Bachelorette party - they want me to pick a date

amarch · June 2010

My bridesmaids offerred to throw me a bachelorette party, which I know is very sweet of them:) They asked me to let them know which dates I could do, so I emailed them all with a list of weekends that worked for me. They replied to all with the dates that worked for them, and there was no date that worked for everyone (2 dates tied for working for the most ppl).

Now they are all waiting for me to respond to the email again/pick a date. I don't want to pick a date that leaves someone out, plus I feel like that would cross the line into me planning my own party.

Should I respond with something like "Well let me know when you guys figure it out"? Or I'm tempted to just say "I really just want to get to hang out with all of you before the wedding, so I could just meet up with each of you for a girls night instead of doing a bach party."

lizstill13 · June 2010

I would just let them know that those are the only dates that work for you. Tell them that you understand if some people can't make it and you'll truly miss them not being there. I think everyone has to understand that not everyone will be available for everything. And who knows, whoever has plans might change them in order to come to your party, but I don't think it should be left to you to decide who gets left out.

amarch · June 2010

My worry is that they will have a hard time picking a date among them, because they aren't all friends and there are 2 dates that work for all but 1 person (not the same person for both dates). I don't want my bach party to cause conflict for them. I was really looking forward to having a bachelorette party, but now I feel like it might be easiest just to tell them not to worry about it. But is that also rude since they already offerred and I already accepted?

lizstill13 · June 2010

If they are already trying to plan I think it would be rude to turn around now and say no thanks.

Generally in these situations we say to stay out of the planning if at all possible. If you have other weekends, go ahead and mention them, but let them know that that is it. Then try to just let them sort it amongst themselves. Like I said before, not everyone will be able to make it to everything, and that does suck, but it happens. Case in point: my sister never had a 10 year high school reunion because everyone was too concerned about so-and-so not being able to come they never could decide on a date.

danieliza1127 · June 2010

I would probably respond and say that I didn't want to pick one of those dates because I would be excluding one person either way, so leave it to them to decide or start from scratch and pick new dates in a different month.

SuMmErKuTiE · June 2010

I would respond letting them know that there isn't a single day that accomodates everyone and you don't want it to be left up to you to decide. Let them know again which dates you are free and let them work it out amongst themselves. I just checked your bio and it says your wedding isn't until the end of August, that's plenty of time for someone to volunteer to take the night off from work or switch shifts with someone so they don't lose out on any pay, and then this way everyone will be able to come out and celebrate your bachelorette.

amarch · June 2010

Thanks for the advice everyone. Unfortunately I really did give them a list of ALL the weekends between now and the wedding that I can do, and all the reasons they can't make it to some are travel related. So I can't just give them more dates or hope they change a work shift.

I am fine with not all of them being able to make it. I just wish 1 date worked for the majority, so that they didn't have to decide whether BM1 or BM2 will be the one to miss it:( How about emailing them this:

"Looks like there's no date that will accomodate everyone:( I totally understand that not everyone can make it to everything, and I don't feel right deciding who should be involved, so I'm leaving it to you guys to decide if you want to do any of those dates."

danieliza1127 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-party-want-pick-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:3645d5ae-0868-4623-8ea9-71fefc8abcabPost:005101b1-35db-4aef-be11-0ba1cb33ed89">Re: Bachelorette party - they want me to pick a date</a>:
[QUOTE] How about emailing them this: "Looks like there's no date that will accomodate everyone:( I totally understand that not everyone can make it to everything, and I don't feel right deciding who should be involved, so I'm leaving it to you guys to decide if you want to do any of those dates."
Posted by amarch[/QUOTE]

That sounds great to me.

waltzingmatilda13 · June 2010

I think that's all you can do.

tommyandy · June 2010

Flip a coin to pick one of the two dates. Then send a separate email to the girl who can't make it to that day & see if she wants to hang out or do lunch or a movie on the date that works for her. This will let her know that you still want to spend time with her. HTH

CaptainHejah · June 2010

I had the same problem since half my bridesmaids live in RI and the other half in MA. We did two bachelorette parties. Between the two no one was excluded and some of the girls were able to make it to both. And as an extra bonus is you get two fun girl's nights!

Bachelorette party - they want me to pick a date

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