Wedding Party

Both friends wanna be MOH.. long

I have never posted in the forums.. thinking I am posting in the right board!

I have two friends (that's pretty much it). I am getting married November 2012. Now, one friend, I have known since I was crawling in diapers, and one since middle school. I spend more time with, let's just call her Amy, who I have not known longer, because my other friend lives three hours away. Now, Amy, always seems to not be very happy when I spend time with other friends, even my Fiance, she always seems to be jealous, was not happy when I got engaged (literally just said 'Oh' and got off the phone) and is always getting mad when I spend time with my fiance instead of her. She is always acting rude towards my fiance, and she has fought with him multiple times, and has made it clear she doesn't like him, she really has no reason for it either.

Now, as for my friend who I have known since birth basically, was so happy for me, has supported me, never acted jealous, loves that I'm getting married, and we have always said we would be each others Maid of Honors..

This all sounds juvenile, but this is just how it is.

NOW, when I told "Amy" that I was planning my wedding, she got excited and told me "Now I can be your Maid of Honor!" and didn't really leave me room to set her straight, plus I had no even gotten that far in to planning so I did not really know what to say..

Sorry for that really long post but basically, we are going to try on bridesmaids dresses tomorrow, and.. they kinda both think they are the Maid of Honor..

How do I set them straight?

I am not interested in losing a friend over this, and really, "Amy" has the tendancy to flip her lid when things do not go her way..

ANY advice?? 

(I always have trouble with these things, I am the type of person who is kinda shy and avoids conflict..)

Sorry for long post! Just trying to give the details!!

Re: Both friends wanna be MOH.. long

  • If you really can't decide, it's fine to NOT have a MOH. They can both just be BMs. Or, you can ask them both to be MsOH, if you plan on asking at least 2 other women to be BMs. It'd be odd to me to have 2 MsOH and only one BM...

    But if you are set on having one, it should be your nearest, dearest friend, not who you knew the longest. 
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  • It sounds like Amy has kind of put you in th position of having to decide if you want to still be friends with her or not.  I say this, because if you tell her you don't want her to be your MOH, she will probably not want to be your friend anymore, based on what you've said about her.  I think that sucks, she was rude and presumptuous, but there you have it. 

    You do have the option of making both friends your MOH, and they can share duties, but I can't say that Amy will be ok with that either.  I would not cut out your other friend, she will be a great source of support and sounds like a great friend, while Amy doesn't sound like much a friend at all.

    You are going to have to decide what you want and if you're willing to stand up and go for it.  I hope things work out well for you, you sound like a very sweet person.
  • I think not having a MOH is the way to go.
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  • I think if these 2 girls will be the only ones on your side of the wedding party I would just make them both MOH. Just let them know they are both your closest friends and you can't choose one over the other.
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  • How many times has Amy mentioned being your MOH at this point?  If it was just that one time I think you could probably gently let her know the next time she brings it up that you're sorry for the misunderstanding, but since you've known the other friend so much longer she's your MOH,

    I've you've let multiple conversations go by without saying anything I think you should just have two MOHs at this point. 

  • I think no matter how many conversations, hints or whatever "Amy" has thrown at you, if you don't want her as an MOH, then don't have her as one.  This should be a person who supports and cares about you and usually your FI. 

    Yes, it's going to be an awkward moment when you tell her, but in the end it is your decision.  People just can't assume they are going to be something and then get their wish.  I know it sounds harsh but sometimes tough *but gently put tough* love is the only way to go. 
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  • Its just a 'title' that can be really important to people, so call them both the same thing so neither can be mad that tey're 'just a bridesmaid.'

  • I don't get these "grown" women who are angry when their friends spend time with their FH. I'm sorry, but I am not in high school where I need to choose between my friends or boyfriend of the month. This is the man I'm going to marry and spend my life with. He is my best friend and my #1 choice. No, I will not break plans with him because I need to spend more time with you. Gawd, these girls must be incredibly immature.

    Sorry, that's the end of my rant. I've just noticed this a lot on these boards. Friends and BM's who are mad when the bride spends "too much" time with their FI.
  • Don't call anyone the MOH.  MOH doesn't mean they are any more special in the wedding than anyone else in the wedding party.  The MOH just holds your bouquet, and sometimes makes a speech, but they can both make a speech if they want to.  

    Have them stand in whatever order you choose. You can make your reasoning "I'm shortest, and I want it to go shortest to tallest" or the other way around.  Find something like that to tell them so they can't get mad. 

    Just don't choose a fancier dress for one and not the other, or make them a more special bouquet, etc.
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