Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?

I have been reading the knot looking for ideas for our 30th year vow renewal and I came across quite a few posts about some particular vow renewals being very frowned upon. Can someone explain this? Why is it taboo to throw a "wedding" if a couple ran to the courthouse or JOP or Vegas? 
Pregnancy Ticker
«1

Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?

  • edited February 2012
    Congratulations!  30 years is an amazing accomplishment!

    There's nothing wrong with a vow renewal.  In fact, some elements can be wedding-like in feel -- white dress, vow renewal ceremony, guests, and a reception to celebrate.  The criticism usually comes if:

    1) People try to "redo the wedding" -- eg, originally had a courthouse wedding due to budget / military deployment / some other reason and now want a "real wedding pretty princess day" one or two years later when circumstances have changed.  It would be OK to do this tastefully as a vow renewal, but you only get one wedding to your husband (unless you divorce in the middle), and there's nothing less real about a courthouse/JOP/Vegas wedding. 

    2) People try to do a vow renewal waaaay too soon.  Like 6 weeks, or 6 months after their marriage.  Thirty years does not count as 'too soon' by any stretch of the imagination.

    3) People try to trick their guests into thinking the vow renewal is a real wedding -- eg full re-enactment of a wedding ceremony, not disclosing they are already married, etc.

    I'm sure there are more reasons others can add too.
    image
  • edited February 2012
    There is a difference between a vow renewal and a mock wedding.You want to celebrate your 30th anniversary with a vow renewal. Everyone knows you are married and they are being invited to celebrate your anniversary. *Congregations. I think a 30th anniversary is a perfect time for a vow renewal and a big party.

    What I don't like is when someone goes to the courthouse to get married, then later decides that she missed all the hooplah so she wants to have a fake wedding, complete with shower, bachelorette party, wedding ceremony, bridesmaids and a bridal registry. Or worse yet, the couple gets married secretly and they lead their guests to believe they are witnessing the actual wedding ceremony. That's dishonest.

    * that's supposed to say Congratulations : )
                       
  • Congratulations first and foremost! That's wonderful :)

    My only issue was a post or two where some people lied to their families, allowing them to believe they were not married and then putting on a show for their guests. I'm not sure why someone would do that, but to get married, lie about it then get the dress, the presents, the whole shabang is really not ok.

    A 30th vow renewal seems like a very beautiful occasion and I wish you 30+ more years of a happy union!
    Vacation White Knot
  • My best friend and I (when 14 yrs old) have always said we would do a double ceremony. When we got married, we had lost contact (10 years ago) for a while. For both of our 10th anniversary, we are doing a double ceremony. It is not necessarily about our commitment to our husbands as much as about us at the altar together pledging our love to our husbands with each other at the other's side. Let the snarky people have their say. They're just mad, because your wedding will look better than theirs. :)
  • Thank you all! I am excited and overwhelmed to be honest. My husband and I did not get married at a courthouse. We were married in a small beautiful church by a very good friend and preacher of mine. Back then it was a completely different though in terms of traditions and what to do. So many things have changed since then. 

    Thank you for the vow renewal link! 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:6006560a-b13f-4b1d-aad0-77b9a5c81a22">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My best friend and I (when 14 yrs old) have always said we would do a double ceremony. When we got married, we had lost contact (10 years ago) for a while. For both of our 10th anniversary, we are doing a double ceremony. It is not necessarily about our commitment to our husbands as much as about us at the altar together pledging our love to our husbands with each other at the other's side. Let the snarky people have their say. <strong>They're just mad, because your wedding will look better than theirs. :)
    </strong>Posted by sphilli3[/QUOTE]

    What an incredibly childish and rude statement to make.  Is that how you rationalize any advice that is contrary to what you want?

