Saturday night confessions/random thoughts?

RachNRich · February 2010

I just don't get it!! There's nothing left to do--in fact, the only decisions left to be made are the songs we will dance to for our mother-son, father-daughter dance...and I don't want help on that.

For a Vegas wedding, you pick when---and where. Sign paper. Pay money. The planning doesn't go much farther than that. Am I trying to add details? Yes---to my own influence on the wedding....I don't need help with that either.

nda_roxybabe · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_saturday-night-confessionsrandom-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab2c48ee-f567-4938-a24d-7e4c022f4dbcPost:3c51d7c9-f4d4-4d61-9d2d-cf2159ea73b3">Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts? : I had never heard the softdrink/coke thing until I just googled to see if you guys do 'jinx' in the states. Here, it was just that you had to wait until someone said your name.
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]
Yea, I wondered if you did any of that. The whole coke one was very popular in Jr. High

[Deleted User] · February 2010

yeah, charlie's back safe now. he's snoozing over there. but he and rufus are NOT allowed out off-leash without being fenced in. they're scenthounds so if they pick up a scent they'll just take off and not care what you're telling them. plus in charlie's case, he doesn't really know any commands yet anyway.

i let him outside while i was doing the dishes. after a few minutes i realized i didn't see him in the back area, so i leaned over to look out towards the front and the font gate was WIDE.OPEN. he had several minutes head start on me, i had no idea where he went, i couldn't see him, i was calling for him, nothing. h was out and our phone doesn't work and i panicked and didn't know what to do.

it turns out, some stupid fuucking tree contractor was going around the neighborhood trying to solicit business (thanks to all the broken tree limbs due to the snow). we have a no soliciting sign on our door, so they left their business card and left without closing the gate!!

anyway i emailed h frantically and he rushed home from work and was able to find him a ways down the road. thankfully charlie stayed in the neighborhood area, sniffing around, rather than going towards the main road. thank GOODNESS. i never would have been able to forgive myself if something had happened to me.

mocha beans · February 2010

Well yeah, it's Vegas, not rocket science. They've got easy planning down to a science down there. Is she cranky about it being a Vegas/DW, and that's why she's being overbearing?

thesuninherhead · February 2010

[QUOTE]I just don't get it!! There's nothing left to do--in fact, the only decisions left to be made are the songs we will dance to for our mother-son, father-daughter dance...and I don't want help on that. For a Vegas wedding, you pick when---and where. Sign paper. Pay money. The planning doesn't go much farther than that. Am I trying to add details? Yes---to my own influence on the wedding....I don't need help with that either.
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE] Maybe they're offering these things because they want to feel like they helped- and not because they're suggesting the wedding is currently unplanned? Certainly though, I think most people don't realise just how far in advance weddings are planned. I know my FMIL thought I was insane for us booking venues etc when we did, and I think most people have ideas that weddings are planned far later than they are in reality. I know it's frustrating, but you've got to try and reframe this in your mind if you're going to retain any semblance of sanity. Their offers for help may be unnecessary, but better them offering to help with the wedding- regardless of alternate motives and the fact it's unnecessary- than being horrible to you, you know? *hugs*

RachNRich · February 2010

Jess---I think that's what it is to me--the nature of the wedding is just so small, and while I am trying to add little details to our Vegas wedding, I've got it all under control. I am going to tell Rich he can just have her do what he needs---I've got my end covered.

Mel--I don't know why I am taking this so personally---for as long as this same crap has been going on though, I always some how end up feeling to blame. When my sister comes to visit, we just do our thing---it doesn't rely upon what Rich asks her, or tells her about our wedding. And she would certainly never hop into his car unannounced, and questions him like she did to me tonight. I don't understand the dynamic at all---I'm so utterly lost.

Brie2010 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_saturday-night-confessionsrandom-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab2c48ee-f567-4938-a24d-7e4c022f4dbcPost:d0977053-f314-41e3-bf24-f85e2278f9bc">Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]yeah, charlie's back safe now. he's snoozing over there. but he and rufus are NOT allowed out off-leash without being fenced in. they're scenthounds so if they pick up a scent they'll just take off and not care what you're telling them. plus in charlie's case, he doesn't really know any commands yet anyway.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

Yeah that is scary. Milhouse would do the same thing--he's pretty good on a leash, but if he finds a scent he likes there's no stopping him. Glad he got back okay! I would be a mess. So, so scary.

FILs live in the country and let their blind, deaf dog roam free. It makes me nuts, especially since FI had more than one of his childhood dogs hit by a car thanks to their brilliance. :(

Night_Sprite · February 2010

She's shitty. I'm sorry she's making you feel less than wonderful. Take a few deep breaths and let Rich deal with her, at least for tonight.

