HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.

joojoobean · January 2013

Ugh..... he basically told me I can do whatever I want but he is wearing flip flops and it's non-negotiable. I told him I want him to wear shoes for the ceremony and as soon as it's done, he can put the sandals on. He's didn't budge. Granted the wedding is in the middle of summer and it will be miserably hot, but come on! Flip flops?! Help!

Barbiiieee · January 2013

Is your wedding at least on the beach? If not, I think it is kind of inappropriate. What will he be wearing?

daveANDkristen · January 2013

Are you getting married on a beach or in a park? What would he be wearing? If your ceremony is super casual it would be fine like, if you're wearing a casual dress and not a gown and he's wearing shorts or jeans, not a tux. Have you asked him why he is so adamant about wearing flipflops? It sounds like a ridiculous thing for him to insist on.

dtbluv · January 2013

I agree with PPs. It's a wedding. Tell your FI to man up and put on his big boy shoes.

Also, it is not ridiculously hot in Seattle in early July. The average temp. in July is in the high 70's. Last year the high was 77 degrees. It might be hot, but it will not be so hot that wearing real shoes will be an impossibility.

Tell him he needs to compromise. You're fine with him wearing flip flops for the reception, he can stand real shoes for the ceremony.

Kristin789 · January 2013

That's a big;stance to take. I'm going to suggest that there's something else going on here.

Maybe he sees you concentrating on the wedding stuff and he feels like he is only necessary as an actor, to play The Man in your wedding play - so he's trying to be HEARD by saying something outrageous?

Maybe he really doesn't want to have the wedding that's planned, so he's trying to sabatage it?

Maybe he's trying to teach you a lesson about planning a rich person's wedding with all the fancy crap, while he feels that you two should be more authentic to who you really are as a couple?

Maybe he feels that the focus has been entirely on the money and the spending of money. You could schedule a meeting with you and FI and your officiant and get re-centered on the real spiritual reason for this event....?

Sassenach1743 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-he-wants-to-wear-fliip-flops?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ed5fe55b-f5d7-4141-848f-ccf39c0e0bcePost:d6a23241-2ba1-4b85-893f-e6b341e7e34f">Re: HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.</a>:
[QUOTE]That's a big;stance to take. I'm going to suggest that there's something else going on here. Maybe he sees you concentrating on the wedding stuff and he feels like he is only necessary as an actor, to play The Man in your wedding play - so he's trying to be HEARD by saying something outrageous? Maybe he really doesn't want to have the wedding that's planned, so he's trying to sabatage it? Maybe he's trying to teach you a lesson about planning a rich person's wedding with all the fancy crap, while he feels that you two should be more authentic to who you really are as a couple? Maybe he feels that the focus has been entirely on the money and the spending of money. You could schedule a meeting with you and FI and your officiant and get re-centered on the real spiritual reason for this event....?
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>Way to read into things! </div><div>
</div><div>Sheesh...</div><div>
</div><div>OP, he sounds like a typical guy who is just trying to tease you! Keep talking to him about it and I'm sure you'll work something out. </div>

cwaggoner07 · January 2013

We got married in Texas. In July. And my H wore shoes like a decent groom. I'm sorry, I think casual footwear is unacceptable at a wedding unless like PP said, the entire affair screams 'casual affair.' Even then I'm really not ok with it.

lyndausvi · January 2013

Where is your wedding being held? Mine was suppose to be on a beach (ended up under tent because of weather). DH and the GM's all wore flip-flops. My DH also flat refused to wear a jacket or tie (non-negotiable). It was not a hill I was willing to stand on. I picked out my attire, he picked out his. Now if the wedding was somewhere else, I would have taken more of a stance.

While Kristen's post made me snort, she did bring up a good point. Flip-flops says causal to me, did your FI have any say on the type of wedding you are having? The rich comments are ridiculous. DH may have worn flip-flops and no jacket or tie, but that had nothing to do with him being upset at the money being spent. He picked out all the food and booze (our biggest expenses).

