Sweetheart Table?

Andrea.Matillano · October 2010

What do you think about the idea of a sweetheart table? We are having our brothers and sisters as bridesmaids and groomsmen but they are all married or dating and it seems like they would rather sit with their significant others rather than at the table. Not that they aren't more than willing to! They haven't complained, I am just assuming. So, I was wondering what everyone thinks about the idea of a sweetheart table. I am not really a fan of the whole head table thing. I think that we will be walking about talking, dancing, and mingling most of the time anyways.

caseyandlizzie · October 2010

I'm a fan....I hate being in a wedding and not getting to sit with my date. A Sweetheart table is great because the bridal party doesn't all have to sit together. Go for it!

bellebride116 · October 2010

We did a sweetheart table... we too were not fans of a head table.

trix1223 · October 2010

My son and DIL had a sweetheart table. My DD and SIL had a sweetheart table. They both loved them, largely because it was the only time all day that they had even a semblance of "alone time". For that 15 minutes that they were eating, they could talk with each other without being pulled in a zillion directions.

And of course, their respective WPs loved it, because they got to sit at tables like all the other guests at the wedding did.

I'm a huge fan of sweetheart tables. The only wedding in the last decade that I've actually seen the traditional Head Table was my nephew's, and that was among the least egregious things about that holy mess of a wedding.

schadbourne · October 2010

I love the idea of a sweetheart table. It gives the bride and groom some together time to eat dinner. I I think head tables are awkward because the boyfriends and husbands have to sit alone. Raised head tables freak me out, i dont want someone watching me eat on a raised platform.

But its really about what you want. If you want a head table for a traditional look and so that your bridal party can converse then go for it!

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

Well, I don't think that any seating arrangement that splits people from their dates should ever be under consideration. So I'm all for the sweetheart table if you can't reasonably fit everyone with their dates at one table.

The head table doesn't actually allow for conversation with anyone other than the people seated immediately to your right and left, and these days it's very unlikely that all of your WP will really be friends with each other, so if you're hoping the head table is going to turn them all into one big happy family, you're going to be sorely disappointed. Additionally, many photographers have a policy of not shooting people who are eating, so even if you do it for a photo op, you're probably not going to end up with pictures of it anyway.

Honestly, I've never heard a single rational argument in favor of the head table, other than "That's how I've always seen it done" or "That's how we want it." Considering all of the numerous arguments against it, those simply just don't hold water.

mbcdefg · October 2010

Most weddings I've been to have had a sweetheart table. I haven't seen a "bridal party-only head table" since the early 1990s.

We only had four attendants (and only three of them had a date), so we were able to fit all 9 of us at a head table at our wedding.

Anything that keeps the bridal party members and their dates together is a good idea. There's really no point to splitting them up, and no point to making people miserable just for the sake of tradition or a pretty picture.

Another option, if you don't want it to be just the two of you and if your bridal party is too big to include all the significant others at the head table, could be to sit with the Best Man and MOH and their dates. Or your siblings and their dates. Or both sets of parents.

PharmacyBride · October 2010

Sweetheart tables are perfect solutions for some.. and it sounds like it will work great in your situation.

I have also seen HTs with room for dates. Even still, the traditional HT is still very common.

Decide what is best given your venue and you WP... then decide what is right for you.

Ashes_3 · October 2010

We are doing a sweetheart table. We have 26 including spouses/dates. My MOH had one at hers and I loved it!!!

portialoveschris · October 2010

After sitting at my sister's head table 12 years ago, I opted for a sweetheart table.

SuMmErKuTiE · October 2010

We had a sweetheart table and we loved it! It was the only time all day where we could have a private conversation and reflect on everything that just happened. We really only sat there for the toasts and to eat, but we wouldn't have done it any other way.

We've been to 7 weddings in the past 2 years and not one of them had a head table. All except for 1 had sweetheart tables, and the 1 that didn't have a sweetheart table, the bride and groom sat at a regular round table with their parents so their bridal party could sit with their dates and friends. I honestly haven't attended a wedding with a head table since my aunt's wedding in 1989.

amberjake2011 · October 2010

We were both set on a head table UNTIL 3 weeks ago, we went to cousins wedding where they had their own special table in the middle. We immediately changed our minds. Considering I wouldn't want our significant others of our wedding party being alone, a head table is completely out of the question.

Lisa50 · October 2010

We will not have a head table nor will we have a sweetheart table. Each of us has one attendant, so we will be able to accomodate their dates, plus 4 more guests, at a table with us. We have yet to figure out who the other 4 will be. But, we have a TON of time to decide. That said, we might change our minds (and can), up until the last minute.

Linz10882 · October 2010

Thumbs up to the sweetheart table. That's what we're doing

beamer84 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_sweetheart-table-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:dbdadd11-02e8-4a6d-92bb-f7733941a367Post:0b2cf7df-1bf2-40f2-9baa-b4c692524c63">Re: Sweetheart Table?</a>:
[QUOTE]we are doing 3 tables of the wedding party. i think sweetheart tables look silly. why seperate yourself from friends and family? <strong>we are having three tables upfront the center table will be the two us of an the MOH, her date, BM and his wife. the other two tables will have the rest of the bridal party and their dates
</strong>Posted by ejoyce8[/QUOTE]

We did exactly this, and I loved it! If DH or I had to get up (to get a drink, etc), we still had someone to talk to (BM/MOH). If we wanted to just talk to eachother, our seatmates could talk to their dates. Plus, the WP was right near us and everyone got to sit with his or her date.

raashton · October 2010

At our head table will be us and our parents. The next closest tables will be reserved for the wedding party and their guests. My future BIL was all upset about there not being a traditional head table as in his words "wanted to be one of the first to eat!" I laughed and said he can be one of the first when he gets married. Though I fully intend for the wedding party and their guests to hit the buffet after us and our parents. I was just not too keen on splitting up couples and families.

BluValkyrie · October 2010

every wedding I've been to/in has had head tables.....which is why we're doing a sweatheart table.

The last wedding both the FI and I were in the WP, but we were still seperated by bridesmaids and groomsmen; I would have rather sat with my FI during dinner than between two girls I didn't know.

dancingsolo · October 2010

All the weddings I have ever been to have had a head table. I agree with whoever said that a sweetheart table is silly because when one of the 2 goes somewhere, the other is there alone... I'm definately having a head table, with us 2 and our family - everyone is in the wedding party anyways and the ones that are but aren't family will probably enjoy being at another table with their partners or other friends anyways...

FutureDondada · October 2010

Were doing a head table, us and bridal party. Any SOs have other people they know and are comfortable with to sit with at dinner. Its just for dinner, its not a big deal to be apart for that. Ive been to 1 wedding with a sweetheart table and the only reason I liked it was b/c FI was a GM and asked me to sit with him and thats how we started dating...other than that it looked sad and pathetic...imo

AerikaAwright · October 2010

We are doing 3 tables up front one of the bridesmaids and their dates of the groomsmen and their dates and then one for just the two of us. I feel like it's the best of both worlds cause we get our privacy, our WP gets their dates, and we're still getting a head table feel. I've even made the linens a different color to truly show the "head table" without having "the last supper table" as my FI calls it.

banana468 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_sweetheart-table-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:dbdadd11-02e8-4a6d-92bb-f7733941a367Post:a6e08332-d531-44e5-8eb0-c9096764d1c0">Re: Sweetheart Table?</a>:
[QUOTE]Were doing a head table, us and bridal party. Any SOs have other people they know and are comfortable with to sit with at dinner. Its just for dinner, its not a big deal to be apart for that. Ive been to 1 wedding with a sweetheart table and the only reason I liked it was b/c FI was a GM and asked me to sit with him and thats how we started dating...other than that it looked sad and pathetic...imo
Posted by FutureDondada[/QUOTE]

I think separating your WP from their SOs is sad and pathetic.

segross09 · October 2010

I say go for the sweetheart table thats what my husband and I did.

meladoriestar · October 2010

You have your whole lives to be alone together - why do so at the wedding when you're actually in a rare occasion of being surrounded by the people closest to you. I'm skipping on the head table too though - they're SO awkward...we're just having all tables be the same

adrop · October 2010

I come from New Zealand and have never seen a sweetheart table, not until I started researching things for my wedding on the internet. I have also never seen wedding parties with more than 3 or 4 bridesmaids and groomsmen, so the large head table has never been a problem.

I find it strange that no one on here has said anything about the significant others making new friends. I plan to introduce the partners of my bridesmaids to my other friends before the wedding so they are happy to sit together and have a good time, most of them know other guests anyway. I have been the significant other at 3 weddings, one of which I only knew my fiance at, and never had a problem with sitting at a separate table to him.

