Question Of the Day

butterflyjumper1 · April 2012

MacFam's post got me thinking about this - I don't THINK we have talked about this (if it was a topic, it was before I joined the board!) and it's something that I think is interesting!

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you?
If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories?
If he didn't, did your parents mind?

Amanda1443994 · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you? Yes. My FI was planning on proposing on a vacation and he asked my father weeks beforehand. From what I'm told, my father knew it was coming and gladly gave his blessing. FI didn't tell my mother until 1 day before we left on vacation because he knew she couldn't keep a secret! She was still dropping hints right before we left too.

k8888 · April 2012

Good topic! I don't remember ever discussing this.

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you? - Kind of... he had a conversation with my mom (my dad is not in the picture) just to make sure she was "on his side."

If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories? - My FI took his sweet time with getting the ring/proposing, so we were expecting it for a long time. It sounded like it was a productive conversation, and my mom pretty much told him if he didn't do it soon, he would find himself alone. (She was right.)

If he didn't, did your parents mind? - My mom would have held it against him forever if he didn't. She's VERY old school like that.

penny12986 · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you? No. I had told my Mom about 4 months before that she should expect that it would happen soon.

If he didn't, did your parents mind? They didn't mind. My Dad was really shocked and happy. FI and I had been dating for almost 4 years so they knew that it would be soon and they think he is good for me.

butterflyjumper1 · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you? Yes! My fiance called my father a few days after he picked up my ring.
If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories? My fiance kept playing phone tag with my dad, haha. Poor thing was really nervous (my dad is super nice but can be a little intense). My dad ended up answering the phone right before basketball practice and said "call me back at 7 when I will be leaving". They ended up having a 20 minute chat while fiance was sitting in the car driving in circles after he dropped me off to have dinner with a bunch of my friends! He was REALLY insisting that he needed to drop me off so he could find a good parking spot, and he didn't want me to get cold. (I am not a weenie so it was really weird that he forced me to do this).

My dad obviously gave him his blessing, and my dad was thrilled. My dad said he really appreciated that my fiance had asked. My dad decided to keep it a secret from my mom - my mom is my best friend in the world (and my matron of honor in my wedding as I am an only child), so I told my mom right after by showing her my ring. She was shocked, but it was so much fun to be able to surprise her. My fiance asked for the blessing on a Friday and then proposed the next Monday.

YuMMMy721 · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you? He did ask my Dad's permission.
If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories? he is kinda shy, and although him and my dad are incredibly close (he contemplated asking my dad to be a groomsmen, i told him that wouldn't work very well, since my dad had to walk me in) he was having difficulty doing it. My family is very old fashioned and my dad knew that I was getting upset that Jay hadn't asked me to marry him yet, but had moved into my house, and that I was considering asking him to move out, not break up, but commit or move out bassically. So my dad took him on a random shopping trip and asked him what his intentions with his daughter were. FI then said, well i would love to marry her, but I need your blessing. They then had a long conversation about what marriage meant, and my dad ended by giivng him his blessing.
If he didn't, did your parents mind? If he hadn't aked, my parents would have been very disappointed and less accepting of him, and I wouldn't have said yes. We are a very old fashioned family, and having my parents blessing was incredibly important to me!

bells24412 · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you? Yes.

If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories? Convo went well, my dad just said that if he ever hurt me he would find him...

bridetobe71412 · April 2012

Amanda - SAME HERE! We were engaged on vacation, which is fitting because we met on vacation.

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you?
Yes. Fiance is extremely traditional and knew that it was important to our families (and me).

If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories?
Actually, it's incredibly funny.

My fiance and I went back to Philly one random weekend around our birthdays and apparently fiance asked my mom to get brunch at SIX IN THE MORNING on the Sunday we were home. My mom knew what was up, so she was like "Sure . . . should we ask Lauren to join?" and fiance was like, "NO." So, they sneak out to brunch, they have a loooong talk, and he asks. They cried, etc. Then he came home, got back in his bed in the other room, and pretended to be sleeping. I woke up at 8am and had no idea that they had been gone.

The funny part happens later. He was planning on proposing on vacation in June - a vacation he was planning without telling me where we were going. I had a feeling something was "up" so I mentioned to my mom that I thought he may propose. She goes, "Well, he obviously won't be proposing, bridetobe, because he hasn't yet asked my permission. I would hope he'd know that he has to do that." Knowing my fiance, I was totally thrown off and ended up assuming it wasn't going to happen.

Needless to say, he asked on our vacation in Lake Como! He actually started the proposal by saying something about how he brought my Mom to brunch . . . and talked about how much he loved me . . . (I totally know why he was telling me the story, so I kind of ruined the proposal because I wasn't really paying attention).

If he didn't, did your parents mind?
My mom would have been really upset.