rajahmd · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-he-wants-to-wear-fliip-flops?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ed5fe55b-f5d7-4141-848f-ccf39c0e0bcePost:10035d3c-c800-4094-8bf5-7e06bee14791">Re:HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.</a>:
[QUOTE]Is this a deal breaker for you? Honest question. Would you rather marry him in flip flops or not marry him? I'm not saying it won't look odd and probably get a few comments from the guests, but is it worth really calling off the wedding as one knottie suggested? Because if you take the hard line approach of telling him to "act like a big boy" or giving him his ring back per the advice you've gotten here, that could be what happens. I'm all about being honest and I'm all about taking a strong stance on important things that will affect your marriage like how he treats you or how he lets his parents treat you, etc. This is not one of those things. I suggest calmly sitting down, telling him what an important day this is, and expressing how much it would mean to you for him to put forth a little extra effort and wear shoes. Don't make it about him being ridiculous or childish, make it about you and your feelings. Do it calmly, do it nicely. And if he still refuses, then you have a decision to make. And only you can decide if it's a deal breaker or not.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This is really good advice OP. Figure out why he's so adamant about flip flips. As a PP suggested, there may be something beneath the surface, and shoes are the only outlet for him. Remember it's his wedding too, and if this is that important to him, it should be important to you to figure out why. Good luck and keep us updated.</div>

HobokensFury · January 2013

If your wedding out not at the beach this is not appropriate. Put your foot down.

Also it's a known fact on the boards to igore everything Kristin says.

lyndausvi · January 2013

I also want to say, him insisting on wearing flip-flops could be a sign of him be insensitive to the the OP's feelings.

However, it could also be a sign that the OP is being way too controlling in everything else and he is just trying to asserting some control.

You need to step back and see why this is a hill he wants to stand on.

J&K10910 · January 2013

I thought Kristin's post was far more appropriate and helpful than CMGr's.

JaxInBlue · January 2013

DH joked for several months leading up to his tux appointment that he was going to ask for a power blue tuxedo, styled straight out of Saturday Night Fever. I knew he was joking (most of the time) but I did ask if he was really considering something other than the vision I had in mind of him in a more classic tuxedo. I pointed out that I'd asked him what style of dress he envisioned me in and had thought about his preferences when I'd gone shopping. While we each picked our own attire, we agreed we wanted out look to be unified.

The powder blue tuxedo - if it was real - might have been a deal breaker if DH wasn't willing to discuss why if was important. In the end, the joke really was about him being concerned that he wasn't going to be comfortable in a tux. His feeling was, if the tux was going to be uncomfortable, why not have fun with it? When he went to be measured and fitted, and was shown the variety of styles, particularly of the jacket, he dropped all joking and picked out something he looked quite dashing in - and something that better fit our wedding style.

It seems to me that you and he had a breakdown in communication somewhere. I agree with PPs that you probably need to get to the root of what the flip flops mean. Is he just concerned about being comfortable? Would they be appropriate footwear for your wedding? (If yes, is he open to a dressier style of flip flop?) Why is a compromise - flip flops after the ceremony and pictures - completely off the table? Is he trying to get more of himself injected in your wedding plans? I think the place to start might be an honest conversation about how he feels about how your plans are shaping up.

RWolff · January 2013

If your FI is serious about wearinf flip flops and that is not appropriate for the formality of the wedding, I think you two need to talk about how you both see the wedding. If he would be happier with a more casual event, maybe on the beach where flip flops would be perfectly acceptable, but you're planning a black tie blowout, that's an issue. Figure out WHY he wants to wear flip flops, or if it's really not about flip flops, but about having some say in something abou the wedding. If this is the man you love and want to spend your life with, you should be able to discuss this with him.

HobokensFury · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-he-wants-to-wear-fliip-flops?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ed5fe55b-f5d7-4141-848f-ccf39c0e0bcePost:e8785cb1-c027-46f7-a35d-b4fabd830922">Re: HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops. : I almost never disagree with Hoboken, but I just don't think a marriage works if you approach it by "putting your foot down" every time your spouse wants to do something you disagree with or consider ridiculous. This is parent behavior, not partner behavior. I wore flip flops to my wedding, though granted under a dress and not visible for most of the day. If H had come to me and rationally discussed an issue with this decision, I may or may not have changed my mind (I had some pretty specific reasons for wearing them), but we could have had a real talk about it. If H had demanded that things go his way because what I wanted was ridiculous, childish, inappropriate, etc. I can 100% absolutely guarantee you I would have called the wedding off. Not because the flip flops were that important to me, but because I am an adult and NOBODY has the right to dictate what I do with my own body, so there is no way in hell I'd marry a man who thought he did.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I can agree with your points but on the other hand if I hadn't put my foot down the GM would have been wearing pimp suites with matching canes and hats with feathers so I'm a bit biased, I'll admit.

ftrmrsw · January 2013

My FI wants to wear white "kicks" I'm not sure how much of it is joking and how much of it is wanting to be like Justin Timberlake.

I told him if he's wearing white kicks, I'd turn around and walk out of the church. LOL...

If you're not getting married on the beach, its inappropriate to wear flipflops. Sorry.

HobokensFury · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-he-wants-to-wear-fliip-flops?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ed5fe55b-f5d7-4141-848f-ccf39c0e0bcePost:29091db5-cf68-4de8-b389-b1094b0034c7">Re: HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops. : You're not the first person to say this just the one I happened to quote but I completely disagree with the blanket statement that flip flops are inappropriate if the wedding is not on a beach. The overall formality of the wedding matters much more than just the location. There are plenty of places where you could hold an informal wedding in which flip slops would be completely appropriate attire that are not beaches. I'm going to go ahead and ditto J&K also. Why did Kristin get called out but not CMG? CMG's advice was TERRIBLE. <strong>Kristin's actually made some sense for once.</strong>
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

I think we've all gotten accustom to the horrible advice she gives which is why.

J&K10910 · January 2013

In Response to Re:HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.:In Response to Re: HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops. : You're not the first person to say this just the one I happened to quote but I completely disagree with the blanket statemenrt that flip flops are inappropriate if the wedding is not on a beach.nbsp; The overall formality of the wedding matters much more than just the location.nbsp; There are plenty of places where you could hold an informal wedding in which flip slops would be completely appropriate attire that are not beaches. I'm going to go ahead and ditto Jamp;K also.nbsp; Why did Kristin get called out but not CMG?nbsp; CMG's advice was TERRIBLE.nbsp; Kristin's actually made some sense for once.Posted by LingerLonger1I think we've all gotten accustom to the horrible advice she gives which is why. Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

Oh, ok, so then it's good practice to just gloss over it and call it bad without reading. Got it.

HobokensFury · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-he-wants-to-wear-fliip-flops?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ed5fe55b-f5d7-4141-848f-ccf39c0e0bcePost:a706b77c-a613-4425-85e6-896fcc293c03">Re:HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.: Oh, ok, so then it's good practice to just gloss over it and call it bad without reading. Got it.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I read it but I think she's jumping to too many conclusions. I don't think flip flops need the mediation of a spiritual leader. I think it's a simple issue of he wants to wear flip flops not some conspiracy that Kristin made it out to be.

FWIW I don't think CMGr's advice was practical either.

zitiqueen · January 2013

CMGr's advice was awful. Kkristen was being reasonable for once, right until the end when she pulled out her old stand-by, schedule a meeting with your officiant.

OP needs to come back and answer some questions.

lyndausvi · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-he-wants-to-wear-fliip-flops?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ed5fe55b-f5d7-4141-848f-ccf39c0e0bcePost:3b7eb8e8-eda2-4d98-97e2-f94e96937209">Re: HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.</a>:
[QUOTE]I stand by my advice. The groom is treating the wedding as if it were a big joke. I wouldn't want to spend my life with a man who thinks our wedding is a joke or enjoys teasing me. I take weddings very seriously, as a ceremony that symbolizes commitment. The groom here obviously doesn't.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

Because he is wants to wear flip-flops? Please.

warpedredpenguin · January 2013

They're just shoes. On his feet. Not yours. Put this in another context. I chose a simple red bridesmaid dress for my wedding dress. Had my now husband told me I absolutely couldn't wear that dress, because it's not appropriate for a wedding, there would have been issues. I'm wearing it, not him, I hate white, and red is my favorite color. My friend wanted to get married in a purple dress cocktail style dress, but her H said no, she was absolutely wearing a long poufy white dress, or he wouldn't marry her. She still wishes she'd worn purple, because white washes her out and she was miserable in the dress he "made" her wear.

I think most of us agree that while suggesting or having preferences is ok, insisting about some one else's attire is controlling. If a groom insisted on what we wore, knowing we flat out didn't want it, most of us whould tell him where to stick it. Why are shoes any different? If he's truly serious, why make it an issue? Plenty of people throughout the world get married barefoot or in sandals every day. I'm fairly certain it doesn't speak to a lack of repsect for marriage. Of course, you're not wrong to have a preference, but please don't treat your future spouse like a child. Tell him why wearing more formal shoes is important to you, but if he still wants the flip flops, respect it. His preferences are just as valid.

