maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas

jmsriane · September 2012

my maid of honor (my twin sister) want to bring her 6 month old and 2 year old to vegas for my wedding. i have told her that she wont have fun becuase it will be way to hot there for them, she wont be able to party with us, etc. suggestions on how to handle this?

calliopeia2013 · September 2012

What child care options are available, both for her back in her hometown (i.e. can their dad stay home with the kids?) and in Vegas (can she stay at a hotel that has daycare or nanny services?) Relatedly, why does she want to bring them so badly? I can't imagine wanting to fly with a 2 year old and a 6 month old unless there were no better options...

jagore08 · September 2012

A 2-year-old and 6-month-old are pretty young. I can understand why your sister wants to bring them. You think she won't have fun if they're there but what about her leaving them and constantly calling and checking up on them because she's worried? This is not a battle worth fighting. Let her bring her children if she chooses.

GoodLuckBear14 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-wants-to-bring-2-yr-old-and-6-month-old-to-vegas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1622091b-de15-4cad-9ab1-265874d5677ePost:58cbde2e-d4ac-4f0b-92cb-d6a25dfa9caf">maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas</a>:
[QUOTE]my maid of honor (my twin sister) want to bring her 6 month old and 2 year old to vegas for my wedding. i have told her that she wont have fun becuase it will be way to hot there for them, she wont be able to party with us, etc. suggestions on how to handle this?
Posted by jmsriane[/QUOTE]

Not to sound snarky but what makes you think she wants to party with you? She's a mother and more than aware of what her stay there will be like if she brings her kids. She is also in a better position than you to decide if Nevada will be too hot for the kids. Personally, I think if they can survive humid Atlanta summers, they will be find in a dry summer heat in the desert. Don't say another word.

pink34562000 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-wants-to-bring-2-yr-old-and-6-month-old-to-vegas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1622091b-de15-4cad-9ab1-265874d5677ePost:58cbde2e-d4ac-4f0b-92cb-d6a25dfa9caf">maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas</a>:
[QUOTE]my maid of honor (my twin sister) want to bring her 6 month old and 2 year old to vegas for my wedding. i have told her that she wont have fun becuase it will be way to hot there for them, she wont be able to party with us, etc. suggestions on how to handle this?
Posted by jmsriane[/QUOTE]

She can't leave her children unattended. Instead of providing silly excuses "you wouldn't have fun if you bring them" or "it's too hot for kids in Vegas", why don't you discuss with her some child care options? Is there a trusted friend or relative that could watch her kids at home or in Vegas during your wedding?

jmsriane · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-wants-to-bring-2-yr-old-and-6-month-old-to-vegas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1622091b-de15-4cad-9ab1-265874d5677ePost:3d312dfb-daa9-4757-a20c-64b81ade9922">Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas</a>:
[QUOTE]What child care options are available, both for her back in her hometown (i.e. can their dad stay home with the kids?) and in Vegas (can she stay at a hotel that has daycare or nanny services?) Relatedly, why does she want to bring them so badly? I can't imagine wanting to fly with a 2 year old and a 6 month old unless there were no better options...
Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]

she has options. their dad can stay behind and she has plenty of family in ohio were she lives that have already offered. i just want her to enjoy her time there. and we arent partying hard, but if we all go out as a group to do something i dont want her to feel left out nor do i want to feel bad

kmmssg · September 2012

I do agree that you need to drop the "you won't be able to have any fun" or "it will be too hot for them" arguments. That is insulting her intelligence even if that isn't your intent.

Here's how I see it: If she feels she must bring the children that is fine. However, you do NOT change your plans to make things kid friendly. i.e. - you don't skip the casino, you don't skip a nice restaurant or bar, etc because she has the kids in tow. It is her choice to bring them, but this is your wedding and your itinery.

I would just talk to her about your itinery and your plans and ask her how she sees the kids fitting into those things. I really do see how a couple of little ones could put a big damper on things in Vegas, but this is her decision to make.

I know this has sounded harsh and I don't mean it to. This is one of those deals where just because a person chooses to become a parent doesn't mean the rest of the world tailors those plans to be child friendly. She is your sister and she seems to be important to you. Chat about it and leave the decision to her, but don't insult her intelligence.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-wants-to-bring-2-yr-old-and-6-month-old-to-vegas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1622091b-de15-4cad-9ab1-265874d5677ePost:745d6cdf-6164-454c-9774-3b8962ac9100">Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas : she has options. their dad can stay behind and she has plenty of family in ohio were she lives that have already offered. i just want her to enjoy her time there. and we arent partying hard, but if we all go out as a group to do something i dont want her to feel left out nor do i want to feel bad
Posted by jmsriane[/QUOTE]

Is their dad not invited to the wedding? He might want to come. I know that I'd be pretty pissed if my FI was invited to a wedding but I was expected to stay home with the children.

