Gap Between Ceremony and Reception

[Deleted User] · April 2010

I like when there is a gap. It gives me time to go relax for a bit. That being said, we are having a 2 hour gap. I've never been to a wedding that hasnt had one. In my city there are no venues that have 4 pm receptions, unless you have it at a park. It was my choice not to do this. We also live right across the street from the church and our inviting guests to our house in between for drinks and finger foods. FIL's will be there taking care of things while we our geting pics done.

Amy_Justin · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:aee57900-eb57-4875-9f68-29d0dd8044eb">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Mynameisnot - Sometimes you cannot change certain time frames. Almost zero Catholic churches will let you have a 4 o'clock wedding due to evening Mass. And for a practicing Catholic, you must be married in the Church - usually the one you are attending (I have run into many issues when looking into other locations), therefore you CANNOT shop for a new "venue". Having a gap for this is absolutely common and everyone expects it. It is a nice chance for older guests and children to relax or nap before the reception and others can take a break in their hotel room or go shopping. Two hours is not an impossible timeframe to "busy" yourself.
Posted by AriaGoose[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You can get a different reception venue. One which will accommodate a late afternoon reception. Or you can get married on a Friday. My Catholic church said they would let us get married any time on Friday, so our ceremony is at 5PM, then the guests have a cocktail hour, then the WP and B&G will arrive. It's not rocket science.</div><div>
</div>

elliejay21 · April 2010

I'm actually going through the OPPOSITE problem... I wanted an 11am ceremony and a reception start time around 2-3pm, but the church won't allow a ceremony before 2pm on a Sunday...

If you don't have the gap, when does the wedding party take pictures??? I'm not dropping a buck & a half per plate to miss the first hour + of my reception. That's idiotic.

The only weddings I have EVER been to where the reception started right after were those with the ceremony at the same site.

banana468 · April 2010

What's idiotic is the idea that somehow because you're paying for it, that you get to treat your guests poorly.

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:bb6d9553-2c85-4d42-8b92-9471290bc1ce">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm actually going through the OPPOSITE problem... I wanted an 11am ceremony and a reception start time around 2-3pm, but the church won't allow a ceremony before 2pm on a Sunday... If you don't have the gap, when does the wedding party take pictures??? I'm not dropping a buck & a half per plate to miss the first hour + of my reception. That's idiotic. The only weddings I have EVER been to where the reception started right after were those with the ceremony at the same site.
Posted by elliejay21[/QUOTE]

Really?? They go to the cocktail hour obviously. The only idiotic thing is you thinking your guests should have to wait around for you before the party can start. Thats the rudest thing I have ever heard. If you dont want to miss any part of your reception, do your pictures before your ceremony.

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:58db65c8-9ff2-4c51-b25d-3d2fe1a8803e">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow... I think I agree with some of the posts that mentioned it may be more common and accepted in certain areas of the country - I'm Midwest as well, and the gap is something I look forward to - a time to relax! Most of the weddings I've been to have an hour and a half ceremony, so that gap gives me a chance to rest before partying all night! And it's not really so weird to sit at a nice cafe or a bookstore dressed up where I'm at... I kinda am confused by those of you who say you wouldn't attend a wedding that would take all day... I have never been to a wedding where I would NOT spend the whole day! And regardless of whether I provide an "elongated" cocktail hour from 3 until 6, the guests would STILL be at the wedding all day! As for Friday options, I thought that would be the rudest option of all! Now all my guests must take off a day of work to travel to attend my wedding! At least on a Saturday only military members will have to be on leave... Also, most of the reception venues I found in Ohio, particularly hotels (we wanted a hotel specifically so that guests could rest or stay the night without having to drive), do not offer earlier receptions. I'm glad that we will be able to spend the whole cocktail hour with our guests instead of ignoring them while we take pictures and expecting them to "mingle" together without our families and us to help introduce people. I guess if everyone who was attending your wedding was local and knew everyone else and no one was elderly or had very small children, it could be a slight inconvienence. But EVERYONE attending our wedding, with the exception of two bridesmaids and my parents, will be staying at this hotel or a neighboring one... the same one as the reception! Two hours is not a long time... three or four or more - well, that would certainly be pushing it. But two hours gives folks a rest without missing festivities, it gives the bride and groom a chance to take pictures with the families and share a moment remembering what the day is about without feeling that they are missing the whole party. I honestly would have no problem bringing a book into the hotel and sitting there reading for an hour or two! If you are so wrapped up around the axle about managing yourself for two short hours to the point you would miss a dear friend or relative's wedding, then perhaps I wouldn't want you to attend my wedding at all! You are obviously not concerned about the real meaning of the day and are more focused on being entertained, wined, and dined. I am not saying you should not treat your guests with respect and consideration, but I am saying that such respect goes both ways. I know for a fact not one of my guests will be offended by a gap - they will expect it. Perhaps it is because we are midwesterners, but it is absolutely normal in their eyes. As I said before, I see the gap as a good chance for everyone to catch their breath. Forcing my guests to spend a full ten hour day straight through with no break to recollect their thoughts, rest, and refocus without missing the events seems to me to be rather rude.
Posted by AriaGoose[/QUOTE]

So the day is about you, You YOU right?

