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Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

Worst MOH on the planet!

I wrote about my issues with my MOH before. I thought I'd relieve some frustrations by telling my story of my selfish MOH.
Might be long so here I go...

My MOH, a friend for 15 years. Back when I was engaged a year ago, I asked her to be my MOH. Biggest mistake of my life! She literally tried her best to make my wedding HERS! I don't think she consciously did it but I wished so much that by the time I discovered she was NOT my friend, it was too close to the wedding to ditch her.

She changed her date 4 times since I gave her the wedding invitation which was 3 months before the wedding. And the final time (3 days before my wedding), I had to tell her no. My venue requires our guest list 2 weeks ahead of time to do background checks on our guests. Its a safety requirement at our venue as it is a military facility. She CRIED and DEMANDED that i invite her latest change to her date and to add this new person to the guest list. She threatened, screamed and yelled at me and my fiance that she'd "cry" at my wedding if I didn't do what she said!

Unfortunately, she didn't seem to want to understand that there was NOTHING I could do. And even if I could, at 3 days before my wedding, surely any reasonable person would understand that I had enough things on my plate and to change her date for the 4th or 5th (I even lost count) was unfair to me. She didn't get it.

Another thing is that my parents gave her money to stay at a hotel near our home so we could get ready, do our hair and make up, and she didn't have to drive around. It was literally 3 minute walk. She decided to take the money and book a hotel 45 minutes away and arrive late! Not to mention, forgetting her hair clips at the hotel and making her "date" drive back for it. Her bra strap supposedly broke, she made scene with many of my family members present, crying and not helping herself in fixing it. She sat there just crying and expecting people to console her. The bra was fixed and nothing was wrong in the end. She was overreacting.

I could go on....
I tried my best to ignore her stupid antics all day including her sitting at the head table not talking to anyone, looking down at her phone texting people. LITERALLY THE WHOLE TIME. I wish I were exaggerating.
Its been a month since my wedding. I haven't spoken to my friend since. Nor do I intend to. Every single person who I care about in my life looked me in the eye to tell me that she is NO friend.

Has anyone else experienced this? Selected the WRONG person to be in their wedding party? For some reason, it feels better that I'm not alone out there.

Re: Worst MOH on the planet!