    OP - congratulations on 30 wonderful years of marriage.  That is truly an accomplishment to be proud of.  I hope your vow renewal is lovely.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:6006560a-b13f-4b1d-aad0-77b9a5c81a22">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My best friend and I (when 14 yrs old) have always said we would do a double ceremony. When we got married, we had lost contact (10 years ago) for a while. For both of our 10th anniversary, we are doing a double ceremony. <strong>It is not necessarily about our commitment to our husbands as much as about us at the altar together pledging our love to our husbands with each other at the other's side</strong>. Let the snarky people have their say. They're just mad, because your wedding will look better than theirs. :)
    Posted by sphilli3[/QUOTE]

    Yeah.  I don't believe your timeline here.  I think you are 14 right now.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • Re-Do's arent terriable they are a reafirmation of your love for one another and have been done for many many years.  And further more its a special day just as your wedding day!  Plan it, Have it, Love It !  I am renewing my vows this June 16, 2012 it will be 10 years of marriage and 15 years of a wonderful friendship and the ALL THA MAN THAT I NEED!  So good luck with that and be blessedLaughing
  • I think it depends on the situation.  In your case where you want to share your happiness of your long and successful marriage, or in the case of a military deployment where the couple didn't have an opportunity for the celebration with their family and friends that they would otherwise have planned, I don't think there's anything inappropriate about a vow renewal.  Hope you have a wonderful celebration!

    Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
  • Vanity is a good way to explain it. My MIL has a display of everyone's wedding pictures up now and we do not have anything because WE didn't have a real wedding. I feel like I made a big mistake.  (not just because of that) Our friends and family should have been there and even at our "reception" I wasn't having any fun. I was too busy trying to make sure everyone else was having fun. I did get to eat though.  (We threw a part a month later after we were married at the JOP). The biggest thing I regret was that I didn't get to look amazing for my groom with my hair done and in a beautiful dress. I have seen some amazing pictures of couples at their wedding and I wish I had that too. It was like a switch was flipped. I wanted a marraige not a wedding and now I want a wedding. Unfortunately I can't because society says its retarded and I shouldnt. It took me a while to get over and sometimes I do still think about it but I won't say anything to anyone because I"m the retard in the whole thing. A vow renewal would be nice but whats the point when everything thinks your retarded? 30 years is a completely different story. And its a great accomplishment in today's society. Congratulations. Don't hold back and have a ball! 
    PersonalMilestone
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:fe30968b-11a7-4b51-ad46-dfc68417247c">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Vanity is a good way to explain it. My MIL has a display of everyone's wedding pictures up now and we do not have anything because WE didn't have a real wedding. I feel like I made a big mistake.  (not just because of that) Our friends and family should have been there and even at our "reception" I wasn't having any fun. I was too busy trying to make sure everyone else was having fun. I did get to eat though.  (We threw a part a month later after we were married at the JOP). The biggest thing I regret was that I didn't get to look amazing for my groom with my hair done and in a beautiful dress. I have seen some amazing pictures of couples at their wedding and I wish I had that too. It was like a switch was flipped. I wanted a marraige not a wedding and now I want a wedding. Unfortunately I can't because society says its <strong>retarded</strong>and I shouldnt. It took me a while to get over and sometimes I do still think about it but I won't say anything to anyone because I"m the <strong>retard</strong>in the whole thing. A vow renewal would be nice but whats the point when everything thinks your <strong>retarded</strong>? 30 years is a completely different story. And its a great accomplishment in today's society. Congratulations. Don't hold back and have a ball! 
    Posted by kcgrl[/QUOTE]

    Please don't use this word.  It is extremely hurtful.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • Congratulations on 30 years! I am a bit surprised (and ashamed) on how mean some of the comments on here are. My husband and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year. We too are doing a vow renewal, at our home. We were married at the JOP because of family conflict. We are really excited to renewal our vows and have a celebration. We did put in our invitations that it was in honor of our 10th anniversary. I am buying a new dress, we each have 1 VIP standing up for us, and a "reception" afterwards. In all honasty I feel that if someone does not approve of what you're doing or how you're doing it they she just respectfully decline the invite. Have fun with it and enjoy celebrating with your husband, supportive family and supportive friends.
  • Congratulations on 30 years! I am a bit surprised (and ashamed) on how mean some of the comments on here are. My husband and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year. We too are doing a vow renewal, at our home. We were married at the JOP because of family conflict. We are really excited to renewal our vows and have a celebration. We did put in our invitations that it was in honor of our 10th anniversary. I am buying a new dress, we each have 1 VIP standing up for us, and a "reception" afterwards. In all honasty I feel that if someone does not approve of what you're doing or how you're doing it they should just respectfully decline the invite. Have fun with it and enjoy celebrating with your husband, supportive family and supportive friends.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:4e8744af-ffd4-43f8-9d54-0ffdc8ff2c74">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible? : Please don't use this word.  It is extremely hurtful.
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

