Ettiquette on asking your men to be in the wedding party around people who will not be

TonyViveiros · January 2013

I'm in a bit of a pickle...

i had set up a reservations for dinner (in a matter of hours actually) with all my potential groomsmen to be. but there's one small catch. another good friend who unfortuantely will not be invited to the wedding party is now attending the dinner. is it still ok to ask my men in his presence, if i give this person a heads up ahead of time? i'm affraid to offend him. any advice is appreciated!

Tony

shaygray88 · January 2013

I think giving him a heads up is a good idea. Is there a reason you don't want him in the wedding party?

TonyViveiros · January 2013

party size mostly we agreed to 6 bridesmaids/groomsmen. other wise he'd be a seventh

AddieCake · January 2013

Your sides don't have to be even, so if you want him, talk to your fiancee about it, and maybe add him. I wouldn't invite the others in front of him.

bunni727 · January 2013

If you are close with him, I'd go ahead and ask him too. There's not any reason your sides should be even.

If you don't plan on asking him, I would not bring it up at dinner. that sounds like it'd be really hurtful. You can ask everyone else another time.

lauralaur · January 2013

Can you add him as a seventh? Unless their bouts are $1,000 a pop I see no reason to exclude him over numbers. We had four and three and I promise you it was just fine.

HobokensFury · January 2013

Sorry but it's not right to ask the other guys in front of someone that isn't in the wedding party. Put yourself in his shoes. You'd feel pretty terrible and left out wouldn't you?

Jen4948 · January 2013

I'd either ask him to be a groomsman along with the others (sides don't have to be even) or ask the others when he is not present. To ask the others but not him in his presence would be rude and very hurtful.

soontobehanby · January 2013

I don't think you should ask anyone in front of anyone. I would ask them all separately. I got asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding in front of people, and I wanted to say no, but i was embarrassed and said yes anyway. It was a super awkward situation. I would ask them all individually.