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Wedding Party
Wedding Party - people who care about you, or family that could care less about being in the party?
My mother feels that both my brothers need to be in the wedding party - but I am not close to either brother, nor are they to me. They barely know my fiancee' as they choose not to, they are too 'busy' in their own lives to give a crap about what goes on in my life. My one brother is married with two kids, I am close to his wife, and she is one of my bridesmaids, as I was one of hers in their wedding. My mother convinced them they needed brother # 2 in their wedding party also, by driving them nuts so they finally asked him to be in the wedding to shut her up.
So of course now that i'm getting married my mother is full force insisting they need to be in the wedding party. Now that the wedding is less than two months away she has my aunt calling me too, to insist that they're part of my family so they NEED to be involved.
What happened to it being my fiancee' and I's decision who we will have in our wedding? We wanted a small wedding party.. we have 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen. That is plenty. We also wanted a small ceremony, if we paid it would be (as I am a broke just graduated college student), but she insisted on paying and keeps adding more and more unnecessary things and inviting all her friends to the wedding.
My mom is also insisting I then have my 2nd brother's GIRLFRIEND in the wedding party so she can walk down the aisle with my brother. His girlfriend that is flat out nasty to me and my sister-in-law because she wants my brother to propose to her and he hasn't. My mother is obsessed with -matching- also, so even if I had my brothers added in last minute, she would want me to then find two bridesmaids to add in, -like my brother's girlfriend- and some other random family member.. Even though it's way too late to ask girls to find dresses, get alterations, plus they'd know they were last minute choices.
So what would you do? at this point I would not care if they were ushers, but I really don't even think either of them cares about being in the wedding either. When I asked my bridesmaids to be in the wedding, all four of them were so excited to be included on our day, as were the groomsmen my fiancee' asked. Is it wrong to think the people who feel that way should be involved rather than those who don't care?
It's not like family is not involved in the wedding, my niece is my flower girl, my sister in law a bridesmaid, and my future husband's cousin is the ring bearer. If my mother had her way, the whole bridal party would be OUR family and not his. not because she doesn't like him, but she is just obsessing over our family.
I don't know how to deal with my mother as I am losing all patience with her not listening to me over every single aspect of the wedding. She wants me to make decisions, yet then complains about every decision I make as it is the wrong one. I realize she is paying for the wedding, but does that mean I should not have my friends involved, and that 1/3 of the guest list should be family I don't know,and her friends, rather than people who actually know me? And that she should pick the invites, my dress, the colors, the flowers, the bridal party? I am at my wit's end here. I put my foot down on my dress, and thought I had about the bridal party, but here it comes rearing it's ugly head again. Also she keeps emailing me asking if I -REALLY- love my dress, even though we went through 10 or more bridal shops until I picked it.. if I just wanted to choose one I didn't like I would have picked the first one I tried on! HELP!
So of course now that i'm getting married my mother is full force insisting they need to be in the wedding party. Now that the wedding is less than two months away she has my aunt calling me too, to insist that they're part of my family so they NEED to be involved.
What happened to it being my fiancee' and I's decision who we will have in our wedding? We wanted a small wedding party.. we have 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen. That is plenty. We also wanted a small ceremony, if we paid it would be (as I am a broke just graduated college student), but she insisted on paying and keeps adding more and more unnecessary things and inviting all her friends to the wedding.
My mom is also insisting I then have my 2nd brother's GIRLFRIEND in the wedding party so she can walk down the aisle with my brother. His girlfriend that is flat out nasty to me and my sister-in-law because she wants my brother to propose to her and he hasn't. My mother is obsessed with -matching- also, so even if I had my brothers added in last minute, she would want me to then find two bridesmaids to add in, -like my brother's girlfriend- and some other random family member.. Even though it's way too late to ask girls to find dresses, get alterations, plus they'd know they were last minute choices.
So what would you do? at this point I would not care if they were ushers, but I really don't even think either of them cares about being in the wedding either. When I asked my bridesmaids to be in the wedding, all four of them were so excited to be included on our day, as were the groomsmen my fiancee' asked. Is it wrong to think the people who feel that way should be involved rather than those who don't care?
It's not like family is not involved in the wedding, my niece is my flower girl, my sister in law a bridesmaid, and my future husband's cousin is the ring bearer. If my mother had her way, the whole bridal party would be OUR family and not his. not because she doesn't like him, but she is just obsessing over our family.
I don't know how to deal with my mother as I am losing all patience with her not listening to me over every single aspect of the wedding. She wants me to make decisions, yet then complains about every decision I make as it is the wrong one. I realize she is paying for the wedding, but does that mean I should not have my friends involved, and that 1/3 of the guest list should be family I don't know,and her friends, rather than people who actually know me? And that she should pick the invites, my dress, the colors, the flowers, the bridal party? I am at my wit's end here. I put my foot down on my dress, and thought I had about the bridal party, but here it comes rearing it's ugly head again. Also she keeps emailing me asking if I -REALLY- love my dress, even though we went through 10 or more bridal shops until I picked it.. if I just wanted to choose one I didn't like I would have picked the first one I tried on! HELP!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Wedding Party - people who care about you, or family that could care less about being in the party?