  • aww, I'm so sorry that happened to you.  It really does suck.  It was incredibly rude of her to text during dinner.  
  • I feel your pain! But all of family and friends talked me into cutting her the day before the wedding. I am not a confrontational person at all. Mine was a bridesmaid someone I had been friends with for over 5 years.
    At first I didn't want to ask her to be in the wedding b/c I just didn't think it was her thing and she is older than me. Well she said insisted that she wanted to be in the wedding. That was a year and a half ago. She started out being excited abt it.
    Then when it came time to do things she was nasty rude, hard to get a hold of. The only requirement I gave my girls was that the dress be apple red from davids bridal. They could pick style, length, fabric, whatever they liked best. She bought a BLACK jersey knit dress from Jcpennys. It looked like she was going to a funeral.
    She refused to come to the rehearsal saying she is a mom first. Her daughter is 12 and was invited to come along. But no she would not.
    She did help pay for a portion of the bridal shower. The other girls asked her numerous times what she wanted to do, and if she had any ideas. She said she didn't care as long as it was under $200. Then before, during, and after the shower she was miserable, saying nasty things to me abt what we registered for and that she was mad that she had to pay $115. It was less than what she said she wanted to spend.
    The last straw was that she said she would be late to the wedding. How would that have worked? She walks out before me!! She didnt want to get ready with us, or help us set up.
    I tried politely and said if it is too much or too stressful for you to be in the wedding I would like for you to come as a friend and a guest. Well she said I was a horrible person and started calling me names and things. She then told me its not her wedding so why was she supposed to care about it.  I realized she was not a friend of mine and I do not need someone like that in my life. My wedding was only a couple of weeks ago.
    http://www.weddingwire.com/kevinnicki Wedding Countdown Ticker image 108 Invited! image 85 Are ready to party!
    image 18 Will be missing out image 05 Are MIA
  • Wow, Nicki, that sucks.  i'm sorry she was such an unsupportive person for you.  Sometimes, you just realize who your real friends are at inopportune moments.  Though other boards might flame you for it, I really think you did the right thing.  If you're not going to be friends with her anyway, it was best that you didn't have her nasty attitude around on your wedding day. 
  • I am sry to hear all these things that  have happened to you guys. My wedding isn't for a little while still and I hope that nothing like this happens to me. So far all of the WP has been very excited and can't wait to go shopping for dresses and other stuff. I just hope this attitude continues up untill the wedding.
    The most beautiful things in the world are not seen nor touched. They are felt with the heart. -- Helen Keller Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I dont want to get into all the drama but I  got rid of my moH and it was the best thing I have ever done. And I sure wouldnt want to look at all our photographs with her in them yuck :)
  • Theresa626  - It all worked out in the end. My husbands cousin was the best man and his wife helped me more throughtout the wedding ( we became close while I was planning the wedding. We only saw each other ocassionaly before he proposed.) She was there while a bunch of us were getting things ready for the rehearsal and said if you would like for me to stand in for her and be a bridesmaid I would love to. So within half an hour she was at davids bridal the night before the wedding and bought a apple red dress! She came early and helped take everything to the venue and set up and take care of little things so I wasnt stressed. Now I have a better friend than I did before!
    http://www.weddingwire.com/kevinnicki Wedding Countdown Ticker image 108 Invited! image 85 Are ready to party!
    image 18 Will be missing out image 05 Are MIA
  • Nicki, what a great story!  Also, I cannot believe they just happened to have your bridesmaid dress in her size with no prior notice! What good luck!
  • Theresa626 - Yes it was really lucky! She is really tiny and they had tons of little dresses lol! The only thing she couldn't get that she was upset about, that didn't bother me was matching shoes. All the girls and I got matching heels  (mine were red, there's were black.) But her feet are really small too and they didn't make them small enough for her.
    http://www.weddingwire.com/kevinnicki Wedding Countdown Ticker image 108 Invited! image 85 Are ready to party!
    image 18 Will be missing out image 05 Are MIA
  • nicki426 and ladydiy, you girls are brave to do ditch your rude/selfish MOH.
    I wouldn't want these kinds of people in ANY one's wedding!

    Another friend of mine had selected the same girl I selected to be her MOH. Lucky she found out what kind of person early on and that MOH was promptly replaced.

    I sometimes wonder if there is karma and whether these selfish women ever realize how ridiculous they behaved. It's always a good thing to be an understanding and gracious bride but not that the cost of your own happiness and enjoying your special day. Etiquette calls for patience with this people and keep them aboard. I'm sorry to say but screw etiquette because for me, I'll forever remember how terrible my MOH was and how she ruined many things for me, especially everytime i look back on my photos with her in it. I'm sure I'll one day forgive what she's done to me but you can never forget. Why put yourself through the grief/stress/anxiety/frustration/hurt before, during and after your wedding?

    Ladies, if you're ever in a situation with a rude, selfish, uncaring MOH, bridesmaid, etc,   DITCH them. Sooner, rather than later. There are millions of people in this world you could be friends with. Why these people? You'll can always find someone who truly cares for you and help you out - like a real friend should.
  • And then there are the brides who ask a sister to be moh...and then later regret it. I asked one of my sisters to be moh because I know how good she would be because she's very organized and detail oriented and everything. I tried to ignore the fact that she's very opinionated and selfish and all that. But when we (two sisters, mom, fmil, and 2 fsil) went to David's Bridal with me to try on wedding dresses, I told everyone (2 fsil and 2 sisters are 4 of the 5 bridesmaids) that my colors were royal blue, cornflower blue and white and that the bridesmaid dresses would be royal blue and floor length. My sister declares that the only blue she wears is jean and she didn't want to wear a floor length dress and if she did, she'd come as a guest. After that, I asked my other sister to be co-moh and tried to demote the moh to bridesmaid, but she said she didn't want to be a bridesmaid. I wasn't about to completely fire my sister because I wanted her up there, but I decided that Ms. Selfish would be moh in name only and the other sister would be my moh at the wedding. The other one could be moh at the reception. She ended up apologizing and told me she'd wear what I wanted, but I do regret asking her to be moh. So you can't always fire the moh if you want to...
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