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Wedding Etiquette Forum
jess9802
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Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?
This is sort of a cross post from my month board (with mixed reactions there), but we've hit a slight snag with our wedding plans. FI and I are marrying in his mother's backyard. It's a beautiful yard, but it's not childproofed: there's an in-ground pool and a pond, no gates/fences around either. It's not practical to fence or block off either. In fact, the current plan is to have the reception on the deck near the pool. My FMIL laid down the law the other day that guests with young children must have their kids use high chairs or booster seats during dinner to avoid any risk of little ones falling in the pool because their parents are distracted for whatever reason.
A couple of my friends have said their kids absolutely will not sit in high chairs or booster seats, and they'll just keep a close eye on them. I think they're missing my FMIL's concern which is that with food, alcohol, and conversation, it's really easy to get distracted and not notice a little one slip away and into the pool. So I'm thinking about setting up a kid's room in the house and hiring a babysitter to keep the kids entertained, get them fed. The babysitter I have in mind is a licensed teacher with a Master's in Early Childhood Education.
Im curious as to what your experiences have been with kids' rooms/baby-sitters at weddings. Did the parents like the option? How did the kids handle a strange sitter? What did you pay the sitter? Or if you're a parent, would you use a service like this at a wedding? Most of the guests with children are traveling 6+ hours to be here. Any thoughts or advice are appreciated!
A couple of my friends have said their kids absolutely will not sit in high chairs or booster seats, and they'll just keep a close eye on them. I think they're missing my FMIL's concern which is that with food, alcohol, and conversation, it's really easy to get distracted and not notice a little one slip away and into the pool. So I'm thinking about setting up a kid's room in the house and hiring a babysitter to keep the kids entertained, get them fed. The babysitter I have in mind is a licensed teacher with a Master's in Early Childhood Education.
Im curious as to what your experiences have been with kids' rooms/baby-sitters at weddings. Did the parents like the option? How did the kids handle a strange sitter? What did you pay the sitter? Or if you're a parent, would you use a service like this at a wedding? Most of the guests with children are traveling 6+ hours to be here. Any thoughts or advice are appreciated!
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Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences?
[QUOTE]This is sort of a cross post from my month board (with mixed reactions there), but we've hit a slight snag with our wedding plans. FI and I are marrying in his mother's backyard. It's a beautiful yard, but it's not childproofed: there's an in-ground pool and a pond, no gates/fences around either. It's not practical to fence or block off either. In fact, the current plan is to have the reception on the deck near the pool. My FMIL laid down the law the other day that guests with young children must have their kids use high chairs or booster seats during dinner to avoid any risk of little ones falling in the pool because their parents are distracted for whatever reason. A couple of my friends have said their kids absolutely will not sit in high chairs or booster seats, and they'll just keep a close eye on them. I think they're missing my FMIL's concern which is that with food, alcohol, and conversation, it's really easy to get distracted and not notice a little one slip away and into the pool. So I'm thinking about setting up a kid's room in the house and hiring a babysitter to keep the kids entertained, get them fed. The babysitter I have in mind is a licensed teacher with a Master's in Early Childhood Education. Im curious as to what your experiences have been with kids' rooms/baby-sitters at weddings. Did the parents like the option? How did the kids handle a strange sitter? What did you pay the sitter? Or if you're a parent, would you use a service like this at a wedding? Most of the guests with children are traveling 6+ hours to be here. Any thoughts or advice are appreciated!
Posted by jess9802[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Honestly, I think your mom's demand for them to be in high chairs or booster seats is overkill, and condescending. What is the age cutoff that she is using this rule for? I know as a parent I would be really offended if you told me that my kid had to be in a booster seat because you basically don't think I'm a good enough parent to make sure he/she doesn't fall into the pool. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, I think there is a bigger risk for when people are just mingling and partying, and that dinner is the least of your worries. If she is going to be that uptight about it, make it a kid-free event.
</div>
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[QUOTE]I think she's thinking toddlers, really - so 2 and 3 years old. Alas, my FMIL didn't come up with this rule until after the invitations had gone out - so these kids are already invited.
