MOH Trouble....

jescherri08 · June 2010

So my MOH isn't really my BEST FRIEND.. My MOH has been my friend for a couple years now, and we get along great and have fun together but we aren't like- call eachother just to see what's up kind of friends. More like lets go out-friends.

Anyway, I asked her to be my MOH because we have a lot of the same tastes and I figured she would really be into helping me plan for everything. We are about 7 months out now and she hasn't done CRAP. Ive been trying to get her to try on this bridesmaid dress for weeks now and she just keeps blowing it off like it's no big deal.

Her sister just got married about a month ago, so I know she was busy dealing with that, but is it selfish to think.. isnt it my turn?? ineed help too!

I didn't ask my sister to be my MOH because she is 16 and has never really shown interest in my life what-so-ever. Recently though, we've been getting closer.

Am i over reacting thinking about kicking my MOH to the curb?

AutumnFair · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cb33ef7c-a73e-481f-9a37-077221abfcd5Post:9297dfdf-8b16-466d-8d7f-21ae5b6d0b95">MOH Trouble....</a>:
[QUOTE]So my MOH isn't really my BEST FRIEND.. My MOH has been my friend for a couple years now, and we get along great and have fun together but we aren't like- call eachother just to see what's up kind of friends. More like lets go out-friends. Anyway, I asked her to be my MOH because we have a lot of the same tastes and I figured she would really be into helping me plan for everything. We are about 7 months out now and she hasn't done CRAP. Ive been trying to get her to try on this bridesmaid dress for weeks now and she just keeps blowing it off like it's no big deal. There has also been rumors in the past that she would talk crap about me. I confronted her about it and she said that she has talked about how I handle some things. Which- whatever. everyone gossips. Those of you who who live in south florida will know what i mean when i say she is very Boca. Her sister just got married about a month ago, so I know she was busy dealing with that, but is it selfish to think.. isnt it my turn?? ineed help too! I didn't ask my sister to be my MOH because she is 16 and has never really shown interest in my life what-so-ever. Recently though, we've been getting closer. Am i over reacting thinking about kicking my MOH to the curb?
Posted by jescherri08[/QUOTE]

<div>Yep, you are over reacting. Read the FAQs section on the Wedding Party board. It basically says that no one but you and your FI our responsible for planning your wedding. Plus she could be "wedding burn out" from her sister's wedding. The gossiping thing is a "friend" issue not a "MOH" issue. </div>

[Deleted User] · June 2010

AutumnFair took the words right out of my mouth. You need to calm down. And it is never okay to ask someone to step down, esp. not for such a petty issue as this.

Basically is all the MOH and other girls do is get the dresses (and you still have time), put them on, look pretty and attend your wedding. If they help you plan the wedding, that is all fine and dandy, but not "required" in any way.

Whippet8 · June 2010

I agree with the other girls. You shouldn't expect her to plan anything. It's your wedding to plan with your FI.

Take a step back. You said it yourself that she isn't your best friend. Would you be totally pumped to plan her wedding?

Do not kick her out. If you do, you run the risk of completely ending the friendship.

Just accept that she will not be that interested.

trix1223 · June 2010

Oh for pity's sake. I'm going to tell you what I think. Then I'm going to ask you to stroll over to the WP board and read all of the posts that ask the EXACT same question. And no, your situation is not any different than any of the others.

Put down the wedding magazines. Turn off the wedding tv shows. Stop reading lists of WP "duties" on wedding websites. Take the wedding planning books back to Barnes and Noble. Because they're just trying to get you to buy "stuff" that their advertisers sell.

Here's the reality: the "duties" of a member of the WP start and end with the ceremony. That's it. Lock, stock, and barrel. They wear the attire, walk down the aisle, stand respectfully during the ceremony, and smile for pictures. Done and done.

Here's what they DON'T have to do: help plan and/or execute your wedding. That includes: They DON'T have to go on venue visits, go to tastings, or help pick our wedding cake. They DON'T have to go bridal gown shopping . They DON'T have to make, order, address, or stuff invitations or STDs.

They DON'T have to make favors, CPs, or OOT bags. They DON'T have to help decorate the venue, deliver OOT bags, chauffeur guests around. They DON'T have to plan, throw, or even attend pre-wedding parties, including e-parties, showers, and/or b-parties.

The DON'T have to research vendors or help plan honeymoons. They don't have to provide "emotional support" (which should be the responsibility of your FI).

Your friend has done NOTHING to warrant being kicked out of the WP and to do so would make you a gold-medalist in the 'zilla Olympics.

Lower your expectations of what a WP is all about. You'll be happier. So will your friends.

My last piece of advice: Print out the following words: "NO ONE WILL BE AS EXCITED ABOUT MY WEDDING AS I WILL." Because it's true. it will also keep you on a smooth path.

GL

jescherri08 · June 2010

whoa trix- take a chill pill.

you guys are all right. and thank you for setting me straight. I think I was really just venting about always having to reschedule with all the other girls to go try on dresses because she thinks going to beach is more important.

