Has anyone ever heard of..

chelseamb11 · February 2012

...people boycotting ALL wedding invitations until gay marriage is legalized?
One of my nearest and dearest friends is gay (and I have ZERO problem with it) and has posted a facebook status announcing he will not be attending any more weddings until gay marriage is legalized.

I'm kind of offended/hurt TBH. I can see boycotting weddings of people against gay marriage, but neither FI or myself is. It seems almost selfish to me.

WDYT?

chelseakopperud · February 2012

I think it is ridulous. By doing that, he is hurtin the people who support him (you) and it is not goign to change anything or do anything about legalizing gay marriage. I think it is ridiculous.

melfacto · February 2012

I haven't heard of anything like that, I would be hurt also, but I would talk with your friend about your feelings - that you are completely supportive of what he is doing but its hurts that he as one of your closest friends will not attend your wedding, especially when you and FI are so supportive...

CvilleClaire · February 2012

My officiant said there is some sort of boycott going on at the church where she was acting pastor last year. Maybe they said no church weddings? It seemed dramatic to me...but she could marry us at our vineyard without any conflict.

MMRoberts11 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:adb3f08b-fa74-4aa2-a061-7b2a9373ec45">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is ridulous. By doing that, he is hurtin the people who support him (you) and it is not goign to change anything or do anything about legalizing gay marriage. I think it is ridiculous.
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

This. I haven't heard of it but I find it kind of ridiculous.

acaponi87 · February 2012

Seems awfully silly to me. I'd say something to him--like PP said he's not doing anything to help his situation and he's hurting the people who support him.

SheilaDancer43 · February 2012

I haven't heard of that before! I would be hurt too! Honestly, that isn't going to do anything to help legalize it because the people not wanting gay marriage aren't going to invite gays to their weddings anyway, so they won't be hurt if they wouldn't have shown up (b/c they weren't invited in the first place). I think that's going a tad over board because all they are really doing are hurting the people that care about them/support them. The people inviting them to weddings aren't the ones they need to boycott against.

diamondx423 · February 2012

Ditto what Chelsea said; I get that you need to make noise to help get it legalize but you are only hurting your friends.

drewmw · February 2012

Yeeeaaaahhh.... that's ridiculous.

ncd5015 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:adb3f08b-fa74-4aa2-a061-7b2a9373ec45">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is ridulous. By doing that, he is hurtin the people who support him (you) and it is not goign to change anything or do anything about legalizing gay marriage. I think it is ridiculous.
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

Agreed.

chelseakopperud · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:ae5de390-8ad4-4c37-aef5-0f3876b9f1a4">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't heard of that before! I would be hurt too! Honestly, that isn't going to do anything to help legalize it <strong>because the people not wanting gay marriage aren't going to invite gays to their weddings anyway, so they won't be hurt if they wouldn't have shown up (b/c they weren't invited in the first place).</strong> I think that's going a tad over board because all they are really doing are hurting the people that care about them/support them. The people inviting them to weddings aren't the ones they need to boycott against.
Posted by SheilaDancer43[/QUOTE]

Just because people don't think gay marriage should be legalized does not mean that the people in opposition to it view gay people any differently. I think this is an unfair statement. I do not support gay marriage, but if I had a friend who was gay he/she would still be invited to my wedding. I don't befriend people based on their sexual preferences.

SheilaDancer43 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:e13ec079-7516-47ae-82ce-51b943003eb6">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone ever heard of.. : Just because people don't think gay marriage should be legalized does not mean that the people in opposition to it view gay people any differently. I think this is an unfair statement. I do not support gay marriage, but if I had a friend who was gay he/she would still be invited to my wedding. I don't befriend people based on their sexual preferences.
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

I just view things in a more defined way (no gray areas). Obviously this doesn't include 100% of people, but I would assume that the people that don't want gay people to marry, don't agree with them being gay, which would then mean that they wouldn't be their friend, and would then not invite them to their wedding. I don't have a problem with gays, gay marriage, or gay rights (I don't advocate for gay marriage, but I'm not against it). Being a dancer I am around gay guys all day. So since I befriend gays, I also approve of them getting married. For me, as I said this won't apply to 100% of people, but the way I see it if you have gay friends you are okay with them being married. By not being okay with gay marriage, but still being friends with gays, doesn't seem like a very supportive friend...

