Is she rude...or just annoying?

Festiva · May 2010

I know someone whom throws herself parties all the time- for a variety of reasons. Thats fine- I like parties. The thing is, she ALWAYS makes it a pot luck and sends out several emails reminding everyone to bring a dish.
I don't want to! Not every single friggin' time anyway. I'd like to not have to cook something for 30 people before coming, or not have to stop at the grocery store and spend $25 on a cheese tray and desert to bring.

This time she is also requiring you bring cash donations for the flood victems in our area. I've personally already given all my extra money (!!!) and have no more to give. I think she's odd and rude to force people to do this anyway.

I know I may seem mean to some- because she means well, but she literally requires work and money of her guests EVERY single time she throws a bash. I like her...but actually roll my eyes now whenever I see her name in my inbox.

Is she rude...or just annoying?

Even her wedding reception was pot luck- YEA!!!!

J&K10910 · May 2010

Jess, it's because they need all the help they can get. Seriously.

Becky&Chris · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_she-rudeor-just-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:fd49aa36-fe9f-4151-87d7-140d2ea869f9Post:fe92d477-a476-45cc-a987-9e05eb9d567b">Re: Is she rude...or just annoying?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is she rude...or just annoying? : I know!! This one is her stinkin' wonderful graduation party (she's been going to college now for like 12 years) so I feel obligated to go...with it being a "milestone" event in her life. sigh.
Posted by Festiva[/QUOTE]

I think it's ridiculous that she is "requiring" donations.. maybe she means it to be in lieu of gifts, but still. I don't put "gifts required" on my bday invitations.. of course I'd never throw myself a party either. That is ridiculous, and honestly, I'm not sure I'd ever attend one of these parties.

betrothed123 · May 2010

10/10 is like the black hole of the knot. It sucks everything in and refuses to let it go.

emilyinboston · May 2010

I would find that incredibly annoying and not go. No one is going to dictate to me what I'm going to do.

jennylove810 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_she-rudeor-just-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:fd49aa36-fe9f-4151-87d7-140d2ea869f9Post:a5312faa-a56d-4eed-8626-63879ab913f3">Re: Is she rude...or just annoying?</a>:
[QUOTE]10/10 is like the black hole of the knot. It sucks everything in and refuses to let it go.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

I never, ever post there.

And OP, this girl sounds both rude AND annoying. Granted, I always try to bring *something* when I go to a party at someone's house - but that could be a bottle of wine, some finger foods, a little present for the host, anything. But being told that I *must* bring a dish AND a cash donation... sorry, I'd decline. Like PP said, it's an invitation, not a subpoena.

AmandalovesAl · May 2010

I think it sounds like your friend has a good heart and wants to help people and have her friends over for a fun family meal that everyone participates in! As for the donations...I also think that is wonderful..

HOWEVER if you really are annoyed by it, I would talk 2 her one on one and tell her how you feel. She probably doesn't realize that it is bothering you.

J&K10910 · May 2010

Jenny, are you a 10/9/10 bride? Quick math in my head says yes.

Festiva · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_she-rudeor-just-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:fd49aa36-fe9f-4151-87d7-140d2ea869f9Post:52d3eb66-b8ec-4126-ae2c-03d817a08b59">Re: Is she rude...or just annoying?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is she rude...or just annoying? : I never, ever post there. And OP, this girl sounds both rude AND annoying. <strong>Granted, I always try to bring *something* when I go to a party at someone's house - but that could be a bottle of wine, some finger foods, a little present for the host, anything.</strong> But being told that I *must* bring a dish AND a cash donation... sorry, I'd decline. Like PP said, it's an invitation, not a subpoena.
Posted by jennylove810[/QUOTE]

Yea- I know, me too....but it's different when it's expected...when you are repeatedly reminded to cook for all of her guests.

andy71781 · May 2010

I'd be really passive agressive and just bring some cheap beer or nothing. Her heart seems to be in the right place with the fundraising thing but I find it odd that she merged her graduation party with that. She should throw a party FOR fundraising.

smore154 · May 2010

Why do you keep going if you hate it so much?

quotequeen · May 2010

I would not attend this party. No way, no how.