Posted by jess9802[/QUOTE]
What difference will a booster seat make though? Then can just as easily stand up and climb out of them. <div>
</div><div>I don't think having a room inside is a bad idea, but these kids were invited to the wedding, so if parents don't want to keep them in the house you can't force them to. </div>
We'd always planned on inviting children, all of my friends have known that there's a pool and a pond in the yard, and FMIL never said before that she would impose that kind of requirement. I share her concern, especially since two of these children are described as daredevils and hell on wheels.
Arrgh. I'm just frustrated by the whole thing and trying to accommodate my friends and respect my FMIL's wishes.
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[QUOTE]If you're thinking about hiring a licensed teacher to watch the kids, what about hiring a lifeguard to be around the pool and pond instead? The lifeguard could keep an extra eye on the kids and would be there in case anyone fell in. That way you're not forcing the parents to put their kids in a seat or leave them with a sitter, but you are doing something to be a little more careful.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]
<div>Yeah I definitely think this is a better way to go. You can just have him dressed normally, but hire him to watch the pool area. It doesn't even need to be an actual lifeguard, just someone who can pay attention to the pool the whole time. Not an invited guest, hire someone else.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : Yeah I definitely think this is a better way to go. You can just have him dressed normally, but hire him to watch the pool area. It doesn't even need to be an actual lifeguard, just someone who can pay attention to the pool the whole time. Not an invited guest, hire someone else.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
<div>I agree with having him/her dressed normally (or whatever is appropriate for your wedding), but I would go for a lifeguard. You can be licensed at the age of 15, and you learn how to pull people out of water and administer first aid/CPR. I would guess a high school student would do it for a fairly reasonable rate. </div>
[QUOTE]To clarify, I was (mostly) joking about the waiver. Definitely make sure FMIL has a rider for the wedding day and that it will cover this kind of event. I also love Jessica's idea of hiring a lifeguard. I actually would hire someone who is a trained lifeguard rather than just someone to watch the pool though. Call your local red cross, I bet they can give you a list.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
<div>I confess it was my FI's idea. He is trying to work, but I asked his advice :)</div>
We're not having dancing or anything. We'll probably have the cake table closer to the house. We were also going to have the patio furniture (wicker couches and chairs with thick cushions) scattered throughout the yard to create lounging areas for people to sit and relax.
Waivers are out of the question. It's just too legalistic for us, even though FFIL and I are both lawyers. If FMIL insists on the high chairs if we have dinner by the pool, it's either a kids' room or simply having the ceremony by the pool and the reception down by the house. It's a bummer, though - I had these visions of floating candles and flowers in the pool, something really pretty, of being able to walk down an aisle to FI.
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[QUOTE]No to the babysitter with the kids room, I don't let "just anyone" watch my kids. And I would really suggest either finding a way to block off the pool, even if it's that garden netting stuff and wooden posts, or letting all of the parents know that there is a pool and it's not fenced, because that would affect my decision on coming/bringing the kids. Trying to force kids to sit in boosters and high chairs is ridiculous, though. ETA- ooh I like the hiring a lifeguard idea!
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]
Really? You wouldn't trust your kids with a licensed teacher? I assume you plan to homeschool them through high school then? Seriously, though, the parents will be in the general vicinity the entire time.
I think the indoor room with a babysitter is a wonderful idea! It will be so much more fun for the kids. They can play games, watch movies, and hang out with eachother instead of wondering around the adult's party while their parents are constantly being worried about where and what their kids are doing (that's what I would be doing, at least). Even with a lifeguard there I would still be having to watch them AND entertain them all night.
