Growing up, I was never close to my sister, M. We are exact opposites, me being more conservative, her being loud and outspoken. Neither of us shared hobbies, refused to hang out together (until after I moved out) and had to be bribed in order to play together.
I have only known my best friend, C, for a year and a half, but she's the most organized, outgoing, friendly and protective person I know. Without her in my life, I probably would not have had the confidence to have agreed to go out with my now-fiance in the first place and I can envision no person better to be my Maid of Honor.
But when I told my mom I had named C my MOH instead of my sister, she took great offense to it and keeps arguing with me about it, talking about obligation and how friendships don't last and family is forever, constantly guilt tripping me. I think that with the belief that if you live through your relationships thinking it wont last, it won't. I put more credance into my relationships and treat them like they'll be there forever. If they aren't, then fine. But I don't believe in being pessimistic.
My sister seems indifferent to the whole thing. She's mulled over the ring as being "pretty, but not something she'd see as an engagement ring." The things she's said to me have never been malicious but I'm not sure if I'm not reading into it enough or something. She's never complained, and for years she's said she doesn't believe in marriage and says she'll never get married.
The other day, I brought up my argument and it went something like this:
"You know, I named my sister MOH. I did that because you never know if your friends will last, but you always know family is forever. I'm not making this decision for you, but sisters are meant to be the maid of honor." - Mom
"M doesn't even want to get married and doesn't even believe in the whole thing. Sure, I agreed that she'd be my MOH if I am hers -- but that was when I was 11! And she doesn't even want to get married, so I'm supposed to name her MOH and give her a huge part in my wedding when I'm not even going to get to witness her get married?"
"She's right, I don't believe in marriage." -Sister (a commitmentphobe)
"Well she doesn't know what love is, that'll change when she finds it. This is your wedding, it's your decision and I'm not telling you what to do, but down the road, you're going to regret it if you and C aren't friends anymore. I'm trying to save you from this regret now."
"If I believe C and I won't be friends for a long time now and treat the relationship like it isn't, then it won't last. I want to live in the moment and have her be an important part of my life, regardless if she's there down the road or not."
Then my mom keeps badgering me about how I'll be upset when my sister gets married and I'm not her MOH. I don't know if I even ever want to be a MOH to anyone, I'm too disorganized (It's one trait my sister and I share). Then she brings up the whole, "she doesn't know what love is" again.
The more my mom argues with me, the more my sister gets upset. And I feel more and more guilty, and my sister is starting to agree with my mom even though I don't think she did before.
My mother keeps guilting me into it, and every other sentance she says is, "I'm not trying to make this decision for you, but..." or "this is your decision, but..."
Why would my mom be causing this much trouble when there was none before? Even if my sister was offended, I probably would have still chosen C because she's so on top of things, responsible, organized, smart, creative and both my sister and I are procrastinators/disorganized.
How do I confront the situation when my mom is the kind of people that think if you disagree with them, it's the worst thing ever and acts as though you've personally offended them. I know the attitude she will give me if I go up to her and explain my feelings. She'll probably throw her hands in the air, proclaim "FINE!" and not talk to me and resent me.
What can I do??