    <div>I apologize. </div>
    PersonalMilestone
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:8ad220b2-5e44-4c3c-8464-8f21f77e8fcb">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible? : CMGr, I've seen a lot of these debates on who can/can't/should/shouldn't have a re-do ceremony and I know you're always on the side of the never being a good excuse, but I'm wondering what you'd think about this one: A young man was stationed in Iraq. Before he left he got engaged to his girlfriend who happened to be pregnant with their first child. While in Iraq he was shot in the head by a sniper. After stabilizing him they brought him back home to recuperate, but he was in a coma. I'm not sure how they did it, but <strong>their families decided to have him and his fiancee married by proxy </strong>(double proxy, I believe). He ultimately passed away, but I always wondered if he had recovered if they'd have a church ceremony or a "do over". I'm just curious if this would be an exception to the no do-over rule... ETA: Sorry, she wasn't pregnant when they got engaged, but they found out she was pregnant right after he deployed.
    Posted by MeganLindsay5685[/QUOTE]

    I know that the Catholic church used to allow this years ago, maybe they still do - but this is good only for marriage recognition by the church.  I am curious though, as to how it's even possible that this is legally binding in the US.  Marriage is a legal contract and requires the willing participation of both parties.  Someone in a coma cannot consent.  So seeing as how there is no legal marriage, then a wedding at some point in the future would be fine.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:b9ff64ee-52c7-4e70-acba-6006ed258d1f">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    <div align="left">[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible? : I don't know too much about it, but I read that precedent states that proxy marriages be recognized as at least common law marriage. I don't know a lot of the details. I graduated high school with the couple but I was never very close with either of them. The groom's older sister kept a blog about it and that's where I got most of the updates.
    Posted by MeganLindsay5685[/QUOTE]

    Common law marriage is recognized in very few states and if this was Ohio, the state does not recognize any common law marriage after 1977.  Even then, for common law marriage both parties have to present themselves to the world as a married couple (for example introduce eachother as the spouse), which again, someone in a coma cannot do.  I think what they did was under Canon law, not the law of any state, thereby, making it not a legal marriage.</div>
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:8ad220b2-5e44-4c3c-8464-8f21f77e8fcb">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible? : CMGr, I've seen a lot of these debates on who can/can't/should/shouldn't have a re-do ceremony and I know you're always on the side of the never being a good excuse, but I'm wondering what you'd think about this one: A young man was stationed in Iraq. Before he left he got engaged to his girlfriend who happened to be pregnant with their first child. While in Iraq he was shot in the head by a sniper. After stabilizing him they brought him back home to recuperate, but he was in a coma. I'm not sure how they did it, but their families decided to have him and his fiancee married by proxy (double proxy, I believe). He ultimately passed away, but I always wondered if he had recovered if they'd have a church ceremony or a "do over". I'm just curious if this would be an exception to the no do-over rule... ETA: Sorry, she wasn't pregnant when they got engaged, but they found out she was pregnant right after he deployed.
    Posted by MeganLindsay5685[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Why would it help for them to get married? I don't get it. 

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:220b894f-1695-4655-a67e-59ef2a367823">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible? : She would collect military benefits as his wife, and as his widow.  It's all about the money.   I don't believe the story, though.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>aw, right. I forget that I get benefits... I was thinking that it had to do with his page two. (in the military it's called "page two" that they sign if they want someone other than their "next of kin" to have responsibility over their life should an event like a coma happen. Many military spouses use that benefit aspect as an excuse to get a JOP before deployment, but a simple POA and Page two signing takes care of everything. That's what we did for his first deployment.) </div><div>I guess the benefits make sense in that situation... but a proxy requires both people to be conscious, no? I don't buy this story... I can't imagine you can't legally marry someone that is in a coma... </div><div>
    </div>
  • Vow renewals are completely different than wedding re-dos & vow renewals are perfectly fine! A lot of PPs gave you excellent advice on certain etiquette to follow for a vow renewal so as long as you follow that you'll be fine :)