Expecting your guests to spend 10 hours at anything is rude. It doesnt matter if there is a 2 hour break in between. People have lives.

Again, just because it is common in your area does not make it less rude.

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

That doesn't make any sense. I've spent full ten hour days with friends before, and I don't need a break. Besides, a wedding ceremony usually lasts about an hour max, and the reception plus cocktail hour is no more than five. I'm not sure what sort of math they do in the Midwest, but in California, 6 =/= 10.

Meagan0528 · April 2010

I don't think it makes the day all about YOU if you choose to have a gap. We are hosting an ice cream social in a park during our gap but I don't feel like it would have been rude if we didn't. Most of our guests were pleasantly surprised to find this out, as usually they plan something amongst themselves with family members (even if it's just hanging out in the hotel lobby). Weddings, for me and my family and friends, are an all day event. If I have a wedding going on, I have nothing else planned so I absolutely don't mind if it takes up my entire day. I will gladly give it to the couple that we are celebrating. If you think that's too much to ask please, by all means, stay at home.

banana468 · April 2010

So the answer is, "If you don't like that I've been rude to you, I'd rather you just not show up."??

Meagan0528 · April 2010

It's NOT rude where I am from. And obviously this is true or this wouldn't be such a debate. There are people on both sides of the fence. Gaps are standard, and expected, in some places. If there are people from other places that don't agree with it and they decide not to participate in my wedding day because I'm "asking too much of them", that's their decision and I won't be offended.

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:b01ef9b3-91fa-464b-b2a0-4de7fd1ed78c">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it makes the day all about YOU if you choose to have a gap. We are hosting an ice cream social in a park during our gap but I don't feel like it would have been rude if we didn't. Most of our guests were pleasantly surprised to find this out, as usually they plan something amongst themselves with family members (even if it's just hanging out in the hotel lobby). Weddings, for me and my family and friends, are an all day event. If I have a wedding going on, I have nothing else planned so I absolutely don't mind if it takes up my entire day. I will gladly give it to the couple that we are celebrating. If you think that's too much to ask please, by all means, stay at home.
Posted by Meagan0528[/QUOTE]

If a bride expected me to come to her 10 hour wedding with a 2 hour gap, I would stay home.

Meagan0528 · April 2010

I said that earlier....even though it may be printed online (or in books, whatever) and considered to be bad ettiquette (by apparently you guys and whoever wrote the article) that doesn't mean you absolutely shouldn't have a gap. I'm not going to judge you for it, and I know lots of other people that wouldn't either.

And in response to blueyed, as I also said earlier, I would not be offended at all if someone chose not to attend my wedding as a direct result of a gap. If I offend someone on my guest list for some reason, I wouldn't expect them to come and celebrate with us.
So fair enough.

ndnikki06 · April 2010

Hahaha where is the "10 hour wedding with a 2 hour gap coming from"???????? Blueyed you are being a bit dramatic. I am having 1.45 hour gap and it will definitely not be a 10 hour day for my guests. Okay....you think we are rude and horrible people for having a gap. You aren't our guest so GET OVER IT! As I said before, this is the ONLY way I have ever seen it done here. We don't find it rude. We just expect it. I don't disagree that it would be MUCH better to have the reception directly after the ceremony. I AGREE! However, it doesnt always work out like that. Plus, not all of us are wealthy enough, have others paying the bills, etc, to have a COCKTAIL hour! HAHAHAHA My family and friends are not the cocktail hour crowd! I do not come from a family of money. My fiance and I are working our asses off for this wedding. I am PROUD of the meal we are serving and the party we are throwing. We have saved for a 1.5 years JUST FOR THE FOOD!!!! I would LOVE to wine and dine my family and friends to a COCKTAIL HOUR but once again it is just not possible. I feel like some of you forgot what the day is all about! Who cares if there is a freaking gap! This is something so much bigger and more important than omg there is no cocktail hour. I'm sure you can figure out what to do with your time for 2 hours. You could always get online and give people advice on the wedding boards! You obviously LOVE to do that! It says on the invite what the plans are...if you don't like it....DON'T COME! We don't have that problem around here though. We are friendly, laid back, and can figure out what to do with our time. Sooooo glad I live here!

banana468 · April 2010

[QUOTE] As I said before, this is the ONLY way I have ever seen it done here. We don't find it rude. We just expect it. [/QUOTE]

And the OP's mother is from the same area and states that it's rude. Clearly that's not how ALL weddings in the area are done. It appears that this is how your crowd and the OP's crowd do things - but that way is actually inappropriate and some, like the OP's mom find it rude.

