Potluck?

riyatt007 · April 2011

I have a huge family and my wedding Is going to have a lot of people. We are having it in a private location and I was just going to have the ceramony/reception at the same place. Would it be tacky to have a bbq/potluck reception? Or does anyone have any Ideas? Thank you

Milsey32 · April 2011

Well I have a "huge" family too (My mom's from a family of 8 kids) but we didn't even think of a potluck because it's not how weddings are done in my family or FI's or whatever... it's not a bad idea if that's what people do in your family or where you come from, but as a guest, idk if I'd really want to prep something ... I'm usually all for BBQs and potlucks but I just didn't imagine a wedding ever being a potluck style

pinkrn19 · April 2011

It seems to be generally not acceptable on the boards- you're hosting a party so people shouldn't have to provide their own food.

deepcovejackie · April 2011

For so many reasons, a potluck presents logistical issues. How to keep the food warm/cold? Food safety preparation issues are another concern, ie what if Aunt Mildreds special potato salad comes with a side of E coli.? Who serves, and does dishes afterward?

The reception is meant to host your guests and thank them for coming. They should not have to prepare the food.

GL planning.

Soon2BeMrsTing · April 2011

I would advise against this idea. As pps said, the logistical issues are myriad (and I speak from having traveled across the country to attend a family member's potluck reception) but aside from that, many people feel that a wedding is not an appropriate occasion to have a potluck. Your guests will be dressing up, traveling to be with you and (most) will probably bring a gift, monetary or in some other form. Why would you ask them to supply the food?

You will come across as very ungracious to some, if not many, of your guests if you go this route. I guarantee it.

aegrish · April 2011

Yes it would be tacky. The possibility of food borne illnesses scare me to death with potlucks, whether theyre at a wedding or not. If anything have a cake and punch reception so no one is obligated to bring a dish to pass. And make sure the reception isn't at dinner time....Or a lot of brides on here have had a bbq. That seems to make a lot more sense then a potluck.

mary9449 · April 2011

Not only would it be tacky and rude for you to ask guests to bring food, it probably wouldn't end up as well as you think it would. You can find good caterers that can do something laid back for inexpensive. Do a bbq or have subs or something along that line. It won't cost a ton and you know you won't run out of food or have too much/not enough of another. Avoid the potlock style at all costs!

butterflyroy78 · April 2011

I went to my FSIL's potluck wedding (in another state) last year. I was so appalled with having to travel, go to the store to purchase the food, prepare the food and bring it.....this is a caterer's job, not mine. And I already shelled out $100 for a gift??? What did you pay for? It just rubbed me wrong, and you will have to prepare for lot's of snarky responses(as she did get them). I would definately advise against this.

lyndausvi · April 2011

It's not something that would go over well in my group.

In additional to some of the reasons already listed. To me it really doesn't safe money. I mean sure, it saves the couple money, but ingredients, time, electricity are all still be bought/used. So basically you are only deferring the costs to other people. Not really cool in my book.

But hey if you are in a fellowship like the Duggars that it might be okay. Then again if you are in a community like the Duggars you would already know the answer a would to be asking the question.

eta - my response is about potluck. If you wanted to host a BBQ and have say your parents or someone close to bring in sides or something I think that would be okay.

mctlong · April 2011

Great idea! Go for it! I'd definatly attend a potluck wedding.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:f398feb3-92b9-4225-8143-fef5d2c0d29aPost:63a89489-8103-43c9-bf97-08abbe2e5f70">Re: Potluck?</a>:
[QUOTE]Great idea! Go for it! I'd definatly attend a potluck wedding.
Posted by mctlong[/QUOTE]

I am truly curious...why do you think this is a good idea?

redheadtmk · April 2011

I think it depends on your guests. You know your crowd. It is common at our church for the couple to host a pie/dessert reception where the entire congregation is invited to a simple ceremony and then the reception. The guests all bring a pie or other dessert to share with everyone. When you have a large family, lots of friends, and an entire church you really want at your wedding, this works. Most of the couples who do this just graduated college, are poor and in debt.

