Special Jobs for Family Members

AMWillia · January 2010

Hi!
I have my bridesmaids, readers, and ushers, and I also have asked my aunt and my cousin to be my personal attendants.
However, I really want to give my cousin another special job. We're really close in age and we used to be good friends when we were younger. We drifted once we got busy as teenagers but are starting to get closer again. I'd really like to honor her in another special way if anyone has any ideas!

Thanks for the help :-)

fairy_diva · January 2010

Personal attendants for a bride is not cool. Don't make your guests work for you during the wedding. If they want to help, great, but otherwise don't make up jobs for family. Invite your cousin and be nice too her during the wedding, but don't make up a "special job" for her, that's insulting.

mags0607 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_special-jobs-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86e65c1-0c32-427b-ac40-ae6bff97092dPost:ba6c1c56-2e52-4609-9b36-a8e252403f77">Special Jobs for Family Members</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! I have my bridesmaids, readers, and ushers, and I also have asked my aunt and my cousin to be my personal attendants. However, I really want to give my cousin another special job. We're really close in age and we used to be good friends when we were younger. We drifted once we got busy as teenagers but are starting to get closer again. I'd really like to honor her in another special way if anyone has any ideas! Thanks for the help :-)
Posted by AMWillia[/QUOTE]

i would just invite your cousin as a guest, take a special picture with her, and leave it at that.

"Jobs" at a wedding should be for the paid professionals and staff at your venue, they should not be for family members that you intend to have a special place. It doesn't come off that way, and many people are insulted to be program attendants, guest book attendants, cake servers, or personal attendants. They probably won't say it to your face, but its really more of a pity task than an honor.

I would rethink this. Let your family just be guests, and I guarantee they will have a better time then being "honored" with a job.

Good Luck!

mbcdefg · January 2010

Unless she can sing or play an instrument, I would just let her be a guest, and be sure to take a nice photo with her.

Ditto PPs who said not to make people personal attendants. Not fun and not an honor to be put to work.

You could invite non-BM girlfriends to get ready with all of you, or maybe just hang out and sip champagne while the preparations are going on. Including people is great, but don't assign them work. That will just make people grumpy and have them miss the beautiful ceremony and/or the fun party, and they can't fully enjoy themselves as an honored guest should.

ExpatPumpkin · January 2010

I'll play devil's advocate here... How about guest book attendant?

However, I agree wholeheartedly with the PPs... I think you should scrap ALL of these jobs entirely and just let them enjoy themselves and be honored guests.

bablingbrooke · January 2010

Guestbook attendant = no fun for anyone over the age of 12.

Personal attendant = job that you should be paying someone for.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking you have to "honor" every person you're close to with a job in the wedding. Many people (if not most) just want to come as a guest, talk and dance with the happy couple, and snap a few photos.

AMWillia · January 2010

My aunt and my cousin WANT to be my personal attendants. Call us old-fashioned but inviting someone in our wedding was always an honor no matter what it is. I'm not having a guestbook attendant because no one wants that job nor am I having cake cutters or a hostess or host couple. Don't get my wrong, I'm not going to ask to her do the dirty work--I don't HAVE any.

She wants to do it because where we come from--that's important. But I wanted to honor her in another special way. Apparently this wasn't the place to ask!

banana468 · January 2010

I don't think this issue is that this isn't the place to ask. The issue is that you've filled up your BP already with the roles that would have been appropriate for that cousin.

If you can't add a BM or a reading, I wouldn't worry about it.

mbcdefg · January 2010

Well, you didn't mention in your original post that Personal Attendants are common in your area/family, that these people volunteered for the role, or that it's just a title and not a job or a set of tasks (right?).

Meanwhile, for many of us who post here, "Personal Attendant" is a grunt work position where these girls are basically asked to be unpaid day-of coordinators who need to be working on the wedding day, rather than enjoying the party.

So it's great if your girls are honestly cool with the role and if they won't be working, but don't get upset because we can't read your mind. We can only go by exactly what you post. If you think something is important enough that it will affect people's answers and that you would get defensive enough later on should people call you out on it, then for your own sake it'd be better to post it in the original question for clarification.

Personally, my answer still stands for the last girl ... if she's musically inclined, ask her if she'd like to perform. Otherwise, let her enjoy herself as a guest, and maybe invite her to get ready with you and the bridesmaids.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

Ditto PPs, generally the title Personal Attendant gives off the air of slavery. If that's not the case, and they volunteered, then cool.