[QUOTE]I feel like some of you forgot what the day is all about! Who cares if there is a freaking gap! [/QUOTE]

Have you? The wedding ceremony is about the union of the bride and groom. However everything else is FOR the guests. Have you forgotton what it means to host? THAT is what people are discussion and stating what others are not doing.

The day is about doing what you and your FI want as the bride and groom. Once you invite guests, you need to host them and take their time into consideration. If you're stuck with a gap, you need to host something for them while you have it. It doesn't need to be cocktails - lemonade is fine. BUT you invited these people presumably because you wanted to see them and celebrate with them.

Telling them to get lost for hours is NOT the appropriate message to send. In fact, it's a really rude thing to do as a hostess. And unfortunately, so many brides and grooms lose sight of THAT while they're creating their wedding plans.

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:fe9be400-f446-4f76-ab98-bb8f310ca38c">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Hahaha where is the "10 hour wedding with a 2 hour gap coming from"???????? Blueyed you are being a bit dramatic. I am having 1.45 hour gap and it will definitely not be a 10 hour day for my guests. Okay....you think we are rude and horrible people for having a gap. You aren't our guest so GET OVER IT! As I said before, this is the ONLY way I have ever seen it done here. We don't find it rude. We just expect it. I don't disagree that it would be MUCH better to have the reception directly after the ceremony. I AGREE! However, it doesnt always work out like that. Plus, not all of us are wealthy enough, have others paying the bills, etc, to have a COCKTAIL hour! HAHAHAHA My family and friends are not the cocktail hour crowd! I do not come from a family of money. My fiance and I are working our asses off for this wedding. I am PROUD of the meal we are serving and the party we are throwing. We have saved for a 1.5 years JUST FOR THE FOOD!!!! I would LOVE to wine and dine my family and friends to a COCKTAIL HOUR but once again it is just not possible. I feel like some of you forgot what the day is all about! Who cares if there is a freaking gap! This is something so much bigger and more important than omg there is no cocktail hour. I'm sure you can figure out what to do with your time for 2 hours. You could always get online and give people advice on the wedding boards! You obviously LOVE to do that! It says on the invite what the plans are...if you don't like it....DON'T COME! We don't have that problem around here though. We are friendly, laid back, and can figure out what to do with our time. Sooooo glad I live here!
Posted by ndnikki06[/QUOTE]

The 10 hour wedding I was referring to is the one that AriaGoose is having. If you had read the entire thread instead of jumping in like some kind of a hero, you would have seen it.

Again, just because you don't find it rude, doesn't mean it isn't rude.

Who said anything about wealth? You can afford anything you want. If you want a cocktail hour, cut your list and use the money you saved to have it. You don't know anyones financial circumstances, so stfu.

Do you think you are the only one who worked hard for your wedding? Really?

It's cute that you think telling me that I LOVE to come online to give advice is some kind of an insult. You need to grow up. If you want your day to be all about you you you, then fine. But be prepared for your guests to talk about how rude you are.

Its also nice that your response to people telling you that a gap is not polite, is to not come to your wedding. Ya, thats not bridezilla at all. Screw the comfort of your guests, you are just going to have the day that you want. If they don't like it, they can stay home. Just send the gift though right?

If this thread is not relevant to you, then why are you commenting on it?

Also, your use of capitalization and exclamation points tells me that this website may be a bit mature for you.

libbylo · April 2010

Wow... I feel a little guilty for causing all of this drama. In my area a gap is very common, and I 've actually never attend a wedding without one. In addition, there has never been anything planned for the guests that attend the ceremony. To be fair, my mom has never actually attended a wedding were guests were provided for during the gap. It was an idea we were tossing around one morning.  During the gap I anticiapte that the people I would want most at the ceremony (family and close friends) will be taking pictures with my FI and I. A family friend has offered to host an informal gathering during the gap for those who are not interested in pictures. Most of our friends will probably go to their hotel room and have a couple of beverages.

Weddings in my area typically start around 3:00 so guests will have their morning free with the reception running until around midnight.   It can make for a long day for those who wish to stay until the very end, but all of the traditional festivities will be done around 8.

I think all of this critism (and support-THANK YOU!!!) has prepared me for the next wave that I'm sure is to come as my date gets closer.

Best wishes to all!

Gap Between Ceremony and Reception

Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception

Choose Another Board

Search Boards