Plus, might she still be breastfeeding? I know my friend breastfed for about 8 months, so, with a six month old, she really might not be able to leave the kids home. Not to mention - how many days is your wedding getaway? A two year old would not be that ok with mommy being gone for like 5 days...even if Daddy did get stuck at home.

jmsriane · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-wants-to-bring-2-yr-old-and-6-month-old-to-vegas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1622091b-de15-4cad-9ab1-265874d5677ePost:92d6e34c-3894-4fc8-87c6-9cca1d15838f">Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas</a>:
[QUOTE]You are WAY out of line trying to tell a grown woman whether or not she can bring her children on a trip with her. Stop trying to control others and make the plans you want to make. If she doesn't want to participate, she doesn't have to, kids or no kids. I have no children, but if I attended a Vegas wedding where my sibling was "partying hard", I would certainly decline and spend that portion of the trip by the pool. I promise that she won't be any more "fun' for you to party with if she's pissed and not speaking to you, or worse not there, all because you insisted on trying to dictate her family's plans and decisions.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

i am not trying to dictate my sister plan, there is a long family history that no one knows about. she is my twin sister, i think i know here a little better than you do. i am simply trying to make sure eveyone has fun and her kids arent pawn off on our parents or grandma while we are there. they are there for me not to watch her kids. i am not trying to insult her intelligence, frankly, my parents think she is doing it for attention.

jmsriane · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-wants-to-bring-2-yr-old-and-6-month-old-to-vegas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1622091b-de15-4cad-9ab1-265874d5677ePost:d4578909-73a6-4a4c-952a-ebcca90c6e59">Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas : Is their dad not invited to the wedding? He might want to come. I know that I'd be pretty pissed if my FI was invited to a wedding but I was expected to stay home with the children. Plus, might she still be breastfeeding? I know my friend breastfed for about 8 months, so, with a six month old, she really might not be able to leave the kids home. Not to mention - how many days is your wedding getaway? A two year old would not be that ok with mommy being gone for like 5 days...even if Daddy did get stuck at home.
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

the dad is invited and no she cant breast feed

pink34562000 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-wants-to-bring-2-yr-old-and-6-month-old-to-vegas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1622091b-de15-4cad-9ab1-265874d5677ePost:c1c6da8b-5625-4afb-a98b-34a3d99c0f69">Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas : i am not trying to dictate my sister plan, there is a long family history that no one knows about.she is my twin sister, i think i know here a little better than you do. i am simply trying to make sure eveyone has fun and her kids arent pawn off on our parents or grandma while we are there. they are there for me not to watch her kids. i am not trying to insult her intelligence, frankly, my parents think she is doing it for attention.
Posted by jmsriane[/QUOTE]

If there is a long family history that no one knows about, why are you posting a portion of your situation on a message board of strangers? We can only answer or advice based on the information that you have provided.

As for your parents believing that your sister is bringing her children for attention, are you concern that she and your nieces/nephews may be taking away attention from you? Really? Is that the real reason why you don't want your sister's kids to come to Vegas?

GoodLuckBear14 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-wants-to-bring-2-yr-old-and-6-month-old-to-vegas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1622091b-de15-4cad-9ab1-265874d5677ePost:c1c6da8b-5625-4afb-a98b-34a3d99c0f69">Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas : i am not trying to dictate my sister plan, there is a long family history that no one knows about. she is my twin sister, i think i know here a little better than you do.i am simply trying to make sure eveyone has fun and her kids arent pawn off on our parents or grandma while we are there. they are there for me not to watch her kids. i am not trying to insult her intelligence, frankly, my parents think she is doing it for attention.
Posted by jmsriane[/QUOTE]

Wow. Self-centered much? I can tell you right now that my mom would be planning on taking her grandbabies off my brother and SIL's hands for a few hours in this situation. DH and I would be making the same plans (we always plan to take them for an afternoon very time we are in town). If nobody wants to watch them, then they can say no.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-wants-to-bring-2-yr-old-and-6-month-old-to-vegas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1622091b-de15-4cad-9ab1-265874d5677ePost:79ee7c25-c4f9-4899-a19f-9a83ecd2e434">Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas : the dad is invited and no she cant breast feed
Posted by jmsriane[/QUOTE]

