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Bridesmaid Problem

abell1015abell1015 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So my older brother got married in April (the got married in Vegas where they both live and 3 o'clock in the morning).  Their relationship has been interesting from the beginning from an outsider perspective  (they did decide to get married at 3am, didn't move in together for 6 months and she didn't tell her parents for two weeks).  Though I haven't known her long I really like my SIL and invited her to be one of my bridsmaids (all family bridal party). 

Well I get a phone call from my Mom on Saturday night saying that my brother and his wife have broken up and my brother is looking for his own place.  My question is do I know have to dis-invite her as a bridesmaid since I don't intend on her being a part of my life now that they are no longer together, or is it assumed that she is no longer in the bridal party?  I know that it would be really hard on my brother to have her there, and to be perfectly honest I'm not sure I want her there anymore either.  Is it really horrible to tell her that she is no longer in the wedding and if so how to I do it?

Thanks for any advice.
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Re: Bridesmaid Problem

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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
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    That's a tough one.  Normally I'd say you picked her, you are stuck with her, but it seems like it'd be an awkward situation for everyone involved.  I'm assuming that she will no longer want to be in your BP anyways, but this is something you should clear up soon.  Good luck on this one!
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    salt78salt78 member
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    Frankly I'm amazed that you didn't think their marriage was doomed from the beginning.
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    FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
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    I think she'll realize she's no longer in (or even invited to) the wedding.  Of course, I say this as a reasonable person who did NOT decide to get married in Vegas at 3am.
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    squirrlysquirrly member
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    I think it's safe to just not contact her about anything.  If she's already ordered a dress, I'd offer to reimburse her.
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    ohwhynotohwhynot member
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    See what develops.  What Zanster said.

    One quibble - why is it odd to you that they waited for 6 months to move in together?  That doesn't seem very long to me. 
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    FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
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    Maybe they waited 6 months AFTER getting married to move in together?  That would be weird.
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    ohwhynotohwhynot member
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    Ah, that would make sense, TR.  I mean, it would make sense that the OP found that strange.  You're probably right. 
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    abell1015abell1015 member
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    Let me just say that I had issues w/ the wedding/marriage from the beginning, but kept my mouth shut.  They did wait 6 months after they got married to move in together (though they both lived in the same city and he ended up moving in w/ her and she did not have a roomate to kick out).  As for my brother, I don't think he'll ever say I'm not comming to the wedding, but he will be in for the Raven's/ Steelers game this weekend so I'm going to talk to him them about the situation (who knows they might still get back together)

    Thanks for all the advice.
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    redheadfsuredheadfsu member
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    Yeah, I vote wait to see what happens. Let them contact you type of thing. If you have to make a decision about her being in the wedding soon (like to order the dress) , just ask your brother how he feels. I'm sure they both understand that you are in a strange positron.

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    theanglfactheanglfac
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    edited November 2010
    I had a similar, but not as drastic situation. Two members of our bridal party were married to each other and out of the blue got divorced. The groomsmen called my fiance and stepped down because he did not want to cause any drama.
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    cherbeincherbein
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    You're having an all family bridal party.  If she has left your family I don't think that you should be obligated to keep her as a bridesmaid.  My guess is that she wouldn't want to come anyways.  Talking to your brother is probably a good idea, but its also pretty safe bet that she's not going to buy a dress and a plane ticket to go to her ex's sister's wedding with all of her ex's family who probably at least don't like her and possibly think she's crazy.
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