Pre-wedding Parties

MOH needs shower help please! *Longish*

OK, this is a pretty complicated situation, but I will try to keep it short!  I live 7+ hours from all other family and have 2 young children.  The bride is my sister and wedding is July 2011.  As far as I know there are 7 other women in bridal party at this point and one of them is Maid of Honor (this was not set in stone last I knew).  I have been trying to get thru Christmas and son's B-Day before I start serious shower plans.  However, approx a month ago MOG told my sister that she is hosting  a shower for Groom's side of family only and never has talked to me about it.  I am not going to be able to travel for multiple showers and the wedding.  At one point our mom said she would host shower at her house but now she has said this is not her responsibility.  So it looks like I have to plan a shower for our side of family from out of town.  My sister wants the shower and bach parties on same weekend so my husband and I can be at all parties and also asked me to come out for MOG's shower as well which I said I just can't do.  I work full time and will already be using a lot of vacation time as it is.  My H and I just want to make a marathon trip for parties and not take kids with us.  My sister also has been talking a lot about bach parties and what her and groom want to do, both of which involve seperate overnight plans.  I am kinda stuck an what to do at this point and now FBIL has also called me asking about shower plans.  Only WP people I know are my brother and SIL and they are expecting a baby in March.  Any advise or ideas would be appreciated!  Hope this makes sense :)

Re: MOH needs shower help please! *Longish*

  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well, first of all I think it's great that you want to help your sister out and throw her a shower, but you are by no means obligated to do so. In fact, traditionally the shower is not thrown by a family member. This has changed somewhat, and now anyone who wants to can throw a shower, but that doesn't mean that you have to.

    It sounds like she's already getting one shower, which is great and wonderful hear to everyone is so supportive, but that also means that you should feel even less guilty about your inability to throw her one. Personally, I've never heard of a shower for out of town family or guests. Usually it's just people who are in-town and for whom it would not be inconvenient. I wouldn't worry about throwing her another shower. If one of her bridesmaids wants to throw it for her then they will, but either way she's already getting one shower and you are not in any way obligated to throw her another.

    As for the bachelor and bachlorette party plans, the bride and groom shouldn't be having anything to do with those either! Showers and parties are thrown FOR them, and should be convenient for all those involved in the planning. If you are not involved in the planning, then just accept or decline based on whether or not it's a realistic situation for you. If you can accept to come to part of it and not stay overnight, then do that. If it's some kind of excursion that requires your overnight present, regretfully decline.

    I'm reading between the lines a little, but it sounds like your sister is becoming a bit of a bridezilla and you're a bit of a pushover. I'm a bit of a pushover too, but there's a point at which accomodation is no longer viable. You need to decide where that point is for you and then put your foot down. And take it from an unbiased stranger, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You should be able to plan a simple shower long distance.Ask your sister for the e-mail addresses/phone numbers of the other bms. Contact each one individually and ask if they are willing to prepare a dish for the party. Maybe each bm would be willing to bring hors d'euvres for a cocktail type party. You can supply punch, signature cocktail and cake. If you keep the guest list on the small side (<25 guests), it shouldn't be too hard to pull this off. Your mom might be willing to help out, as long as she isn't responsible for planning the shower. Is she willing to let you use her house for the party?

    You shouldn't worry about not being able to attend ALL the parties that are being planned. Just let your sister know that you would love to be there, but it's just not possible.
                       
  • CJsMommy2CJsMommy2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everybody!  Part of the problem is the big age difference we have (11yrs) and totally different priorities.  I loved my wedding and just planned it like a big party.  We were building a house in the same year we married (actually building it ourselves, my husband is a carpenter), and I am not the kind of person who thinks the wedding day is the best day of your life.  She does think that, and I am trying to respect her fantasy vision of it, but also worried that she is going to set herself up for disappointment.  Anyway I am going to take a little advice from each of you and try to plan something small and nice.  Thanks again!
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