Well, if the dad is invited, then probably neither of them want him to stay at home with the kids. They want to celebrate your wedding together. So he really doesn't count as an option to why she could leave them home. And, while relatives could perhaps watch them, if they're from Ohio, then it's probably at least a 2 night trip you're talking. That's a long time for BOTH parents to be away from a 2 year old and a 6 month old. Have you looked into the place your having the wedding at either offering child care services or knowing good places you can hire? you can pass that info onto your twin. Or, if you have the money, just buy it. Then you don't have to deal with the family drama or the kids. It'll just be a part of the wedding plan - you party, the rent-a-nanny stays with the kids.

zitiqueen · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-wants-to-bring-2-yr-old-and-6-month-old-to-vegas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1622091b-de15-4cad-9ab1-265874d5677ePost:c1c6da8b-5625-4afb-a98b-34a3d99c0f69">Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas : i am not trying to dictate my sister plan, there is a long family history that no one knows about. she is my twin sister, i think i know here a little better than you do. i am simply trying to make sure eveyone has fun and her kids arent pawn off on our parents or grandma while we are there. they are there for me not to watch her kids. i am not trying to insult her intelligence, frankly, my parents think she is doing it for attention.
Posted by jmsriane[/QUOTE]

The only way she can successfully pawn her kids off on your parents or grandparents is if they agree to it. They're adults who are allowed to say no to her. If they choosing to not say no and are allowing her to take advantage of them, they are the problem, not her. She's getting free childcare out of the deal -- why on earth would she do anything to change that? She's got a sweet deal going!

Summer2011Bride · September 2012

Your sister gets to decide what to do with her own children. Sorry, but you should not have a say in this at all; they are her kids. Can you tell her the wedding invitation is just for her if that's the case (and SO if she has one)? Yes. That can't stop her from bringing the children to Vegas though. The reason of "it may be too hot" or "she won't have fun" doesn't hold much weight. Many parents enjoy being around their kids and have fun doing so. She can also choose to keep them inside in the AC if she feels it will be too hot for them. Or she can choose to not bring them.

The bottom line is, it is her CHOICE. Not yours.

kmmssg · September 2012

There is obviously backstory here that we don't know. I'm a Nana of 6 and if I was going to Vegas to see my DD or grandDD get married my babysitting services would be extremely minimal.

Do your parents or grandma just roll over and babysit whenever she wants? If so, they are the problem here. There is too much we don't know so it is hard to help you.

calliopeia2013 · September 2012

I agree with kmmssg that there seems to be backstory missing. "Doing it for attention" doesn't seem to be a strong enough reason for me to overcome what a PITA it is to fly with small children, especially long distances.

But, I mean, if she wants to sit in the hotel with her kids while everyone else goes out, I guess at the end of the day that's her choice.

Ali092011 · September 2012

I agree with those who say there's a back story. I love my nephews (ages 1 and 3) more than anything in the world, but I'm starting to see my sister becoming one of those moms who just assumes that her kids are welcome anywhere. And why would anyone ever want to spend any time with her without her kids there? I would imagine that you've probably made attempts to spend some time with her that wasn't completely centered around her children and it hasn't been successful. It isn't about being an AW or self-centered, it's simply about wanting to spend time with your sister without having Elmo singing in the background and having to stop what you're doing because someone needs a bottle or diaper. It's difficult to accept that kids change the dynamic of friendships. I also have to say that it bothered me very briefly that my sister didn't even for a second think that she should find a babysitter for my wedding--she simply made it very clear in several conversations that they were coming and that was that.

With all of that said, however, you are having a DW. It's a little different to insist on a no-children wedding when your guests are from the next town over. When travel is involved, you have to understand that she might not want to leave her kids so far away where she wouldn't be able to rush home if something happened.

I'm sure your sister will end up making time for you. If her husband is coming, too, I'm sure they can work out a schedule in which they can take turns seeing the sights and spending time with family/friends. But that is really up to them. Like PPs said, she knows the level of responsibility that bringing her kids entails, and she is making her decision knowing that she won't be able to party or go out as much. It sucks, but you just have to respect it.

kmmssg · September 2012

OP - you said your mom thinks your sister is doing this for attention and you mention your sister trying to pawn the kids off on your parents or g'ma. She can only get away with that if they allow it. Like I said before, I wouldn't allow it if I were in Vegas. I can babysit back home. Have you talked to your mom about this? Does your sister have a habit of assuming she has built in babysitters?

maid of honor wants to bring 2 yr old and 6 month old to vegas

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