In no way did/do I mean to be unfair or insensitive to other peoples views/feelings. It's just everyone's own opinions and views.

doeie04 · February 2012

I think it is silly and not going to get anything done. I think they need to focus their energy on something that doesn't hurt their closest friends and family.

Zimsgirl · February 2012

I haven't heard of that but I think it's a great way to get more attention on the issue. I'm sorry it hurts you though

chelseakopperud · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:1ea3b2bd-16ab-4afa-9e6d-514237617621">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone ever heard of.. : I just view things in a more defined way (no gray areas). Obviously this doesn't include 100% of people, but I would assume that the people that don't want gay people to marry, don't agree with them being gay, which would then mean that they wouldn't be their friend, and would then not invite them to their wedding. I don't have a problem with gays, gay marriage, or gay rights (I don't advocate for gay marriage, but I'm not against it). Being a dancer I am around gay guys all day. So since I befriend gays, I also approve of them getting married. For me, as I said this won't apply to 100% of people, but the way I see it if you have gay friends you are okay with them being married. <strong>By not being okay with gay marriage, but still being friends with gays, doesn't seem like a very supportive friend...</strong> In no way did/do I mean to be unfair or insensitive to other peoples views/feelings. It's just everyone's own opinions and views.
Posted by SheilaDancer43[/QUOTE]

I understand what you are saying.... I jst hate generalizations. People generalize that Christians not in support of gay marriage hate gay people which is also unfair, so I apologize if I was offended pre-maturely there. As for the bolded statement, I dont think to be friends with someone I need to support every aspect of their life. I am friends with non-Christians and I dont agree with things that they do, but that doesnt make them less of a friend. I am friends with Jewish people, they dont believe in Jesus, but that does not make them less of a friend. I dont think I am explaining myself very clearly.. but it has been a long day! I hope you understand what I mean.

SheilaDancer43 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:bb9d908c-f6b4-4277-84ab-2a6cd1ece3f7">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone ever heard of.. : I understand what you are saying.... I jst hate generalizations. People generalize that Christians not in support of gay marriage hate gay people which is also unfair, so I apologize if I was offended pre-maturely there. As for the bolded statement, I dont think to be friends with someone I need to support every aspect of their life. I am friends with non-Christians and I dont agree with things that they do, but that doesnt make them less of a friend. I am friends with Jewish people, they dont believe in Jesus, but that does not make them less of a friend. I dont think I am explaining myself very clearly.. but it has been a long day! I hope you understand what I mean.
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

I definitely understand what you are trying to say, and I do agree with what you are saying to a certain extent. Friends disagree on things quite often and have their own beliefs/views, but when it is something as big as a gay friend wanting to be legally bonded together forever, and a person not wanting their friend to do that can be very hurtful to the gay friend. (I'm not gay so I can't speak from experience, but I would think it would be very hard to be gay and be friends with someone who doesn't think I should marry the person I love.) Not agreeing with the same religion, while technically its the same idea as not agreeing with gay marriage, isn't as much of a friendship breaker as I would think that not supporting a gay friend marrying his/her SO. Now I don't think I'm explaining myself very well! Haha.

chelseamb11 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:bb9d908c-f6b4-4277-84ab-2a6cd1ece3f7">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone ever heard of.. : I understand what you are saying.... I jst hate generalizations. People generalize that Christians not in support of gay marriage hate gay people which is also unfair, so I apologize if I was offended pre-maturely there. As for the bolded statement, I dont think to be friends with someone I need to support every aspect of their life. I am friends with non-Christians and I dont agree with things that they do, but that doesnt make them less of a friend. I am friends with Jewish people, they dont believe in Jesus, but that does not make them less of a friend. I dont think I am explaining myself very clearly.. but it has been a long day! I hope you understand what I mean.
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

