Wedding Party

Bridesmaid help please.

I'm getting married in one month.  Two days ago my maid of honor texted me saying that she no longer wanted to be a part of my wedding, and that she hopes there are no hard feelings.  The problem is, now I have no bridesmaids at all, and my fiance has his cousin as his best man and my brother as his groomsman.  

Do I put my brother on my side and have them walk up seperatly?  My fiance doesn't think he should stand on my side, but I don't want to be up there alone.  My brother wants to be a part of the wedding, as does his cousin, and I obviously don't want to just say "no groomsmen at all".  

What would you do in this situation? 

Re: Bridesmaid help please.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0c60e999-c8cc-4b64-a879-a4cc92b8095dPost:f5cad55c-b170-4fd3-a515-67736b6641a6">Bridesmaid help please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm getting married in one month.  Two days ago my maid of honor texted me saying that she no longer wanted to be a part of my wedding, and that she hopes there are no hard feelings.  The problem is, now I have no bridesmaids at all, and my fiance has his cousin as his best man and my brother as his groomsman.   Do I put my brother on my side and have them walk up seperatly?  My fiance doesn't think he should stand on my side, but I don't want to be up there alone.  My brother wants to be a part of the wedding, as does his cousin, and I obviously don't want to just say "no groomsmen at all".   What would you do in this situation? 
    Posted by ThroughTheWoods[/QUOTE]
    You have two options - stand up by yourself or have your brother on your side.  It would be incredibly rude and hurtful to kick your FI's groomsmen out of the wedding, for any reason, let alone one as silly as this.  Why doesn't your FI think your brother should stand on your side?  I can't think of one good reason to object to that.



  • there is no reason why your brother cannot stand on your side.  In my opinion, any objection your fiance has is ridiculous, unless it has to do with some medical reason that your brother can't face west because he will have a seizure or something ridiculous like that.  Just because someone has a penis, doesn't mean he can't stand next to you.  It's your brother for crying out loud, not an ex boyfriend.

    You already selected this groomsman and your brother to be in the wedding,you don't kick them out just because your MOH dropped out.
  • Tell your FI he's making the wedding way more complicated than it has to be. your brother should have been standing on your side in the first place.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0c60e999-c8cc-4b64-a879-a4cc92b8095dPost:73490d52-71c8-4b29-8336-833d838ab22a">Re:Bridesmaid help please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tell your FI he's making the wedding way more complicated than it has to be.<strong> your brother should have been standing on your side in the first place</strong>.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    There's no rule for this.  I do agree though that there is no reason why your brother should not stand next to you now.  Tell your FI that he is being ridiculous and selfish by insisting that your brother remain on his side.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0c60e999-c8cc-4b64-a879-a4cc92b8095dPost:73490d52-71c8-4b29-8336-833d838ab22a">Re:Bridesmaid help please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tell your FI he's making the wedding way more complicated than it has to be. <strong>your brother should have been standing on your side in the first place.
    </strong>Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    Why should her brother have been on her side in the first place? What if her brother was friends with the groom before the groom meet her? I get that he is HER BROTHER but what if he is one the grooms NEAREST AND DEAREST? Does DNA dictate what side someone is on?
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • My step-brother stood up beside my step-sister when she married.  My FI's BM is female.  Gender  or having even "sides" isn't important here.  What's important is having the people you care about stand beside you. :)
  • In Response to Re:Bridesmaid help please.:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaid help please.:Tell your FI he's making the wedding way more complicated than it has to be. your brother should have been standing on your side in the first place.Posted by PeledreamsofrainWhy should her brother have been on her side in the first place? What if her brother was friends with the groom before the groom meet her? I get that he is HER BROTHER but what if he isnbsp;one the grooms NEAREST AND DEAREST? Does DNA dictate what side someone is on? Posted by StephJean83[/QUOTE]

    Um, I would hope she's closer to her brother than some dude who's marrying his sister. From the way the poster was talking, he was relegated to the groom's side because he has male gonads. So yes, he shouldnt have been over there in the first place.

    The only exception would be if the groom and he were best friends, but that's not how this was presented.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0c60e999-c8cc-4b64-a879-a4cc92b8095dPost:f0033a51-9ce2-4ba3-8e2d-f10c3f1e6233">Re:Bridesmaid help please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaid help please.: Um, I would hope she's closer to her brother than some dude who's marrying his sister. From the way the poster was talking, he was relegated to the groom's side because he has male gonads. So yes, he shouldnt have been over there in the first place. The only exception would be if the groom and he were best friends, but that's not how this was presented.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    I'd sure hope that with the OP and her FI getting married that at this point her brother doesn't think of his FBIL as "some dude marrying my sister". My FSIL and I are very close, even closer than her and her brother(my FH) and I can't imagine not having her stand by me at our wedding. My FH is alot closer to MY nephew than I am(I'm close to my nephew but the boys have bonded over the years) and he can't imagine marrying me without my nephew as one of his GM. I was just asking if DNA trumps NEAREST AND DEAREST(which is highly talked about in these posts). <strong>Based on the logic that her family is on her side and his family is on his side</strong>(regardless of gender because that doesn't matter), my FSIL has to stand by her brother and my nephew has to stand by me even though I want his sister by me and he wants my nephew by him. Am I understanding that correctly?
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0c60e999-c8cc-4b64-a879-a4cc92b8095dPost:474f8d6f-bc98-4b4f-b210-b94be5e372e4">Re: Bridesmaid help please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]The only people who are at weddings to be paired up are the bride and groom. Dogs need to be walked. People don't.  Your wedding party are grownups who have been getting in and out of rooms all their lives by themselves. They won't be traumatized if they have to do it themselves at the wedding instead of on the arm of a groomsman or bridesmaid that they probably don't even know. I don't where people get this "even sides" idea.  The guests sure don't count the wedding party members and elbow each other if Sue has more women than Joe has men. They pair up and the odd one falls in behind, they walk single file, they do a weave (one maid starts down, then a man and so forth).  Brides waaaaaay overthink this.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    This sounds so judgy - she's not freaking out b/c she has 3 and he has 4, she's upset b/c she has 0 and doesn't want to stand up there alone. 

    Are you and your MOH on the outs or was there another reason for her stepping down?  I'd talk to her first - see if there's something you can do to help.  Maybe she's strapped financially and can't get the dress or can't buy a plane ticket.  If there's something you can do to help this may not be an issue at all.  If she's set that she doesn't want to stand up then I agree that you should either have no one stand up on your side or move your brother over. 

    The WP doesn't actually need to STAND during the wedding; they could process in and then sit down so it's just you and FI up there if that makes you more comfortable. Is you FI resistant to the switch because of the gender role or b/c he and your brother are close and he wants your brother by him?   Switching sides might make your brother feel like a bit of a pawn (you didn't want him on your side until you had no one else, etc.) so I'd mull over the idea of leaving them both where they are (but possibly sitting) and see if you'd be okay with that first.  During posed photos you can of course make it more balanced
  • In Response to Re:Bridesmaid help please.:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaid help please.:In Response to Re:Bridesmaid help please.: Um, I would hope she's closer to her brother than some dude who's marrying his sister. From the way the poster was talking, he was relegated to the groom's side because he has male gonads. So yes, he shouldnt have been over there in the first place. The only exception would be if the groom and he were best friends, but that's not how this was presented.Posted by PeledreamsofrainI'd sure hope that with the OP and her FI getting married that at this point her brother doesn't think of his FBIL as "some dude marrying my sister". My FSIL and I are very close, even closer than her and her brothermy FH and I can't imagine not having her stand by me at our wedding. My FH is alot closer to MY nephew than I amI'm close to my nephew but the boys have bonded over the years and he can't imagine marrying me without my nephew as one of his GM. I was just asking if DNA trumps NEAREST AND DEARESTwhich is highly talked about in these posts. Based on the logic that her family is on her side and his family is on his sideregardless of gender because that doesn't matter, my FSIL has to stand by her brother and my nephew has to stand by me even though I want his sister by me and he wants my nephew by him. Am I understanding that correctly? Posted by StephJean83[/QUOTE]

    Nope, you are ignoring parts of my post so you can pick a fight for some reason. I'm sorry that you are having a rough day, I hope it improves for you.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0c60e999-c8cc-4b64-a879-a4cc92b8095dPost:ca6e75a1-b30b-4baa-a25c-2e74f2adf6aa">Re:Bridesmaid help please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaid help please.: Nope, you are ignoring parts of my post so you can pick a fight for some reason. I'm sorry that you are having a rough day, I hope it improves for you.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]


    I didn't see anywhere in the OP that said because her brother has a penis he was standing by the groom. I saw that she had a MOH and he BM and GM. Now that her MOH has dropped out she thought of having her brother now stand by her and her FI wanted him to stay on his side. I didn't realize that meant because he has a penis, I thought that maybe her FI and her brother are good friends and he wanted him to stand by him still. Than another poster said that her brother should have been standing on her side in the first place anyways and not her FI. I wanted to know where in the "rules of wedding planning" it states that because 2 people are related if they are in the WP they have to be on that side. I wasn't picking a fight, I was wanting to know the reasoning behind forcing someone on one side or another just because of DNA vs being the NEAREST AND DEAREST to someone. I know plenty of people who aren't very close to their siblings but the SO is(my FH and his sister vs me and his sister). I was just pointing out that if you used the logic of DNA dictating what side someone is on, my FH will be on his side vs mine even though I can't imagine marrying my FH without his sis on my side.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0c60e999-c8cc-4b64-a879-a4cc92b8095dPost:4e112764-0355-49eb-91b5-b0a351ab5d2a">Re: Bridesmaid help please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, I don't think you do get it, Stage.  She doesn't "need" to change anything.  Nobody has to be moved. Leave it as is. She is worrying about something that is a non-issue: where everyone stands. Sorry you missed the point. 
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]



    As someone that sometimes suffers from unpredictable social anxiety I would never ever want to walk or stand alone at my wedding. I do not think her request is unreasonable. She wasn't bringing in someone extra because ZOMGZ The sides will be uneven!!! She didn't want to stand alone, and that's ok.

    OP I think I would bring my brother over because I would not want to stand alone either. You will have your fiancé, though. So that's a consideration too!
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