i heard a rumor...

Calypso1977 · November 2010

It's BIL's wedding - I'm pretty sure she asked me since H is the BM. Do I think that's a little silly? Yep. But whatever.

that is exactly the same reason im in this wedding...

since im in it, i dont consider myself a 3rd party observer since im somewhat directly affected. but at the same time, i dont care how many they have, i just think its a bit extreme. however, folks probably thought we were extreme for only having one on each side at our wedding.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

That is a little excessive to me, not to mention just having people in the WP for the sake of having people. Isn't it supossed to be the people you are closest with and not everyone you know?

Calypso1977 · November 2010

missy, that's what i thought. but i think that about showers too, and i see people with 60+ people at showers - essentially every female guest that's invited to the wedding!

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_heard-rumor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:75f1e306-9309-40ba-be97-21996097a8f0Post:abb68daf-d9c5-43a6-a44c-386a5ecb927d">Re: i heard a rumor...</a>:
[QUOTE]missy, that's what i thought. but i think that about showers too, and i see people with 60+ people at showers - essentially every female guest that's invited to the wedding!
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

That's where I disagree though. We had about 55 women at my shower, and it was not every woman that was invited to the wedding at all. If we did that it would have been about 125 women. My mom hosted the shower and she invited all the local women from my family who were invited to the wedding, and I have a huge family. So between my gradmothers, aunts, and cousins, that was about 25 right there. Then there was the WP, MIL and H's aunts and grandma, and then my good friends and some of my mom's closest friends (which they all invite eachother to their children's events). We just have a huge family and there was no getting around that.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

Yeah, my shower had quite a few people at it as well. They were going to do 2 of them for me, but since we live out of state and it would have been too expensive (not to mention time off at the job I was working at the time) to come home multiple times, so I opted for one. Of course, all of the people were invited to the wedding, but it wasn't every single female that attended our wedding.

L-Bride · November 2010

That's weird to me that some people think it's "showing off" by having a large WP. It felt really normal and natural for us to have a large one and being surrounded by all of our friends is a prominent theme on our lives...most people who know us would attest to that. The BMs and GMs have also become close over the years which I think helped give the WP a great dynamic. I can honestly say that every single girl who was in my WP I really wanted with me the day I walked down the aisle. The 10 girls that were in my wedding are people I am with almost every weekend since HS. I never would assume people who were guests at my wedding would think I was showing off.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_heard-rumor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75f1e306-9309-40ba-be97-21996097a8f0Post:3bd0f011-a735-4d00-a236-5c91ef68a88d">Re: i heard a rumor...</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister had 8 bridesmaids, 8 groomsmen, 4 ushers, 2 flower girls, and 1 ring bearer...so 23. A little much for me, but they were all people that were important to her and BIL, so I kept my mouth shut. But yeah, that's a lot of people
Posted by Jill9288[/QUOTE]

But seriously, some have to be more important that others. It seems childish to me to say, "But I have SOOO MANY best friends!" It looks ridiculous to invite everyone you're "friends" with to be in your WP. Narrow it down. Or just do family if you have a few sisters and cousins you want.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_heard-rumor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75f1e306-9309-40ba-be97-21996097a8f0Post:ac4c3720-80bf-4926-9d5f-73dff2fcfd20">Re: i heard a rumor...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i heard a rumor... : I'm a weirdo and am sad that I've only been asked to be in my SIL's WP. Granted my good girl friends who would ask me haven't gotten married yet, but it's hard not to feel like a loser. However, besides the whole size factor that would be involved if I asked the other girls in my particular group of friends that I mentioned previously, I also know many of them are getting tired of being in weddings. <strong>They would have accepted if I asked, but I think I kind of did them a favor by letting them just be a guest for mine. :)</strong>
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

My dad has always said that you are not doing anyone a favor by asking them to be in your wedding! My parents were in 4 weddings the year after they got married.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_heard-rumor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:75f1e306-9309-40ba-be97-21996097a8f0Post:b52b680e-818a-4163-9b79-7bcb048d67bb">Re: i heard a rumor...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i heard a rumor... : But seriously, some have to be more important that others. It seems childish to me to say, "But I have SOOO MANY best friends!" It looks ridiculous to invite everyone you're "friends" with to be in your WP. Narrow it down. Or just do family if you have a few sisters and cousins you want.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

That's how H and I were. We both have a large circle of friends that we hang out with regularly. Or at least did before we moved. But there are some we are just closer too than others. And actually, 4 of my 5 BMs weren't even from that group. They were from other parts of my life where I don't see them very often but they are whom I consider my nearest and dearest friends. But some people don't have that distinction, or choose not to make it. I chose to not ask my very close guy friends who are like brothers to me because if I asked one I would have to ask all 3.

ETA: I don't think that people should put numbers over their friendships, but to me there was a clear line that I could cut, and nobody from my hometown (at least that I've seen) has had a mixed gender WP so nobody ever expected the guys to be in it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_heard-rumor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75f1e306-9309-40ba-be97-21996097a8f0Post:38280b5a-6858-48fa-bd16-be66d735d19e">Re: i heard a rumor...</a>:
[QUOTE]We do actually have "soooo many best friends". Funny how certain things bother certain people. Also, Not all of our friends were in our WP. Most of our guest list was our friends. Thsi isn't bragging, it's just reality.
Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]

But apparently you were able to not put them all in your WP, since a lot of your friends were guests.

Beach, I agree that you shouldn't put numbers ahead of friendships, but I tend to think you can make a cut-off sometime before you reach a dozen on one side. Honestly, I have no idea how one has time to foster true "best friend" types of friendships with that many people. You know, if you have work or school or something aside from socializing to attend to.

Calypso1977 · November 2010

i dont think its showing off how many friends you have, as much as it is putting on a big show. or a parade. or a costume party.

my best friend is like a sister to me. she was not in my WP. i only had my biological sister. she wasnt offended. surprised maybe, but she understood why we kept it small. it doesnt mean i think any less of her by not having her in my WP.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_heard-rumor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:75f1e306-9309-40ba-be97-21996097a8f0Post:fd2b869b-7c99-4a96-bd67-8c2bb7fa13c3">Re: i heard a rumor...</a>:
[QUOTE]i dont think its showing off how many friends you have, as much as it is putting on a big show. or a parade. or a costume party. Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Yeah that's how I feel. Obviously you have a lot of friends you are close with if they are all invited to your wedding. But I personally would hate to sit and watch a processional of 26 members of a WP, plus wait for them to leave, and possibly also an entrance into the reception.

We have many close friends, but most of them were guests.

Calypso1977 · November 2010

the last wedding we went to had 6bm's... they kept coming, and coming, and coming..... its like the macy's parade.

i heard a rumor...

Re: i heard a rumor...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards