already married-courthouse, reception with family now

itzMS · January 2013

I don't know if there's much else to say here.

I was thinking about what a positive statement having just a party and not a PPD would make to the daughter. It would show that mommy isn't upset about not getting to have a PPD and that marriage and being a family isn't about PPDs. And that mommy doesn't regret choosing to marry daddy when she did.

It just seems like the mature, appropriate approach to this situation.

aly5402 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:ae1f4df8-269f-40ae-9830-79520699a90d">Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now : Okay, A - I do not believe this is a different person for a freaking second. But I will answer your ridiculous questions. Did you not enjoy your big day? - Yes, those of us who are married already enjoyed their weddings. I'm sure OP did too. This does not mean you get to do it all over again a different way. sounds like we have a bunch of JEALOUS people on here . - What, exactly, do you think we're jealous of? Someone making a desision they regretted and then looking like a fool prentending to do it differently because it wasn't what she pictured as a child? Who cares if she is already married? - Lots of people. No one would say this to a crazy woman on her fake wedding day. A couple people I know have done this. I side-eyed the shlt outta them but never really told them they were ridiculous to their faces. Are we not entitlied to celebrate the wonderful world of marriage? - Sure you are, absolutely. Several posts on this thread have responded to this. There is nothing wrong with a party. No one needs a reason to have a party. You can't just pretend a wedding. OP can have a beautiful party wearing an appropiate, beautiful gown, wonderful food and a great band. She should not wear a wedding dress, have a "bridal" party, have a "first dance" or ceremony. Adults are entitled to live with the effects of their actions. I didn't get a graduation party when I graduated high school. Should I have one now 8 years later? Should I rent out my high school and re-do the graduation ceremony? Call it a diploma renewal? I mean, I would hope that everyone who gets married is happy with their significant other or why would they get married in the first place? - We are and we realize that being married is the most important thing, not a pretty princess day. I'm not married yet, but after, if my husband told me that his wedding to me "wasn't everything he dreamed of" and that he wanted to re-do it, I would be heartbroken. Yes the ceremony and reception are fun, but at the end of the day marrying him is the only thing I give a rat's ass about. Who are you to pass judgement on another? - Uh, people on the internet. That's what people do on the internet. Also, OP asked a question and wanted advise. How can we not offer advise without passing some sort of judgement, whether it be good or bad? And most importantly, how would you feel if you were her and you came to other women asking for ADVICE and you get torn to shreds? - I have been. Here. The honestly of faceless strangers on the internet really makes you see how the things you say make you look. No one will tell me to my face that saying "my wedding" instead of "our wedding" makes you sound like a crazed bridezilla loon. But it does. If a friend of yours got a hideous haircut, but absolutely loved it and asked you your opinion would you tell her it's gross? No. On the internet, people don't give a shlt. I can't speak for anyone else, but I didn't get sarcastic or assy until she did. No one attacked her until she suddenly got this childish attitude. As a woman who is currently planning her own wedding and going to school to be certified in wedding planning, I will welcome ANY client that wants to have a wedding, no matter if it is a vow renewal ceremony or the first time they are walking down the aisle. - Of course you would. You'll be doing it for a living. Would a chef not cook something for a client because he didn't like that particular dish? No. No one refuses an opportunity to make a buck. Who are you all to dash down someone elses dreams because you don't agree? - It's not just that we don't agree. This is against etiquette and funny looking. I understand that this is not what she asked us about, but she told us all about her bad idea and then asked for adivse on teeny tiny parts of it. If I told you I had just lost my job and was selling drugs to make extra money and I had a customer who worked at McDonalds and I needed adivise on whether I should go inside or use the drive-thru for my delivery, would you answer my irrelevant question or tell me that what I am doing is wrong? Same thing. God, I need to go to bed. I can't sleep so I just spend like 10 minutes responding to a post that I don't even believe isn't the OP.. :)
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

Ive done just fine speaking with you on my own I dont have time to go through all the fillingout signing up jazz. However if you would like to think I'm dumb or crazy enough to create a second profile please go ahead.
I'm not mad at the opinions Ive gotten or am getting right now. I think I'm just a little irritated with how they were presented. I'm not saying life is roses and sunshine I'm just saying I felt a little attacked thats all.
You've got to understand I've been planning and planning with everyone surrounding me saying go ahead and thats crazy and helping us plan. So then I come to ask for some opinions and get some other ideas and i got the complete opposite. It was alittle bit of a slap in that face I just didn't know what I was planning was so looked down on or that anyone would feel that way. When all this came about I said I was upset because we had been planning & already paid for things and I didnt want to not have that perfect day.( yes this was my selfish comment & i knew that) I said I thought itd be stupid later and it would loose all of its magical-ness ( yes this is not a word) but my family said OH no no go ahead so i believed that and went with it. So then I come here still thinking all is well and I hear NO WAY. I was just in shock.

I get you guys are just trying to help and tell me the truth so I dont look really stupid. yesterday I just went on automatic defense because I was so shocked at the response I got. LIKE I SAID i know its not always roses I just really didnt know that this was so wrong.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:8207d41c-dd35-4d12-b929-0fac4c0430e9">Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now : You are actually on the right track here!! We had an AHR, so not a wedding reception. We did great food, open bar, and lots of mingling and chatting. It was a nice time! We didn't try to incorporate anything too wedding-y into the evening and that was for the best. I think a party to celebrate is a GREAT idea. Your ideas are there. I don't, however, think a repeat ceremony is an awesome idea. Most of the people you are inviting didn't see the first wedding and it's going to feel like a do-over, repeat, and inherently disingenuous if you walk down an aisle and have a whole ceremony again. If you really want to, I don't see a problem with doing a small toast to thank everyone for coming, then saying "We'd like to take a moment here and repeat our vows." That would be sweet and quick! Believe it not, we're trying to help you here. I promise! We're not evil.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

I think this is a perfect idea. Don't do a huge ceremony, walking in, aisle runner, etc. But take the time to write up a nice toast each to say to each other ("the past year together has been wonderful, I'm glad we committed our lives to each other, etc"). It'll be shorter, sweeter, more honest, and just as touching. Then have great food, great music, beautiful flowers, and a fantastic day! As long as you have no intention of claiming to be a bride, registering, doing first dances, doing a bouquet toss, I see no issue with a huge anniversary party for yourselves.

daveANDkristen · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:dfab4017-befe-4a9f-84f7-fc33a3a0c42c">Re:already marriedcourthouse, reception with family now</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I'm a little more open minded and first congrats on taking the huge step of adopting your husbands daughter! What a selfless act and huge responsibility you've taken on. Second we are living in 2013 not 1913. There are no rules to weddings anymore. I'm supposing all those who object to her having a wedding don't agree with gay marriage either because thats not conventional either. I'm assuming you didnt get to have a huge party for your family to celebrate after the court house marriage. So I say party it up! Anyone you've invited who thinks you're being tacky or rude doesn't have to show up. And you did not have a wedding imo. You got married but didnt have a wedding theres a difference. In response to your original question I don't think a runner is necessary and go ahead and leave and come back in. Then it differentiates between your ring ceremony and reception. I'm sorry so many women are so catty and I guess I'm tacky too because id do the same thing andb would have all support from people that matter!
Posted by megalita83[/QUOTE]

1st bolded: Wrong. But it's called etiquette. Saying that a JOP ceremony is not a wedding is insulting to the millions of people who have JOP weddings.

2nd bolded: You win the prize for the most ignorant comparison I have every heard on TK. You sound like a huge @sshole. I am a PROUD supporter of gay marriage and just reading this stupid post made my blood boil.

3rd bolded: Absolutely. Everyone has supported the OP's idea of having a great party to celebrate. You obviously didn't read one bit of the PPs. The advice the OP was given is merely to make a distinction between a wedding, which is the event at which two people are married, and a party. I personally have no issues with OPs plans, as long as everyone knows the couple is already married and this is a celebration of their union rather than a pretend wedding (I have not read any further than this post).

cwaggoner07 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:8e770d69-b425-4c42-a439-fcd87f2e3f62">Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: already married-courthouse, reception with family now : I think this is a perfect idea. Don't do a huge ceremony, walking in, aisle runner, etc. But take the time to write up a nice toast each to say to each other ("the past year together has been wonderful, I'm glad we committed our lives to each other, etc"). It'll be shorter, sweeter, more honest, and just as touching. Then have great food, great music, beautiful flowers, and a fantastic day! As long as you have no intention of claiming to be a bride, registering, doing first dances, doing a bouquet toss, I see no issue with a huge anniversary party for yourselves.
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

<div>Yep, I agree. I copmletely agree that a nice toast will be genuine and heartfelt, and much more special than trying to re-do your vows that you have already been living by for one year.</div>

crosales50 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:dfab4017-befe-4a9f-84f7-fc33a3a0c42c">Re:already marriedcourthouse, reception with family now</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I'm a little more open minded and first congrats on taking the huge step of adopting your husbands daughter! What a selfless act and huge responsibility you've taken on. Second we are living in 2013 not 1913. There are no rules to weddings anymore. I'm supposing all those who object to her having a wedding don't agree with gay marriage either because thats not conventional either. I'm assuming you didnt get to have a huge party for your family to celebrate after the court house marriage. So I say party it up! Anyone you've invited who thinks you're being tacky or rude doesn't have to show up. And you did not have a wedding imo. You got married but didnt have a wedding theres a difference. In response to your original question I don't think a runner is necessary and go ahead and leave and come back in. Then it differentiates between your ring ceremony and reception. I'm sorry so many women are so catty and I guess I'm tacky too because id do the same thing andb would have all support from people that matter!
Posted by megalita83[/QUOTE]

THANKYOU for being sweet and nice, as opposed to these other bitchy cat scratchers. I do admire that now that you took the chance to be nice to OP and not scream at her!

crosales50 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:b4354ef0-c58b-40f7-adba-87550e708097">Re:already marriedcourthouse, reception with family now</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:already marriedcourthouse, reception with family now : The fact that you would even dare to compare marriage equality and the oppression of MILLIONS of Americans to someone not getting a fake pretty princess day because life got in the way and they wanted their marriage benefits NOW just makes you look like a child and a brat who knows nothing about how the world works. It also makes me dislike you intensely.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Sweetheart, you dont know the situation they had. You dont know what CHOICES they had. So don't tell her they had tons of choices to choose from and couldve had everything they ever wanted. Your not i her shoes. Dont pretend you are. If they had no choice, it was probably because all the other choices were ridiculous, or unaffordable, or too far fetched. You dont know ANYTHING about her or the situation.
So yes, She deserves a great wedding.
And yes, face it. She may have gotten married. But a court marraige is not a wedding. It is a marraige. Take it from me.
Im having a court marraige for personal reasons the day BEFORE my actual wedding. and yes, were doing a big normal wedding. In my fiances parents back yard to save money, but its STILL a wedding.

AllyciaMae921 · January 2013

I say you do it. It's your day and it's about you and your husband's desires. Wear the dress, say your vows, cut the cake, throw your bouquet. If anyone doesn't agree, they won't attend. You got married for legal reasons, that doesn't mean you can't still have the wedding of your dreams.

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_already-married-courthouse-reception-with-family-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fd6f5d9f-c797-4352-aa4c-4c220b9a7dbcPost:408d4ce9-f1ec-430d-8a51-f559c2e65582">Re:already marriedcourthouse, reception with family now</a>:
[QUOTE]I say you do it. It's your day and it's about you and your husband's desires. Wear the dress, say your vows, cut the cake, throw your bouquet. If anyone doesn't agree, they won't attend. You got married for legal reasons, that doesn't mean you can't still have the wedding of your dreams.
Posted by AllyciaMae921[/QUOTE]

Actually, yes, it does. She already had her "wedding." That was the legal ceremony. Regardless of why she had it, she gets only one wedding per marriage, regardless of whether it was the "wedding of her dreams."

It's also not "her day" or "her husband's day" once she involved other people. That's totally incorrect thinking and it doesn't go over well here. If you're going to give that advice, this forum isn't the place to do it.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

Have a great party with lots of music, good food, and booze. Early in the evening, together you and your husband thank your guests for coming, and at that time, say a few heartfelt words to each other of why you love each other....not vows.
I'm sorry you missed out on a more normal wedding day, and I think what you sacrificed must have been very difficult. But the good news is you're married, you have a family and you are loved.

Jasmine0601 · October 2013

I can't believe how old-school and close-minded some people are...

I already knew I had an amazing group of friends and family, but reading this thread makes me all the more grateful for them. They are all happy with our multi-ceremony and post-elopement-party approach. They are happy we're getting married and want to celebrate it with us, wherever and whenever.

OP, you do your thing! We live in 2013. Your friends and family will be thrilled they get to see you in your dress and celebrate this special union.

doeydo · October 2013

Jasmine0601 said:

I can't believe how old-school and close-minded some people are...

I already knew I had an amazing group of friends and family, but reading this thread makes me all the more grateful for them. They are all happy with our multi-ceremony and post-elopement-party approach. They are happy we're getting married and want to celebrate it with us, wherever and whenever.

OP, you do your thing! We live in 2013. Your friends and family will be thrilled they get to see you in your dress and celebrate this special union.

Jasmine0601 Yup, it's 2013. So stop posting on these old threads please. Post a new discussion or question if you want.

thejucheidea · October 2013

@Jasmine0601 : October is finished. The OP has already had her tacky-ass pretty princess day just like you're obviously planning, so good job resurrecting a long-dead thread.

@KnotPorscha , can you please lock this thread?

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