ETA: And if she asked why, I would be 100% honest.

jennylove810 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_she-rudeor-just-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:fd49aa36-fe9f-4151-87d7-140d2ea869f9Post:d33aaa16-48b9-401c-a54a-94ee3ad09886">Re: Is she rude...or just annoying?</a>:
[QUOTE]Jenny, are you a 10/9/10 bride? Quick math in my head says yes.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I am indeed! And confession: I almost asked what your date is. Excellent choice - here's hoping for great weather lol :)

larina+jeremy · May 2010

im a student, as are most of my friends, and fl and i have the best party pad lol. we always have potluck parties at my house - its understood bt me and my group that they can party at my house whenever, but i cannot afford to feed them every time haha. so everyone contributes

at the same time, no one demands that something be brought, and i dont send out formal invites or ask for additional contributions. nor do i nag guests by reminding them. they know the deal, an they can ether choose to contribute or not. we do food theme nights, or take turns if someone brings something particularly expensive or time consuming. if you are close with this girl, why cant you just talk candidly to her about her approach?

jennylove810 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_she-rudeor-just-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:fd49aa36-fe9f-4151-87d7-140d2ea869f9Post:14d537f4-9372-4c93-a862-1bd669699b52">Re: Is she rude...or just annoying?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it sounds like your friend has a good heart and wants to help people and have her friends over for a fun family meal that everyone participates in! As for the donations...I also think that is wonderful.. HOWEVER if you really are annoyed by it, I would talk 2 her one on one and tell her how you feel. She probably doesn't realize that it is bothering you.
Posted by AmandalovesAl[/QUOTE]

If you decide to throw a party, you shouldn't ask your guests to bring a dish every single time. Once or twice, fine. BYOB, fine. Bring an app to share, fine. But like OP wrote, bringing a dish big enough for 25 or 30 people to share? Every single time, when it sounds like this girl throws a LOT of parties? Not fine.

It's also in very poor taste to require guests to donate anything, ever. What if people have already donated cash/time/supplies? What if they *can't?* I know some wonderful people who are VERY financially strapped and would give if they could, but they can't. So what then? They can't come party and congratulate the host for graduating? That's not right. Good intentions, maybe, but poor taste.

andy71781 · May 2010

Ummm I just re-read the post - her wedding reception was potluck? That's bit much.

megk8oz · May 2010

I wouldn't go ... or I would just "forget" my dish.

I'm okay with baking some brownies or something every once in a while, but really being asked to bring soemthing every. frickin. time. would p!ss me off to no end.

This kind of reminds me of my one friend who always invites people over and says "Oh, we're going to order a bunch of pizzas and sodas" or something, and then expects everybody else to pay for the pizza. As in, she and her H don't shell out a dime for the food or beverages. Really, I don't need to go to your house just to buy you dinner.

Does your friend at least put out a dish of her own? I mean, she's still rude and annoying either way, but I'm curious if she invests anything into her own parties.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_she-rudeor-just-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:fd49aa36-fe9f-4151-87d7-140d2ea869f9Post:61d18166-1c28-4396-96b8-4dbfaa2a6541">Re: Is she rude...or just annoying?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is she rude...or just annoying? : 10/10 weddings is a scary place. I'm glad you got out alive.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

10/10 weddings does NOT appreciate DDP Kitty's snark. No, seriously, they're talking amongst themselves right now about why people are afraid of that board. (I also HAVE noticed you never post there...)

Anyway, a potluck is fine. One in a while. A fundraiser is fine, as long as she makes it worth your while - food, booze, games. You provide the donation, she provides entertainment. But basically saying, "Hey, bring your own party to my house" all. the time. - not okay at all. Plus, IMO, a potluck should be the point of a potluck. Not just, "It's my graduation - hey, bring some food."

Fuuck, I'm going to a bar for my birthday this weekend and I've promised all my friends I'll buy the first round of drinks. Because I can't NOT try to host, even outside my own house.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_she-rudeor-just-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:fd49aa36-fe9f-4151-87d7-140d2ea869f9Post:2007d44c-4d8e-401b-8189-0e9c629df77f">Re: Is she rude...or just annoying?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would not attend this party. No way, no how. ETA: And if she asked why, I would be 100% honest.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

This. Also, if possible, the best way to counteract this is to throw parties at your house and provide everything. Show her what a gracious host does.

betrothed123 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_she-rudeor-just-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:fd49aa36-fe9f-4151-87d7-140d2ea869f9Post:cee32db5-644b-42d6-964a-dc6ab3f6168a">Re: Is she rude...or just annoying?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is she rude...or just annoying? : 10/10 weddings does NOT appreciate DDP Kitty's snark. No, seriously, they're talking amongst themselves right now about why people are afraid of that board.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Haha! They're the "black whole"!

