Two weddings in one day??

AllenBaker · May 2010

My FI's aunt and uncle told us yesterday that they have another wedding on the same day as our wedding. This wedding is about 45 minutes to an hour away, and is their son's friend's wedding. They told us they are planning to go to the ceremony of the other wedding (it starts at either 5 or 5:30, they weren't sure) and then were going to come to our reception (which starts at 6:30). It struck me as odd, but I didn't really think of the logistics of it until later. Their kids are planning to do the same thing, and so we're kind of upset and also a little worried that we'll spend over $300 on their food and then they either don't show or don't get there until 9 o'clock.

Has anyone had a similar problem? Part of me wants to just let it go because they are family, but at the same time now my FMIL is really pissed. I was planning to tell them not to worry about it, that they could attend the other wedding and our feelings wouldn't be hurt, but now FI's family is saying that if they don't come they sh*t will hit the fan (their words, not mine). I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm stuck in the middle! Help me!

lyndausvi · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_two-weddings-one-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8972dd6f-40d0-4ffd-a428-fc759d41239cPost:29ca8cb3-1cbc-4ccd-8491-f69ef635700a">Re: Two weddings in one day??</a>:
[QUOTE]We have a few family members on my fiance's side and friends that either have another wedding or a chron's walk (my friend was sponsored so she can't miss it). We checked the time they think they all will be arriving. We aren't going to count them in for food and just told our reception captain that we will have people stopping in after dinner. If your guests are going to a wedding that starts at 5 and yours is 45 mins away that starts at 6, I doubt they will be there to eat.<strong> Don't add them in your count, and be happy if they show up to see you. </strong>:) Try to take a deep breath, there are *many* things you can stress over with the wedding planning, this is one I think you should try to relax on. Hugs
Posted by Jason&Jenn[/QUOTE]

Or tell the captain you have a few guests who will be arriving late and save some food for them. I'm sure they will be hungry from going to a 5pm wedding and then driving 45 minutes to go to the reception. I'm sure they would appreciate something to eat when they get there.

Or at least I would do that for my guests if I was in that situation.

goheels05 · May 2010

I think it's a legit concern. A couple I went to college with got married the same day as me, and we had some overlapping guests. My wedding was at 10:30 AM and several hours away from the other wedding, which started at 4. One girl RSVPed yes to my wedding, which really surprised me because I knew her BF was a GM in the other wedding. Sure enough, she didn't show.

I've also been a guest at someone's wedding, and one of my friends planned on going to this wedding and another wedding reception. He decided he was having too much fun and didn't go to the other wedding reception after he had RSVPed yes. I didn't say anything, but I thought that was pretty rude.

I don't know why your FMIL is being so dramatic about it. If I were you, I would have FI call the aunt, uncle, and crew and ask if they will be at your reception in time for dinner. I would tell him to just be honest--you guys are paying per head for dinner and you don't want to pay for unused plates.

AllenBaker · May 2010

So it wouldn't be rude to just come out and ask them for a time and if they will eat? I'm really afraid of coming across as ungrateful because they are making an effort. And since our bar is per person, do we include them? Gah I just thought of that concern. Poo.

lyndausvi · May 2010

You can ask them. But if they say they are only going to the ceremony I'm assuming they are coming to your place for dinner. If they were planning on going to the other reception (which it does not sound like they are) then I can see them being really late or miss dinner entirely.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

So let's say the other wedding starts at 5:30. It's probably not Catholic, so they'll be done by 6. They'll be at your wedding by 7 or 7:30. If your reception starts at 6:30, I'm assuming dinner will be served at 7:30. Perfect timing. And yes, I think they'll be hungry by that point.

goheels05 · May 2010

It's probably an etiquette breach, but they are family, and it's $300. Personally, I would want to know.

I would include them in the bar headcount regardless.

Blueyed228 · May 2010

I think since its only 45 min away they may make it in time for dinner.

Yes, I would just come out and ask them. I would preface it with "we are so glad you are going to come and we know you have a busy day but we just would like to know if you are going to make it for dinner".

Even if they say yes and dont make it, I would not make a huge deal over 300 bucks.

AllenBaker · May 2010

Thank you so much for the advice. I know 300 bucks shouldn't be a big deal, but we've had to cut so many people from the guest list that it makes me feel guilty more than anything. I think FMIL is mad because apparently they did this same thing to one of FI's cousins because they had a fencing tournament, but I don't want to get involved in their family drama so i don't ask about it. I have no idea if they other ceremony is Catholic/long but I'm just going to ask them if they will be there and then try to let it go. Now for some wine.

goheels05 · May 2010

$300 is a big deal to me. ::shrugs:: We had several guests RSVP yes and not show up, and frankly I was pretty annoyed. I would never say anything to them about it, but I couldn't help but feel slighted. Most of the no-shows apologized profusely, but one never even said another word about it.

jennylove810 · May 2010

I'm with Heels 110% on this one. Call Aunt & Uncle and find out what the deal is. I don't find that rude at all, because you're just trying to plan seating, the caterer, etc. Again, if they can't come for dinner, no problem, but $300 is not exactly pocket change and it's reasonable that you wouldn't want it wasted.

andy71781 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_two-weddings-one-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8972dd6f-40d0-4ffd-a428-fc759d41239cPost:1e175b3c-5d8e-4c6e-99d1-ffaddedf1de0">Re: Two weddings in one day??</a>:
[QUOTE]It's probably an etiquette breach, but they are family, and it's $300. Personally, I would want to know. I would include them in the bar headcount regardless.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

<div>agreed.</div>

megk8oz · May 2010

These people are your FI's family ... and it's apparently your FI's mother that's having the big issue with it. I would just let her handle it, honestly.

Blueyed228 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_two-weddings-one-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8972dd6f-40d0-4ffd-a428-fc759d41239cPost:cb6bea0d-8ca8-4fe1-b47e-6ce28255fd19">Re: Two weddings in one day??</a>:
[QUOTE]$300 is a big deal to me. ::shrugs:: We had several guests RSVP yes and not show up, and frankly I was pretty annoyed. I would never say anything to them about it, but I couldn't help but feel slighted. Most of the no-shows apologized profusely, but one never even said another word about it.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

Im not saying 300 is not alot of money. I just meant that even if they dont come, it doesnt seem like enough money to start a huge family drama over.

They will probably want to eat when they get there since they are only going to the ceremony of the other one and coming straight to yours. If the other ceremony starts at 5 then they will not have had dinner.

Just ask them. If it were me, I would not be offended if the B&G called to figure out seating and meals in that circumstance.

If they dont show at all, thats wicked rude and I would be pissed as well. Especially if you made special arrangements for them

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