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Gift Giving Question

Mishas_GirlMishas_Girl
First Comment
in Registry and Gift Forum
I'm trying to help my parents figure out their gift for my SIL's wedding. IL's are very materialistic, so I'm trying to walk a delicate path.

They're registered at Macy's, and the prices keep on changing. My parents are on a budget right now (as is everyone) and I'm trying to help them give enough of a gift to not be snubbed, but not too much for them right now (they have to travel to the wedding--Thanksgiving weekend, the most expesnive travel weekend of the year) and my dad recently had a major surgery so they're on disability as he recovers.

My question is, in terms of trying to spend $50 or $100 for the gift, is it appropriate to look at the full price for the $100, and if you get it on sale with coupons, discounts and actually pay less then it is still a $100 gift in terms of trying to reach a pricepoint? Or because you got it on sale, only use the sale price?

My SIL has registered for a ton of expensive stuff, but I'm watcing for a decent sale for my parents to take advantage of. I just don't know if the gift is really how much they actually spent, or how much the gift is worth (if that makes sense). Sorry if this seems superficial, DH and I have already spent over 1k being in my SIL's over the top wedding (we have major in law issues, and this isn't helping) so I'm kind of over spending a ton of money (or my parents doing so) at this point.
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Re: Gift Giving Question

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    loop0406loop0406 member
    First Comment
    What I ususally do because most of my friends/brides registered at BBB, I went to their registry and found an item of the amount I wanted to spend (ex: $50 was what I wanted to spend) then I used the BBB 20% coupon so I saved  - spent $40 plus tax.
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    DOLLIE.17DOLLIE.17
    First Comment
    What i suggest you do, look for something around their price range, and use the coupons. if your SIL is not happy with it, it is her problem. She should be grateful that your parents are getting her gift, rather than expecting one. 
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    ev4149ev4149 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I usually go the opposite way of the PP.  I pick an amount I want to spend (i.e., $100), and then try to get the best possible thing for $100 with sales and coupons.  Definitely wait until Macy's has a good sale... prices change a lot, and you can get some good deals if you wait and get a coupon!
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    AlbireoAlbireo member
    First Comment
    What's wrong with using coupons? I hope the bride is not using dollar numbers as a measure of how much people care. Brat.

    If something is on her registry, it means she wants it. They should get her something from the registry that they can afford, whether that means something small at full price or something bigger with coupons.
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    They should decide how much they want to spend on the gift and get whatever they can for that amount.  Nobody should be questioning how much they spent or whether it's good enough, so everything else is irrelevant.
    Married 10/2/10
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    CA2MT4EveRCA2MT4EveR member
    First Comment
    The dollar amount should not matter. If you really wanted to save money, you could look up what she has on there and possibly purchase it elsewhere. Are you signed up in email for coupons and special sales?  If not, then do so.  Also, Kohls has a lot of the same products for less money.  You can always purchase it there and sign up for their mailer. 

    And how often are your parents going to see her?  Are they close with her? My parents wont be invited to FSIL/FBIL's wedding and hers wont be invited to ours.  Just because we know who they are and are linked through marriage doesn't mean we are going to force ourselves to be close.
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
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    Mishas_GirlMishas_Girl
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_gift-giving-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e09b72a1-96de-4c97-838a-5f1312879681Post:4c7d6d08-f8c0-4a64-9fd2-8b8331872e95">Re: Gift Giving Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]The dollar amount should not matter. If you really wanted to save money, you could look up what she has on there and possibly purchase it elsewhere. Are you signed up in email for coupons and special sales?  If not, then do so.  Also, Kohls has a lot of the same products for less money.  You can always purchase it there and sign up for their mailer.  And how often are your parents going to see her?  Are they close with her? My parents wont be invited to FSIL/FBIL's wedding and hers wont be invited to ours.  Just because we know who they are and are linked through marriage doesn't mean we are going to force ourselves to be close.
    Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for the Kohls suggestion, I didn't think of them.