[QUOTE]Really? You wouldn't trust your kids with a licensed teacher? I assume you plan to homeschool them through high school then? Seriously, though, the parents will be in the general vicinity the entire time. I think the indoor room with a babysitter is a wonderful idea! It will be so much more fun for the kids. T<strong>hey can play games, watch movies, and hang out with eachother instead of wondering around the adult's party while their parents are constantly being worried about where and what their kids are doing (that's what I would be doing, at least). Even with a lifeguard there I would still be having to watch them AND entertain them all night. </strong>
Posted by CamilleJon[/QUOTE]
<div>But they were invited to the wedding, so you can't make them go into the room with the babysitter. How would you like it if you were invited to a wedding and then told you weren't allowed into the wedding, you had to go sit in another room and eat your dinner? </div><div>
</div><div>I think if you can swing it OP I would do the babysitter and the lifeguard. If kids want to go inside they can, but if not then you have peace of mind by the pool as well. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : But they were invited to the wedding, so you can't make them go into the room with the babysitter. <strong> How would you like it if you were invited to a wedding and then told you weren't allowed into the wedding, you had to go sit in another room and eat your dinner? </strong> I think if you can swing it OP I would do the babysitter and the lifeguard. If kids want to go inside they can, but if not then you have peace of mind by the pool as well.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
If I were 5??? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't give a shiit. Actually I would happy I got to hang with kids instead of (boring) grown-ups :)
ETA: Hey OP, how old are these kids?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : But they were invited to the wedding, so you can't make them go into the room with the babysitter. How would you like it if you were invited to a wedding and then told you weren't allowed into the wedding, you had to go sit in another room and eat your dinner? I think if you can swing it OP I would do the babysitter and the lifeguard. If kids want to go inside they can, but if not then you have peace of mind by the pool as well.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
<div>I agree. If the parents felt so strongly that their kids would be happier not at the wedding and the parents don't want to watch them, they can leave them at home or otherwise figure out their own childcare. </div><div>
</div><div>And I don't think that not wanting to leave your toddler with a stranger with an unknown number of other kids means that a parent is being unreasonable. I'm not a parent, but I might feel that way when I am a parent, but regardless I certainly wouldn't fault someone for not wanting to leave their child in that situation. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : If I were 5??? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't give a shiit. Actually I would happy I got to hang with kids instead of (boring) grown-ups :) ETA: Hey OP, how old are these kids?
Posted by CamilleJon[/QUOTE]
<div>I would have had a total meltdown. Being left with a stranger would have immediately ended my parents' fun and we'd have all had to go home. I had (still have) anxiety and that's a huge trigger for me. I would imagine many kids would feel that way, anxiety or not.</div><div>
</div><div>I agree with Beach; you can offer the option but you can't force it.</div>
And you don't tell the kids they have to go sit a room, you say something like this: "Kids! There is a special party just for you inside the house with all the other kids. There will be movies and games and pizza!"
OP, I think you should go with your original plan
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : I would have had a total meltdown. Being left with a stranger would have immediately ended my parents' fun and we'd have all had to go home. I had (still have) anxiety and that's a huge trigger for me. <strong> I would imagine many kids would feel that way, anxiety or not. I agree with Beach; you can offer the option but you can't force it.</strong>
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
I highly doubt too many kids would feel that way. Besides, I imagine most of these kids already know eachother, so they are not with strangers.
And, again, their parents will be in the backyard.
[QUOTE]Well I am a parent and, to me, it seems a bit unreasonable since I would actually be at the same house. And you don't tell the kids they have to go sit a room, you say something like this: "Kids! There is a special party just for you inside the house with all the other kids. There will be movies and games and pizza!" OP, I think you should go with your original plan :)
Posted by CamilleJon[/QUOTE]
<div>The way I read the OP was that the kids would either need to be strapped into a seat or at the party room, no other options. I just don't see that as a good idea. Sure, have the room as an option for parents who don't want to watch their kids or kids who would prefer not to be at the grown up party, but I don't think you can force anything on your invited guests - and the kids are invited guests.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids' rooms/babysitters - your experiences? : The way I read the OP was that the kids would either need to be strapped into a seat or at the party room, no other options. I just don't see that as a good idea. Sure, have the room as an option for parents who don't want to watch their kids or kids who would prefer not to be at the grown up party, but I don't think you can force anything on your invited guests - and the kids are invited guests.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
OP said that FMIL wants them in highchairs or boosters, but that the parents said they will not sit in them... that leads me to believe they are too old for them.
[QUOTE] Really? <strong>You wouldn't trust your kids with a licensed teacher? I assume you plan to homeschool them through high school then? </strong>Seriously, though, the parents will be in the general vicinity the entire time. I think the indoor room with a babysitter is a wonderful idea! It will be so much more fun for the kids. They can play games, watch movies, and hang out with eachother instead of wondering around the adult's party while their parents are constantly being worried about where and what their kids are doing (that's what I would be doing, at least). Even with a lifeguard there I would still be having to watch them AND entertain them all night.
Posted by CamilleJon[/QUOTE]
Please point out where the OP stated she was going to hire a licensed teacher to babysit at her wedding.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" /> And making assumptions just makes you look like an ass. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />