Explaining our Black and White Wedding Reception

cgum00 · September 2010

My husband and I are renewing our vows and celebrating our 10th anniversary. We are doing a black and white themed reception. We want to tell people that we want men to wear tuxedos or black suits and women to wear black formal cocktail dresses or even gowns. How do we do this??

jeanna85 · September 2010

I don't think there's any way to do this. It's rude to tell people what color they can wear. It may be ok for college theme-parties (stop light, white party and whatnot) but I don't think it's appropriate for a wedding.

artbyallie · September 2010

I think specifying 'white tie' is the closest you can come without being rude.

jeanna85 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_explaining-black-white-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e1734609-6e7a-4bc1-aaef-54c988c1f57aPost:9f74afdc-d05c-458b-ae02-9723a20f7851">Re: Explaining our Black and White Wedding Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I think specifying 'white tie' is the closest you can come without being rude.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

nope. white tie is the most formal wedding attire out there. think presidential balls. men with jackets with tails. monocles. monopoly man.
i've been to many weddings in NYC that were upward of 250K and they weren't even white tie affairs.

heyimbren · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_explaining-black-white-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e1734609-6e7a-4bc1-aaef-54c988c1f57aPost:61d52b83-68ed-483a-b64d-3796322e6142">Re: Explaining our Black and White Wedding Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]You really can't do this. You can throw a black and white themed event, but telling people what to wear down to the color is really inappropriate. You can say, "Guests are encouraged to dress in the black and white theme," on an event website under FAQ. Beyond that, you can't tell people what to wear. And if you're requesting formal attire, you really need to make sure that your event is extremely formal and serving the best of the best.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

This.

It wouldn't be "white tie" because white tie is EXTREMELY formal.

You can put "black tie" on the invitations, but only if you're truly throwing a black tie event. Etiquette is very picky when it comes to formal events like this. But you still can't control the colour.

vsgal · September 2010

I agree with PP's. You cannot dictate specific outfits that people have to wear to your event. Think of it this way--these are your friends and family, not props or centerpieces. What if the men don't have a black suit or tux? Now they have to buy or rent one or not come to the party. Same for the ladies.

mmsullivan1079 · September 2010

I do not think you are being rude at all. If you put 'black tie' on the invitation it is sugested that men wears tuxedos or dark suits and women must wear formal evening wear. The only issue is that they don't have to wear black. I'm having a formal wedding and I am putting 'black tie' on our invitations.

marissa_claire · September 2010

Yeah I wouldn't do this either - for one because you really don't want a bunch of girls wearing white dresses, but on the etiquette factor here you're also running the probability of basically asking them to go out and buy a new outfit for your wedding. That would be just as rude as suggesting them to bring a gift. Yeah, in an ideal world it would be nice, but who cares really?

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

We very briefly thought about this, but I realized that since people generally aren't comfortable wearing white to a wedding, we'd have pretty much all of our guests in black, and it would look like a funeral.

Don't use your guests as props or decorations. You can still have a lovely black and white themed party without trying to micromanage your nearest and dearest to such a degree.

heyimbren · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_explaining-black-white-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e1734609-6e7a-4bc1-aaef-54c988c1f57aPost:8e23bde4-fe27-42e7-863e-e8a1881bda9c">Re: Explaining our Black and White Wedding Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, and while indicating "black tie" does inform the guests of a certain formality of attire (though not color; a bright pink floor length gown is still perfectly black tie), it also comes with a certain expectation of the hosts as well. Live band, full top-shelf open bar, white glove service, multi-course plated meal... The works. If my husband and I are spending a small fortune on our own attire, then show up to find a DJ and a buffet, we're also going to find guests saying some not very nice things about the hosts.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Exactly. "Black tie" does not only refer to the attire of your guests. For them to wear black tie attire, you need to be hosting a black tie affair. Black tie is very etiquette conscious. There's a specific way to do your invitations even.

lalap69 · September 2010

You can't. It's extremely rude to try to dictate what your guests wear. Also realize that you'd likely be imposing a burden on at least some of your guest. For instance, I don't own a single formal black dress. I own several dresses, but I find black boring. You'd be telling me that I have to go out and buy a new outfit for your event. Can you see how rude that is?

mica178 · September 2010

I know that there are "black and white balls," is that what you're trying to do? The thing is, these balls are annual events, so everyone knows that it's black tie and that you're only supposed to wear black or white. I don't know how a "black and white cocktail vow renewal" would work.

If you're dead-set on doing this, you should have black and white invitations with something to the effect of "Black and White Ball celebrating the 10 year Anniversary of..." And spread it by word of mouth that guests should wear black and white only. But be prepared to throw a gala that meets the expectations of a ball and to welcome guests wearing other colors because that's what cumberbund they own or what fancy dress they bought.

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