Matron of Honor's kids.......problem

burgerm27 · April 2010

Okay....so my best friend is my Matron of Honor and her daughter is my flower girl. During a conversation with my MOH she mentioned having her son in the bridal suite during the time we would be getting ready. He is not in the wedding party. His father is also one fo the groomsmen. I really do not want him in the room during the time when I am getting ready and am supposed to be stress free. How do I approach this subject with her and tell her that I don't want him in the room?

Also, they have decided to send the kids home with their grandmother immediately following the entrance and first dances; however, their father is stating that he would have to drive 20 mins from the reception site to drop them off with the grandmother. He is a groomsman and really should not be leaving the party. Again, how do I approach this subject with them and express my concerns? I don't want to upset anyone but our entire wedding party needs to be present at the reception.

Thanks for any and all advise in advance :-\

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

I don't think you can be too choosy here. Having the guy gone, maybe during the meal or just after dancing will not kill the night.
As for the boy in the room while you're getting ready, can you find someone to babysit? How old is he- can he go with the guys?

ericksb · April 2010

I would ask if the little boy could be with his father, as it would be uncomfortable for grown women to get ready in his presence.

In terms of dropping the kids off with the grandparents, I'm not sure why your entire wedding party has to be there every moment of the reception. Perhaps he can time it so he's not missing anything he wants to be part of. I guess you could *recommend* they meet halfway, but it's not really your place to tell them what's in the best interest of their family needs. Him missing 20-40 minutes of your reception might be better than having to leave early because the kids are cranky or both of your friends not being able to fully enjoy themselves because they have to pay attention to their kids. Maybe they're really looking forward to some time for just the two of them and see the drive as a small sacrifice to make that happen.

From what I've heard, weddings go by in the blink of an eye, so you will likely be so consumed by everything else going on that you won't notice his absence.

saxy414 · April 2010

I wouldn't worry about the dad taking the kids to grandma's. I think that's pretty awesome he's willing to do that, and come back to enjoy the party. He's not required to be at every single moment of the day--it'll be ok if he misses 40 minutes of the reception.

About her son--I think a lot depends on how old he is. If he's older, I think it's ok to ask that he stick with the guys/his dad. Otherwise, it might be easier for her if she has the kids with her. I'm sure she knows how to keep him under control--trust her judgement as mom.

megk8oz · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_matron-of-honors-kidsproblem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:61684220-c87a-449a-b85c-6a3617da8148Post:c9886990-2fc4-4d23-917a-80d83ddb2211">Matron of Honor's kids.......problem</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay....so my best friend is my Matron of Honor and her daughter is my flower girl. During a conversation with my MOH she mentioned having her son in the bridal suite during the time we would be getting ready. He is not in the wedding party. His father is also one fo the groomsmen. I really do not want him in the room during the time when I am getting ready and am supposed to be stress free. How do I approach this subject with her and tell her that I don't want him in the room? Also, they have decided to send the kids home with their grandmother immediately following the entrance and first dances; however, their father is stating that he would have to drive 20 mins from the reception site to drop them off with the grandmother. He is a groomsman and really should not be leaving the party. Again, how do I approach this subject with them and express my concerns? I don't want to upset anyone but our entire wedding party needs to be present at the reception. Thanks for any and all advise in advance :-\
Posted by burgerm27[/QUOTE]

Because I can see it coming from a mile away

megk8oz · April 2010

1) Why would having the kid in the bridal suite cause you extra stress just because he isn't in the WP? What does it matter? This is a child, and his entire family is going to be with either the bride or groom at any given moment, somebody needs to be watching him. What do you really expect them do?

