Moms and Maids

Should I add a Bridesmaid?

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Re: Should I add a Bridesmaid?

  • Wow this one is clueless, folks!  

    I meant symmetry as in what you think "looks right" or to make couples match up.  Don't add and subtract people to make it "look right" or to make couples match up.  You should ask people who are important to you because they are important to you, and for no other reason. This is what people on here are trying to get through to you.

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  • edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-add-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7be3fff3-eb54-4ca9-8d97-713ffae29cccPost:635a3136-dc42-453e-bc11-efe751dd2234">Re: Should I add a Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow this one is clueless, folks!   I meant symmetry as in what you think "looks right" or to make couples match up.  Don't add and subtract people to make it "look right" or to make couples match up.  You should ask people who are important to you because they are important to you, and for no other reason. This is what people on here are trying to get through to you.
    Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>You are clueless! I never said anything about "matching people up" or what "looks right" in regard to number. You misread, and you're trying to cover that fact up with insults. </div><div>
    </div><div>Don't. </div><div>
    </div><div>And lol at redefining "symmetry."</div>
  • Don't change anything. I don't care your reasons--when you start saying you are "promoting" someone, you are essentially ranking the importance of your friends/BMs. You are not a boss giving an employee a promotion. You should be treating your BMs equally. Not to even mention the hurt feelings that would ensue by promoting one "junior" BM over the other.

    This whole thing comes off as superficial anyway after reading your comments regarding the tattoo. It appears you care more about the look of your wedding than the actual people in it, which is unfortunate. I would just stop before you hurt anyone else's feelings and just leave everything as is.


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  • edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-add-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7be3fff3-eb54-4ca9-8d97-713ffae29cccPost:f578ea99-ed34-4c42-ad74-45a392b2fb82">Re: Should I add a Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't change anything. I don't care your reasons--when you start saying you are "promoting" someone, you are essentially ranking the importance of your friends/BMs. <strong>You are not a boss giving an employee a promotion. </strong>You should be treating your BMs equally. Not to even mention the hurt feelings that would ensue by promoting one "junior" BM over the other. This whole thing comes off as superficial anyway after reading your comments regarding the tattoo. It appears you care more about the look of your wedding than the actual people in it, which is unfortunate. I would just stop before you hurt anyone else's feelings and just leave everything as is.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Which is exactly why I put promoting in quotations. The junior bridesmaids are "junior" because they are not walking with a groomsmen (plus, they're younger). I used the word "promoting" to insinuate that I would have them walk with a groomsman. That should be pretty clear by this page of the thread. They're getting treated exactly the same besides that, and I haven't said anything in this thread to cause any of you to assume anything differently.</div><div>
    </div><div>Why the hell else would you think I used quotation marks? I swear sometimes women on TK sit around waiting for excuses to attack others. <strong>PLUS, </strong>I have already added another BM, my future SIL once I found out that she really wanted to be in the wedding. <strong>PLUS,</strong> the issue of not having the tattoo'd friend in the wedding due to her drama with another bridesmaid has been completely ignored. I don't want to be a mediator while planning my own wedding, so I had to choose one of them (because THEY can't get along, and have been feuding over some guy who's marrying someone else entirely for the last couple <em>years</em>). I chose the one with the smaller (and much less ugly, admittedly) tattoo. It came down to the tattoo because I like them equally, plus, I really don't like that tattoo. I will not appologize for that fact or feel bad because of it. It's not really anyone on TK's business. </div><div>
    </div><div>As I also said, half of the tattoo friend's reasoning for wanting to be in my wedding is that she thinks the other girl is "too fat" and simply did not want her to be chosen instead.

    </div>
  • So, she basically asked you why you chose another girl over her and you actually told her it was because of her tattoo?? Ouch. I would choose a different dress before doing that to my friend.
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  • edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-add-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7be3fff3-eb54-4ca9-8d97-713ffae29cccPost:19ca6690-4d0b-4302-945d-7b9c35ddfacb">Re:Should I add a Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, she basically asked you why you chose another girl over her and you actually told her it was because of her tattoo?? Ouch. I would choose a different dress before doing that to my friend.
    Posted by SVPW[/QUOTE]

    <div>Nothing short of a sleeved turtleneck will cover it. </div><div>
    </div><div>Not to mention the fact that I originally only choose one of them because of their drama that they've kept up for years. </div><div>
    </div><div>edit: Besides, What was I supposed to say? Am I supposed to lie to her? She knows what her tattoo looks like and that it would be unfinished. She agrees with me that it's inappropriate for a wedding.</div>
  • In Response to Re:Should I add a Bridesmaid?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Should I add a Bridesmaid?:So, she basically asked you why you chose another girl over her and you actually told her it was because of her tattoo?? Ouch. I would choose a different dress before doing that to my friend.Posted
    by SVPWNothing short of a sleeved turtleneck will cover it.nbsp;Not to mention the fact that I originally only choose one of them because of their
    drama that they've kept up for years.nbsp;edit: Besides, What was I supposed to say? Am I supposed to lie to her? She knows what her tattoo
    looks like and that it would be unfinished. She agrees with me that it's inappropriate for a wedding. Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]


