How do I refuse a bridal shower?

saradan624 · March 2010

Ok, here's the deal. I am a Paramedic, and therefore work in a predominately male field. However, I have given three different baby showers to two different co-workers. One of which said to me shortly after I became engaged, that now it is her turn to give me one. Of course, I was completely thrilled, right? Well, at her first shower, I spent a ton of money, and only 3 people came. At her second one (which was just this past Saturday), only one person came after about 9 had RSVP'd. We had to beg those people to even RSVP. I felt really bad for her, which got me thinking, do I really want them to beg people to come to my bridal shower, and then only one person show up? I would be completely crushed! So how do I tactfully and tastefully refuse a shower?

WGaches · March 2010

So, you only want to refuse it because you're afraid not many people would come? Maybe that isn't what you meant, but it comes across as selfish to me. If you're set on refusing the shower, I would just tell her that you couldn't possible accept it in good conscience since she will be taking care of a new baby, etc.

duckie1905 · March 2010

If your only reason for declining is because you are afraid the shower will be small I think that is a really crappy reason to decline.

pcc19 · March 2010

I don't think it's selfish to not want the embarrassment of one person coming to your bridal shower. I don't think you mean you want more gifts to make it worth it. I think you mean it would make you feel sad/guilty if people were BEGGED to come to a shower and give a gift, and then opted out last minute (which is horrifyingly rude on the part of the guests). However, if anyone wants to throw you a shower, that is nice, and the responsibility is theirs to make it nice. Also, if you know in advance that only a couple people will be there, you can take the attitude of being touched that those people care enough (especially in the case of coworkers). I think a small shower would be nice, but one with the host, you, and one guest should be made into a girls lunch.

I'm really not sure what to do, I just didn't want you to feel too badly about your feelings on the matter. Good luck making the decision. Be gracious in whatever you decide.

nhelene · March 2010

I'm going to give OP the benefit of the doubt that her reason to decline a shower is to keep her co-worker from spending a bunch of money to throw a party that will have one guest.

When you threw the shower for her, did you ask around to see if there was interest, or did you just send out invites? And was it a "work shower" or a normal baby shower that everyone was invited to?

saradan624 · March 2010

First things first, I'm not being selfish in that I want a bunch of gifts, I just don't want to know that a) I am of so little importance to people that they have to be begged into coming, and that b) she will have to spend a bunch of money for it to be a flop. I am really not concerned with not getting gifts, not a priority for me. I want the people that I know and love to celebrate with me. With all the other stresses of the wedding, I'm not sure that I can handle knowing that the people that I spend 24hrs. at a time with care that little about me to spend two extra hours with me on a day off.

As far as the shower I threw for her, it was a "work only" shower because her family from the town she lives in had already thrown her one. For the first shower, I had about 20 people verbally RSVP, and only 3 came. The second, I had 9 RSVP and only 1 came. The shower she will be throwing for me will also be a "work shower" because I will be having two other showers (my mom and my FMIL,who lives about 25 miles away, are both throwing me one).

I don't think I'm being unreasonable to want people to come, and have a genuine worry that no one will.

MairePoppy · March 2010

Sara, I agree with you. If you know your coworkers don't particularly enjoy showers, then you should decline. If your work friend offers to give you a shower, you could suggest that you would prefer a lunch date with her, instead. You don't want to put her in the awkward position of begging for RSVPs and it wouldn't be much fun knowing that your guests felt pressured to attend.