Limited seating at ceremony...

cbradeis · July 2012

Our venue only provides seating during the ceremony for 50 guests, the remainder of guests stand. (I know, every butt should have a seat BUT it was one of very few drawbacks about our venue - Fortunately the ceremony will be short and sweet). How should we have our ushers communicate this to guests as they arrive, specifically, how do we ensure seats are reserved for elderly guests, those in poor health, people with small children, etc? Or would it be best to reserve seats for those we know need one?

ootmother2 · July 2012

Find a larger venue

lostmykeys · July 2012

Oh wow...any chance you can rent more seating? If not, I'm not sure but I think I might feel obligated to communicate that in advance and get it settled who gets the chairs and who doesn't.

TheSlowskys · July 2012

How many are invited? Can you rent additional chairs or benches? As a guest I wouldn't mind as long as the ceremony is 10 mins max and starts on time.

hoffse · July 2012

You're not going to get a good reaction from this idea - I agree you should find a larger venue or limit your guestlist to those 50 people. Plenty of people who aren't elderly can't stand for long, particularly women in heels.

crash2729 · July 2012

In Response to Re:Limited seating at ceremony...:[QUOTE]Find a larger venue Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]
This. At least for the ceremony.

adamar15 · July 2012

People won't just be standing for your "short and sweet" ceremony. They'll be standing from the time they arrive to the time they leave for the reception. What if they get there early or the ceremony starts late? It's not so short and sweet then. You either need to rent more chairs to accommodate everyone, or find a different venue.

JaxInBlue · July 2012

The short answer is reserved seating signs - but this makes your wedding look like dress rehearsal for a televised awards show - or some other designation of reserved seats.

The longer answer is to find a way to get a seat for every tush. Guests don't just stand for the ceremony; they come early, they wait to greet and congratulate you after. Can you and your FI rent additional or different seating? Maybe bring in benches instead of chairs?

I've been a guest at a wedding where only VIP guests were given chairs and it was not a comfortable experience. Since I'm on the shorter side and DH is much taller, we wound up not standing together so we could both see. We also stood for about an hour by the time we arrived early, witnessed the (late-starting) ceremony and said our congratulations for the couple. We then stood around for over an hour at cocktail hour at the reception. My feet were killing me by dinner.

TaraMc728 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-seating-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d80cf9d0-a21d-4b04-b250-74910d49f5caPost:c861b28b-bf99-425e-8160-3faf26363ea4">Re: Limited seating at ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]People won't just be standing for your "short and sweet" ceremony. They'll be standing from the time they arrive to the time they leave for the reception. What if they get there early or the ceremony starts late? It's not so short and sweet then. <strong>You either need to rent more chairs to accommodate everyone, or find a different venue.
</strong>Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

I agree with this 100%.

ems27 · July 2012

How many guests do you have attending? Is it the same location as the reception? If yes- would it be possible to pay a little extra to pull some chairs from the reception and have them moved back after?

Or as PPs suggested- add in some benches at the back/along the sides or in place of the chairs.

Maggie0829 · July 2012

Sorry but your "short and sweet" ceremony is not an exception to the rule that every person should have a place to sit.

Either find a way to add more seating, find a new venue, or cut your guest list down to 50.

cbradeis · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-seating-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d80cf9d0-a21d-4b04-b250-74910d49f5caPost:b80c8bf1-df9f-4886-9a82-e923b4c4bd4c">Re: Limited seating at ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]How many guests do you have attending? Is it the same location as the reception? If yes- would it be possible to pay a little extra to pull some chairs from the reception and have them moved back after? Or as PPs suggested- add in some benches at the back/along the sides or in place of the chairs.
Posted by ems27[/QUOTE]

Thanks everyone, frankly I expected those responses. Unfortunately it's too late to change the venue. My fiance and my family thought "no big deal" - it's on the deck of a large boat on the Delaware River in Phila (THe Moshulu) so their thoughts were, it's spacious/scenic/etc. But I never fully agreed on this. There is an option to rent more seats, I was trying to avoid having to allocate money there. But I agree with all of you. I think it's something we just need to work into the budget. Thanks again.

msuprincess04 · July 2012

If the venue is important than do pictures there, sign the certificate there, do other things that don't involve the crowd. Have the actual ceremony at a site where everyone can witness and sit. I agree that standing around for an hour, when I didn't know it was coming, and then standing for another hour for cocktail time is beyond aggravating.

ems27 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-seating-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d80cf9d0-a21d-4b04-b250-74910d49f5caPost:08015b26-b122-438b-984a-49ec5900e460">Re: Limited seating at ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Limited seating at ceremony... : Thanks everyone, frankly I expected those responses. Unfortunately it's too late to change the venue. My fiance and my family thought "no big deal" - it's on the deck of a large boat on the Delaware River in Phila (THe Moshulu) so their thoughts were, it's spacious/scenic/etc. But I never fully agreed on this. There is an option to rent more seats, I was trying to avoid having to allocate money there. But I agree with all of you. I think it's something we just need to work into the budget. Thanks again.
Posted by cbradeis[/QUOTE]

I'm glad there is the option for that! Honestly, I would probably appreciate having a seat for the ceremony a little more than a few extra snacks at the cocktail hour- just for guest comfort :-) Your venue sounds beautiful.

julibug86 · July 2012

I went to a wedding where there weren't enough seats and it didn't work out well. I agree with the PP's that the total standing time is a lot longer than just the ceremony - you get there early and stay on to congratulate. The wedding I went to, everyone realized that there weren't enough seats and no one wanted to be the one to sit down. Consequently, there were a crowd of people in the back and mostly empty chairs. No one wants to be the "old person" or be seen as lazy, etc.

The wedding was also in direct sunlight and started late. We stood for about an hour total and I got a nice sunburn.

AdeleDazeem · July 2012

We had our AHR at the Moshulu! Pretty!!

Can you do the ceremony in the same place as the reception? I'm not sure if you're inside or have the deck, but regardless I'm assuming that everyone is sitting for the reception so have the ceremony with everyone at their reception seat.

EDIT: And for the kind of money you pay for the Moshulu, their answer shouldn't be "It's pretty! People won't mind standing!!" Of course, the girl who organized our AHR was all of 12 so...

cbradeis · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-seating-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d80cf9d0-a21d-4b04-b250-74910d49f5caPost:ab56a19a-573d-43e3-86b2-6352b67f2826">Re: Limited seating at ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]We had our AHR at the Moshulu! Pretty!! Can you do the ceremony in the same place as the reception? I'm not sure if you're inside or have the deck, but regardless I'm assuming that everyone is sitting for the reception so have the ceremony with everyone at their reception seat. EDIT: And for the kind of money you pay for the Moshulu, their answer shouldn't be "It's pretty! People won't mind standing!!" Of course, the girl who organized our AHR was all of 12 so...
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Hey another Moshulu bride!! The ceremony is on the large open deck up top, cocktail hour is downstairs on the covered deck. Then downstairs again for dinner in the Orchid Room. That's the thing - there is a lot of movement and I'd hate for guests to be uncomfortable standing for 30 minutes to an hour, THEN have to move around, up and down stairs, then back up again, etc. It's far from a traditional venue BUT that doesn't mean they shouldn't have a seat. I think I just have to bite the bullet and rent the chairs ($7 a pop - BLURG!).

Like I said, everyone close to us convinced me it was not that big of a deal but the last thing I want is for our guests be be uncomfortable. Really, thanks everyone, I needed some impartial advice here.

AdeleDazeem · July 2012

Good luck!! Happy Wedding!

TheSlowskys · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-seating-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d80cf9d0-a21d-4b04-b250-74910d49f5caPost:90634ad9-c2bc-4859-bfae-d217b85b4fa1">Re:Limited seating at ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]And, if you DO decide to ignore all of our advice and make your guests stand, you absolutely need to let them know beforehand. That is a deal breaker for me and many other people. I cannot stand for that long and nothing pisses me off more than getting dressed up and driving to a wedding that I end up having to turn around and leave because the couple cannot be bothered to provide the basic necessities to their guest. I'd rather just RSVP no to begin with.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Seriously? You've RSVP'd yes to a wedding, not had a seat for a ceremony and turned around and drove home? Two etiquette wrongs don't make a right.

You stood for your own wedding didn't you?

aragx6 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-seating-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d80cf9d0-a21d-4b04-b250-74910d49f5caPost:818d61a5-bfe4-414e-99f1-bc413a5a90ac">Re:Limited seating at ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Limited seating at ceremony... : Seriously? You've RSVP'd yes to a wedding, not had a seat for a ceremony and turned around and drove home? Two etiquette wrongs don't make a right. You stood for your own wedding didn't you?
Posted by TheSlowskys[/QUOTE]

If she can't stand for that long what else would you expect her to do?

ems27 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-seating-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d80cf9d0-a21d-4b04-b250-74910d49f5caPost:078772f9-6f10-4622-8f03-a7ee4dea675e">Re:Limited seating at ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Limited seating at ceremony... : Yes. It's not an etiquette wrong, it's a freaking medical condition. If you read the post, you would see that I CANNOT stand for that long. [snip]
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

You never said that it was due to a medical condition- other people can't tell via the internet if that was a "I am physically unable" or a "I can't because I won't." Don't jump down people's throats if you didn't make it clear enough the first time around, that's your own fault.

ems27 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-seating-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d80cf9d0-a21d-4b04-b250-74910d49f5caPost:e67640a8-200a-430a-a78e-79d3b2b6151d">Re: Limited seating at ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]No I said I can't. Not that I won't. Can't DOES imply inability, that's what makes it different from "won't" or "may" (may i have vs can I have). There IS a difference and the fact that your English teacher and/or parents never taught that to you is not my fault, honestly.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I also learned about connotation versus denotation, and from the tone of your original post, I can see how others could have misconstrued what you actually meant. Even knowing what you meant, the original post was still extremely snippy.

ems27 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-seating-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d80cf9d0-a21d-4b04-b250-74910d49f5caPost:9e50db73-08ba-4169-91fe-e5e1c97f1b66">Re: Limited seating at ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Limited seating at ceremony... : It was "snippy" to say that I have had to leave weddings in the past because of this very issue? The post was warning the OP that if she does go with limited seating, it is best for her and her guests if she lets them know ahead of time. That way, her guests don't have the experience I had and she doesn't end up paying for people who don't stay or don't show up at all when they hear about the seating issues. I wasn't "snipping" at anyone because there was no one to snip at. If that is enough for you to just dive right in and start lecturing posters like that, then you're going to have a hard time on this board. ETA: Now the second post was a bit b!tchy, but it was, you know, meant to be.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Probably so.

cbradeis, your venue sounds lovely and I am glad you were able to resolve the seating issue. Have a fantastic wedding!

TheSlowskys · July 2012

If I couldn't physically stand for a cermony I would probably ask an usher if they could find me a seat and let them know it was a physical condition. If that failed, I'd probably wait in the car and just head over to the reception.

But then again, I don't have that limitation so I haven't walked a mile in your shoes and maybe I'd react differently. Your post came across as "People are standing? F this I'm leaving!"

jemmini6 · July 2012

OP, it will be worth the $7 per chair to know that ALL your guests are comfortable and treated equally. Yes, it sucks to have the additional expense, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Seating is more important that extra appetizers, chapmagne toasts, etc, so there are other things you can cut to work it in if you need to. Good luck!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-seating-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d80cf9d0-a21d-4b04-b250-74910d49f5caPost:e8cc0118-da48-4997-8f0a-fa70b80f2083">Re:Limited seating at ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Limited seating at ceremony... : You never said that it was due to a medical condition- other people can't tell via the internet if that was a "I am physically unable" or a "I can't because I won't." Don't jump down people's throats if you didn't make it clear enough the first time around, that's your own fault.
Posted by ems27[/QUOTE]

Can't doesn't mean won't. YWIA.

I've actually developed a medical condition in the past year that makes standing for periods of time really bad. I can walk, I can jog (with proper footwear), but standing around, even in flats, is bad news. I had to stand in line to get into a venue for an HOUR on 4th of July, and when we were let in, there were no seats. I had to go sit in the car and wait for my husband. It was bad.

So, at my own wedding, where I was standing a grand total of 12 minutes, before I developed a heel spur, I was fine. Now? I wouldn't be wearing heels, that's for sure.

DramaGeek · July 2012

OP, can you rent the chairs from an event rental company? I don't know about there, but here chairs are like $2.50 each for the bridal white wooden folding chairs that are so popular for weddings. Maybe you can find the same chairs for less and bring them in from an outside company.

Simply Fated · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-seating-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d80cf9d0-a21d-4b04-b250-74910d49f5caPost:54a2a76e-8d5f-48d6-8bdd-a7b04eeee54c">Re: Limited seating at ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, can you rent the chairs from an event rental company? I don't know about there, but here chairs are like $2.50 each for the bridal white wooden folding chairs that are so popular for weddings. Maybe you can find the same chairs for less and bring them in from an outside company.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
I would definitely look into this option, if it'll help you save money.
<strong>
elderly guests, those in poor health, people with small children, etc? </strong>
I'm not elderly, have small children and I don't consider myself in poor health. Buuut I can't stand for long periods of time. It's always awkward for me on trains when I take a seat and someone else stands. I want to give up my seat, but I know I'm not in the position to do so.
It would be so awkward for me to ask an usher to halp me find a seat at a wedding among all the elderly. I mean, the looks I'd get would be so embarrassing. And, this is a weird thought, but what about my bf? He can stand for long periods of time, so does he just stand near me or does he take a seat that someone else might need? What if I'm seated towards the middle of the group? Does he stand off to the side by himself?

I'm glad you're looking into getting chairs for everyone. I know as a guest I'd appreciate it.

Chloeagh · July 2012

While OP should definitely get seating for the ceremony, I think it's ridiculous that everyone here expects no seating for a cocktail hour, but against no seating for a ceremony. I was at a wedding with a 20 minute ceremony that I would have had no problem standing during, but then they had a two hour long cocktail hour with maybe 20 chairs. I got to choose between a concrete ledge with plants sticking in my ear and blocking a staircase because I can't stand that long. FI and I would have left early if we hadn't come with his parents.

bonge · July 2012

Op like pp suggested can you rent chairs from elsewhere & bring them in? $7 a pop is pretty expensive but i agree guests need chairs.

I have been to a few weddings with very limited seating & it is uncomfortable. One with no seating happened to be outside with no shade on the hottest day of the year.

I am a relatively healthy 32 year old but i am unable to stand either. i have a debilitating herniated disc in my lower back that sometimes cripples me. I have been known to fall right over if i stand too long, or move the wrong way etc. Let me tell you i felt like an ass when i had to make sure i had one of the chairs for limited seating. Not many know of the problems i deal with so i felt like a loser taking a chair from someone else.

Chloeagh · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-seating-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d80cf9d0-a21d-4b04-b250-74910d49f5caPost:6b3bfc70-b2c8-4ba9-aaa9-03d402cbf26a">Re: Limited seating at ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Limited seating at ceremony... : Where did any of us say that we expected/were okay with no seating at the cocktail hour specifically? Or that we were okay with a TWO HOUR cocktail hour (the real problem), which is ridiculous? Any bride who came in and told us about a plan like that would be getting the exact same reaction. For the record, my whole reception was cocktail/appetizers and we had a seat for every butt and THEN some. Even for a short cocktail hour, I would not expect less than 70% seating, unless it was somewhere like a museum or art gallery.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Well, people were talking about how people would have to stand through the ceremony and the cocktail hour, so it certainly sounded like it was just assumed that no cocktail hours have seating (although I had never experienced that until this wedding I was just at - but that wedding was just a disaster in every way).

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