A sweetheart table looks so sad to me. I understand the idea of having some time to talk to each other while eating, but I agree, one leaves for the bathroom and the other is alone. I'll be eating dinner alone with him often enough that this night is about being with him and my guests. I loved sitting next to my sister at her wedding, and she's going to love sitting next to me at mine.

omglah247 · October 2010

I just don't know why people need to be so mean! You should not sit there & say other people's preference is "pathetic" it's a matter of opinion!

I personally want a head table & there is nothing wrong with that. I want my closest guys & girls at the table with me... plus for picture reason as well. I am excited to have us all together for dinner.

My wedding party guests all know each other or both are in the wedding so it's not a big deal.

When I went to a wedding with a sweetheart table, the couple barely seemed engaged with their guests. But that just might be because that couple is shy.

People just need to stop being nasty & just accept people's opinions.

Heather Wood · October 2010

Awesome idea...as for separating you...don't! Just put the table in the middle of the reception!! It is so much nicer than a head table which, in my opinion looks silly andddd separates people from their date. STILL, it is your wedding so go with what makes you the most comfortable

banana468 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_sweetheart-table-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:dbdadd11-02e8-4a6d-92bb-f7733941a367Post:9b5362ae-8dbe-4928-b43f-9df1d465bad7">Re: Sweetheart Table?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just don't know why people need to be so mean! You should not sit there & say other people's preference is "pathetic" it's a matter of opinion! <strong>I personally want a head table & there is nothing wrong with that. </strong> I want my closest guys & girls at the table with me... plus for picture reason as well. I am excited to have us all together for dinner. My wedding party guests all know each other or both are in the wedding so it's not a big deal. When I went to a wedding with a sweetheart table, the couple barely seemed engaged with their guests. But that just might be because that couple is shy. People just need to stop being nasty & just accept people's opinions.
Posted by omglah247[/QUOTE]

As long as you don't separate your WP from their dates it's fine. If you do, you're doing something quite rude even if they don't tell you.

This is a matter of opinion but the actions resulting from those opinions can be rude. That's the issue. You can do what you'd like but in the end, wouldn't you want to know that an idea is offense before you act on it?

omglah247 · October 2010

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_sweetheart-table-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:dbdadd11-02e8-4a6d-92bb-f7733941a367Post:b1173486-a5be-455d-b232-ab8bfd94c0a8">Re: Sweetheart Table?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sweetheart Table? : As long as you don't separate your WP from their dates it's fine. If you do, you're doing something quite rude even if they don't tell you. This is a matter of opinion but the actions resulting from those opinions can be rude. That's the issue. You can do what you'd like but in the end, wouldn't you want to know that an idea is offense before you act on it?
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but I don't think it's rude fro my guest. They are all family & everyone knows each other well. We will be sitting down for just a little bit for dinner, the rest of the time, everyone will be wondering around. I might as well had the dates in the wedding too.... they can't even sit with their guest during the CEREMONY! oh my what will they do?!?!?! ;)

banana468 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_sweetheart-table-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:dbdadd11-02e8-4a6d-92bb-f7733941a367Post:48710cef-571a-484f-985b-00e4a864f352">Re: Sweetheart Table?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sweetheart Table? : I'm sorry but I don't think it's rude fro my guest. They are all family & everyone knows each other well. We will be sitting down for just a little bit for dinner, the rest of the time, everyone will be wondering around. I might as well had the dates in the wedding too.... they can't even sit with their guest during the CEREMONY! oh my what will they do?!?!?! ;)
Posted by omglah247[/QUOTE]

I think you're missing a fundamental differnence here.

The ceremony is for the couple. It is understood that the bridal party will be split from their SOs as their duty begins and ends with the ceremony.

However the reception is FOR the guests. And it is rude to split up established social units at the event that is FOR them.

Furthermore, your comment, "Oh my what will they do?!?!?" isn't the point. It isn't about WHAT the dates will do. The point is that it's inappropriate and rude to spit up established social units.

Most adults can *do* just fine without their SO. However why should the wedding reception be something with which they can survive or "make do". The event is for them. Their desires should come first - not the desires of the hosts.

If the hosts put their desires before their guests then they really are missing the point of the reception.

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

I don't understand why people think it looks somehow pathetic to see the couple sitting alone. It's not like they don't have any friends; EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN ATTENDANCE is there for the couple, so it's not like they're there alone or that no one wanted to sit with them. They're just choosing to have a bit of privacy on a very public day. I cannot possibly fathom the thought process behind it being "sad."

omglah247 · October 2010

I just don't get why it's so rude! Do what you wish!

That's all... to each his own!

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