I get what you're saying and I agree. You don't have to agree with everything a friend agrees with. Just as long as you are open and not fake, and everyone's okay with it, I don't see the big deal.

daria24 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:bb9d908c-f6b4-4277-84ab-2a6cd1ece3f7">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone ever heard of.. : I understand what you are saying.... I jst hate generalizations. People generalize that Christians not in support of gay marriage hate gay people which is also unfair, so I apologize if I was offended pre-maturely there. As for the bolded statement, I dont think to be friends with someone I need to support every aspect of their life. <strong>I am friends with non-Christians and I dont agree with things that they do, but that doesnt make them less of a friend. I am friends with Jewish people, they dont believe in Jesus, but that does not make them less of a friend.</strong> I dont think I am explaining myself very clearly.. but it has been a long day! I hope you understand what I mean.
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

<div>But do you believe that your Jewish friends/non religious friends should have the right to get married?</div><div>
</div><div>I view spiritual marriage and legal marriage separately. I think any religion should have the right to decide who can be married. However legal marriage I feel should be open to any consenting couple. I don't see how it's legal the FI and I can get tax credits, visit each other in the hospital, inherit property, etc while Dan and Dave shouldn't have those same rights. </div><div>
</div><div>And Chelsea-I have gay friends who have said the same thing about not attending straight weddings until gay marriage is legal. I think it's counter productive. Gay or straight, you should support two loving people creating a life together, because any happy couple is good for society. </div>

kimiandgary · February 2012

The only problem with a stand like this, is that if doesn't really hurt anyone but the person whose wedding they are skipping.

If you support him and what he chooses for his path in life, he should do the same for you- politics aside.

I think a sit-down with him is definitely in order.

SheilaDancer43 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:f31cf76d-5320-4b63-8ac4-e11244f278d5">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone ever heard of.. : I view spiritual marriage and legal marriage separately. I think any religion should have the right to decide who can be married. However legal marriage I feel should be open to any consenting couple. I don't see how it's legal the FI and I can get tax credits, visit each other in the hospital, inherit property, etc while Dan and Dave shouldn't have those same rights.
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

This was another point I meant to make. That I understand why Christians don't agree with gay marriage because it's supposed to be between a man and a woman with God. Things have changed over the years though, and there aren't only religious marriages any more. There are many more non-religious and civil ceremonies, so if the gay marriages aren't "in the eyes of God" why is it a problem. I don't see how a law can tell straight people they can do something, but not give that same legal right to gay people.

chelseakopperud · February 2012

I didnt mean to take away from the original point of the thread.... I am not going to debate gay marriage on here. And honestly, someone who doesnt believe in my savior, my reason for living, can be taken just as offensively.

Chels- I hope you have a chance to sit down with him and explain how hurtful that would be for him to boycott your wedding.

chelseamb11 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:926fb087-9e23-49a7-95ca-8f3a2d8d2b77">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]I didnt mean to take away from the original point of the thread.... I am not going to debate gay marriage on here. And honestly, someone who doesnt believe in my savior, my reason for living, can be taken just as offensively. Chels- I hope you have a chance to sit down with him and explain how hurtful that would be for him to boycott your wedding.
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

I'm chatting with him right now on facebook and he said if I want him there, then I need to help him fight for gay marriage. I told him that was ridiculous and it's not my decision. He then said he'd be there with pamphlets. I then told him my wedding is not a political rally. And now he's making jokes, so I think we're okay. Idk.

peachykeen26 · February 2012

I, myself, do not support gay marriage. Marriage, as defined by the Bible, is the union of a man and a woman.