CN: Mom is insisting that both brothers be in the wedding. Wedding is 2 months out. mom even has aunt calling the bride to bug her about them being in the wedding. Should she make them ushers???
[QUOTE]My mother feels that both my brothers need to be in the wedding party - but I am not close to either brother, nor are they to me. They barely know my fiancee' as they choose not to, they are too 'busy' in their own lives to give a crap about what goes on in my life. My one brother is married with two kids, I am close to his wife, and she is one of my bridesmaids, as I was one of hers in their wedding. My mother convinced them they needed brother # 2 in their wedding party also, by driving them nuts so they finally asked him to be in the wedding to shut her up. So of course now that i'm getting married my mother is full force insisting they need to be in the wedding party. Now that the wedding is less than two months away she has my aunt calling me too, to insist that they're part of my family so they NEED to be involved. What happened to it being my fiancee' and I's decision who we will have in our wedding? We wanted a small wedding party.. we have 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen. That is plenty. We also wanted a small ceremony, if we paid it would be (as I am a broke just graduated college student), but she insisted on paying and keeps adding more and more unnecessary things and inviting all her friends to the wedding. My mom is also insisting I then have my 2nd brother's GIRLFRIEND in the wedding party so she can walk down the aisle with my brother. His girlfriend that is flat out nasty to me and my sister-in-law because she wants my brother to propose to her and he hasn't. My mother is obsessed with -matching- also, so even if I had my brothers added in last minute, she would want me to then find two bridesmaids to add in, -like my brother's girlfriend- and some other random family member.. Even though it's way too late to ask girls to find dresses, get alterations, plus they'd know they were last minute choices. So what would you do? at this point I would not care if they were ushers, but I really don't even think either of them cares about being in the wedding either. When I asked my bridesmaids to be in the wedding, all four of them were so excited to be included on our day, as were the groomsmen my fiancee' asked. Is it wrong to think the people who feel that way should be involved rather than those who don't care? It's not like family is not involved in the wedding, my niece is my flower girl, my sister in law a bridesmaid, and my future husband's cousin is the ring bearer. If my mother had her way, the whole bridal party would be OUR family and not his. not because she doesn't like him, but she is just obsessing over our family. I don't know how to deal with my mother as I am losing all patience with her not listening to me over every single aspect of the wedding. She wants me to make decisions, yet then complains about every decision I make as it is the wrong one. I realize she is paying for the wedding, but does that mean I should not have my friends involved, and that 1/3 of the guest list should be family I don't know,and her friends, rather than people who actually know me? And that she should pick the invites, my dress, the colors, the flowers, the bridal party? I am at my wit's end here. I put my foot down on my dress, and thought I had about the bridal party, but here it comes rearing it's ugly head again. Also she keeps emailing me asking if I -REALLY- love my dress, even though we went through 10 or more bridal shops until I picked it.. if I just wanted to choose one I didn't like I would have picked the first one I tried on! HELP!
Posted by horselady57[/QUOTE]
Unfortunately, $ = strings. If you wanted it done entirely your way, you should have found a way to pay for the wedding that YOU wanted.
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Put your foot down. Say, "Mom, the party is picked. End of discussion." And refuse to bring it up again. Same to your aunt.
If there's a bright side to this, you really don't need to be dealing with this for that much longer. In about a month it will be too late for them to be fitted for their tuxes, and it will be a moot point. Just ignore her. If she wants to get all worked up about it, she can. But you are two months out, the party is already picked. And there's really, at the end of the day, nothing she can do about it.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
Otherwise, do your best to not talk about wedding planning with your mom. Find something she could do--like pick 2 or 3 centerpieces you like, and have her make the final decision so she still feels involved, and just change the subject when anything else comes up.
You may not like hearing this but "whoever pays gets final say". So if your mom is writing the checks and wants your brothers in the BP, you're beat.
If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
"Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
As far as your brothers, I would talk to THEM and see how THEY feel. If they want to be involved, IMO it is worth it to ask them to stand as your attendants (they need not be on your FI's side) if it'll avoid years of hurt feelings and family drama.
If they do not want to be involved, then just say to Mom, "I asked them and they said they'd rather just attend as guests," and then end the conversation.
You're letting your mom walk all over you. And it won't end once the wedding is over ... what happens when she bugs you and your FI about where to live, what jobs to get, when to have a baby, etc.? Nip this in the bud NOW before she gets comfortable with controlling you for your whole life.
"Mom, FI and I have asked our wedding party already and we've made our choices and the people have been asked." Then change the subject - or if you must, end the conversation if she won't stop going on about it. At the end of the day, she does have control over some of the stuff she is paying for but she cannot choose your BP for you or force you to ask people you wouldn't have otherwise asked.