2) Once the reception entrances are over, your BP has fulfilled all of their obligations to you and your FI. So if this guy is leaving to drop off his kids (That you've already kind of indicated you don't want around that day), he's done nothing wrong. Especially if he's planning on coming back. Hell, if he left at that point and didn't come back just to leave, he still hasn't done anything that "fails" as a member of the BP.

xoxob · April 2010

I think your MOH should decide what is best for her son and if she thinks that being in the bridal suite is going to be the best, you should let him be in the bridal suite. Why is a little boy going to stress you out so much?(Unless we're talking about a 10 year old, here. Then he is a little old)

I think that Dad is going above and beyond to make sure that he and his wife can enjoy your wedding. No one is going to notice if he is gone for an hour and I'm sure you will have plenty of other guests you can be talking to.

You should be happy you have such good friends.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

Neither of those things sounds like too big of a deal, but you could offer to let them bring one or both grandparents to the wedding to babysit. They could watch the kids while you're getting ready, hold them during the ceremony if the kids are fussy and not willing to walk down the aisle that day if they are young and take them home during the reception if they start getting cranky.

jenn.daniel · April 2010

The boy should stay with his dad when everyone is getting ready. I don't see what's wrong with the dad leaving the take the kids to grandma's either.

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

I don't see anything wrong with Dad leaving the reception to take the kids home. I doubt that you'll even notice he's gone.

As for the kid in the bridal suite, it depends on his age. If he's young enough that he still needs help to go to the bathroom, he's young enough not to be scarred by seeing women in their underwear. If he's getting toward puberty, yeah, that could be awkward. But even if he's in the bridal suite, it won't be your responsibility to watch him, so it's really not your problem.

mizri · April 2010

I really don't feel that your WP needs to be at the reception. 3 years ago, I was in BM's wedding, and I had to leave shortly after the reception started, didn't stay for dinner, didn't stay for dancing, basically averted a fountain crisis, helped with the cake, and that was it. I had to leave, because I had a 6-week-old baby in the hospital. I was there for her during the ceremony, and she understood that asking people that have kids to be in the wedding would entail. She knew that I might not have been able to stay for the reception, even without knowing that my daughter would be hospitalized a few days before the wedding. In her eyes, I did more than she expected, just by being there for the time I was.

You asked them to be in your wedding party knowing that they have kids, and that arrangements might have to be made to deal with children. I agree with the son being with the father, unless he is a baby and needs to be with the mother for feeding purposes. But even then, a bottle will suffice, since he will be going to the grandparents for the evening.

AlmostMrs.Munoz · April 2010

I'm not sure that you should be deciding where the little boy is and is not allowed. Perhaps there is a reason Mom would prefer to watch him as opposed to having the Dad watch him while you are getting ready. The only thing that may change my answer is the age of the boy. I mean if he is 11 or 12, it might be really awkward to have girls changing in front of him, but if he is a little boy it might be hard for him to leave mom, and I think you should respect her decision to have him there.

As for the Dad leaving during the reception, I think this is totally fine. I'm genuinely curious to know why you would need him there the entire time? Is he playing an integral part in something? If not, I would graciously allow him to be gone for about 40 mins. Or, if you MUST have him there, perhaps you could pay to have Grandma put up in a hotel room nearby where she can watch the kids from a closer location. If you are asking them to change their plans, you should provide another plan for them that they are comfortable with and you are paying for. Otherwise, I think the original plan sounds just fine.

anne.azano · April 2010

what's he like? How old is he? Is he a brat? If he's a good LITTLE kid, don't worry about it. But, if he's a nightmare or older than 6ish, you could try to ask nicely if he could hang out with his dad before the ceremony. There's a lot more getting ready that goes on with the girls than the guys. And wouldn't a little boy prefer to hang out with the guys before the wedding?

As far as the dad leaving to drive him to his grandma's, don't worry about it. not a big deal at all. People have kids, it changes their lives and they have to make adjustments and sacrifices. His momentary absence should not affect your or your FI's enjoyment at all. If you didn't know it was happening, you probably wouldn't even notice.

LarissaAnn · April 2010

Yeah, I'd let them go during the reception.