    Congrats on 30 years of marriage! That is so exciting!! My grandparents just celebrated their 50th anniversary & decided to renew their vows. They didn't wear special attire or anything, they just wore a nice outfit & renewed their vows. Then they had a "reception"/50th anniversary party thrown for them by our family where they shared another "first" dance, cake cutting, etc. It was so much fun for them to kind of re-live their wedding day!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Congratulations on your anniversary!  I agree with PP's, what you're planning is a perfectly appropriate vow renewal, not a re-do.  Enjoy your celebration, you deserve it!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:fe30968b-11a7-4b51-ad46-dfc68417247c">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Vanity is a good way to explain it. My MIL has a display of everyone's wedding pictures up now and we do not have anything because WE didn't have a real wedding. I feel like I made a big mistake.  (not just because of that) Our friends and family should have been there and even at our "reception" I wasn't having any fun. I was too busy trying to make sure everyone else was having fun. I did get to eat though.  (We threw a part a month later after we were married at the JOP). The biggest thing I regret was that I didn't get to look amazing for my groom with my hair done and in a beautiful dress. I have seen some amazing pictures of couples at their wedding and I wish I had that too. It was like a switch was flipped. I wanted a marraige not a wedding and now I want a wedding. <strong>Unfortunately I can't because society says its retarded and I shouldnt</strong>. It took me a while to get over and sometimes I do still think about it but I won't say anything to anyone because I"m the retard in the whole thing. A vow renewal would be nice but whats the point when everything thinks your retarded? 30 years is a completely different story. And its a great accomplishment in today's society. Congratulations. Don't hold back and have a ball! 
    Posted by kcgrl[/QUOTE]

    I am part of society, and I do not think having a VR is mentally challenged and/or slow.

    (Think about what you're saying before you say it)
    image
  • kcgrl, you used the "r word" not once, but three times in one response!  Please stop using that word, as it really offends a lot of people (myself included).  It makes people immediately judge you as unable to find a better word, which makes people think of you as either a) immature or b) ignorant.  Both bad things to be. 

    image

    Anniversary

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:3a85803c-efbb-4e33-87c8-d514129201b8">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]kcgrl, you used the "r word" not once, but three times in one response!  Please stop using that word, as it really offends a lot of people (myself included).  It makes people immediately judge you as unable to find a better word, which makes people think of you as either a) immature or b) ignorant.  Both bad things to be. 
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    Two of the posts that TK ate last night were mine asking her not to use this hurtful word.  The other was her apology.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • pokey730pokey730 member
    First Comment
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:b90e011d-2e91-45db-93a8-3481a3352116">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't give a pass to military couples, either.  <strong>Either wait until the serviceperson gets home and then have the wedding</strong>, or have the wedding you can have now and be happy with that. I come from a long line of soldiers and soldier brides who were too happy that the soldier came home alive to worry about whether they got a poofy dress or not.  My grandparents drove all night to New Mexico (because Texas, at that time, required a blood test and waiting period) so they could get married before my grandfather had to ship out.  They waited for the courthouse to open, got married, got right back in the car and drove her back to Texas.  No regrets on their part. I don't think a vow renewal is out of place for a 30th anniversary.  <strong>For a third anniversary? Ridiculous.
    </strong>Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]


    What if they don't get home?

    And what if, hypothetically, you're engaged to a servicemember, and an unplanned pregnancy occurs. Your fiance is deplying for a 12 month tour, and you have no medical coverage. Thus, all your necessary visits must be paid out of pocket, the delivery and hospital bills, must be paid for out of pocket. The baby will be covered once delivered, but all medical bills between conception and delivery are on you. And what if, hypothetically, your fiance doesn't come home, and you are entitled to nothing. Just saying, if you haven't been in that situation, I wouldn't be so quick to judge. I'm sure I'm about to have the etiquette book thrown at me, but oh well. I assure you, military members don't likely care if you "give them a pass".