It's not that i EXPECT her to do anything OTHER than try on dresses and tryyy to cooperate. And yes, i think she is a little burned out from her sisters wedding, who literally made her do EVERYTHING. so i do understand that too.

I just get excited about weddings in general. Mine- anyones. I know not everyone is like that, though.

Anyway. Thanks for the feedback!

Muffin'sMom · June 2010

You should have picked your BEST FRIEND and not someone you thought would work. I'm sure she knows she is not your #1 too, and that may be responsible for some of her "don't appear to care" attitude. Maybe this is an opportunity to become better friends. Just curious...what does your best friend think of your WP choices?

trix1223 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cb33ef7c-a73e-481f-9a37-077221abfcd5Post:92e763eb-13a1-43a8-ae3d-7fa01b1ad8a5">Re: MOH Trouble....</a>:
[QUOTE]whoa trix- take a chill pill. you guys are all right. and thank you for setting me straight. I think I was really just venting about always having to reschedule with all the other girls to go try on dresses because she thinks going to beach is more important. It's not that i EXPECT her to do anything OTHER than try on dresses and tryyy to cooperate. And yes, i think she is a little burned out from her sisters wedding, who literally made her do EVERYTHING. so i do understand that too. I just get excited about weddings in general. Mine- anyones. I know not everyone is like that, though. Anyway. Thanks for the feedback!
Posted by jescherri08[/QUOTE]

Gosh, how could we have gotten the idea that your EXPECT her to do anything?

Oh right: because in your OP you wrote: Anyway, I asked her to be my MOH because we have a lot of the same tastes and I figured she would really be into helping me plan for everything. We are about 7 months out now and she hasn't done CRAP.

How silly of us to think that by that you meant that you expected her to plan for everything, but that she hasn't done CRAP.

MairePoppy · June 2010

jes-you should take the chill pill, because your MOH has done absolutely nothing to deserve the kind of reaction she is getting from you.

Trix- I like your posts. They are honest, direct and very witty. Don't ever take a chill pill, but a cocktail might be ok.

jescherri08 · June 2010

well my "best friend" is actually a guy. I've had one (female) best friend for YEARS.. and she started going down a bad road about a two years ago. So, with that being said. My MOH is the closest female I have to me. And I love her, and she knows I do. We have a very understanding relationship. I was really just venting because i've been annoyed with having to keep rescheduling.

Sorry Trix- I got a little heated on you there.

Whippet8 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:cb33ef7c-a73e-481f-9a37-077221abfcd5Post:3f487794-914b-4764-814d-8250db50a385">Re: MOH Trouble....</a>:
[QUOTE] Trix- I like your posts. They are honest, direct and very witty. Don't ever take a chill pill, but a cocktail might be ok.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

I always look forward to what Trix has to say because I always know she will say what I want to, but much better than I every could.

quotequeen · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cb33ef7c-a73e-481f-9a37-077221abfcd5Post:0e3088d6-d96f-4a21-9878-440bdd108cce">Re: MOH Trouble....</a>:
[QUOTE]well my "best friend" is actually a guy. I've had one (female) best friend for YEARS.. and she started going down a bad road about a two years ago. So, with that being said. My MOH is the closest female I have to me. And I love her, and she knows I do. We have a very understanding relationship. I was really just venting because i've been annoyed with having to keep rescheduling. Sorry Trix- I got a little heated on you there.
Posted by jescherri08[/QUOTE]

FYI, you could have asked the guy to be your honor attendant, it's very common to have mixed gender sides these days.

bbyckes · June 2010

Where did the "MOH plans the wedding" mentality come from? I still don't understand this. OP you're ridiculous. Fab reason for choosing a MOH - you have similar tastes. sheesh.

trix1223 · June 2010

Goodness! Thanks to all who gave my ego a l'il boost there tonight! Maire: would you like to join me for a strawberry margarita? My treat. Anyone else? As long as I'm buying.....

Ooh-or a Pink Bikini Martini that I ordered when DH and I were on a mini-vacation? It was good!

MairePoppy · June 2010

Trix, you pick the first round, I'll pick the second. Maybe a Mojito.

Kimberly52403 · June 2010

I never realized that it was ok for the MOH to be completely uninvolved in the wedding in every way, other than showing up on the day. I get that you can't ask your MOH or any of your bridal party to do too much, but is it really that big a deal to expect a little enthusiasm from them?

I've been in 6 weddings in the past year and have basically done everything I've been asked. Because these people are my friends. And while it might not be my cup of tea to go to bridal shows or check out venues, it is important to my bride-to-be friend. So you do it because you care about your friend. And frankly, I don't think it is totally wrong to expect a little more from your maids. I'm not saying they should bankrupt themselves to pay for something or go completely out of their way to please you or meet crazy demands. But a little bit of support and enthusiasm for what is going to be the biggest day in your life should be expected from someone who agreed to be there for you.

jescherri08 · June 2010

Thank you Kimberly!!

bablingbrooke · June 2010

Right, listen to the one person who told you what you wanted to hear, not the 8 others who told you what you needed to hear. Mature.

jescherri08 · June 2010

thanks.

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