Cousins, cousins,

Re: Cousins, cousins,

• Beachy730 member

  

  December 2010

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousins-cousins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:db20d2aa-71fe-4684-8eb2-3654caceaba8Post:7e5fd475-a1fe-45a6-802a-ffc451a5eccc">Cousins, cousins,</a>:
  [QUOTE]My family has lived in the same area for many years, so as a result, all of us know each other and get together, and I have a huge extended family, so it might be tricky to follow the "family tree" but I'll do my best. There is a group of about 10 cousins or so, the father is my grandma's cousin, and his kids/grandkids (so whatever that makes them to me).  These people are sooo awesome, we hang out, keep in touch. the one cousin just got married and her and I have gotten close with sharing wedding plans, going out with our guys, etc.  We were invited to hers, and I DEFINITELY want to invite them to mine.  This next set of cousins is closer to my bloodline (my mom's cousins) Nobody likes them, i think only one has NOT been arrested. They bring their univited children to weddings, they go up to the buffet line BEFORE the wedding party, and they leave after the meal, bring no gift. (We even think one swiped a few envelopes at my Aunt's wedding, because there were about   So naturally, everyone gets pissed at them everytime there's a wedding, and there's an uprorar "Can you believe that?!"  My repsonse: we don't like them, we don't talk to them except for weddings and funerals, and we kavetch about it for a week--I'm not inviting them. My mom and I are in agreement to an extent, but relatives (the very ones who complain about those cousins) are giving her grief saying we can't invite farther-out relatives and not ones that are closer.  She's offered to pay for their plates, because I refuse to, I don't want them there. and I don't think she should feel strong armed to keep the rest of the family happy.    I know the common response is "Invite Whomever You Want", but I don't to be so tunnel visioned/absolute about it.  Is there some breach of etiquette to invite relatives that are not as "biologically" close and not invite those that are? (sorry, I can't make this font un-bold...jeesh).
  Posted by MegaMultitasker[/QUOTE]
  
  So that we can actually read it.

  

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• MegaMultitasker

  

  December 2010

  Yeah thank you! omg, I didn't think it'd post that awfully!

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• FutureMrsFezz member

  

  December 2010

  Holy crap.

    
  6.6.12 | 7 lbs 9 oz | 20 inches
  
  

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• salt78 member

  

  December 2010

  MY EYES!

  

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• Beachy730 member

  

  December 2010

  I think with family it is best to make clear cuts, such as first cousins only.  If you only have one distant relative that you want invited, then you can say she was invited as a friend and not a family member if you 2 really are closer than you are with all of the others.  But you have to be prepared to have hurt feelings and questions asked.
  
  H and I made the cut off at first cousins only, since going to second cousins would have added about 40 people.  I have one second cousin though that I am good friends with, and we have even vacationed together several times.  So she was the one exception, but everyone in the family knows we are close, and she was sat at a table with our mutual friends, not with family. 

  

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• MattsPenguin member

  

  December 2010

  I think that when it gets out that far it might not matter.  We are inviting my mom's cousins and families, because I am very close to them.  However, we are not inviting my dad's cousins at all.  Personally, I would think that if you are inviting extended family, as long as you have invited YOUR aunts/uncles/cousins, that anything beyond that is "just extra".
  
  Are the "more extended" family directly related to your mom's cousins or are they on opposite sides of the family tree?

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• tidetravel member

  

  December 2010

  There isn't a real etiquette issue here.  Generally, it's recommended to invite everyone within the same tier/circle, so as to avoid family drama.  But, really, if you don't like them, your mom is in agreement, and it's only distant family complaining, then my vote would be to keep them off the guest list.  It would be a different story, IMO, if you chose to invite, say your 1st cousins, but not FI's 1st cousins, because you didn't like them. 

  Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
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• MegaMultitasker

  

  December 2010

  Both sets of cousins are on my Moms's side;
  
  So it's basically (and this is sooo crazy I know)
  
  Me----
  CousinsA (invited, my mom's: siblings and their kids)----
  CousinsB(NOT INVITED, the bad ones,)---
  Cousins C(invited, we're social and in frequent contact, more friends than anything)

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• pinkpinot member

  

  December 2010

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousins-cousins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:db20d2aa-71fe-4684-8eb2-3654caceaba8Post:f9d31223-2024-4429-8bfa-1b2c05302dd5">Re: Cousins, cousins,</a>:
  [QUOTE]MY EYES!
  Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]
  
  It could be worse, it could be comic sans.

  
  

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