08c">Bridesmaids jewelry</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Ladies! I am taking my girls dress shopping next month and we are also gonna go look at jewelry. I am letting them pick out their dresses, they will most likely all be different (unless they all fall in love with the same dress lol) they just have to be black. Then after dress shopping we are going jewelry shopping for them. I want their jewelry to all match though. For part of their bm's gifts I bought them all black pearls which I am not gonna give to them till a couple weeks before the wedding. None of them know this either...So my question is should I tell them I would rather them not wear neckalaces or just let them buy whatever and choose which they would rather wear when I give them the pearls. I don't want them to waste their money on red neckalaces if they dont end up wearing them in the end.
Posted by amandaloren[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>So, why are you going jewelry shopping if you already bought them jewelry...that makes no sense.

</div>

mbcdefg · March 2010

If you want them to wear matching jewelry, then you have to buy it. You can't ask them to buy matching jewelry ... either buy it for them if you want it to match, or let them choose their own jewelry (meaning that they can go out and buy new stuff if they wish, or just wear things they already have).

So don't take them jewelry shopping ... just say, "I want you to wear specific jewelry so I will buy it for you." Then after the dress shopping, either do something else (maybe treat them to lunch or a drink) or just go home.

amandaloren · March 2010

I only bought them a neckalace...which they don't know about. But we still need to get bracelets, earrings, and they really want to find some red rings. So I just wasn't sure if I should tell them about it or wait till I was originally had planned on giving them to them.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

Please don't make them wear matching jewelry.

ecsmiles · March 2010

Forcing your bridesmaids to wear matching jewelry is ridiculous. They might not say it to your face, but people would much rather wear something they already own, or at least have the option.

You'll never look at your wedding photos and regret that they didn't all have the exact same earrings on since you likely won't even see them. And matching bracelets? That won't show either considering their bouquets will be blocking them.

Just give them the necklaces and let them do whatever they want for other jewlery.

lizstill13 · March 2010

I think the pearls are a fantastic gift, but I wouldn't specifically say "you must wear this exact jewelry at my wedding: necklace, bracelet, earrings, rings".

Let them w buy/wear whatever they want and when you give them the pearls you can "suggest" that they would look great with their dress, but don't force them to put them on.

CTGirl30 · March 2010

If you're dead set on the matching jewelry idea (which I personally am not a huge fan of, but that's me) then you need to buy it for them - all of it. Because you're basically saying you bought their necklaces....and now you want them to buy their bracelets and earrings but they all have to match?? Why not just buy it all for them then.

OR let them wear their own jewelry and don't worry about their bracelts and earrings matching. They'll all have the same necklace.

Just an aside, jewelry you buy for them to wear in your wedding does not equal BM gift since it's not something they might have necessarily chosen for themselves - it's something you picked out for them to wear on your wedding day.

mbcdefg · March 2010

If you want them to buy specific bracelets, earrings and red rings (even if you're only specifying the color but letting them pick the style), then you need to buy them the jewelry.

If they insist on going jewelry shopping and you aren't the one mandating the jewelry, then just say, "I already bought you all a necklace." I would be pissed if you let me spend my money on a necklace when you planned to give me another one later on.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

If you want them to wear matching necklaces, bracelets, whatever, you need to pay for it. And it isn't a gift, it's a wedding expense.

Go buy them whatever matching jewelry you want them to wear, and let them know you'll be getting the matching jewelry for them.

stina93446 · March 2010

Why do they have to match? Their dresses don't. I let my girls pick out their own dresses and I let them wear their own jewelry. I looked at the wedding photos a month later and realized then that one of my bms wore a lot of bracelets....it looked REALLY cool and the fact that I didn't even notice on the wedding day says a lot.....NO ONE CARES about matching jewelry except the bride.

banana468 · March 2010

If you're buying them necklances (which are not their gift) that they have to wear to the wedding, IMO that's enough.

A necklace, earrings, bracelet and ring that all match are IMO overkill. Think of Coco Chanel - who said that you should take off an item of jewelry before you leave the house.

