Registry and Gift Forum

Thoughts on sending TY to guests for coming even though no gift rec'd?

Wedding is done (August 25, 2012), thank yous for all gifts have been sent.  Now I am thinking about sending thank yous to guests who came to the wedding but did not bring/send a gift.  Some of them travelled from out of state for example and I want to thank them for that. 

Is that something that people do? 

Re: Thoughts on sending TY to guests for coming even though no gift rec'd?

  • The reception is the thank you to guests.  I'd advise against sending thank you notes because people might think that you're trying to remind them that they didn't get you a gift.
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  • Gift=Thank you note.

    Another idea...our photographer took lots of pictures of our guests. We were thinking of sending some 4x6 prints that we think guests will enjoy of themselves with a nice "thinking of you" note.
  • I'd save the photos for Christmas cards.
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  • The reception is the TY for all the guests for attending your wedding.  You don't need to send a TY note if the person didn't give a separate gift, and some people think it's gift grabby to do so.  
    We sent holiday cards and included some wedding photos for people that were at the wedding (got married July 3rd), and we mentioned how glad we were to see them at the wedding.  I think that's a nice option.

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    A lot of people think this is a good idea, but I agree with PP.  I would take it as a passive aggressive hint that I hadn't bought a gift.  

    I would say something about how you appreciated that they made the trip and include a photo in a holiday card or the next time you talk to them.  
  • edited September 2012
    We send TY notes for everyone who had to travel but did not give us a gift. I thought it was only appropriate considering they'd spent a total of anywhere from $800 - $1000 including airfare, hotels and food while they were here.

    "Dear so and so:

     Thank you so much for coming to our wedding.  It was so much fun to see you again and catch up on everything that has been going on.  DH and I cannot tell you how much we appreciated you being here and we hope that you got to spend a lot of time exploring Philadelphia.  We love living here and couldn't wait to show off our new city to all of our friends and family.

    I don't know when we will be in Ohio next but when we are, I will call you to get together.

    Love,
    GLB"
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  • Ok, I guess I won't do it.  I'll save it for holiday cards.  Thanks for your imput! 

  • On the flip side, we went to San Francisco for a friend's wedding 2 weeks before our own, and just could not afford a gift, between the plane tickets, eating out, and hotel rooms while we were there.
    We didn't receive a thank you card, and we were not slighted in the least. I didn't expect one at all.
  • There was a box on our doorstep when I got home from work yesterday - a gift from one of the couples that traveled!  So now I can send them a Thank You!   Cool

  • For what it is worth I plan to give everyone that comes a TY note. I think it is  exclusionary to not. nothing wrong with just simply saying " Thank you so much for celebrating our day with us. we enjoyed catching up with you and so and so love Mr and Mrs Souptin"
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  • I did not send people a thank you card that didn't get us a gift, I didn't want to make them feel guilty or remind them.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_thoughts-on-sending-ty-to-guests-for-coming-even-though-no-gift-recd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ed74c839-1001-433d-bab0-4bcda8919196Post:da59e9f8-f599-4640-9df3-5fc9015b7197">Re: Thoughts on sending TY to guests for coming even though no gift rec'd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I did not send people a thank you card that didn't get us a gift, I didn't want to make them feel guilty or remind them.
    Posted by ninamyspace[/QUOTE]

    I guess I just dont see it that way, I see a TY note as not always being connected to a  physical gift, but a TY for coming as in them coming was gift enough. Afterall-I didn't invite them just to get a gift  I would have never considered that sending a TY note would make a guest feel bad either.
    Is this a common sentiment here? or possibly regional?

    I only ask because if its true across the board that sending the note would make the receiver feel bad I would never want to do that to someone I care about.
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  • edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_thoughts-on-sending-ty-to-guests-for-coming-even-though-no-gift-recd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ed74c839-1001-433d-bab0-4bcda8919196Post:b6f58d5d-5bf1-4b62-b66c-02a05cecbf14">Re: Thoughts on sending TY to guests for coming even though no gift rec'd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thoughts on sending TY to guests for coming even though no gift rec'd? : I guess I just dont see it that way, I see a TY note as not always being connected to a  physical gift, but a TY for coming as in them coming was gift enough. Afterall-I didn't invite them just to get a gift  I would have never considered that sending a TY note would make a guest feel bad either. Is this a common sentiment here? or possibly regional? I only ask because if its true across the board that sending the note would make the receiver feel bad I would never want to do that to someone I care about.
    Posted by souptin[/QUOTE]

    I've never seen anything wrong with it.  I think in order for someone to see this as a passive aggressive move, this has to be the personality of the B or G to start out with.  As I said, in my case, guests spent a boatload of money to come to our wedding.  I honestly did not expect gifts from anyone because of how much they had already spent - which in itself required a thank you beyond the reception as far as DH and I were concerned.

    eta - when DH and I have received TYs from OOT weddings (where we spent a boatload of money ourselves just to be there) the B&G spent more card space thanking us for being there than for the gift we gave.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • I don't think it's a bad thing. Agreed that people shouldn't think that it's gift-grabby...unless either B or G are already like that...or the guest is accusatory like that. If people really are concerned, I'm sure they'll talk and then realize that everyone got a TY note. Making sure it's sincere and personal will help, too -- if it's just a blanket "thank you for coming" statement, then it's really not worth it.

    I've never heard of this being common or "the norm" -- but I wouldn't be too concerned with that. You know your friends and family better than anyone. If you genuinely want to thank them again for traveling and spending time with you, definitely feel free :)

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  • edited September 2012
    I had a few people attend the bridal shower who could not afford a gift. I was honored they came and sent a "Thank you for coming and supporting our marriage" card. I plan to do the same for the wedding should guests not bring gifts.
  • I say yes, send one regardless especially because I had an experience where I gave a check with a card to one of my best friends and when I received her thank you note it didn't mention the money, which made me look at my checking account to notice they hadn't cashed the check (the card came about a month after the wedding).  I waited a bit and watched my account to see if it cashed, and still no, so after another month I said hey, I noticed you didn't cash the check so wanted to be sure you at least received it... found out she never even got the check.  So in my case I'm glad I at least still got a note, or I probably would have never noticed that the check was MIA.  (found it odd there was not a mention of a gift)  On another note, to me, even if no one gave you a gift, its a gift in itself that they took time to come to your shower, wedding or whatever, so I would at least thank them for being a part of their special day.  
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  • I don't think there is you need to send thank you cards... I guess you have already thanked them for coming during the ceremony. 
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