Link for anyone that might be ineterested: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2010-weddings_whats-wrong-oct-2010-board">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2010-weddings_whats-wrong-oct-2010-board</a>

J&K10910 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_she-rudeor-just-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:fd49aa36-fe9f-4151-87d7-140d2ea869f9Post:cee32db5-644b-42d6-964a-dc6ab3f6168a">Re: Is she rude...or just annoying?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is she rude...or just annoying? : 10/10 weddings does NOT appreciate DDP Kitty's snark. No, seriously, they're talking amongst themselves right now about why people are afraid of that board. (I also HAVE noticed you never post there...)
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

First of all, just because you've never seen me post there doesn't mean I haven't. I did, a few times, quite awhile ago (over a year ago, actually). Also, it doesn't mean I don't lurk. It scared me because I lurked about 18 months prior to my wedding and people already had so much crap done (like dresses bought and invites picked out). And I'm just not a friendly month/local type of person. So it wasn't a good fit for me. There's no need for anyone to be offended because a couple people don't like a board.

Also? Joke. Learn to take one.

christen80 · May 2010

One thing I find weird about your situation is that she seems to expect people to bring dishes to feed the entire party. Thats 30 dishes that feed 30 people. In my experience, thats not how potlucks work. I'd just bring a small dish and my well wishes and be done with it!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

J, I WAS joking around with you. I got that you were joking too. I totally understand it isn't for everyone. I know you're an October bride, and I've never seen you post there, but I assumed it really wasn't your type of place.

I agree - I'll only have a 13 month engagement and I was floored when I went over there last fall and saw that people already had their hair and makeup trials booked.

J&K10910 · May 2010

Oh, in that case, my apologies. Sometimes I have a hard time telling when you're joking, and for some reason I felt like you've questioned something else I've said about that board in the past. So I got all defensive.

Shazzie116 · May 2010

Wait - what? She's your birth mom? What a twist!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

It's okay, I think I have a weird sense of humor that doesn't translate over typing well, most of the time.

The October brides didn't think it was funny either. Joking fail.

jennylove810 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_she-rudeor-just-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:fd49aa36-fe9f-4151-87d7-140d2ea869f9Post:1156c3d8-9c58-4fe3-bcec-91bb3cdce256">Re: Is she rude...or just annoying?</a>:
[QUOTE]J, I WAS joking around with you. I got that you were joking too. I totally understand it isn't for everyone. I know you're an October bride, and I've never seen you post there, but I assumed it really wasn't your type of place. I agree - I'll only have a 13 month engagement and <strong>I was floored when I went over there last fall and saw that people already had their hair and makeup trials booked.
</strong>Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Me exactly. 13 month engagement, prefer to do things in my own sweet time... still haven't registered, no invites, no hair trial, no BM dresses... Went over to 10/10 and felt like a slacker when I didn't have my dress purchased a year before the wedding. *Shrug* More power to 'em, but when every post is "Check!"- related, I lost interest.

Oh I threadjacked. My bad.

Shazzie116 · May 2010

And we're not especially close...she is actually my birth mother, but she did NOT raise me...had little to do with my upbringing actually. But still- her being my "birth mother" I feel obligated to go to her parties ... to be supportive I guess.

Why the quotations? Either she gave birth to you or she didn't. Now, whether you consider her your "mother", that is another story.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_she-rudeor-just-annoying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:fd49aa36-fe9f-4151-87d7-140d2ea869f9Post:a0729c9e-98b9-4326-ad7b-8da2003f55d4">Re: Is she rude...or just annoying?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do you keep going if you hate it so much?
Posted by smore154[/QUOTE]

This. Sure. She's rude, but I have friends who do this kind of stuff all of the time. Potlucks are very popular in my circle because we just like to get together. However, if I didn't want to cook for 30 people or donate to a cause, I just wouldn't go. It's that simple.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

CEW! Get your butt to your wedding!

Festiva · May 2010

Wow- this post got off track a bit, lol. Ironically enough...I was an October bride until the moment before I began posting on here- lol. We changed the date just shy of that moment...so I have no clue what all this is about- but what fun it would've been to be an October 2010 bride

FYI- didn't go to her party....

Thank you to all who gave their thoughts=)

Is she rude...or just annoying?

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