BmoreBride311 · April 2012

No, he didn't ask, but we dated for so long, the families knew it would be happening sooner or later. If they had objected to us, they would have said something long before.

hmacsine · April 2012

In Response to Re:Question Of the Day:[QUOTE]No, he didn't ask, but we dated for so long, the families knew it would be happening sooner or later. If they had objected to us, they would have said something long before. Posted by BmoreBride311[/QUOTE]

This! We have been together for 6 yrs and have 3 kids. I think my mom already knew it was going to happen eventually. She was even surprised when he popped the question. She literally said congrats and went back to sleep. Lol

BeachLover2885 · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you? He asked my dad a week before we got engaged. We were at my parents' house for Easter. My dad is super traditional and would have been hurt if FI didn't ask permission. My FI is also traditional about that sort of thing (he told me it's the right thing to do) and would have done it regardless of how my dad feels.

If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories? Well, according to FI, he kept trying to talk to my dad privately, but my mom kept entering the room. Finally, FI was able to get my dad alone. Of course my dad gave him a bit of sh*t about living with me already since he did NOT approve of that whatsoever. I think FI felt bad/uncomfortable about it, but then my dad gave his blessing and said welcome to the family, etc.

If he didn't, did your parents mind? My dad would have been hurt if FI didn't ask. I personally think this tradition is a bit dated since it's supposed to be the woman's decision whether or not to marry someone. Honestly I was kind of annoyed when FI told me before we were even thinking about rings that he would ask my dad for permission (it's that little feminist inside me I guess!). Then I realized my dad would be upset and it's always best to keep the peace.

AllyG303 · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you? Why, yes he did.

If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories?

He and my dad went on a hike and FI said "Hey Mark...you know how I come over and eat your food and use your pool? I was thinking of making that a permanent thing, what do you think?"

Then he planned out the proposal with my mom since she had to be in on it for it to work.

If he didn't, did your parents mind?

My parents weren't expecting him to ask since we had been together for over 6 years at that point, but I think they're glad that he did.

butterflyjumper1 · April 2012

beachlover I am totally a feminist deep down too! But I had to brush that aside and tell myself it was sweet that fiance cared so much about it that he wanted my dad to be happy. It's hard to let your feminist thoughts shine through much when you are planning a wedding and sticking with traditions, hahahaha.

LADY324 · April 2012

My FI didn't officially ask my step dad for his permission but he asked my mom to go ring shopping with him. So she was ecstatic about that. Then he went to my parents afterwards and drank a beer with my stepdad while he showed him my ring

BeachLover2885 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_question-of-the-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:d507fea2-0ea1-4662-bcea-9ff3b29355f9Post:21bfab1e-0feb-4693-a24b-30fce3068695">Re: Question Of the Day</a>:
[QUOTE]beachlover I am totally a feminist deep down too! But I had to brush that aside and tell myself it was sweet that fiance cared so much about it that he wanted my dad to be happy. It's hard to let your feminist thoughts shine through much when you are planning a wedding and sticking with traditions, hahahaha.
Posted by butterflyjumper1[/QUOTE]

<div>LOL tell me about it!! I'm planning on writing my thesis in the fall on <em>The Awakening</em> and <em>The Story of Avis</em> on how marriage stifles the female characters and prevents them from being free and creative. Should be interesting writing on that topic as a newlywed!!</div>

TChiumi · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you? Yes he asked my mom and dad and he also talked to his parents and told them he was going to purpose. He even called a dear friend of mine who is like my second mother and talked to her about it.

If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories? I'm not really sure what was said but I'm sure my dad said something sarcastic. He likes to joke around. My parents were fine with it. His parents tried to tell him we should wait because he tends to jump into things. When he purposed we had known each other NINE years, been dating two, and our engagement was going to be a year and a half. I don't really consider that jumping into things!

If he didn't, did your parents mind? My parents would not have minded. They are really laid back and not very traditional.

colleenm18 · April 2012

No FI didnt ask my parents. Like others everyone was just waiting for it to happen since we dated for so long AND Beachlover I TOTALLY agree with you. I actually hate that Tradition..FI and I had already been living together and I have been living on my own for over 5 years so no reason to ask "permission" if we could get married.

However FI said the only reason he didnt ask my mom (who I am extremely close with) is because he was afraid she would tell me hahah.

michelle11988 · April 2012

FI did not ask for my parent's permission. They did tell us/him about 6 months prior to us buying a ring that they would gift us one of my great-grandmother's rings/diamonds if we wanted to make an engagement ring out of that. We had been dating for 5 years at that point when the conversation came up. I think that was their way of giving him permission to ask for my hand, there was no formal conversation or I have no idea that it went on. They were totally in shock when I called them after he proposed on vacation! My mom also can't keep secrets so I doubt FI actually asked them for my hand.

dramaqueen91087 · April 2012

FI asked my dad. Which was funny since we've been together 8 years, live with my parents, and FI and my dad are basically best friends. My dad was like "Well duh, I was waiting for this". Then he told my mom. Mom had a really hard time keeping a secret. Aparently after the talk FI waited like a month to actually do it and it was driving them crazy waiting for it to happen!

elizabethmae315 · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you?

