We recently got engaged, and the wedding is not until Dec. of 2011. Approximately a month and a half ago, a friend and I were talking and she asked who I would have in my wedding. I told her my two definites, and said I wasn't sure that I had about three other "maybes" for my third person and that she was one of the "maybes". Well, now that we're engaged she assumes she's in the wedding even though I haven't asked anyone yet. How do I address this? Because the wedding's so far away I'm not sure who I will decide on?
Re: BM Issue
[QUOTE]We recently got engaged, and the wedding is not until Dec. of 2011. Approximately a month and a half ago, a friend and I were talking and she asked who I would have in my wedding. I told her my two definites, and said I wasn't sure that I had about three other "maybes" for my third person and that she was one of the "maybes". Well, now that we're engaged she assumes she's in the wedding even though I haven't asked anyone yet. How do I address this? Because the wedding's so far away I'm not sure who I will decide on?
Posted by kt126406[/QUOTE]
<div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:Times;font-size:medium;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-repeat:initial;background-attachment:initial;-webkit-background-clip:initial;-webkit-background-origin:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">You should not even be picking bms until at least a year out. If she asks, just tell her that it's too soon to decide who else is in the wedding. It's her own fault for assuming, but if you pick too soon, you may be sorry. People that get asked way early get burnt out on wedding stuff real fast and then we have brides coming here asking why their bms don't want to help them do anything....please wait.</div></span></div>
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"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
By telling your friend that she was a maybe, you put yourself in a really weird position. Now if you don't choose her, she'll feel bad because she was on the border line and will wonder why she got kicked out. Either suck it up and ask her officially to be a BM or sit down with her and say, "I'm sorry I speculated so far in advance about my potential BMs. I didn't mean to mean to put you in an awkard situation. It's really much too early for me to pick my BMs, and I'm going to wait until much closer to the wedding to decide."
Also, why 3 people? If it's for symmetry reasons, please check out some bios with uneven WPs and read some posts on the topic...people are more important than numbers, and you don't need to cut a good friend (or add someone who's not as close) just because you and your FI decided on an arbitrary number.
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"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
"Well, I'm not sure who I want. I mean I have two people who I love and certainly want with me. And then there are three others who might be good enough, but might not make the cut. Oh....you're in that group! Aren't you honored?"
II'm afraid you've really put your foot in it, IMO.
I'd be waiting until at least Mar. 2011 to ask anyone. Maybe by that time you'll have a clearer picture and perhaps the relationship with your quasi-friend will have become clearer.
Why should you wait? Scroll down this board and read the countless posts from brides who asked almost 2 years ahead, and are now asking how to fire a BM.
There's absolutely NOTHING for a BM to do until about 4-6 months before a wedding anyway. So wait. You'll thank us. The other ladies have told you how to answer when you're asked who's in the WP.
Telling someone they are a maybe is just rude, especially if you tell them they are in competition with 2 other girls for 1 spot. Just ask them all or none. Don't make it a competition... Uneven sides are fine.
Now that the cat's out of the bag a bit, just say, "I'm so sorry if I mislead you. I haven't picked the BP yet and won't for a year or so,"
[QUOTE]Just to clarify...I wasn't engaged when we were discussing wedding parties. And no one has been asked yet<strong>. However, she made the comment last week when I told her we were engaged that she needed to 'start losing weight' for the wedding.</strong> Also, the 'maybe' thing was regarding my fiance saying he thought 3 would be a good number...we're not completely set on that. I agree that it's way too soon ask people...I just wasn't sure how to let her know that.
Posted by kt126406[/QUOTE]
Ok, between this and telling her she's a "maybe", why in God's name is this girl friends with you?
If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
"Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
Be honest and say you haven't picked anyone yet. Then don't pick for awhile. If things end up uneven, oh well.
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
OP, 3 may be a great number for your FI, but it has little to no bearing on how many people you will have on your side. And the way you let her know that it's way too soon to as people is umm, saying that it's way too soon to ask people. Just say you haven't thought about it yet and probably won't for another year.
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Well, either way, if I read it wrong, being told she's a "maybe" is still rude, even if the rest of the BP isn't decided.
OP, don't go telling anybody else that they're "maybes". Wait until you're less than a year from your wedding. If it comes up again a simple "Oh, we're too far out to be thinking about something like that yet" is fine.
If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
"Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
I have been talking to several people about this and everyone says the same thing. Honesty is the best policy. Also that people shouldn't assume being in the wedding. As everyone on here should know, what you want to do and waht you actually do with your wedding are completely different things and everything changes once that ring is on your finger.
It's hard, but decisions have to be made and unfortunately people's feelings get invloved and hurt. Good luck