RachNRich · February 2010

I get that his family may want to feel involved--but, as far as I know, they are not going strait to him to inquire about this. It's getting flushed through me---and, I come off looking like an asshole when I say I personally have no "tasks" for anyone...no planning to be done--no point person needed.

I wish he would just field his own family. If he wants to give them arbitrary tasks for the sake of it, he can---I'm just not going to do that.

nda_roxybabe · February 2010

Jill- I'm glad he's safe! Stupid solicitor. Our dog would always just dig under the fence. My dad would put down brick under the areas where he would get out but then he'd find a new spot. Schnauzers like to run off.

Night_Sprite · February 2010

Just get used to saying, "Oh, let's go get Rich."

thesuninherhead · February 2010

I totally get that, Rach- I felt the same way with H's sister (and still do, but learnt how to deal with her). She's SO different to me. Her interaction style is different. She says whatever she's thinking, and she has strong opinions on everything. I mean, they came here one day and after I showed her the dress I wanted for the BM's (to which she said nothing but just scowled!) she was discussing with their mum how the BMs could do this other dress she had seen, and what colours/lengths etc they'd do... Later on that same day, she told me she and her mother had written a guest list for their side figuring they were 'entitled' to so many guests and they were going to give it to me... Anyway, my point is, this was the way she behaved and it was just completely ludicrous and insane. I had NO clue how to handle her, and I really wanted her to like me, but was always left feeling like she didn't agree with any of my decisions- especially as she'd always make remarks about things she didn't like.

Essentially over time, I've learnt that's just the way she is- she says what she's thinking. Half the time, she doesn't even mean what she's saying, and she forgets that she's said these things because to her she means nothing by it- even though to me, it was always insulting. I can't change the way she is, and I can't change the fact she's going to say things that are ridiculous and insulting from time to time. I have had to teach myself not to get upset about what she says, and just laugh later about how ridiculous she is. I guess though, it has been easier because H is very supportive of me and is constantly reminding me if I'm reading too much into her behaviour that she doesn't mean any malice, even though he acknowledges the way she behaves sometimes is ridiculous.

Hopefully Rich can provide you with the same support to help stop you being so hard on yourself.

[Deleted User] · February 2010

stupid solicitor indeed. fuucking trespass and then leave our gate open? oh did they get an earful from h.

jessjo04 · February 2010

Brie- your doggie table number is adorable

Rach- you are right, Rich needs to take care of his own family issues. I love my inlaws, but if there is an issue, DH knows them better and takes care of it. I hope Rich figures out soon that you are now number 1 and he needs to put you first.

thesuninherhead · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_saturday-night-confessionsrandom-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab2c48ee-f567-4938-a24d-7e4c022f4dbcPost:275979e0-1c8d-4315-b9d8-c15b417baf2c">Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I get that his family may want to feel involved--but, as far as I know, they are not going strait to him to inquire about this. It's getting flushed through me---and, I come off looking like an asshole when I say I personally have no "tasks" for anyone...no planning to be done--no point person needed. I wish he would just field his own family. If he wants to give them arbitrary tasks for the sake of it, he can---I'm just not going to do that.
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE] I think it's pretty normal to be the blunt of the wedding related questions when you're the female in the relationship. You might remember my H was responsible for putting together the invites- he wanted to do so- and they went out late because he left it so long... I told his family this until I was blue in the face, yet they were all, 'MEL! Where are the invites?! Why haven't YOU sent them yet?!' etc at me. I'm afraid that's pretty stock standard behaviour as most people seem to presume that the female is taking the lead on all things wedding planning- thus when something isn't to their liking, it's pretty easy to take that blame on yourself even though you know that it was a joint decision between you and your partner, etc.

nda_roxybabe · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_saturday-night-confessionsrandom-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab2c48ee-f567-4938-a24d-7e4c022f4dbcPost:6353d65a-c651-438c-9b28-46d53a92aa50">Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally get that, Rach- I felt the same way with H's sister (and still do, but learnt how to deal with her). She's SO different to me. Her interaction style is different. She says whatever she's thinking, and she has strong opinions on everything. I mean, they came here one day and after I showed her the dress I wanted for the BM's (to which she said nothing but just scowled!) she was discussing with their mum how the BMs could do this other dress she had seen, and what colours/lengths etc they'd do... Later on that same day, she told me she and her mother had written a guest list for their side figuring they were 'entitled' to so many guests and they were going to give it to me... Anyway, my point is, this was the way she behaved and it was just completely ludicrous and insane. I had NO clue how to handle her, and I really wanted her to like me, but was always left feeling like she didn't agree with any of my decisions- especially as she'd always make remarks about things she didn't like. Essentially over time, I've learnt that's just the way she is- she says what she's thinking. Half the time, she doesn't even mean what she's saying, and she forgets that she's said these things because to her she means nothing by it- even though to me, it was always insulting. I can't change the way she is, and I can't change the fact she's going to say things that are ridiculous and insulting from time to time. I have had to teach myself not to get upset about what she says, and just laugh later about how ridiculous she is. I guess though, it has been easier because H is very supportive of me and is constantly reminding me if I'm reading too much into her behaviour that she doesn't mean any malice, even though he acknowledges the way she behaves sometimes is ridiculous.
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]
Its frustrating too when the whole family is used to the way that person is so they don't think a lot of it. I constantly have to remind T he has had 23 years of the way his sister acts- he's used to it. Time help (hopefully).

thesuninherhead · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_saturday-night-confessionsrandom-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab2c48ee-f567-4938-a24d-7e4c022f4dbcPost:53526643-8a81-4618-a1bd-c30ca8ae1e0c">Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]stupid solicitor indeed. fuucking trespass and then leave our gate open? oh did they get an earful from h.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE] Glad that he called them to complain! also glad that your puppy was unharmed.

RachNRich · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_saturday-night-confessionsrandom-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab2c48ee-f567-4938-a24d-7e4c022f4dbcPost:b9b5fdb7-c1d8-4098-81de-09e3d9011299">Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts? : Its frustrating too when the whole family is used to the way that person is so they don't think a lot of it. I constantly have to remind T he has had 23 years of the way his sister acts- he's used to it. Time help (hopefully).
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

I think this is my biggst issue....

nda_roxybabe · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_saturday-night-confessionsrandom-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab2c48ee-f567-4938-a24d-7e4c022f4dbcPost:270dd0b9-2940-4919-90c9-5d0d1fa79ac0">Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts? : I think this is my biggst issue....
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]
I think its huge because it makes you feel very alone in your feelings.

thesuninherhead · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_saturday-night-confessionsrandom-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab2c48ee-f567-4938-a24d-7e4c022f4dbcPost:b9b5fdb7-c1d8-4098-81de-09e3d9011299">Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts? : Its frustrating too when the whole family is used to the way that person is so they don't think a lot of it. I constantly have to remind T he has had 23 years of the way his sister acts- he's used to it. Time help (hopefully).
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE] Yeah, that's the hard thing. To their families, this behaviour is normal for this person, and they know not to take it to heart. When you're new to the family, it's hard to really feel that way- even if you're told it's not a personal issue and is just the way they behave. I have just reasoned with myself that I will not take on board her issues. I love her, but I accept that we are very different people and she is not always going to like what we're doing- and know that I don't need to take that personally.

jessjo04 · February 2010

Is Rich still with his sister? Why is he not with you?

RachNRich · February 2010

I have no idea where he is, Jess. To be fair, I asked him to give me some space though---I'm just assuming he's with his sister.

jessjo04 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_saturday-night-confessionsrandom-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab2c48ee-f567-4938-a24d-7e4c022f4dbcPost:8818a89e-c9b1-48be-b45f-e559559a55c4">Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have no idea where he is, Jess. To be fair, I asked him to give me some space though---I'm just assuming he's with his sister.
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

I dunno, that still sucks to me. IMO, give me some space = other side of the house, not be with the person who upset me.

RachNRich · February 2010

Oh, trust me, I agree with you. But I have a feeling he is torn between an upset me---and his sister, whom I upset. And since she's the one who's out here to visit--he tends to her.

jena.n.ross · February 2010

"Tarzan's meth-slut older sister"

LMFAO.

Alix.. we're fighting a little bit.

And.... holy crap, there's no way I can keep up with this thread!

nda_roxybabe · February 2010

Jena- I think I like your curly hair

thesuninherhead · February 2010

To join the newb like: I Jena's e-ring in that sig- very pretty.

nda_roxybabe · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_saturday-night-confessionsrandom-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab2c48ee-f567-4938-a24d-7e4c022f4dbcPost:79a4c91b-6d0c-43b3-9b99-c0cbff00b988">Re: Saturday night confessions/random thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]To join the newb like: I Jena's e-ring in that sig- very pretty.
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]
That too. I think she needs a Mandy interview

jena.n.ross · February 2010

Yeah.. I'm the newb

But there's only one way to not be the newb anymore.. hence the jumping in!

I realize, that that curly haired pic is from Vday a couple years ago. I have SO much more hair now. It's stupidly long. I cut my hair every two years and donate it (Locks of Love), but I want to have long hair for the wedding.

And thanks! FI did a really good job with this ring, it's so beautiful, and different.

jena.n.ross · February 2010

Ummm, Mandy interview?

Saturday night confessions/random thoughts?

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