Haha yes. Literally the day before. He dropped me off at a friends, and made up some story about checking on the dogs we were dogsitting this weekend. I had no suspicions.

I was surprised he did it- my parents knew we were seriously thinking about it.
If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories?

It was awkward. and apparently my mom was way more aggressive about it than my dad, asking him all sorts of questions.

The next day, when we got engaged, my parents didnt act super excited, and I was upset about it. But I think it was because they hadnt realized he meant the next day, and were still a little wary.

They've come around now though.

dawnleanna1 · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you? Yes, my dad passed away 2 years ago so he asked my mom.
If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories? My mom was in town for Thanksgiving and he told me he wanted to take her out to lunch before she went back home. I had a feeling what was up but I didn't say anything. Not really sure how the convo went but apparently she approved

If he didn't, did your parents mind? I think she knew that it was going to happen, just probably not so soon!

lvissers · April 2012

This is the one thing I was really dissapointed in about my fiance.He propsed to me on the Huntington beach pier the night before we were headed to Lake Tahoe for a family vacation. When he proposed to me the second question I asked him was "Did you ask my dad?" I come from a traditional family where this is a must. He said he hadn't, and that he was so excited to ask me to marry him first, but he would ask my dad as soon as we were in Tahoe. So I had to take my ring off and was stressed out for these couple days that went by before he asked. I told him I wasn't going to lie to my parents, so I made him do a second proposal to me in Lake Tahoe. I even made him get down on one knee again! So my parents and my side of the family to this day think we were enagaged in Lake Tahoe. I really hope this doesn't come out at my shower games! It will come out eventually and it won't be a big deal, but just hoping ot make it to the wedding first. When he did ask my dad, my dad is deaf in one hear and my dad said after he thought he was just asking his permission to move in with me, not marriage, I think it was a lie since he didn't tell my mom lol. My mom was unsure of the whole thing as well as he has a daughter and had only spent a couple times with my family before. So breaking the news of my engagement wasn't picture perfect and the response my mom gave really hurt my feelings. But now everything is great and everyone is so happy for us.

Rebis58 · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you?

Yes My parents are a bit old fashioned and when we started talking marriage before we got engaged I told him it was something very important to me. Luckily, we were on the same page and it was important to him, too.

If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories?
FI and I were living together in a city about eight hours drive from my parents. He called my mom and asked if he could come and stay for a night, and she asked if he was working nearby (he travelled for work at that time), and he said no he was just coming to see them. She said that was fine, but as soon as she got off the phone she thought it was kind of weird. Right away she called him back and said "If you're coming to ask the question I think you want to ask, you don't have to drive all this way. You can ask her dad over the phone" haha, so he did! The conversation went well My parents were actually very impressed that he was willing to drive so far out of respect to them.

If he didn't, did your parents mind?

If he didn't, I would have asked him to before we told my parents. I think my mom would have been hurt and my dad would have felt slighted or left out.

MeaganR12 · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you?

Yes, he asked my step dad's permission/blessing.
If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories?

It went fine. I was 22 at the time so my step dad told him he had permission but he wanted to make sure my FI encouraged me to follow all my dreams after we got married. What's crazy to me is that he asked my step dad in December and didn't propose until April. Seriously he knew that whole time and I had NO IDEA?!
If he didn't, did your parents mind?

N/A

BeabullMom · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you?
Yes, FI asked my dad's permission.
If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories?
FI wanted to ask me 2 years from the day we met, and knew he wanted my dad's permisson, so he kept going to my dad's house to talk to him, but my dad was never home. FI was getting stressed out because he didn't think he was going to be able to track down my dad before the anniversary of us meeting. The day before he wanted to ask he pulled into my dad's house and my dad's truck was there. My dad came over to his car and was all excited because he thought FI was there to bring our dog over to visit...lol. He was not thinking it was for talking about marriage!
If he didn't, did your parents mind?
My parents are divorced, and FI only asked my dad. I think my mom and step-dad felt a little left out at first, but they got over it quickly, and were (and are) very happy for us.

NIKKIANDTYE · April 2012

I don't think my FI asked my parents for their permission if he did I don't know about it

l_everett · April 2012

Did your fiance ask for your parent's permission or blessing before proposing to you? Yes I let him know a few months before he wound up proposing that it would be important to my father... I think FI would have done it anyways b/c he's very traditional.
If he did, how did the conversation go? Any funny stories? It went great! (obviously hehe) they kinda figured it was coming but poor FI, my fam lives on the other side of the country and he had only met them once before so to call up and ask he was kinda nervous even though he new they liked him.
Also funny, my Mom asnwered the phone when FI called and pretty much knew what was going on but FI asked to talk to Dad... so she hands the phone over, they talk for 20 min and then hang up... Well FI felt bad for not asking Mom too so he called right back and asked for her permission as well hehe... what a cutie! Especially since Dad was teasing Mom and wouldn't confirm what FI had wanted hehe
If he didn't, did your parents mind? I think they would have minded. Not that Dad would say anything, but I know he want to be asked.

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