this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion

Future Sister-In-Law in the Bridal Party?

stardustbabeystardustbabey
in Wedding Party
I had only planned on 4 bridesmaids (maid of honor included) and they are 4 girls I've known since childhood. Immediately after our surprise engagement dinner (the night of my fiance's proposal), his father pulled me aside to remind me that my fiance and sister are very close and her feelings would be hurt if she wasn't apart of the bridal party (she was not at the dinner, because we live in a different state than his family).

When we talked about it, my fiance didn't think it was a big deal to not include her. As he put it, "It would be weird. It would be you and your best friends up there... and then her at the end. She's a big girl. She'll live." I have 2 brothers, neither of which we had planned to include as groomsmen. But as time has gone by, it has come to light that his parents think it is a big deal to not include her. 

She and I are not close. My fiance and I have lived in a separate state from his family since we started dating and his sister is 4 years younger than me. I asked my 2 closest friends from high school to be ushers rather than bridesmaids because I wanted a small bridal party, and now I feel like I'm snubbing them and being forced to accomodate my future in-laws. On the other hand, I don't want to set a bad precedent with his parents.

How do I handle this?!?!!?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Future Sister-In-Law in the Bridal Party?

  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Simple -- she can stand up on your fiance's side.  If HE doesn't want her to stand up for him then he can break it to his parents that she won't be a part of the wedding party.  You could also have her do a reading...otherwise, she has the honor of being a guest!
    Report Reply
  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    You get to choose your BP and your FI get to choose his. If you do not want to include her on your side there is nothing stopping your FI from including her on his side if it is that big of a deal to his family.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
    Report Reply
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Let her stand on his side, but only if HE wants her to. It is nobody's place to choose the WP for a bride and groom.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • beardownbchsbeardownbchs member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_advice-from-a-sister-of-the-groom

    Read this thread. Sure your experience may be different, but there's a good chance both of you will be very aware of the fact that she was not a first choice. It's perfectly okay not to include her and in situations like this, I think it's better not to. There's too many ways this could go bad. For myself and other girls in this other thread, it made the relationship worse. 

    Sure it's not totally normal yet, but as PPs have said, it's 100% okay to have mixed sides. Your brother can have her on his side.

    If it comes up again with your FILS, bean dip them:

    FILS: "So what about Susie being a bridesmaid?"
    You:"Fiance and I have talked about it and we're happy with the people we've chosen. Have you tried this bean dip?!" 
    FILS: "But...Susie.."
    You: "This is the bestest bean dip ever!"

    (can I just say that this is the first time I have been able to recommend bean dipping and I'm kind of irrationally excited about it Smile)
    Report Reply
  • mvance3mvance3
    100 Comments
    I like PP's idea of letting your FI have her on his side (my FI has a woman standing on his side, too).  However, if that's not an option, maybe find another way to include her but not as a member of the bridal party?  She could do a reading (scripture, poem, etc) at the ceremony or she can act as an usher...yes, they're typically men, but hey...it's 2013.  There are plenty of other lesser roles she could fill as well...she could pass out programs, toss items (confetti, birdseed...whatever you're doing), she could man the guest book...like I said...lots of little roles she could fill to make her feel included.  Good luck!
    Report Reply
  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_future-sister-in-law-in-the-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ba23e476-e5eb-48ab-98f3-4c01114fd1bdPost:ab0be67e-8642-4df7-95b9-7b4df191a723">Re: Future Sister-In-Law in the Bridal Party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I like PP's idea of letting your FI have her on his side (my FI has a woman standing on his side, too).  However, if that's not an option, maybe find another way to include her but not as a member of the bridal party?  She could do a reading (scripture, poem, etc) at the ceremony or she can act as an usher...yes, they're typically men, but hey...it's 2013.  There are plenty of other lesser roles she could fill as well...<strong>she could pass out programs, toss items (confetti, birdseed...whatever you're doing), she could man the guest book...like I said...lots of little roles she could fill to make her feel included.</strong>  Good luck!
    Posted by mvance3[/QUOTE]

    <div>OP please don't do any of the bolded, it is not good advice. Passing out programs, manning the guest book, and tossing things aren't ways to include people. These are all b*tch work and in no way an honour.</div>
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
    Report Reply
  • speedyblazer11speedyblazer11 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    Let FI handle his family. He can always have her on his side. Or has he even asked her if she would be hurt if she wasn't included? Maybe she would be ok not having to do the wedding walk and just enjoy being a guest. Do not stress over this.
    Report Reply
  • TayBeach2013TayBeach2013
    100 Comments
    The only reasons my FSILs are in the WP is because they're my best friends already - my own sisters weren't invited to stand with me (we're not close).  Don't let anyone pressure you to include someone you really would rather not.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    Daisypath Vacation tickers
    *** September 2013 Signature Challenge: Hair Inspiration! ***
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
  • AjulianaAjuliana member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    My brother and his wife lived several states away, and she had a large BP already.  My parents threw a huge fit about her not including me or my other two sisters.  But instead of whining about how much bigger the wedding party would be, she graciously asked me to be a bridesmaid, and had my much younger sisters choose bible readings for the ceremony.  

    Is it that big of a deal to go from 4 to 5 bridesmaids?  This woman is a part of your new family.  You don't HAVE to let her in, but it would be a very considerate way to include her.  

    Frankly, at just 23 years old,  I have seen many a best friend come and go.  Which is why my bridal party is family only.  My two sister in laws, my two sisters, and my cousin as MOH.
    image

    Previously Alaynajuliana


    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards