REHEARSAL DINNER

lisa.marcoux · December 2009

Does anyone know the proper etiquette on whether the bridal party brings their dates to the rehearsal dinner?

I would think not, since it is an intimate gathering and a time to thank all those standing up and supporting the union, but we have mostly people in our bridal parties from out of town and I'm not sure if it is rude to let their guests fend for themselves that night, so to speak. We also don't want the bill to run crazy. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

ThePinkSuperhero · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e99fb88a-6eca-451f-9b67-8099d6432548Post:2d702d35-25ac-4e43-b2ed-e8c30f97d51e">REHEARSAL DINNER</a>:
[QUOTE]Does anyone know the proper etiquette on whether the bridal party brings their dates to the rehearsal dinner? I would think not, since it is an intimate gathering and a time to thank all those standing up and supporting the union, but we have mostly people in our bridal parties from out of town and I'm not sure if it is rude to let their guests fend for themselves that night, so to speak. We also don't want the bill to run crazy. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
Posted by lisa.marcoux@gmail.com[/QUOTE]

It would definitely be rude not to let the bridal party bring their partners to the rehearsal dinner- particularly if they are from out of town! That would really be awful, poor SO sitting in the hotel ordering room service.

shellydiane820 · December 2009

1. i would remove your full name. there are creepies on the internet

2. let them bring dates.

banana468 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e99fb88a-6eca-451f-9b67-8099d6432548Post:2d702d35-25ac-4e43-b2ed-e8c30f97d51e">REHEARSAL DINNER</a>:
[QUOTE]Does anyone know the proper etiquette on whether the bridal party brings their dates to the rehearsal dinner? I would think not, since it is an intimate gathering and a time to thank all those standing up and supporting the union, but we have mostly people in our bridal parties from out of town and I'm not sure if it is rude to let their guests fend for themselves that night, so to speak. We also don't want the bill to run crazy. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
Posted by lisa.marcoux@gmail.com[/QUOTE]

You're totally mistaken. It's EXTREMELY rude to invite your WP to your rehearsal dinner without their SOs or dates.

The way to fix this is to budget for the "must invite" guest list which includes:
-You and your FI
-Your parents and siblings and their SOs
-Your officiant and his/her SO
-Your readers and their SOs/parents if applicable
-Your WP and their SOs/dates/parents
-Anyone else you're not paying to be at the rehearsal but who need to be there (if a family member is singing, s/he would be invited to the rehearsal and RD w/SO)

And then with that list, figure out where you can go and/or what you can serve that's within your budget. The place doesn't need to be fancy or expensive but if you're having a rehearsal at meal time you need to feed everyone involved with their SOs. You can make it very casual (Pizza and beer or sandwiches) but they need to have a meal that they don't pay for.

ExpatPumpkin · December 2009

You should invite the bridal party's dates to the RD, especially if they're traveling from out of town to attend your wedding. It would be rude to leave them to fend for themselves.

Also, yes it is a thank you to the bridal party for their support... But they shouldn't have to feel guilty about receiving your thanks while their dates are ordering room service alone in the hotel...

Just choose a restaurant that you can afford and invite them with their dates. Good luck

sucrets4 · December 2009

How would you feel if FI was invited to something but you weren't? Especially if you had to travel to get there?

Yeah, I'd feel pretty slighted, too.

If someone is in the bridal party, the chances are pretty high that you've hung out with them and their SO before. They need to be invited, otherwise you look reeeeeeally bad.

banana468 · December 2009

I have to say too, if DH wasn't invited to the RD where I was a BM, I wouldn't attend the dinner. I wouldn't be doing it out of spite, but if my husband and I are going to be traveling out of town, I'm not going to go out to dinner without him leaving him to eat by himself. That would be rude of me.

september's bride · December 2009

We ended up with something like 45 people at our RD, which is plenty more than we wanted. BUT - that's what happens when spouses and families of the BP get invited. It meant scaling back our ideal RD (we ended up at a local pub, and had pizza, wings, salads, and pasta, etc) instead of the elegant soiree we wanted, but it was:

a) affordable, filling and delicious
b) inclusive of everyone

And that's all that people really want.

tortis · December 2009

Think about it from their point of view. They are coming from out of town and brining a date. The rehearsal and dinner will probably take several hours and if you don't invite their dates, the dates will pretty much be stuck in a hotel room the entire time.

If you were traveling out of town and brining Fi, but he wasn't allowed to attend the rehearsal/ rd because the couple wanted it to be personal, would you be offended? I don't see how it is impersonal if their dates come.

redheadfsu · December 2009

I ditto. You must invite SOs. I would be upset if I had to eat hotel food alone, or had to leave FI at the hotel room. That is just strange and rude.

mmdpm · December 2009

SO's should be invited and often OOT guests that have traveled to the area early.

beatlesgirl25 · December 2009

Ditto both points that shelly made. Excluding and alienating the SOs of your WP is not the way to thank them for traveling to be a part of your wedding. I get that you want some intimate dinner of your inner circle, but your rehearsal dinner is more likely to whiz by with all the excitement and in catching up with your family/WP. Do the right thing, stop being selfish, and invite your WP's SOs.

janedoe1113a · December 2009

Yup, you need to invite their dates.

stina93446 · December 2009

Invite their dates.

VERY IMPORTANT!!! Please get a new sign in name. I am not trying to scare you, but I was able to find you on facebook, youtube, and linkedin just by using that. I am not even that good at finding stuff.

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