I *would* have had a problem with the kid in the bridal suite - no matter the age, there is no reason he can't be with his dad for an hour. My bridal suite was cramped, and if there was one more body in there, no matter how small, it'd have sucked. Plus, I've always hated the whole young boy in the ladies' room thing, so in my bridal suite while I'm getting changed would really annoy me, unless he was really young enough to be immobile.

Then again, I just did a childfree wedding, so I didn't have to worry about any of that. Ha, forgot that for a sec!

burgerm27 · April 2010

The issue is that the child in question is 2 things:

1. He is 7 years old.

2. He's obnoxious on a regular daily basis i.e. when we are hanging out he is just like right up your butt while you are trying to pretty much do anything.

I don't want to have to deal with this on my wedding day. I want the company of my mother & bridesmaids...that's it. I don't want a 10 year old boy who has to be the center of attention all the time in the room to stress me out. I also want my MOH to be able to enjoy the pampering of having her hair and makeup done without having to entertain him every second.

I'm sure to most of you think I must be like a Bridezilla but this is a legitimate concern for me and the responses I have received have been less than helpful....they border on badgering.

xoxob · April 2010

I think the response of offering to pay for a sitter is totally reasonable. You knew she had children and you opted to have one of them in your wedding, when it probably would have been more convenient for her and her husband to have them watched all day as opposed to just during the reception.

I think her son is old enough to stay with his father, why can't he?

emilyinchile · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_matron-of-honors-kidsproblem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:61684220-c87a-449a-b85c-6a3617da8148Post:d475b66b-b520-4865-a5a6-64405189b70f">Re: Matron of Honor's kids.......problem</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sure to most of you think I must be like a Bridezilla but this is a legitimate concern for me and the responses I have received have been less than helpful....they border on badgering.
Posted by burgerm27[/QUOTE]

The responses you've received haven't been to your liking - that doesn't mean they haven't been helpful. Many objective strangers have given you advice based on the question you asked, and just because their advice doesn't agree with what you obviously want to do doesn't make it badgering. (Side note: badgers!)

I think it would be ok to ask your friend if her son can get ready with the guys, but beyond that there's nothing you can really do. If she says no, and you ask her to choose between you and her son, she's going to pick her son and would be right to do so.

emilyinchile · April 2010

Actually, I agree that offering to pay for a sitter (of their choosing, not a random stranger) would be another option. Also, is he 7 or 10? Just asking since you say he's both ages, and htat somehow doesn't seem right.

xoxob · April 2010

Also, I think everyone was helpful in telling you not to worry about the father missing an hour of your reception.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

No one's been badgering you.

Is he 7 or 10? If he's 10, then yeah, that's a little old to be getting ready in the bridal suite instead of with the groomsmen IMO.

Just offer to let them bring the grandparents to the wedding, since it sounds like that's who they're planning to use as babysitters anyhow. The other option would be to have an adult only wedding, but that option won't really work for you since you have a child in the WP.

banana468 · April 2010

The responses defintely don't border on badgering.

I think it's fine to say to the MOH that the bridal suite is girls only. Know that she may decline being there but I agree - you are allowed to get ready without the kid running around in the room.

Beyond that, let them figure out the logistics and transportation for the kids after the reception without any issue.

jenn.daniel · April 2010

IMO 7 is about 6 years too old for him to be in the bridal suite. Unless his mother doesn't trust his dad to take care of him, there is absolutely no good reason for him to stay with his mother. And if she didn't trust the dad to take care of him, he should be dropped off at grandma's.

mizri · April 2010

I agree, 7 is too old to be in the bridal suite while women are getting ready. My son is 5 and I don't even let him be in the room while I'm getting dressed. He's too old. Either offer to let the grandmother come to the wedding and keep him all day, or have him dropped off at her house the morning of. Then GM will only have to take the daughter to the grandmother during the reception. Those seem to be the best options.

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