GoodLuckBear14 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-he-wants-to-wear-fliip-flops?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ed5fe55b-f5d7-4141-848f-ccf39c0e0bcePost:3b7eb8e8-eda2-4d98-97e2-f94e96937209">Re: HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.</a>:
[QUOTE]I stand by my advice. The groom is treating the wedding as if it were a big joke. I wouldn't want to spend my life with a man who thinks our wedding is a joke or enjoys teasing me. I take weddings very seriously, as a ceremony that symbolizes commitment. The groom here obviously doesn't.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

Because he wants to wear flip-flops? That's your proof for he is not taking this seriously??

Then again, you would probably say DH didn't take our wedding seriously because he was excited to wear his tuxedo for our wedding that began in the late afternoon.

lyndausvi · January 2013

DH was in flops and I was in barefeet. DH was in a button down silk shirt and linen pants, I was in a white gown. Clearly we thought the ceremony was a joke.

HobokensFury · January 2013

Alright ladies, I think this thread has run it's course...

HobokensFury · January 2013

It's not you Lia. This whole thread has turned into a monster.

JoanE2012 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-he-wants-to-wear-fliip-flops?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ed5fe55b-f5d7-4141-848f-ccf39c0e0bcePost:b9c7d8b0-74b1-46ba-9407-217593ebab06">HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh..... he basically told me I can do whatever I want but he is wearing flip flops and it's <strong>non-negotiable</strong>. I told him I want him to wear shoes for the ceremony and as soon as it's done, he can put the sandals on. <strong>He's didn't budge.</strong> Granted the wedding is in the middle of summer and it will be miserably hot, but come on! Flip flops?! Help!
Posted by joojoobean[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Does he always have this attitude? I mean, this is only footwear.....I'd be concerned about how he's going to handle the really important things that come up in life!

</div>

dtbluv · January 2013

I had to go to work and miss out on most of the fun.

I still stand by the fact that Seattle is not that hot in early July.

I think everyone made some great points though, hopefully this thread helps OP!

melissanjoe21 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-he-wants-to-wear-fliip-flops?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ed5fe55b-f5d7-4141-848f-ccf39c0e0bcePost:3b7eb8e8-eda2-4d98-97e2-f94e96937209">Re: HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.</a>:
[QUOTE]I stand by my advice. The groom is treating the wedding as if it were a big joke. I wouldn't want to spend my life with a man who thinks our wedding is a joke or enjoys teasing me. I take weddings very seriously, as a ceremony that symbolizes commitment. The groom here obviously doesn't.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

What shoes someone wears doesn't show how one is truly commited to a relationship.

Coming from someone who was horribly cheated on multiple times who to your face could be totally serious and compassionate. Someone who knows that the same person is remarried and pretty sure he is already cheating on the new wife.

I wouldn't give rats about what shoes my Fiancee wore on our wedding day as long as he is sincere in his vows to me. Btw I am wearing a cute flip flop shoes under my wedding gown on our wedding day. I have horrible plantar fasciitis and a 10 wide foot and fankly I have tried on every cute bridal shoe and I would be crying in pain by he end of the night. Thank goodness my finacee doesn't share your opinion.

lyndausvi · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-he-wants-to-wear-fliip-flops?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ed5fe55b-f5d7-4141-848f-ccf39c0e0bcePost:f5dd908d-2a0c-43fb-8dde-1e10afb05c1b">Re: HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops. : Does he always have this attitude? I mean, this is only footwear.....I'd be concerned about how he's going to handle the really important things that come up in life!
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

Excatly, it's only footwear. I'd be concerned about how SHE'S going to handle the really important things that come up in life.

J&K10910 · January 2013

GUYS. THIS THREAD IS OVER. Didn't you hear Hoboken? Seriously, though, Hoboken, is anyone here violating the TOS? If not, I see no reason to call it.

CMGr, maybe this is me making assumptions, but from the OP it sounded to me like this is something that was brought up recently, probably took the OP by surprise, was a short conversation and was dropped. If that's the case, I think it absolutely deserves further attention. Have you never said something you didn't really mean? Or felt strongly about? Maybe OP's FI has a damn good reason for being so firm in wanting to wear flip flops. If OP doesn't ask him why, she'll never know, and then she'll have left for what? Now, if there is a complete, total lack of willingness to compromise, and this is his normal MO, THEN I would see reason to walk away and not look back. I saw nothing in the OP to give me that idea.

HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.

Re: HELP! He wants to wear fliip flops.

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