However this is different than a potluck where people are bringing food dishes. The things the others said about keeping it warm etc are valid. If you did a BBQ and had people who didnt fly in bring some cold side dishes that would be okay IMO. Not all circles expect the couple to provide everything. Just make sure either the timeline allows for nothing to go bad (ie salads with mayo getting too warm) or that there is somewhere to store them and keep cool. good luck. do a little more brain storming, consider your crowd and i am sure you will come up with something that works.

mctlong · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:f398feb3-92b9-4225-8143-fef5d2c0d29aPost:64e7f252-e971-4fc6-82b8-46905b18091d">Re: Potluck?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Potluck? : I am truly curious...why do you think this is a good idea?
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Are you kidding me? This is a fantastic idea. Its edgy, its fun, its casual, and its memorable because its unique.

We're not talking about a poorly planned office potluck here. A wedding potluck can work. My brother and sister-in-law had a potluck bbq lunch reception when they got married ten years ago. They had just graduated high school and were looking for ways to save money. This idea worked very well. The couple bought the meat for the bbq and drinks and guests brought side dishes. Although bringing food was optional, lots of people brought dishes. Many people enjoy cooking. Everyone had a great time at the reception and my brother and his wife didn't have to spend thousands of dollars or go into debt paying for it.

A wedding is first and foremost a celebration bringing two families together. If your family regularly celebrates with potlucks, I say go for it. In my opinion - it would be better to do a potluck and invite everyone you want than to do a more formal meal and have to limit the number of guests who can attend.

reba0212 · April 2011

I have left several comments on several blogs about this matter, and after reading some of you all comments I just HAD to leave a comment. First of all to the ones you think it is tacky and rude: If YOU can afford catered affair good for you! but as the economy is going to hell in a hand basket, there are PLenty of couples who can not afford to have their wedding catered, much less cater their own wedding. What I think is rude and tacky is for other brides to ditch another brides plan. I am a LOW income bride on disability and SSI and only get paid monthly by social security, my fiance is the same. I think a potluck wedding reception is a great idea, not only will close family and friends want to help, but it will be a fun and memorable reception. I plan on doing a potluck wedding reception. As for all the brides out there... My favorite saying is if you dont like it: too bad ssooo sad!! this is my wedding and my fiance's wedding and what we want and can afford is what counts. the brides who think its tacky and rude are usually the one who can afford a $2000 dollar to $10,000 dollar wedding and are strick on wedding rules. Well like I have said with the economy the way it is, the rules have gone out the window. Be kind and sapportive to other brides!

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2011

If a couple can't afford a full meal at a reception, then they need to have their wedding at a non-meal time and host a cake and punch reception. The financial affairs of the B&G is NOT the guests' problem nor is it the guests' responsibility to provide food. Having a limited budget does not make it okay to pass off the food on your guests. Having a limited budget does not make it okay to be poor hosts.

reba0212 · April 2011

I donot have a chop on my shoulder, I love wedding's and I love my plans for my wedding. I just do not think its right for other brides to ditch eachothers plans. I think it is just wrong and it makes for bad carma. I have nothing against anyone who can or cant afford catering for their wedding, all I am saying is brides can be more sapportive of other brides. People in general can be more sapportive of people. especially on their special day. Here is a couple of links about potluck receptions for people who want the info!!http://offbeatbride.com/2009/06/potluck-wedding-tacky

http://offbeatbride.com/2008/03/kirstens-community-potluck-wedding

http://2000dollarwedding.com/2009/04/case-for-potluck-wedding.html

I in know way am agry or ticked off or have a chip on my shoulder, I just feel like I need to stick up for the brides who are being ditched as I am one also. I have done LOTS of reserch on the matter. And potluck receptions are not that uncommon for small wedding's like mine. My wedding is all close family and weare constantly doing potlucks at thanksgiving and christmas and other holidays. And knowone in my family ever gets upset, they love helping out. I am happy for all the brides out there who can even have a wedding. I think its wonderful! Really I do. I know a close friend who was not able to have a wedding at all she was liturally broke and her fiance was in and out of hospital. they went to the justice of the piece, but I can tell you that her mom and dad and his parents were upset that they did not ask for help for the food. her mom even mentioned to me about a potluck.

trix1223 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:f398feb3-92b9-4225-8143-fef5d2c0d29aPost:34763714-1057-483b-976f-ad46e695b5c7">Re: Potluck?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have left several comments on several blogs about this matter, and after reading some of you all comments I just HAD to leave a comment. First of all to the ones you think it is tacky and rude: If YOU can afford catered affair good for you! but as the economy is going to hell in a hand basket, there are PLenty of couples who can not afford to have their wedding catered, much less cater their own wedding. What I think is rude and tacky is for other brides to ditch another brides plan. I am a LOW income bride on disability and SSI and only get paid monthly by social security, my fiance is the same. I think a potluck wedding reception is a great idea, not only will close family and friends want to help, but it will be a fun and memorable reception. I plan on doing a potluck wedding reception. As for all the brides out there... My favorite saying is if you dont like it: too bad ssooo sad!! this is my wedding and my fiance's wedding and what we want and can afford is what counts. the brides who think its tacky and rude are usually the one who can afford a $2000 dollar to $10,000 dollar wedding and are strick on wedding rules. Well like I have said with the economy the way it is, the rules have gone out the window. Be kind and sapportive to other brides!
Posted by reba0212[/QUOTE]

See, though. Here's the thing. A wedding quite literally REQUIRES a bride, groom, officiant, and license. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING else is optional. So when you're planning a wedding, you behave like a grown-up.

You plan what you can afford. You have a simple courthouse ceremony, and then go out for pizza. You have a small church ceremony followed by cake and punch in the church hall.

A wedding doesn't have to have flowers, a full meal, music, dancing, expensive attire, pricey invitations, or much of the wedding the vast wedding industry says is a "must" for weddings.

So I think that if you can't afford to host a meal, that's fine! Don't host a meal. Just don't ask your guests to provide their own dinner for your wedding.

But good luck to you.

reba0212 · April 2011

Ok thats it... it seams you just dont understand wear I am coming from and I am sorry that you DONT!! I am sorry if it seemed like I was ditching other brides when I was trying to stick up for them. There are alote of people out there that just are not nice and dont have anything nice to say. I am sorry If I offended you, but I am doing a servec to other brides who are tired of people ditching them and they are all here with me now. I have SEVERAL friends who are on blogs and are constantly being ditched. I thought people were kind to eachother and respectful and sapportive . BOY was I wrong. It really makes me sad to know that people care more about being mean right about something than caring about people and what they want for their wedding. My mom " god bless her soul" is not around anymore and I swear she would roll over in her grave if she thought too many people were being mean to me. She used to say to me all the time, god love you, but god does not like ugly, in other words being mean .

I will pray for you and as I said before I am sorry you feel the way you do and I am sorry that I offended you. Hopefully one day you can put aside your anger about wedding's. God bless.

MyNameIsNot · April 2011

BBQ is fine. Cake and punch is fine. Not everyone can afford a fancy catered meal. Do what you can on your budget.

The one thing that is not ok is asking your guests to pay for your reception. You don't ask them to bring the food, just like you don't ask them to pay for their meal at the hall.

Some people are ok with potluck weddings. Different people have different tolerance levels for rude and selfish behavior. It doesn't mean it's ok, it just means that not everyone was raised to think it is necessary to treat your wedding guests with a minimal level of common manners. If you don't like these people, a potluck wedding is a great way to communicate your desire to insult them. If you like them, you're probably best to treat them with a little decency.

RamonaFlowers · April 2011

Man, there are way too many bride ditchings going on these days. I blame the mafia. Whenever things start ending up in ditches, it's always the mafia.

