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Fiance name issue
My Fiance now goes by his first name. However, growing up his family called him by his middle name. His family is very small and only a handful of the people attending the wedding call him by his middle name. His siblings will be giving a toast in his honor and I've asked if they could call him by his 1st name over the wedding week-end. Futhermore, I told them that I previously dated someone with the middle name and it stirs up bad memories. I didnt' say that I expected them to call him by his 1st name from now on I made a "small" request they make the effort over the wedding week-end to call him by his "first" name and recognized that my I understood if this was actually a "big" request of them. I got a response back saying we would feel weird calling him by his first name. It's one thing for me to ignore them when I'm just with his family...but with ALL my family & friends which is the majority of the people attending our wedding...couldn't they make more effort??? His parents almost always call him by his 1st name when I'm around.
Wondering if we should cancel having wedding toasts from our families to avoid this issue all together???
Wondering if we should cancel having wedding toasts from our families to avoid this issue all together???
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Re: Fiance name issue
Also, someone could make a light-hearted comment at the beginning of the toasts about how different people call him different things.
The fact that you dated someone who went by their middle name and it stirs up bad memories is, to be honest, a little childish.
Just look forward to the beautiful wedding and life you are about to have and don't get hung up in the details. Because when the wedding is all over, it's just going tobe you and him, and you will be able to call him whatever you want.
[QUOTE]My Fiance now goes by his first name. However, growing up his family called him by his middle name. His family is very small and only a handful of the people attending the wedding call him by his middle name. His siblings will be giving a toast in his honor and<font color="#FF0000"> <strong>I've</strong></font> asked if they could call him by his 1st name over the wedding week-end. Futhermore,<font color="#FF0000"><strong> I</strong></font> told them that<strong> <font color="#FF0000">I</font></strong><font color="#FF0000"> </font>previously dated someone with the middle name and it stirs up bad memories. I didnt' say that I expected them to call him by his 1st name from now on<strong> <font color="#FF0000">I </font></strong>made a "small" request they make the effort over the wedding week-end to call him by his "first" name and recognized that my I understood if this was actually a "big" request of them. I got a response back saying we would feel weird calling him by his first name. It's one thing for <strong><font color="#FF0000">me</font></strong> to ignore them when I'm just with his family...but with ALL <strong><font color="#FF0000">my</font></strong> family & friends which is the majority of the people attending our wedding...couldn't they make more effort??? His parents almost always call him by his 1st name when I'm around. Wondering if we should cancel having wedding toasts from our families to avoid this issue all together???
Posted by cupcakeluv20850[/QUOTE]<font color="#000000">
I'm seeing an awful lot of "I/me" here regarding the name <strong>his</strong> family chooses to call <strong>him</strong>.
If he doesn't like people in his family calling him by his middle name, then <strong>he</strong> needs to be the one addressing it. If it doesn't bother <strong>him</strong>, you need to get over it.
</font>
Just think of it as one of the annoying quirks about his family.
[QUOTE]Okay Brides...pretty negative here! Let's say you talked about getting married to a guy named Steve. Your future husband's middle name is STEVE which his family called him growing up....doesn't change the way you feel about the name Steve...you still hate the name...whether it happens to be your future husband's name! So when you hear your future brother and sister in-law use the name...it still doesn't change the fact that you hate the name! Really don't want the name used in front of your family & friends who are the majority of the people attending your wedding! Where's the empathy here????
Posted by cupcakeluv20850[/QUOTE]
It's his name. It's part of who he is. Grow up and get over it. If you're honestly holding some grudge against a name, no matter who that name is associated with, you've got some issues you need to work out.
It's his family. You have no right telling them they can and cant not call their son/brother/nephew/cousin/whatever else he may be to them. And you doing something like you have done by telling them to call him something different is rude. Embrace the name and move on.
Also, cancelling toasts simply because of something as minimal as this is just plain silly.
[QUOTE]Okay Brides...pretty negative here! Let's say you talked about getting married to a guy named Steve. Your future husband's middle name is STEVE which his family called him growing up....doesn't change the way you feel about the name Steve...you still hate the name...whether it happens to be your future husband's name! So when you hear your future brother and sister in-law use the name...it still doesn't change the fact that you hate the name! Really don't want the name used in front of your family & friends who are the majority of the people attending your wedding! Where's the empathy here????
Posted by cupcakeluv20850[/QUOTE]
It's really not fair to your FI that you're planning to marry him when you clearly aren't over your ex-BF.
I have to ask -- how old are you?
[QUOTE]Okay Brides...pretty negative here! Let's say you talked about getting married to a guy named Steve. Your future husband's middle name is STEVE which his family called him growing up....doesn't change the way you feel about the name Steve...you still hate the name...whether it happens to be your future husband's name! So when you hear your future brother and sister in-law use the name...it still doesn't change the fact that you hate the name! Really don't want the name used in front of your family & friends who are the majority of the people attending your wedding! Where's the empathy here????
Posted by cupcakeluv20850[/QUOTE]
If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to realize that one bad "Steve" doesn't ruin the bunch.
If my brother's gf/FI/whatever told me not to call him by the name I've called him my entire life, I'd laugh in her face. It's what I called him long before you "existed", and unless <strong>he</strong> has a problem with it, I see no reason to stop using said name. And if she proceeded to press the issue with me "because that was her ex-boyfriend's name!", I'd probably tell him to run from her crazy ass as fast as his feet could carry him.
If your FI goes by his first name now because you have a hang-up with your ex, just count your lucky stars that <strong>he's</strong> willing to tolerate such insane behavior. Asking his siblings/other family members to follow suit is just pressing your luck.
You're making a mountain out of a molehill, and I agree with PP that you need to resolve whatever unresolved feelings you have about your past relationship with this guy who happens to have your FI's middle name before you go through with these wedding plans.
Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013!
[QUOTE]Okay Brides...pretty negative here! Let's say you talked about getting married to a guy named Steve. Your future husband's middle name is STEVE which his family called him growing up....doesn't change the way you feel about the name Steve...you still hate the name...whether it happens to be your future husband's name! So when you hear your future brother and sister in-law use the name...it still doesn't change the fact that you hate the name! Really don't want the name used in front of your family & friends who are the majority of the people attending your wedding! Where's the empathy here????
Posted by cupcakeluv20850[/QUOTE]
Hows about you give your FIANCE an opportunity to change your feelings about the same Steve? I mean, since you're going to be married to him and all.
If the name Steve gives you that much trauma, how did you get so far into the relationship with him to get to the point where you're engaged? You can't just ignore his name. You're going to have to live with it for the rest of your life, so you might as well suck it up and start doing that now. It'll be on your marriage license, kids' birth certificates, etc.
Have some empathy for your FI and his family, If HE isn't bothered by what they call him, then you need to figure out how not to be either. If he does have a problem with it, then it's up to him to correct it, not you. You don't want to become known as 'that shrew Steve married'.
[QUOTE]Okay Brides...pretty negative here! Let's say you talked about getting married to a guy named Steve. Your future husband's middle name is STEVE which his family called him growing up....doesn't change the way you feel about the name Steve...you still hate the name...whether it happens to be your future husband's name! So when you hear your future brother and sister in-law use the name...it still doesn't change the fact that you hate the name! Really don't want the name used in front of your family & friends who are the majority of the people attending your wedding! Where's the empathy here????
Posted by cupcakeluv20850[/QUOTE]
One of my best friends dated a guy named Adam for 5+ years and they had a pretty bad break-up. The guy she ended up marrying who she is having a child with now? His name's Adam. Total coincidence, obviously. But no, she did not ask people to call him by a different name because it was her ex's name. A name is just a name. It might be a bad coincidence, but that doesn't mean that he is anything like the ex. I really don't find this to be a situation that requires empathy at all. I find it quite ridiculous actually.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance name issue : <strong>It's really not fair to your FI that you're planning to marry him when you clearly aren't over your ex-BF</strong>. I have to ask -- how old are you?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
<div>This. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, your level of self-centered is astounding. I call MUD.</div>
One thing that's really bothering me is the complete lack of "empathy" towards your FI here, OP.
Let's say before we met DH had dated a girl with the same name that I had gone by my entire life and it ended badly. Later when we got together, he insisted on calling me by another name, because "I hate your name, it's my ex's name". First off, that would probably be the end of the relationship right there, because f*ck him, this is the name I had my entire life, I shouldn't have to change it because some b!tch from his past also happened to go by it.
But, if for some reason, I was silly enough to humor him and agreed to let him call me something different, and then he starts telling my family (the people who gave me the name, the people that have known me by that name for a helluva a lot longer than he knew his ex) that they have to start calling me something different because his ex had the same name and it bothered him? If I didn't tell you to knock it off and get over your ex already, I'm pretty sure my family would be staging an intervention-because I'd obviously had lost my damn mind if I was willing to put up with such nonsense.
[QUOTE]My Fiance now goes by his first name. However, growing up his family called him by his middle name. His family is very small and only a handful of the people attending the wedding call him by his middle name. His siblings will be giving a toast in his honor and I've asked if they could call him by his 1st name over the wedding week-end. Futhermore, I told them that I previously dated someone with the middle name and it stirs up bad memories. I didnt' say that I expected them to call him by his 1st name from now on I made a "small" request they make the effort over the wedding week-end to call him by his "first" name and recognized that my I understood if this was actually a "big" request of them. I got a response back saying we would feel weird calling him by his first name. It's one thing for me to ignore them when I'm just with his family...but with ALL my family & friends which is the majority of the people attending our wedding...couldn't they make more effort??? His parents almost always call him by his 1st name when I'm around. Wondering if we should cancel having wedding toasts from our families to avoid this issue all together???
Posted by cupcakeluv20850[/QUOTE]
Yeah that is rude of you. Who cares what they called him? They can call him whatever they want and it is rude for you to expect them to go out of their way to call him another name for a weekend just so it doesn't stiru up "bad memories". I'd hope that you're over this ex enough to not let it get to you on the happiest weekend of your life.
Teachery Blog
What does your FI want to be called? I'm guessing the name he's been called his entire life, not the one you decided to change it to because you are too immature to get over an ex (which really means you shouldn't be getting married in the first place).