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Letting a bridesmaid know she's not MOH?

HutchHHutchH member
10 Comments
in Moms and Maids
I would really like to choose my best friends to me my MOH, but I know my sister will be disappointed if she is not MOH. (I was hers and I asked my mom - and she told me outright that my sister would be upset.)

I know in the end, it's my day and I should choose who I want. Any ideas on how to handle letting my sister know she's not MOH delicately?

The situation is also complicated by geography in that my best friend lives across the country and I know my sister will have to handle a lot of the details I would otherwise ask MOH to handle....

Not sure best way to handle this, help please!
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Re: Letting a bridesmaid know she's not MOH?

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Could they be co-MsOH? 
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  • forrma7forrma7 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i know many brides who have had 2 MOHs. it's not uncommon, there's not law that says you really have to choose!
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  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    What details are you planning on asking her to handle?  You really shouldn't be asking your WP to do anything unless they volunteer, MOH or not.

    If you want her to be co-MOH then do that.  If you don't want that, then just ask her to be a BM.  She will figure out she's not MOH when you don't ask her to be.  Having a conversation with somebody about why they weren't good enough to be selected for something is pretty much never a good idea.
    Married 10/2/10
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  • elizabethm4elizabethm4 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ditto quotequeen

    I will be very hurt if my sister doesn't ask me to be MOH when she gets married, and I know she would have been if I hadn't asked her. Obviously everyone's relationships are different, but at times I've had friends that I felt closer to than her, but at the end of the day she'll always be my sister. My best friend understood.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Co-MOH seems like it would be the best option.  At the end of the day it's the title for the people themselves, so if it will save lots of heartache to make them both MOH, I'd do it.

    Under no circumstances should you tell someone why they didn't make the cut.  Can you imagine it going well?  Neither can I.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto QQ. 

    MOH is an honorary title to identify the person who stands next to you during the ceremony.  There are NO planning/executing wedding duties associated with this honorary title.  None.  Not any.  Your wedding=yours and your FI's to plan and execute.

    So take that out of the factors when you're choosing.  Having said that, your wedding is 15 months away.  Wait at least 6 months before asking anyone.  There's no reason, nor need, to establish a WP now anyway.

    And yes, many people have co-MOH in their wedding.  But wait. 
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • kelly&waynekelly&wayne
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would definitely go for 2 MOH's in this situation.  I was MOH in a friend's wedding a few years ago.  She had a sister in the WP as well and I must say, there was a certain degree of awkwardness between us that she wasn't the MOH.   There were certain times I felt the need to step aside to allow the bride and her sister to have their special time together.  It may have been a feeling I put upon myself and that no one else was feeling, but there were certainly times I felt she should have been in my place.
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  • HutchHHutchH member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the advice ladies! As noted I have a while to decide, but I appreciate the help.
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