    In your original post you should have said that you didn't choose her in the first place because of the drama. You didn't edit that in until the end. Instead what you told us is that you didn't ask her initially because of her tattoo. Anyway you try to justify it, it looks crappy. That's all I'm trying to tell you.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-add-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7be3fff3-eb54-4ca9-8d97-713ffae29cccPost:e96f19a4-70a3-4cd3-abb0-187a7e597249">Re: Should I add a Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I add a Bridesmaid? : <span style="font-weight:bold;">Name calling? Awesome</span>. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I said that I personally do not feel that piercings and tattoos are for weddings, thus I will be taking my nose ring out and  I will be covering the tattoo I am getting this summer. Everyone is entitled to feel differently, and I do not judge a person who does choose to have tattoos visible at their wedding. <span style="font-weight:bold;">OP, it wasn't cool that you based your decision on your friend having a tattoo</span>. And she did offer to cover it up anyways. But that seems to be water under the bridge now. I still think it would be sweet to have one GM walking the two junior BM up the aisle.
    Posted by laurelrenee1[/QUOTE]

    I'm really sorry. I just used your phrasing to try to illustrate to the OP how silly it is to ban something that you "personally feel" is out of place, to the point that you hurt the feelings of a good friend. I don't like superficial people, but it would be totally absurd to start cutting out BMs because they care too much about appearances, KWIM?  The second part I bolded is what I was really trying to express.

    I understand your stance. My MOH will be taking her septum ring out and cutting her mohawk for the wedding, but that is her choice and I never brought it up. It is perfectly fine for you to feel that way about your own, but totally different to value the aesthetics of a wedding over a friendship, as the OP has done.
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  • Thread jacking...Melb2013, your e-ring is gorgeous!

    That is all.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-add-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7be3fff3-eb54-4ca9-8d97-713ffae29cccPost:81958c24-393d-4281-a16a-d776cb74693a">Re:Should I add a Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Should I add a Bridesmaid?: In your original post you should have said that you didn't choose her in the first place because of the drama. You didn't edit that in until the end. Instead what you told us is that you didn't ask her initially because of her tattoo. Anyway you try to justify it, it looks crappy. That's all I'm trying to tell you.
    Posted by SVPW[/QUOTE]

    That message was editted long before anyone replied. You just choose not to read it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-add-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7be3fff3-eb54-4ca9-8d97-713ffae29cccPost:7156df8c-ea53-48bb-ac84-f28343ec71ab">Re: Should I add a Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I add a Bridesmaid? : I'm really sorry. I just used your phrasing to try to illustrate to the OP how silly it is to ban something that you <strong>"personally feel" is out of place</strong>, to the point that you hurt the feelings of a good friend. I don't like superficial people, but it would be totally absurd to start cutting out BMs because they care too much about appearances, KWIM?  The second part I bolded is what I was really trying to express. I understand your stance. My MOH will be taking her septum ring out and cutting her mohawk for the wedding, but that is her choice and I never brought it up. It is perfectly fine for you to feel that way about your own, but totally different to value the aesthetics of a wedding over a friendship, as the OP has done.
    Posted by bunni727[/QUOTE]

    My Personal feelings are the entire reason for the wedding. Well, mine plus my FI, who would not be OK with her Tattoo on display either.

    I don't see how my friendship with her should rest on whether or not she's a BM. Seriously, if not being able to shine however you want in someone else's wedding is a deal breaker... than you might have some issues in YOUR own friendships to address. My wedding and our friendship are two entirely unrelated things.
  • Uneven parties are not a big deal. I have more girls in my wedding party than he has guys (I have four sisters). The tattoo thing I do kinda understand. One of my sisters has two tattoos on her arm and one on her leg, we tried to find dresses that covered them up but couldn't agree so we ended up just getting what we could agree on. That one shows all of her tattoos. But its like this, they are part of her and I love her deeply so it is what it is. 
  • In Response to Re:Should I add a Bridesmaid?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Should I add a Bridesmaid?:In Response to Re:Should I add a Bridesmaid?: In your original post you should have said that you didn't choose her in the first place because of the drama. You didn't edit that in until the
    end. Instead what you told us is that you didn't ask her initially because of her tattoo. Anyway you try to justify it, it looks crappy. That's all I'm trying to tell
    you.Posted by SVPWThat message was editted long before anyone replied. You just choose not to read it. Posted
    by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]