If you want to shop for jewelry it can be fun - but if you're not paying for it, it shouldn't be a requirement.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

Yeah, all that much jewelry is major overkill. For my own wedding, I'm only wearing earrings and the wedding ring. I'd feel like a kid playing dress up if the bride presented me with all that stuff and expected me to wear it all at once. Less is more.

mvmurkowski · March 2010

As usual I disagree with most of the comments. I've been in many weddings where I've been required to get my hair up, buy matching shoes, and jewelry. I've been given jewelry as my gift to wear in the wedding and I never considered it rude. I also think it's fine to have matching jewelry. In your case I'd tell them when you go shopping that you just want to get ideas for jewelry. Get a feel for pricing and what will match what you've already bought and what the girls like. Chances are if you're all friends they'll have somewhat similar likes/dislikes. If you see something great ask them to buy it and tell them no necklaces or just say you've got necklaces covered and leave it at that.

I think nice jewelry to be worn at your wedding is still a gift. Depending on how nice it is I'd consider giving another gift. If the pearls you bought cost anything like "regular" pearls, then God Bless you for being so generous!

I am thinking about having my girls wear matching jewelry and I'm planning on buying it as part of their gifts.

Good luck and don't worry about any of the negative comments on here. They are picking out their own dresses and therefore will spend within their budget...some jewelry won't matter!

banana468 · March 2010

Again, I"m going to have to advise you to go against mvmurkowski. What can be done before isn't necessarily worth repeating.

Times have changed and things are expensive. It's not cool to force matching jewelry on your friends at their expense.

amandaloren · March 2010

Thank you all for your advice. The only reason I considered the matching jewelry is because I have been in only one wedding (my matron of honor's) and she wanted us all to wear matching jewelry so I didn't really have anything to compare it to. I will let them decide what they would like to do, some had told me they thought that matching jewelry would be a good idea since the dresses would be different...Are they lying to me lol?... :P And the pearls I bought them are real pearls, (okay my mom bought them lol I don't have that kind of money she just thought it would be a really nice gift for them)...Can I ask what you think of matching red heels?? I'm okay with honesty

banana468 · March 2010

Personally, I LOVE red shoes.

But when it comes to them, I'd pick a color and tell them to go for it - only because each foot can be so different. Unless they all wear the same brand, it's so personal to mandate a specific shoe brand - it's almost like mandating a specific bra type to wear. Sure some of the ladies might like it - but some may find that the girls are aching at the end of the day.

So I love the idea of red - but I'd be flexible with the brand.

mbcdefg · March 2010

I don't think matching jewelry itself is a bad thing, but I don't think it's fair to decide that you want matching jewelry and then ask the girls to pay for it.

I think it's a different story if all the BMs decide on their own that they want matching jewelry and decide to buy it themselves. But if bridesmaids 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 decide in a group together one day to buy matching jewelry, then the risk you run is that Bridesmaids 3 and 4 aren't happy with the idea, but keep their mouths shut and go along with it because they're outnumbered by the other three girls. Or that they don't want to seem like party poopers by going against the grain, know what I mean? As a bridesmaid, I'd probably tell the bride that I was happy with whatever she wanted from us, even if on the inside I wasn't (within reason).

I think colorful shoes are nice with black dresses. But, again, I think the risk you run is that some girls might not be happy with matching shoes but will go along with it to please the bride, or not to seem like the "biitch" (because, let's face it, how many posts have we read on this board from brides saying, "Every bridesmaid except one said that she'd wear a leopard-print hat ... what a biitch!").

I agree with Banana that, if you want red shoes, let them pick out their own. Asking them all to wear the same necklace is one thing, but shoes can be REALLY particular for different women ... I know I can't wear pumps because the fall right off my foot, so I can only wear shoes with straps or the thong-style sandals. And my friend/BM told me when I asked her to be in my wedding, "I will wear or do whatever you like, except PLEASE don't ask me to wear open-toed shoes" because she hates them.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

I think red shoes would be cute with black dresses, but definitely let them choose their own. Personally, I'm really picky about my heel width because I can't do spikes or stilettos, so if a bride refused to let me find something with a wider heel, I'd step down rather than take the very real risk of twisting an ankle. You can maybe provide them with a paint chip or fabric swatch if you want them to be the same shade. (This also allows them to shop within their own price point and not be forced to pay way too much for shoes they may not even like.)

But honestly, accessories like shoes and jewelry are such a tiny detail that they won't really have a coordinating effect, because no one except the bride even notices them. If you've already bought them the necklaces to wear, that's fine, but I'd leave it at that. (And let them know you'll be providing a necklace, so they don't go out and buy one. You can keep the rest of the details a surprise if you'd like.)

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