    My parents won't see her often. I'm more worried about my MIL and SIL gabbing about it (yeah, they are those sort of people). There is a current "fight" that MIL has with my DH and I right now, and as much as I have learned to let go, I don't want my parents added to her s**t list.

    I was more just curious how everyone else shopped for wedding gifts, since it was on my mind with trying to help my mom pick out a gift.
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    CA2MT4EveRCA2MT4EveR member
    First Comment
    I was taught "it's the thought" that counts.
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
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    Mishas_GirlMishas_Girl
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_gift-giving-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e09b72a1-96de-4c97-838a-5f1312879681Post:e4d8ddec-3210-4986-a8ff-4f88a37bac5f">Re: Gift Giving Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was taught "it's the thought" that counts.
    Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, me too. Its been a rough wedding and its still 3 months away. Oye!
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    Galaxy8227Galaxy8227
    First Comment
    I sometimes will buy a bigger gift if I have a coupon, but obviously that is when I have the money and because I want to, not because I feel like I have to.  I would suggest waiting for a good sale, or perhaps getting the gift at a cheaper store as mentioned above.
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    mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I have a price in mind that I want to spend.  My goal is not to get to that price but to not go over it. 

    OP, the doggies are so cute.
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    Mishas_GirlMishas_Girl
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_gift-giving-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e09b72a1-96de-4c97-838a-5f1312879681Post:5ce75567-cec8-4105-af9d-bfba5e9f44aa">Re: Gift Giving Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have a price in mind that I want to spend.  My goal is not to get to that price but to not go over it.  <strong>OP, the doggies are so cute.</strong>
    Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

    Thanks!

    And thanks everyone for the advice!
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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_gift-giving-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e09b72a1-96de-4c97-838a-5f1312879681Post:8a532a0d-89d5-489b-9bf9-caea6d11e4f0">Gift Giving Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm trying to help my parents figure out their gift for my SIL's wedding. <strong>IL's are very materialistic</strong>, so I'm trying to walk a delicate path. They're registered at Macy's, and the prices keep on changing. My parents are on a budget right now (as is everyone) and I'm trying to help them give enough of a gift to not be snubbed, but not too much for them right now (they have to travel to the wedding--Thanksgiving weekend, the most expesnive travel weekend of the year) and my dad recently had a major surgery so they're on disability as he recovers. My question is, in terms of trying to spend $50 or $100 for the gift, is it appropriate to look at the full price for the $100, and if you get it on sale with coupons, discounts and actually pay less then it is still a $100 gift in terms of trying to reach a pricepoint? Or because you got it on sale, only use the sale price? My SIL has registered for a ton of expensive stuff, but I'm watcing for a decent sale for my parents to take advantage of. I just don't know if the gift is really how much they actually spent, or how much the gift is worth (if that makes sense). Sorry if this seems superficial, DH and I have already spent over 1k being in my SIL's over the top wedding (we have major in law issues, and this isn't helping) so I'm kind of over spending a ton of money (or my parents doing so) at this point.
    Posted by Mishas_Girl[/QUOTE]

    I wouldn't worry about it.  If they can't understand that some people can't afford to drop a bunch of money on a wedding gift, then they can get lost IMO.  I would suggest that your parents get the gift they can afford.  If they decide that $50 is their budget, then I would pick a $50 item.  If you use coupons or get it on sale, then even better...they didn't have to spend their full budget to get their 'goal' gift.
    Anniversary
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    gottahavashortigottahavashorti member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I would stick with what you can get for your budget at Macy's rather than going off registry.  If someone purchases the same item from their registry as you did at Kohl's, they'll just be returning it for store credit anyway.  I'm not sure about Macy's, but I noticed that Kohl's actually had higher prices on some of the exact same items we were registered for at Bed Bath and Beyond before taking into account the 20% off coupons.