    No sweetie, I read the whole thing. In fact I read it more than once to make sure I understood because i couldn't believe someone would do that to a friend. You are so concerned with looks, just own that get
    over yourself. You didn't ask your friend initially because of her huge tattoo and you know it.
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  • edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-add-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7be3fff3-eb54-4ca9-8d97-713ffae29cccPost:1fef1c66-d01c-4af3-9229-af1ce93a9b17">Re:Should I add a Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Should I add a Bridesmaid?: No sweetie, I read the whole thing. In fact I read it more than once to make sure I understood because i couldn't believe someone would do that to a friend. You are so concerned with looks, just own that get over yourself. You didn't ask your friend initially because of her huge tattoo and you know it.
    Posted by SVPW[/QUOTE]

    <div>Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't aware that not only do you somehow know me better than I know myself, but you somehow have personal stock in rewritting my life events how you see fit. </div><div>
    </div><div>Please, tell me more about non-offensive ways to deal with people. </div>
  • You keep skipping over all the responses that people are giving you to your original question. Don't add or "promote" anyone. Leave it as is. Who craes if the sides are uneven?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-add-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7be3fff3-eb54-4ca9-8d97-713ffae29cccPost:6fea74d1-e2dd-476c-9b58-82fa4e1981c3">Re: Should I add a Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>You keep skipping over all the responses that people are giving you to your original question.</strong> Don't add or "promote" anyone. Leave it as is. Who craes if the sides are uneven?
    Posted by BrittneyRN[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>You must have skipped the response on page one where I already added my future SIL. You also must have skipped my first post, as you'd see that the sides will be uneven no matter what, and even sides have not been a consideration. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-add-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7be3fff3-eb54-4ca9-8d97-713ffae29cccPost:6c551d82-f60b-4138-93c2-c6d5083b0084">Re:Should I add a Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Should I add a Bridesmaid? : Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't aware that not only do you somehow know me better than I know myself, but you somehow have personal stock in rewritting my life events how you see fit. <strong> Please, tell me more about non-offensive ways to deal with people. 
    </strong>Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]

    You really want me to?? You're right honey. I don't know you and I don't care to know you. Have a nice wedding.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-add-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7be3fff3-eb54-4ca9-8d97-713ffae29cccPost:e0e15b93-65b9-4f6a-9e1a-c89012e89d36">Re: Should I add a Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to <strong>Re: Should I add a Bridesmaid? : Which is exactly why I put promoting in quotations. The junior bridesmaids are "junior" because they are not walking with a groomsmen (plus, they're younger). I used the word "promoting" to insinuate that I would have them walk with a groomsman. </strong>That should be pretty clear by this page of the thread. They're getting treated exactly the same besides that, and I haven't said anything in this thread to cause any of you to assume anything differently. Why the hell else would you think I used quotation marks? I swear sometimes women on TK sit around waiting for excuses to attack others. PLUS, I have already added another BM, my future SIL once I found out that she really wanted to be in the wedding. PLUS,  the issue of not having the tattoo'd friend in the wedding due to her drama with another bridesmaid has been completely ignored. I don't want to be a mediator while planning my own wedding, so I had to choose one of them (because THEY can't get along, and have been feuding over some guy who's marrying someone else entirely for the last couple years ). I chose the one with the smaller (and much less ugly, admittedly) tattoo.<strong> It came down to the tattoo because I like them equally, plus, I really don't like that tattoo. I will not appologize for that fact or feel bad because of it. It's not really anyone on TK's business</strong>.  As I also said, half of the tattoo friend's reasoning for wanting to be in my wedding is that she thinks the other girl is "too fat" and simply did not want her to be chosen instead.
    Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]

    1. Well I don't like when people call them junior bridesmaids anyways. They are doing the exact same thing as the "regular" BMs, so regardless of age, they should just be given the same title. Also walking with a GM or not shouldn't really matter. My BMs walked in alone, unescorted. I considered them all equal.

    2. Second, if it's "none of our business" then I'm not sure why you even posted it on, you know, an international message board! But I guess at least you admit you are superficial and chose someone based on a tattoo :)


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  • edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-add-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7be3fff3-eb54-4ca9-8d97-713ffae29cccPost:72b6fd49-dfdf-43b9-8d55-040a461cb31a">Re: Should I add a Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I add a Bridesmaid? : 1. Well I don't like when people call them junior bridesmaids anyways. They are doing the exact same thing as the "regular" BMs, so regardless of age, they should just be given the same title. Also walking with a GM or not shouldn't really matter. My BMs walked in alone, unescorted. I considered them all equal. 2. <strong>Second, if it's "none of our business" then I'm not sure why you even posted it on, you know, an international message board!</strong> But I guess at least you admit you are superficial and chose someone based on a tattoo :)
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    Where did I ask anyone's opinion about how hating my friends tattoo effects our friendship?
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