Bridesmaids/Shower

katasiamarie · September 2012

Nevermind.

mandi195 · September 2012

Your bridesmaids and MOH owe you nothing, and do not have to plan or help with anything. These ladies are there to stand by your side as you get married in the dress you chose, and nothing more, unless they volunteer or ask to help.
Also, no one is obligated to throw you a shower.
You're the one getting married, plan your own wedding and stop expecting others to be your slaves.

mandi195 · September 2012

There is no help to give in this situation. Bridesmaids aren't there to help you plan your wedding. Their "role" as you call it is to show up for your wedding in the dress you chose, that is it. If they don't want to help you, then too bad! That is not what a bridesmaid is for. Again, just because it says "maid" in the title doesn't mean you can put them to work... these are supposed to be your friends. If it were me and you were demanding I help you with things I wasn't interested in doing, I'd blow you off, too!
I'm not trying to be rude, but it's exhausting how many girls come on here throwing a tantrum because no one will do the work of planning their wedding for them.

Peledreamsofrain · September 2012

While it would be nice to have everything you've ever dreamed of, keep in mind that this wedding isn't anybody's responsibility but yours and your fiance's.

If someone wants to be extra super nice and help you, awesome. But they are not obligated to. Keep your wedding to reasonable levels so that it is doable by just the two of you. Or, if you have the money, hire a coordinator.

Bridesmaids do not equal free labor. They will volunteer for what they feel comfortable with, and for what their busy lives allow them to do.

And I'm sorry that you might not get a bridal shower, but keep in mind that they are optional, AND expensive to host. If the moneyand opportunity doesn't exist to throw one for you, it doesn't exist. It's not personal. They arn't the end-all be-all. You are doing all of this to get a husband, not to have parties and rake in gifts.

arendiva · September 2012

I understand that you are frustrated. You had a vision in your head of what wedding planning would be like. You imagined that your close friends would want to be involved with helping you plan your wedding. You imagined them throwing you a shower and possibly a bachelorette party. Nothing is wrong with WANTING those things. The problem is with EXPECTING them. Bridesmaids are under no obligation to do those things. I don't know how close you are to your MOH but maybe you could ask her out to lunch and have some one on one time with her. You could tell her about some of the planning events that you are doing in the future (i.e. cake tasting, or bridal expo) and you could invite her to come. Maybe if you present it in a fun low pressure way she may be more willing to participate with you. If not than you really can't force the issue. As previously stated they really don't have to do anything besides buy the dress and show up.

zizibet · September 2012

She wasn't rude, OP. You were. She just told you something you didn't want to hear. The only thing your MOH and BMs signerd up for is to buy the dress and show up on the day wearing it. The only person obligated to help you plan your wedding is your FI. Noone will be as excited about your wedding as you two are.
Showers and B-parties are gifts to you. You can't ask for a gift. If noone throws you a shower, you don't get one. It sucks, but that's the way it is.

katasiamarie · September 2012

Thanks for being nonjudgemental! She's my best friend and keeps saying she wants to help but I don't think she knows how, and as I said I'm having trouble even getting them to buy dresses! They won't reply to texts or emails. I've asked them to come over and help plan because they all said they wanted to. I've done everything thus far but its exhausting having absolutley no help at all, not even from my fiance. I've never once said "you guys have to help" with anything at all. I have repeatedly asked if anyone wanted to, and what has happened is I've come to the realization that they can't even seem to get in gear for dresses. I have never once demanded anything from them but I do expect them to get their dresses! And yes, it sucks that I won't get a shower. I don't need anything as I have a house fully furnished, but its quite hurtful that my best friend isn't helping or even taking an interest as I had really wanted to share this with her. I'm not trying to be demanding, and I've actually been told by many people that I'm a very easy bride to get along with.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaidsshower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:630f90ea-68cd-4ef3-89bc-366269e6a2cfPost:fe910fe0-9037-47ff-b247-7e4db67365a5">Re: Bridesmaids/Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand that you are frustrated. You had a vision in your head of what wedding planning would be like. You imagine that your close friends would want to be involved with helping you plan your wedding. You imagined them throwing you a shower and possibly a bachelorette party. Nothing is wrong with WANTING those things. The probloem is with EXPECTING them. Bridesmaids are under no obligation to do those things. I don't know how close you are to your MOH but maybe you could ask her out to lunch and have some one on one time with her. You could tell her about some of the planning events that you are doing in the future (i.e. cake tasting, or bridal expo) and you could invite her to come. Maybe if you present it in a fun low pressure way she may be more willing to participate with you. If not that you really can't force the issue. As previously stated they really don't have to do anything besides buy the dress and show up.
Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]

mandi195 · September 2012

On another note, OP, maybe she IS planning you a shower, and it is going to be a surprise.

missfrodo · September 2012

I don't know the original post b/c no one quoted it, but I have the gist from pps.

1) If you know what dress/style your BMs will be wearing, talk to the salon and find out the last possible date they can order without a rush fee for it to be in by the wedding. Let all your girls know this date, then leave it alone. If they don't get the dress in time, they can pay the rush fees or remove themselves from the bridal party.

2) Let them know where and when they need to show up for the wedding.

3) Relax. Get FI to help you with planning--after all, it's his wedding, too.

Viczaesar · September 2012

Your wedding is in March. You have plenty of time to shop for bridesmaid dresses.

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