    We decide on our gift budget and choose something from the registry that fits into our budget, including tax and shipping.  So if our budget is $50, the gift might cost $40 plus $2 tax and $8 shipping.  If there's free shipping on the item, I have a coupon or the item is on sale, it doesn't really matter as long as no more than $50 is exiting my bank account.
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    Planning/Married Biology
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    FineporcelainFineporcelain
    First Comment
    To me, this in itself should be understandably accepted no matter how much was spent on a gift.

    They're registered at Macy's, and the prices keep on changing. My parents are on a budget right now (as is everyone) and I'm trying to help them give enough of a gift to not be snubbed, but not too much for them right now (they have to travel to the wedding--Thanksgiving weekend, the most expesnive travel weekend of the year) and my dad recently had a major surgery so they're on disability as he recovers.

    And in the chance of getting snobbed, if your family is a nice, caring, decent family and they get snobbed anyway, then the IL's don't know what they are missing. I would rather have them at the wedding, inexpensive gift, or no gift at all. The fact that they are there at all would mean the most to me. As for the price of the gift on sale--no big deal.  She should be ashamed of being so selfish in the first place.
    You know you are truly blessed when you find that one who completes you,makes you totally happy, and feels your pain from the other room. The one you feel lost without, the one that makes you laugh, the one that makes you cry. The one that makes you wonder how you can be so lucky. Congratulations to everyone who has found "the one."
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    Theresa626Theresa626 member
    First Comment
    I think I answered your poll wrong. Maybe I didn't get it.  Your parents should spend 100 dollars if that's what they can afford.  If you get something on sale that is normally two hundred dollars, the bride will never know that you only spent 100 dollars unless she checks the registry like a hawk.  Even if she does find out, who cares?  You got a gift.  Don't worry about how much you spent on it. 

    Also, I put tons of stuff that was way out of most people's normal price range on the registry because when it went on sale, it was almost 60% off and it became affordable.  Macy's really has some good sales and I looked for them when choosing items for the registry.  This bride may have done the same thing.  
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    golden1215golden1215 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_gift-giving-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:e09b72a1-96de-4c97-838a-5f1312879681Post:a8245681-4aed-4a0e-9994-36aebbd6fc6e">Re: Gift Giving Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I usually go the opposite way of the PP.  I pick an amount I want to spend (i.e., $100), and then try to get the best possible thing for $100 with sales and coupons.  Definitely wait until Macy's has a good sale... prices change a lot, and you can get some good deals if you wait and get a coupon!
    Posted by ev4149[/QUOTE]

    I do this.
    image
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    ehathewaehathewa
    First Comment
    I usually have an amount in mind I want to spend...  and I like that I can get more for the couple when things are on sale. 
    However, I usually don't select the gift strictly based on price.  I pick out something that I think is pretty, or would like getting, or think that the couple would be excited about.  Sometimes I pick a gift based on how I know the couple.   For an old Girl Scout buddie of mine I got a ton of camping stuff off of the registry... 

    I'm rambeling, but what I'm trying to say is that it should be the thought that counts. 
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    marissa_clairemarissa_claire member
    First Comment
    I wouldn't stress too much... anymore adding a bag and a card adds another $5-10 anyways.  I'm sure they'll appreciate the gesture no matter what.  I mean honestly, I've gotten a number of shower gifts so far and at no point did I really think about what people spent, with an exception of a few people that went overboard (one uncle's gf had to have spent over a hundred on baking pans - and she's not even related!)  
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    Mishas_GirlMishas_Girl
    First Comment
    Thanks everyone!

    It makes me sick. We went to dinner with IL's, and SIL was going on and on and on about what people were getting her off of her registry (she's registry peeking, her shower has not happened yet). Complete with complaining about how one person only got her the napkin rings (only thing purchased at the store, so she is assuming things). We were generous with what we have already purchased for her, and it made me so sick hearing about the "me, me, me, gimme, gimme, gimme" that I was seriously temped to returun, I already feel like we overspent.

    My parents found a gift that they are comfortable giving. Now we just have to survive until the wedding.
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