Head Table - Dates or no dates for the wedding party?

emillee21 · September 2010

thank you Xan921, I agree with you. everyone has different views and its hard to please everyone so the bride needs to do what she is comfortable doing if thats a head table with just the wedding party or a sweet heart table with the wp sitting with there guests.

seanewton · September 2010

I am torn, I haven't decided what I'm doing yet! I think what you decide is very dependent on the individual situation. I was very against splitting the WP from their dates, but several of the bridesmaids have said their SOs would feel much more uncomfortable sitting at the head table in front of 100 people they don't know. I'm trying to come up with other solutions, but most of my WP feels best about splitting up during dinner. This thread has been very helpful in my decision making process!

amber3051 · September 2010

My Groom to Be was a best man in a wedding last weekend. All 4 of the other grooms men had girlfriends there but were not in the wedding party. Everyone met at the rehearsal dinner the night before, and the bride assigned us seats all together at a table for the wedding. I had a better time sitting with those four girls than I would have listening to the guys talk about sports!

I say to assign significant others seats with friendly people who will keep them talking over dinner. Since the wedding party only needs to be at the table for food, once the food is done, they can move wherever they want.

mybestfriend4eva · September 2010

I plan to have only our attendants at our head table with us. We plan to have a guest table that sits right off of our head table that will be specifically for SOs. All my bridesmaids and groomsmen were totally okay with this as I discussed it with them before hand. I think its your wedding and you want what you want. Talk to your maids and groomsmen and let them know how you feel and what your vision is chances are if they are soooo important to you that you have them in your bridal party that they will understand what ever decision you make.

hsolome9 · September 2010

We just sat at a regular circle table in the middle of the room. We had our bridal parties dates at our table. There was enough room for 12 people. We put our junior bridesmaids/groomsmen at the cousins table. All of my friend have previously done sweetheart tables or BM and MOH at table with them. My husbands friends have all done the big table. I honetsly hate that and have always been stuck at a table with his family...boring. I did not feel the need to be on display while eating and our wedding went until 2:30 in the morning! People were comfortable, had fun with good food, drinks,music and the company they kept. People still talk about our wedding over a year later.

taaka25 · September 2010

i agree with Jo. no dates unless the date knows everyone in the WP or in my case the BM is from out of town and will most likely bring her BF. BUT attention better be on me and my needs that day, because thats what the WP is for, to help the bride. But because of this, and that my FH family is from way far away, we will prolly have our families (who makes up most of the WP anyways) and their SO sit with us.

banana468 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_head-table-dates-dates-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fc8387ba-b444-438d-b069-333367355a82Post:408972b4-744a-44c5-b0f5-225d9ac7479c">Re: Head Table - Dates or no dates for the wedding party?</a>:
[QUOTE] BUT attention better be on me and my needs that day, because thats what the WP is for, to help the bride.
Posted by taaka25[/QUOTE]

Oh honey no. Just no.

Goldlie11 · September 2010

I've been in one wedding. The bride and groom had a sweetheart table. Thank goodness is all I have to say.

We're doing a sweetheart table. I agree that splitting up couples is wrong.

And for the person who said that the single WP member might feel left out is wrong. Every member of the WP should be given a guest, whether that guest is a date or just a friend.

trix1223 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_head-table-dates-dates-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fc8387ba-b444-438d-b069-333367355a82Post:408972b4-744a-44c5-b0f5-225d9ac7479c">Re: Head Table - Dates or no dates for the wedding party?</a>:
[QUOTE]i agree with Jo. no dates unless the date knows everyone in the WP or in my case the BM is from out of town and will most likely bring her BF.<strong> BUT attention better be on me and my needs that day, because thats what the WP is for, to help the bride. </strong>But because of this, and that my FH family is from way far away, we will prolly have our families (who makes up most of the WP anyways) and their SO sit with us.
Posted by taaka25[/QUOTE]

Sorry, darlin' but you're just completely wrong on that. That is most certainly NOT what your WP is for. And just out of curiosity, is there to be any attention paid to the groom that day, or is it just all about the bride?

But.....looking at your post count says it all. Stick around. We'll be happy to let you know the real scoop about the role of a WP and what the wedding is really all about.

Meagan78 · September 2010

We're doing a King's Table.

It's a long table (like a head table). WP sit to right and left of bride/groom and their dates/SOs sit on the opposite side of them. No one sits opposite bride/groom. We will have 16 people total at the table.

misskathryn · September 2010

This is a very interesting question and something that I had not considered (but will now). I deffinately think putting the dates at the head table is a bad idea, so there are two options. If you let them sit with thier dates and everyone else, you just might get some personal moments with you husband...maybe. However, if you like to have the WP up there with you, consider all the couples and make sure no one (WP or dates) will be left feeling lonely.

eskillen1981 · September 2010

This is your wedding. Do what you want to do. If you want a headtable without SO's, then do it. Don't let a snarky friend convince you otherwise.