Goldlie11 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:f398feb3-92b9-4225-8143-fef5d2c0d29aPost:bcae8f62-4af6-403c-b615-06f472b94d9e">Re: Potluck?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok thats it... it seams you just dont understand wear I am coming from and I am sorry that you DONT!! I am sorry if it seemed like I was ditching other brides when I was trying to stick up for them. There are alote of people out there that just are not nice and dont have anything nice to say. I am sorry If I offended you, but I am doing a servec to other brides who are tired of people ditching them and they are all here with me now. I have SEVERAL friends who are on blogs and are constantly being ditched. I thought people were kind to eachother and respectful and sapportive . BOY was I wrong. It really makes me sad to know that people care more about being mean right about something than caring about people and what they want for their wedding. My mom " god bless her soul" is not around anymore and I swear she would roll over in her grave if she thought too many people were being mean to me. She used to say to me all the time, god love you, but god does not like ugly, in other words being mean . I will pray for you and as I said before I am sorry you feel the way you do and I am sorry that I offended you. Hopefully one day you can put aside your anger about wedding's. God bless.
Posted by reba0212[/QUOTE]
I'm kind of in shocked reading this. I'm almost wondering if this was written by an AE. Have you heard of spell check? It's at the bottom of the box. It looks like ABC with a check next to it.<div>
</div><div>If this is real, I will say that your attitude is offensive. To go around "ditching" people who are properly hosting their guests is plain wrong. It doesn't mean that we are wealthy at all. It means that we scrimped, sacrificed, and saved. It means that we planned a wedding that we could afford.</div><div>
</div><div>As for potlucks, if they are very common in your social circle, then I say go for it. However, in my family we don't do potlucks for weddings. We also don't believe in cash bar. Even if the "bar" is just a couple of bottles of liquor and some juice. </div>

reba0212 · April 2011

God do you all read, I said I was sorry if you all were offended..... ok enough is enough. you guys just dont have feelings at all. good greif. I AM SORRY! I AM SORRY YOU DONT KNOW WHERE I AM COMING FROM. i DID NOT MEAN TO OFFEND OTHER PEOPLE. gOD i TRY TO STICK UP FOR BRIDES AND i END UP THE BAD GUY. i AM SORRY! FOR NOW ON i WILL JUST LEAVE COMMENTS FOR PEOPLE WHO AGREEE OR ARE UNDERSTANDING.

reba0212 · April 2011

OH AND BY THE WAY i HAVE EXSTREAM ra SO i AM SORRY IF i CANT TYPE PROPERLY ENOUGH FOR YOU OR GET THE SPELL CHECK WRITE.

Goldlie11 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:f398feb3-92b9-4225-8143-fef5d2c0d29aPost:e2a72560-124c-4f17-9a90-e777395b0e51">Re: Potluck?</a>:
[QUOTE]God do you all read, I said I was sorry if you all were offended..... ok enough is enough. you guys just dont have feelings at all. good greif. I AM SORRY! I AM SORRY YOU DONT KNOW WHERE I AM COMING FROM. i DID NOT MEAN TO OFFEND OTHER PEOPLE. gOD i TRY TO STICK UP FOR BRIDES AND i END UP THE BAD GUY. i AM SORRY! <strong>FOR NOW ON i WILL JUST LEAVE COMMENTS FOR PEOPLE WHO AGREEE OR ARE UNDERSTANDING.</strong>
Posted by reba0212[/QUOTE]
The bolded sentence shows how much you don't get it. These boards aren't about validation. The OP asked the question. People answered and were pretty respectful. Most people find potlucks off putting unless it's very common in their family/social circle. You came back insulting people who do not want to force their guests to pay for the wedding. <div>
</div><div>You should go to the budget board and other boards. You will see that there are plenty of people having cake and punch receptions, and other types of receptions that do not require a caterer. Not hiring a caterer does not mean you have to do a potluck. So, your comments about those people are silly. You need to stop the name calling and just engage in conversation. </div>

trix1223 · April 2011

The word is dissing. Not ditching. Just for future reference, you know?

reba0212 · April 2011

I took some time away from this blog last night and thought and thought. I wanted to come on here this morning and apologize to any bride or person that I affended. I am truly sorry! I think I went about my comments in the wrong way. I should not ahve said some things and I am truly sorry about that. I dont like to affend anyone.