All this "boycott" is going to do is ruin relationships. It isn't going to do a thing to legalize gay marriage.

ETA:

OP, I would express your feelings to your friend and maybe he will understand and break the boycott for your wedding.

peachykeen26 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:283d5a99-94a3-4aa2-8766-7dc84f2d1681">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone ever heard of.. : I'm chatting with him right now on facebook and he said if I want him there, then I need to help him fight for gay marriage. I told him that was ridiculous and it's not my decision. <strong>He then said he'd be there with pamphlets</strong>. I then told him my wedding is not a political rally. And now he's making jokes, so I think we're okay. Idk.
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

<div>Gotta tell you, this would piss me off and I would have someone who did this escorted out and kicked off the premises.</div><div>
</div><div>Like you said, it's your wedding-not a political rally.</div>

chelseamb11 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:d0622c63-9d77-4a91-b294-52cb721fe413">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]I, myself, do not support gay marriage. Marriage, as defined by the Bible, is the union of a man and a woman. All this "boycott" is going to do is ruin relationships. It isn't going to do a thing to legalize gay marriage. ETA: OP, I would express your feelings to your friend and maybe he will understand and break the boycott for your wedding.
Posted by peachykeen26[/QUOTE]

I feel like we are a good group of girls that doesn't judge others for their views, but that's just my opinion.

sjhansen28 · February 2012

If it was just something he posted on Facebook. I wouldn't take it too seriously right now. If, once you send out invites, he RSVP's no and that is his reason why, then that would be the time to talk to him about it if it concerns you. He may just be trying to make a general statement and will still attend your wedding because he cares about you and your friendship.

daria24 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:283d5a99-94a3-4aa2-8766-7dc84f2d1681">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone ever heard of.. : I'm chatting with him right now on facebook and he said if I want him there, then I need to help him fight for gay marriage. I told him that was ridiculous and it's not my decision. <strong>He then said he'd be there with pamphlets</strong>. I then told him my wedding is not a political rally. And now he's making jokes, so I think we're okay. Idk.
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

<div>That's like attending a baby shower and handing out pro-life or pro-choice pamphlets. </div><div>
</div><div>I bet he comes to the wedding, minus pamphlets, and is overjoyed for you. He's just being a brat today.</div>

chelseamb11 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-ever-heard-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:b9698ff1-bd26-4025-aa98-e57d9edb9820Post:37eb7307-bdeb-4017-98cb-89e750dbe328">Re: Has anyone ever heard of..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone ever heard of.. : That's like attending a baby shower and handing out pro-life or pro-choice pamphlets. I bet he comes to the wedding, minus pamphlets, and is overjoyed for you.<strong> He's just being a brat today.</strong>
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

mhm

Megbo2012 · February 2012

Lame. This doesn't spread awareness. Lack of presence at an event does nothing. Not that I'm saying he should show up with pamphlets, but damn, he's getting mad at all the wrong people.

Glad everything seems ok though.

melntaitt · February 2012

I take it that your friend is feeling the brunt of attending your wedding when he has no right to one himself (not legally anyway) and he may have been being a brat.

I judge nobody's choices; my fiance is white, I am black and years ago this was unheard of and I wouldn't be ok if someone said we couldn't get married.

I hope your friend comes to your wedding, minus pamphlets and in the true spirit of what the occasion is about; celebrating his dear friend's marriage.

I also hope that we can all be respectful and tolerant of other's choices, whether or not we agree with them.

kaitlyn142 · February 2012

What we did was make sure that all of our outside vendors are LBGTQ-friendly. Aside from our venue, because sigh, Catholic church. I am going to see if my priest is willing to change the wording so that it's "union of two souls" instead of "man and woman."

I would be really hurt if my gay friends refused to come to my wedding because they can't get married, but I'd try to understand. It would be pretty painful to watch someone else have that particular joy knowing that legally, you can't.

Has anyone ever heard of..

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