    And the last bolded statement, I don't intend to do a vow renewal within the first few years of my marriage. However, I don't really think it's your place to decide what is and is not ridiculous for any one couple. I have friends(married) who went through a major tragedy, nearly ended their marriage. They ended up fighting through it, and had a vow renewel a few short years after their wedding. It was fitting for them.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:91c449c9-a487-4d8f-8320-3b5efad54579">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible? : What if they don't get home? And what if, hypothetically, you're engaged to a servicemember, and an unplanned pregnancy occurs. Your fiance is deplying for a 12 month tour, and you have no medical coverage. Thus, all your necessary visits must be paid out of pocket, the delivery and hospital bills, must be paid for out of pocket. The baby will be covered once delivered, but all medical bills between conception and delivery are on you. And what if, hypothetically, your fiance doesn't come home, and you are entitled to nothing. Just saying, if you haven't been in that situation, I wouldn't be so quick to judge. I'm sure I'm about to have the etiquette book thrown at me, but oh well. I assure you, military members don't likely care if you "give them a pass". And the last bolded statement, I don't intend to do a vow renewal within the first few years of my marriage. However, I don't really think it's your place to decide what is and is not ridiculous for any one couple. I have friends(married) who went through a major tragedy, nearly ended their marriage. They ended up fighting through it, and had a vow renewel a few short years after their wedding. It was fitting for them.
    Posted by pokey730[/QUOTE]

    This argument really rubs a lot of people, including military brass, the wrong way.  If you do a JOP to get spousal benefits, health benefits, death benefits, etc. but don't consider it to be your "real" wedding, it's an insult to many many miltary couples who were happy just being married without the PPD.  Take this argument for a spin on the military brides board and see how well it goes over.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:91c449c9-a487-4d8f-8320-3b5efad54579">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible? : What if they don't get home? And what if, hypothetically, you're engaged to a servicemember, and an unplanned pregnancy occurs. Your fiance is deplying for a 12 month tour, and you have no medical coverage. Thus, all your necessary visits must be paid out of pocket, the delivery and hospital bills, must be paid for out of pocket. The baby will be covered once delivered, but all medical bills between conception and delivery are on you. And what if, hypothetically, your fiance doesn't come home, and you are entitled to nothing. Just saying, if you haven't been in that situation, I wouldn't be so quick to judge. I'm sure I'm about to have the etiquette book thrown at me, but oh well. I assure you, military members don't likely care if you "give them a pass". And the last bolded statement, I don't intend to do a vow renewal within the first few years of my marriage. However, I don't really think it's your place to decide what is and is not ridiculous for any one couple. I have friends(married) who went through a major tragedy, nearly ended their marriage. They ended up fighting through it, and had a vow renewel a few short years after their wedding. It was fitting for them.
    Posted by pokey730[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>AAHHHH I'm so annoyed that TK ate my posts from last night.. </div><div>1. But if this were to occur, then the people would/should handle the pregnancy and finances just as normal, civilian people would. Pregnancy happens military or not. I'm sorry, but they shouldn't get some special treatment. </div><div>
    </div><div>You're basically saying that, should a military spouse get pregnant, they should get married super fast so that they can use the money they saved from not having to pay for baby expenses, to throw a party. I'm not sure why that sounds like the ethical thing to do in your eyes. </div><div>
    </div><div>2. It's called a "page two" in the military that allows the servicemember to give his/her benefits to anyone should something like death occur. You don't need to be married to get the life insurance policy as long as you have a will, page 2 signed, and POA. </div><div>
    </div><div> In other words, the military members are not somehow higher on the food chain regarding this topic. Shiit happens no matter who you are, and part of being human is working with what you've got, not what you can manipulate the government to give you.  </div><div>
    </div><div>

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:c7977084-5ed9-478d-8455-3e3ebdfb33a7">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible? : AAHHHH I'm so annoyed that TK ate my posts from last night..  1. But if this were to occur, then the people would/should handle the pregnancy and finances just as normal, civilian people would. Pregnancy happens military or not. I'm sorry, but they shouldn't get some special treatment.  You're basically saying that, should a military spouse get pregnant, they should get married super fast so that they can use the money they saved from not having to pay for baby expenses, to throw a party. <strong>I'm not sure why that sounds like the ethical thing to do in your eyes.</strong>  2. It's called a "page two" in the military that allows the servicemember to give his/her benefits to anyone should something like death occur. You don't need to be married to get the life insurance policy as long as you have a will, page 2 signed, and POA.   In other words, the military members are not somehow higher on the food chain regarding this topic. Shiit happens no matter who you are, and part of being human is working with what you've got, not what you can manipulate the government to give you.  
    Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

    I'm not saying it does. I'm saying that people often have to make sacrifices, though that shouldn't prevent them from being able to celebrate their marriage with their friends and family. It doesn't always happen that way, but I'm not going going lose my shiit because someone chooses to have their party when they eventually can.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:7ff5be5e-72e4-44cf-ae0d-9c0310809d1c">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible? : This argument really rubs a lot of people, including military brass, the wrong way.  If you do a JOP to get spousal benefits, health benefits, death benefits, etc. but don't consider it to be your "real" wedding, it's an insult to many many miltary couples who were happy just being married without the PPD.  Take this argument for a spin on the military brides board and see how well it goes over.
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for the suggestion, but this isn't such a hot topic for me that I need people to agree or disagree with me. Who says they don't consider it to be their real wedding? They consider themselves married, why should it matter if they have a party later celebrating that with their families, who maybe across the country, or world, when they actually wed.
  • edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:e0f8101f-2076-4736-9f4c-5df5fdc29300">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible? : I'm not saying it does. I'm saying that people often have to make sacrifices, though that shouldn't prevent them from being able to celebrate their marriage with their friends and family. It doesn't always happen that way, but I'm not going going lose my shiit because someone chooses to have their party when they eventually can.
    Posted by pokey730[/QUOTE]

    <div>Okay, but those military members made the choice to get married without a big, fun party so that they could get benefits. They can't RE-DO their wedding. Their wedding was when they signed those pieces of paper. </div><div>Those benefits, btw, are paid for by taxpayers... so in this situation the money they saved by getting married and having those benefits are paying for the big "re do" wedding, indirectly the taxpayers. I have no interest in paying for an unethical move, and I can't imagine many people would. </div><div>That's what point we're making here. </div><div>
    </div><div>A wedding is one day and signing a piece of paper. Lying to family and friends about it, abusing military benefits, or simply just being impatient and wanting to make up for it later seems immature, which is why it's frowned upon on these boards. </div><div>
    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_why-are-wedding-re-dos-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ed50bd86-bba6-42e4-a956-317ce0947acfPost:0303b4c5-efbb-4eb8-abc1-e4dc348617ca">Re: Why are "Wedding Re-Dos" terrible?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>The couple should act like adults, take responsibility</strong> for the baby they created, have the wedding they can have now, and be satisfied with that. It's called living with your choices, and the results of your actions. <strong>I've been widowed</strong>, so save the ridiculous attempt at a lecture on THAT line of thinking. I realize I could be wrong, but<strong> I seriously doubt YOU have been in that "hypothetical" situation where the spouse doesn't survive.</strong>  I have.  That seven-tiered cake won't keep a tragedy from occurring, or make the situation easier if it happens. Oh - my present husband is a vet, so you can save the "you don't understand what that's like" as well.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    My my, a little overly defensive?

    1. 100% agree. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices, and postpone your wants/needs for those of your children.

    2. I am very sorry that happened to you, I couldn't even imagine.

    3. You are correct, I have not been in that "hypothetical" situation. However, it is one I face everyday. My fiance and I both are both active duty military. While we both have to deal with the reality that one of us may not come home one day, we do not have to worry about the situation I described above, as neither of us is financially dependant on the other. However, we know plenty of people who have faced these situations. Some celebrate later, other never feel the need, but certainly no one sticks their noses up to anyone who do. I get the "not lying about your marriage" aspect of all it. I just don't really see why it is so offensive to so many people around here. I don't see how it affects you.

    Also, save the condescension. I understand quite well "what its like", and like you, am quite capable of forming my own opinions. I hardly need you to agree with me.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards