This isn't even a rant / vent ... just a small spot of heart-aching that I can't seem to shake today.
FI has a close friend, who, upon hearing about our engagement, offered to be a groomsman. That was great, and especially because FI (who is divorced) has been wrestling with asking groomsmen, in part because some of his still-close friends stood up for him for his first marriage (not this one, though).
FI called him recently with some wedding-y questions, and his friend seemed really thrown by the whole groomsman thing (even though he volunteered?!?) and said he needed to think about it. Oooo - kay. A few days later, FI gets a voicemail that says "I'm sorry ... we just love you both and I can't do it."
Huh? What? FI, of course, was hurt and embarrassed by this, and it hurt my heart to see him hurting and not be able to do a blessed thing about it (and, to be honest, struggling a bit myself with feeling like a causal factor). I know divorces are hard on those who know both parties, and I'm respectful of that. I know people have differing views on divorce and remarriage, esp. within our faith circles and I respect that, too. What I don't respect is going back on your word or giving it loosely in the first place. And FI wasn't asking him to "take sides" regarding the past ... he was asking for a friend's support as he moved into the future.
A lot of the dust has settled from this now: we had an already-scheduled meeting with our officiant and were able to talk it over with him and he reiterated the support and blessing of the elders of the church on our marriage. FI called and talked to his BIL (and childhood friend) who "wholeheartedly" agreed to be groomsman, which has freed FI up to ask the other friends he had in mind. We had our final talk-through of the guest list today, though, and decided not to invite the "ex-groomsman" and his wife -- not in retaliation, but because we only want guests/witnesses who are supportive of us and our relationship (we didn't do save-the-dates, so no problem there).
I don't think it has the friendship-ending potential that it could have among female friends (re-evaluating, yes; ending, doubtful). But it's just sad. It's oddly similar to the sadness I felt the other day reading a thread on the E board where a bride was being told that a shower wouldn't be "appropriate" for her second wedding. Why not??? For Pete's sake, why not? It's just so darn sad that people can't ... I don't even know how to articulate it?
And I'm not sure why the "sadz" in it have gotten me so strongly today, over a week later. Oh well ... thank you for letting me bleed a little.