If you have already filled your WP, then just invite her as an guest. Being a guest is still an honor. I can't think of any other arbitrary titles to give her.

trix1223 · January 2010

You don't give people "jobs" for a wedding. Your closest friends and family are with you as your WP. Anything else is, IMO, NOT an honor, but a chore. And why would you give your family chores to do when they could just be enjoying your wedding?

FWIW: My niece asked me to be her "cake cutter/server" at her wedding. I said yes, of course, because she's my niece. I didn't think I was being honored, not did I enjoy it. I would never had said it to her, but I didn't really want to be up to my elbows in frosting when everyone else was dancing.

On these boards, PAs are generally seen as AW-ish and completely unneccessary.

Tell your cousin that you care so much about her that you want her to enjoy every bit of your wedding, and that you wouldn't dream of making her work. If you don't like that, add another personal attendant. What difference does it make if you have 3 instead of 2? If it's just symbolic anyway..........

duckie1905 · January 2010

It isn't an honor to be your slave for a day, or the guestbook attendant, or the gift table monitor, or any of the other do-nothing chores brides try to assign to guests in an attempt to make them feel special. These things are chores.

Just invite them to the wedding. Attending as a guest is an honor too.

rmblack11 · February 2012

I think people were being a little rude. But if you can't find a "job" for her you could always get her specially a corsage or something and just ask her to be an "honored" guest? So she feels special but can still enjoy herself

RandaW · March 2012

HI
After reading some of the comments I felt really bad that some others were kind of jumping down your throat about personal attendants before asking. I completely understand having that extra person that you want to feel honored with being a part of your day but are really unnsure about what to give them. If you are having a unity candle or the sand maybe you could let her light the candles or fill the seperate sands. Also you could ask her to be the one who fixes you train(if your dess has one) when you walk down the aisle. Oh what about handing out programs?
I hope I helped!

aas69986 · July 2012

Personally I think the advice you are requesting is fabulous. Boo to the downers who feel as asking for a personal attendant is slavery. It's only slavery if you're a bridezilla :0 As for your question, I'd be happy to help. After all, this is an advice forum, not a Debby downer one ; I asked a close friend of mine to e my PA because she played a special role in introducing me to my husband to be, and because she loves to help with hair/makeup. I also turned to her bc I wanted someone who could hold my hand rigt before I walk down the aisle. THAT is a very special moment. My MOH and other bridesmaids all want to see me happy on my big day that is why they were given the roles they were. For those that sigh and grunt at the idea of having to help me On my day there is a reason you aren't in my wedding! I have a close friend who I won't be asking to be a BM and so does my fianc. We decided to have them do a scripture reading because it is something that is very important to us. You go girl, and don't let the haters bring you down! By the way, I'm having cake cutters, guest book attendants AND ushers. And I guess I'm very blessed to have family and friends that are so honored and blessed to do these "dirty" jobs. God bless those that look at a wedding in that light.

lbvender · February 2013

Hi! I think your question is very valid! Everyone can agree that there are a million little jobs that all of us brides will need help with, and especially if your cousin offered or would just feel super special to help you or be involved. I asked my little cousin (16 years younger than I, but too old to be a flower girl) to be my junior bridesmaid. Though she is much younger, we are very close and she is thrilled. Other jobs can be passing out programs, taking cards at the reception, etc. My fiance's little cousin is going to be fulfilling that role - and he is thrilled as well. Also, my MIL's best friends offered to help with small jobs that no one else wanted or that we might be forgetting - and they offered! (Collecting decor at the end of the reception, making sure all of the bridesmaid dresses are steamed as we are getting ready...) Hey I say let them help. If they are close enough to you or your fiance, helping with a small task certainly will not be the end of the world on your special day!

Kyreenlyn · April 2013

Hi! I am looking for a little list of jobs too. The bride and groom cant do it all! And it IS an honor to help during the wedding. Don't listen to all these other people who are calling it "slave" labor. You could have them help by decorating, giving a speech, helping you in the dressing room, or even asking them to be an extra opinion when shopping for the wedding/reception. There are tons of little jobs that is not just dirty work, but a way to make them feel needed and appreciated! Good luck!

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