I have seen it done all ways. I have been at weddings where no SOs sat at the head table (and the bride paired me up with a groomsman who had a crush on me - meanwhile I was engaged - it was a very awkward dinner, but I grabbed an extra drink and dealt). I have also been the SO at a wedding where my husband sat at the head table and I knew NO ONE at my table (guess what, I made new friends). I have also been to weddings where all SOs sat at the head table (it was really fun because most of us knew each other). At my wedding, I had a sweetheart table with my MOH and my husband's best man (I didn't like the look of a big head table). I guess the point of my post is that YOU should pick what YOU want, not what your bridesmaid wants. She and her husband can deal for 30-45 minutes of being apart, and if she can't then she'll get over it.

Judith233 · September 2010

We are doing a sweetheart's table because it avoids this issue altogether and we know we won't be sitting all that long any way. We figured what is the point of having a head table that no one is sitting at for longer than it takes to eat?

Since you don't like sweetheart tables, I think the MOH & BM with their dates sitting at your table is a good option. It is basically splitting the difference. We were thinking about doing this but as my MOH fiance just split on her 3 months before their wedding, I figure she'd feel better at a regular table with her parents. So sweetheart table it is!

Each wedding is different and areas of the county have very different traditions, maybe the people you should ask this question to are your MOH & BM. Present it in a way where you are considering different options so you'll be more likely to get their real opinion instead of just what they think you want to hear. They are there for some moral support and advice, don't be shy about using it!

Neicy612 · September 2010

Wow. I'm kind of surprised by the number of people insistent on being with their dates. I've been a bridesmaid SIX times and have always sat at the head table without my date. Now I'm the bride and plan on doing the same thing. It's ONE day that is dedicated to supporting your bride, regardless. Dates should understand that this is a day about celebrating the bride and groom, not a fancy "date night" for themselves. PLUS really you don't sit very long. If a bride wants to bring attention to or "put on display" the people that she respects and appreciates enough to ask to be a part of her wedding party, the party should be honored by that.
I think it would be acceptable also to have just the MOH and BestMan at the head table with their dates. Especially if you have 18 people in your bparty (as I do). But a big long table is eyecatching and fun!

beamer84 · September 2010

We had 5 BMs and 5 GMs. We did a small head table, on risers, with (in order): Best Man's date, Best Man, DH, me, MOH, MOH's date. On the guys' side of the head table (and practically attached to the head table), we had a round table of GMs and their dates. We did the same thing with my BMs on my side of the head table. This seemed to work out well. I got a "head table," and the WP got to sit with their dates.

dieselsmomma · September 2010

My wedding party sat sans-dates and I've been at 5 weddings that have been the same (none that have had their SO sitting at the head table).

I've been to weddings where my DH was at a head table and I was not and I had a great time, I would have felt awkward sitting at the head table.

MikesAngie · September 2010

Okay I do not think that a sweetheart table is at all tacky, matter of fact I think it allows the Bride and Groom a few moments in their hectic day to be just them. We are seating the WP with people we they know. The teens that are the same age as the FSD at a table she is "hosting" and are focusing on how the WP and guests will be most comfortable during dinner after dinner we fully expect that our guests will mingle, dance and visit where ever they want.

We are definitely having a sweetheart table and our wedding is formal to semi-formal in feel.

The reception is not an extension of your wedding ceremony but a party that is being hosted by the Bride and Groom to thank and honor their guests who were able to celebrate their wedding day with them.

jmullen25 · September 2010

We are getting married this weekend and that was my dilemma too so we are sitting with our parents at one table and we split our wedding party into 2 tables, with their dates and friends. I think it'll work.

Tara599 · September 2010

I was at a wedding with my SO and I didn't know anyone except the bride and groom. Just the WP was at the head table and I'm very shy so it was hard to sit apart from SO and with people I don't know. I could talk and get to know people but the table I was at was filled with couples that all knew each other so it was awkward. I guess the bride and groom must have noticed I was uncomfortable because they brought a chair for me to sit at the head table. I think I'm going to have WP and SOs at the head table.

brookelynpaisley · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_head-table-dates-dates-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:fc8387ba-b444-438d-b069-333367355a82Post:07b19abb-4c70-40a7-bfa1-e19ce8a34083">Re: Head Table - Dates or no dates for the wedding party?</a>:
[QUOTE]We had 5 BMs and 5 GMs. We did a small head table, on risers, with (in order): Best Man's date, Best Man, DH, me, MOH, MOH's date. On the guys' side of the head table (and practically attached to the head table), we had a round table of GMs and their dates. We did the same thing with my BMs on my side of the head table. This seemed to work out well. I got a "head table," and the WP got to sit with their dates.
Posted by beamer84[/QUOTE]

This is essentially what we did. We weren't comfortable with a sweetheart table and being on display, didn't feel right splitting up couples, and didn't want a huge monstrosity of a table. I think it worked out well. Our BM and MOH were our siblings, and it was nice to get to sit down and eat with our sister and brother and their future spouses. My sister is getting married in April and I really really REALLY hope she doesn't split me up from DH.

kathrynhabibti · September 2010

Our only WP is the best man. But, even if we did have a larger WP I would never split up SOs. Our reception is for our guests, not us, and their comfort comes first - within our budgetary abilities and still keeping with proper social rules.

Head Table - Dates or no dates for the wedding party?

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