Etiquette Question...

gmmoore21 · December 2009

My dear FI has been working really hard on creating an amazing wedding website for us so that our guests can stay up to date on all info related to our big day. While we did register at Macy's, we would really prefer that people give us cash instead of gifts. We both lived by ourselves for many years and when we moved in together, combined 2 very full households! There is really very little that we need at this point.
My FI looked into an option of registering with Paypal, so that our guests can sponsor us for different honeymoon activities or just give us a cash gift instead. He wants to list this on our wedding website (that we would prefer cash instead of the registered gifts), but I worry that would be extremely tacky and just, quite frankly, a giant NO-NO!
What are your thoughts on this?
TIA!

anna.oskar · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-question-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3416a082-0d38-4211-9c7e-f8c5d3c09464Post:1c1cb8cd-20a7-49ee-a6d7-b605a9183779">Etiquette Question...</a>:
[QUOTE]My dear FI has been working really hard on creating an amazing wedding website for us so that our guests can stay up to date on all info related to our big day. While we did register at Macy's, we would really prefer that people give us cash instead of gifts. We both lived by ourselves for many years and when we moved in together, combined 2 very full households! There is really very little that we need at this point. My FI looked into an option of registering with Paypal, so that our guests can sponsor us for different honeymoon activities or just give us a cash gift instead. He wants to list this on our wedding website (that we would prefer cash instead of the registered gifts), but I worry that would be extremely tacky and just, quite frankly, a giant NO-NO! What are your thoughts on this? TIA! :)
Posted by gmmoore21[/QUOTE]

you said it just right:

that would be extremely tacky and just, quite frankly, a giant NO-NO!

AmoroAgain · December 2009

Seriously?! PAYPAL?! Ugh.

No. Just, no.

Nebb · December 2009

You are correct, that is the epitome of tacky. Your preference for cash can be spread word of mouth, and you can say you want it if you are asked specifically, but thats it.

Smack your FI upside the head for me.

Brie2010 · December 2009

No. Just no.

Create a small registry. When people ask where you're registered, tell them, and say "we're also saving for a house (or whatever.)" Some people will want to buy you boxed gifts and if you don't give them some guidance, you'll get a lot of white elephant random stuff.

danieliza1127 · December 2009

Yep you're right, it's tacky.

The best way to communicate that you want cash is to not register at all. Then when people ask you or your parents where you are registered, you or they can say "oh we didn't register because we're already combining two households, but we are saving up for a new house (or whatever BIG thing you want to say)". That lets people know that cash is the best option for you.

wadingmoose · December 2009

Yeah. That is a big no no.

I'll be honest here. H and I combined two households. He's 40, I'm in my 30's. We did end up throwing out a LOT of stuff when we combined households.

Yet we still managed to find several things to register for. We had a pretty varied and full registry with a variety of price points. Even at this point in life, we're constantly replacing things or finding new things we need and/or want for the house.

Most people gave cash, however. But we did get some items from the registry. It isn't hard to do. You aren't the only one out there combining households and whatnot, but registering with paypal is just awful.

People have done honeymoon registries, but that's tricky as well and a lot of people think they're tacky because you're essentially asking for cash from people. And, to make it worse, a lot of them charge a fee for doing so, meaning your guests pay more than what you get. Which is awful.

redheadfsu · December 2009

No to paypal... My FI had the same BAD idea.

1. Have a very small registry. People get the hint.

2. Have MOB, FOB, MOH, etc. spread the word (not you.)

3. On you wedding website in the info about you two you can put something like," we are saving for a x." But do not put cash preferred anywhere.

squirrly · December 2009

Yep, that would be tacky. Avoid at all costs. Instead, on your website, you can link to the Macy's registry and also say, "We're saving toward a down payment on a larger home," or something similar. That's about it.

Brie2010 · December 2009

I agree with moose. For a registry, think upgrades and fun stuff. Right now, yeah, we have sheets on our bed, but they're cheapie ones from Target that are getting pilled already...so we're going to register for a nice set. We HAVE towels, but they're old and getting worn our, so we're replacing them. We don't NEED a stand mixer, since we have a crappy cheap hand mixer, but it would be nice to have. Et cetera.

MeaghanandMichael · December 2009

There is always the option to upgrade your existing things. Who wouldn't want 1200 thread count sheets? What about getting some great dinnerware for parties or an awesome bar set?

Just plase don't do PayPal.

JK10910 · December 2009

I've never really understood when people say they've been on their own for awhile so they have nothing to register. Yeah, so have FI and I. And we live together. But there are still lots of things we'd like. Like really soft, fluffy, super nice towels. Or nicer sheets. Small applicances (nice mixer, anyone?). A nice knife set. A nice set of frying pans.

I don't believe anyone has all the "nice" things they want. Ever.

So, I'm not trying to be rude or snarky, promise. But I'm saying if you can't think of more than a few things you want, you're probably not trying hard enough, or being creative enough!

MeaghanandMichael · December 2009

J&K, I agree. And on the flip side, if you really are blessed enough to have absolutely everything you want and need for your home, why hit people up for money for a vacation? It just doesn't correlate in my mind.

banana468 · December 2009

I totally agree M&M.

Why is it that because you have "everything you need" that suddenly people should give you gifts at a higher level than traditionally appropriate?

When it comes to gifts, sure they're for you but it's just not all about you.

JK10910 · December 2009

Also a very good point. For example, FI and I don't know if we'll be able to pay for a honeymoon right away. Well, that sucks, yeah. We'd love to be able to go on a nice honeymoon, but it's not a necessity. Honestly, I'd rather have kick ass pots and pans that we'll use for years, not offend anyone by asking for, and then save up any cash we get for a down payment towards a house. If we have extra after that, we'll go on an even more awesome vacation down the line.

I'm never offended by people asking for things for their lives together, even if they're really nice things. They'll last awhile! And some of the fun of registering is to hope for things that would be really nice/cool that you'd never buy for yourself. Do I want to pay for your $200 knife set? Yes, everyone needs a good knife set. Do I want to contribute $200 for you to go to Hawaii? No, not really.

mwhitson14 · December 2009

I wish you ladies would take a trip over to the HM board. Everyone's excuse for a HM registry is because they don't need anything else.

CaptiolBride · December 2009

I've seen it done...lol. I've seen people put "cash gifts prefered" in the invites too and it just makes you not wanna give anything. so I would just register for things you DONT have or do the honeymoon thing.

salt78 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-question-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3416a082-0d38-4211-9c7e-f8c5d3c09464Post:41fe2d11-8c56-4147-84a3-4fbff20bc004">Re: Etiquette Question...</a>:
[QUOTE]I've seen it done...lol. I've seen people put "cash gifts prefered" in the invites too and it just makes you not wanna give anything. so I would just register for things you DONT have or do the honeymoon thing.
Posted by CaptiolBride[/QUOTE]

You're a pretty smart new person. I agree with everything you said MINUS registering for the honeymoon thing. Which I consider to be tacky.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2009

Registries help people by telling them what kinds of things you need, in what colors, etc. Also, then you don't end up with duplicates (usually).

Ending up with duplicate monetary gifts isn't a problem. You also don't need to tell people you'd like money. Everyone likes money. It's always a welcome wedding gift. If people want to give money they can write a check or stop at the ATM on the way. You don't need to register for it.

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