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Jewish Weddings

Chair Anxiety

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to share/vent and I thought this might be a good place.... I am TERRIFIED of being lifted in the chair during the hora!!  Last time I did it was my bat mitzvah when I thought it was fun.  Now...not so much.  I close my eyes and have visions of tipping over backwards and falling out.  Mostly I just see overexcited cousins and uncles rushing forward and not paying attention, stepping on my dress and lifting me up, either ripping my dress or pulling me out of the chair.

Anyone else have chair anxiety?? 

PS - as a side question, do parents typically go up in the chairs at weddings?  My parents keep talking about going up, but I thought it was just the bride and groom.
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Re: Chair Anxiety

  • edited December 2011
    Oh don't worry, you are not alone. I'm terrified! I actually asked my venue for chairs with arms instead of the chivari chairs we will be using.

    And yes, in most weddings I've been to the parents have gone up. But my father doesn't want to and fmil keeps saying no way... so who knows!
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Glad I'm not alone!  Yeah, I've heard that you should ask for chairs with arms, good call!  My parents will probably go up, I know they want to and I know the crowd will do it if they are there.  FILs don't want to, so I've suggested they be elsewhere during this time. :-)
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It's a little scary up there, but so fun! Don't sweat it too much. But good idea to ask about chairs with arms. :-)

    In my crowd, parents don't usually go up during weddings (they often do for bar/bat mitzvahs). But I don't have a strong feeling about it one way or the other and if your parents want to, I can't see any reason why they shouldn't.
  • edited December 2011
    Ditto - I've rarely seen parents go up as unlike the bar/bat mitzvah, the focus is really on the bride and groom, rather than the parents/family per se.  But a few times parents have been lifted; it's all dependent on the couple.  For our wedding, only we went up but no one had indicated anything to us and everyone was fine with how we did things.

    Don't be nervous; as long as the ceiling isn't really low, most of the guys will do the lifting (though a few gals might join in) and they won't really rock you  much.  And there's usually a few folks that can sense if anything looks like it'll go crazy and make necessary adjustments (that happened to DH).  You'll really be up there for a short time; we were maybe up there for about 1-2 minutes; we laughed, kissed all while photos and video tapping occurred, then we were put back down and resumed dancing...
  • LBRM_NJLBRM_NJ member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I was afraid to do it and chose not to.  My coordinator just made sure that, if anyone tried to get a chair (only my very annoying non-jewish BIL did), they would direct it away.  Honestly, it wasn't a big deal at all to not do it.
    Lisa
    The Knot lost my info, but, I've been married since 6/19/05!
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  • edited December 2011
    My venue got us chairs with arms on them. My parents did not go up, but when the chairs came out, my MIL plopped down on one assuming she was going! Wink
  • razdazzlerazdazzle member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I so have chair anxiety - last time for me was also my Bat Mitzvah and I cried (hated it)!

    I feel like I have to go up though, I want to be able to share this fun thing with Fi.  I am going to make sure I have some strong men lifting my chair and I'm going to ask them to put us down not long after.

    My parents both want to go up. Fi's dad does but not his mom. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_chair-anxiety?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:1e9b3709-4327-49a8-b530-b8e419a1113fPost:7d5bd664-5bf8-4565-8488-6f76f9243fa6">Re: Chair Anxiety</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto - I've rarely seen parents go up as unlike the bar/bat mitzvah, the focus is really on the bride and groom, rather than the parents/family per se.
    Posted by slbriz34[/QUOTE]

    This makes me laugh.  The saying in my house is "Its our wedding, but its my mother's big day."
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  • ShoshieShoshie member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_chair-anxiety?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:1e9b3709-4327-49a8-b530-b8e419a1113fPost:5c528155-384a-493c-8440-69d5771369ff">Re: Chair Anxiety</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was afraid to do it and chose not to.  My coordinator just made sure that, if anyone tried to get a chair (only my very annoying non-jewish BIL did), they would direct it away.  Honestly, it wasn't a big deal at all to not do it.
    Posted by LBRM_NJ[/QUOTE]

    We did the same thing, but took it a step further: if a chair came out, the hora was to end. Period, and we move on (DH and I can't stand horas, we did it for our families).
    image
    Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be * BabyFruit Ticker
  • Jeni35Jeni35 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    We're not having a super large weddingl; but I believe it is the husband and bride who go up. The bar/bat mitzvah is for the parents to be recognized as raising an adult... besides, we have to figure who in our small group can lift us. LOL! I think we will try to get chairs with arms as well.

  • rag828rag828 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have it too; I am trying to keep chairs from the circle and have asked my Planner to do the same, but she syas its inevitable.....just drink a lot!
  • edited December 2011
    I actually went to a wedding on Sunday and was taking notes during the hora.  I think the trick is to get the chair and the lifters in place, and THEN sit down.  I would not sit down and let people just run up to lift.  The hora was very controlled and calm and it was great!  I feel better, just need to make sure our chairs have arms and I don't sit til I feel comfortable, haha.
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  • NeshamaNeshama member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was a bit anxious myself, but I LOVED it! It is a ton of fun, IMO. More fun than I thought it would be.

    We didn't have our parents go up in chairs, but I've seen parents go up in chairs at other weddings. It's a matter of preference I suppose.

    Enjoy!
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