There is alote of debates out there about this matter and ditching brides should not be done and I think in alote of ways I did ditch and affend, I should not have done so. Everyone has their opinion and a right to their own opinion.

I think all brides are wonderful in their own way inside and out. Also if some brides dont like potlucks for their wedding that is thei opinion and choice and I am and will respect that. I am not a traditional bride at all in any way shape or form, I want something differant, unique, fun, and no fancy frills. with that siad... again I am sorry if I affended any of you guys.

puppetrick · June 2012

I wish you were around to talk to the crowd I'm dealing with on MY post about potlucks! Everyone is attacking me!!

. Everyone had a great time at the reception and my brother and his wife didn't have to spend thousands of dollars or go into debt paying for it. A wedding is first and foremost a celebration bringing two families together. If your family regularly celebrates with potlucks, I say go for it. In my opinion - it would be better to do a potluck and invite everyone you want than to do a more formal meal and have to limit the number of guests who can attend.
Posted by mctlong[/QUOTE]

QueerFemme · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:f398feb3-92b9-4225-8143-fef5d2c0d29aPost:fd9dc731-42ba-4418-bbed-c588e9d99c18">Re: Potluck?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wish you were around to talk to the crowd I'm dealing with on MY post about potlucks! Everyone is attacking me!! . Everyone had a great time at the reception and my brother and his wife didn't have to spend thousands of dollars or go into debt paying for it. A wedding is first and foremost a celebration bringing two families together. If your family regularly celebrates with potlucks, I say go for it. In my opinion - it would be better to do a potluck and invite everyone you want than to do a more formal meal and have to limit the number of guests who can attend. Posted by mctlong[/QUOTE]
Posted by puppetrick[/QUOTE]

No one attacked you. We all told you your idea was bad and rude. That's not the same as attacking. you.

Not agreeing with you = your idea is not good... and this is why.

Attacking you = you are a dumb idiot and you shouldn't be allowed to live.

See the difference?

puppetrick · June 2012

So, I have a question...if any of you out there were invited, by a good friend - or even a regular acquaintance - to a wedding which read "potluck" anywhere on the reception card, would you just not go? Just curious...I know how most feel about it, b/c I already had my go-round with people on here berating me for having a potluck reception (which just makes me laugh now...). I can't WAIT to have my wedding - especially the reception - b/c it's going to be a fun, everyone-hang out-kickback-enjoy life-&-summer-&-the-celebration-of-the-union-which-had-taken-place-earlier-in-the-day-type of day.

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:f398feb3-92b9-4225-8143-fef5d2c0d29aPost:d188ff7d-2b13-417a-a02d-49b602875fcd">Re: Potluck?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, I have a question...if any of you out there were invited, by a good friend - or even a regular acquaintance - to a wedding which read "potluck" anywhere on the reception card, would you just not go? Just curious...I know how most feel about it, b/c I already had my go-round with people on here berating me for having a potluck reception (which just makes me laugh now...). I can't WAIT to have my wedding - especially the reception - b/c it's going to be a fun, everyone-hang out-kickback-enjoy life-&-summer-&-the-celebration-of-the-union-which-had-taken-place-earlier-in-the-day-type of day. :)
Posted by puppetrick[/QUOTE]

Holy effin crap!!!! You dug up a thread from April 2011?!?!?!?!

In answer to your question, if it were an acquaintance, no I would not go. If it were a good friend, I'd probably pony up the money myself for some sort of catering, even if it was sandwiches or chik-fil-A just to keep her and her husband (or vice versa) from making total asses of themselves by holding a potluck reception.

SugarFoote · June 2012

puppetrick-I wouldn't attend but if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't bring food. That's the hosts job.

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