PW: jenjenniferf> BotB

K Everdeen12 · January 2013

I have a question:

For those of you who want babies - have you and your SO discussed what you would think about doing in the event of infertility? Are you on the same page?

For example: I don't think I'd be willing to take fertility drugs. No real reason for it, but I just don't know if I can put in that kind of effort (physically and emotionally) to get pregnant. FI's like, "Oh if you can't get pregnant, we can get a surrogate," so the complete other end of the spectrum. He also doesn't really think this is something we should talk about until it happens, if it ever does. I think we should talk about it now.

tuarceatha · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pw-jenjenniferf-botb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a34b9eef-859d-4613-a5c0-0c7733bb8c51Post:ea976f2d-2abb-421b-b0c5-bf860fafcd1d">Re: PW: jenjenniferf> BotB</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a question: For those of you who want babies - have you and your SO discussed what you would think about doing in the event of infertility? Are you on the same page? For example: I don't think I'd be willing to take fertility drugs. No real reason for it, but I just don't know if I can put in that kind of effort (physically and emotionally) to get pregnant. FI's like, "Oh if you can't get pregnant, we can get a surrogate," so the complete other end of the spectrum. He also doesn't really think this is something we should talk about until it happens, if it ever does. I think we should talk about it now.
Posted by K Everdeen12[/QUOTE]

We haven't really... It has come up in a family discussion and he and I sorta debriefed afterwards about what others said, and I guess we concluded we'd deal with what we were comfortable with seeking out when we knew it was our only option.

thejucheidea · January 2013

We plan to have three children and to try to start for our first in spring of next year.

I have never used birth control, so we'll just plan based on when my ovulation occurs based on the three years of data I've compiled about my cycle. I'm not too concerned about any accidents because my cycle is so predictable.

I haven't made any active efforts at preplanning, but I know that I need to talk to my psychiatrist about medication changes (the medication I take is class C) and contact a midwife because I don't want a hospital birth. I'm probably going to consult with a midwife in April or May to start doing whatever I need to do ahead of time and I'm also going to start going to a naturopath in town relatively soon.

tuarceatha · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pw-jenjenniferf-botb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a34b9eef-859d-4613-a5c0-0c7733bb8c51Post:6910c603-6453-4665-8df4-9295ef562a15">Re: PW: jenjenniferf> BotB</a>:
[QUOTE]Sometimes I look forward to being a mom and other times I wonder, well what if I bring the baby home and I don't like this whole parenthood thing. I'm SOL at that point. I wish they had trial runs... I hate that it needs to be something BF & I will not have years to think about. I said I refuse to try once I hit 40.
Posted by danser55[/QUOTE]

I'm convinced motherhood will have all sorts of highs and lows. What I really want is a family of 5 or 6. Right now we are a family of two, and I want more in our crew.

Peaseblossom55 · January 2013

Good question- we haven't really spoken about that yet. The what ifs on infertility. I wouldn't mind trying for a few months with some fertility drugs. Honestly if the doctor said there would be problems and it would be difficult I would love to do adopt a little girl from China. BF knows I would love to adopt some day... so it's not like I haven't brought it up, and he doesn't seem to object.

Peaseblossom55 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pw-jenjenniferf-botb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a34b9eef-859d-4613-a5c0-0c7733bb8c51Post:f9241039-686f-42f8-a156-2ccf58afcfe9">Re: PW: jenjenniferf> BotB</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: PW: jenjenniferf /> BotB : I'm convinced motherhood will have all sorts of highs and lows. What I really want is a family of 5 or 6. Right now we are a family of two, and I want more in our crew.
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]
I only want one or two, there probably won't be time for anymore honestly. lol

thejucheidea · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pw-jenjenniferf-botb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a34b9eef-859d-4613-a5c0-0c7733bb8c51Post:ea976f2d-2abb-421b-b0c5-bf860fafcd1d">Re: PW: jenjenniferf> BotB</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a question: For those of you who want babies - have you and your SO discussed what you would think about doing in the event of infertility? Are you on the same page?
Posted by K Everdeen12[/QUOTE]
My gynecologist speaks glowingly about my uterus, so I'm hoping I'm good in that respect. I think that if it turned out that we had fertility issues, we would just not have children because Tyler is not interested in adoption.

tuarceatha · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pw-jenjenniferf-botb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a34b9eef-859d-4613-a5c0-0c7733bb8c51Post:86bcf226-782f-4c7d-8128-ec7e94145712">Re: PW: jenjenniferf> BotB</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: PW: jenjenniferf /> BotB : I only want one or two, there probably won't be time for anymore honestly. lol
Posted by danser55[/QUOTE]

I think the most H will agree to is 3. But there is always room for accidents....

tuarceatha · January 2013

A couple I met through school is seeking a birth mother. Whole 'nother discussion there.

buddysmom80 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pw-jenjenniferf-botb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a34b9eef-859d-4613-a5c0-0c7733bb8c51Post:451e96bf-8dc2-4345-b10c-2779b6f921f8">Re: PW: jenjenniferf> BotB</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: PW: jenjenniferf /> BotB : oooh You reminded me that I should read about the maternity leave offered at work. Is Buddy an animal? Or are you already a mom? :) My ma had me right out of HS, my sister right after she got remarried to my (step)dad and my other sister before Y2K so they wouldn't be empty nesters (They are now divorcing). I feel like this is the ideal time for me, but unfortuntuately I have to ask my H what he wants.
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

Actually my employer has awesome maternity leave benefits but if for some reason we couldn't get pregnant and had to go the infertility route, my employer only offers $3000 towards infertility treatments. The Ivy League university that's affiliated with my employer; their infertility program starts at $10000 so we can either spend our retirement money on having a kid and going through a million rounds of IVF or at that point if we couldn't get pregnant go the route of adoption.

Buddy is my fur baby, he's my favorite child lol.

My friend who is 30 and her husband who is 32 are going through infertility problems. They've been trying for 3 years and finally went to a infertility specialist. Her H had gastric bypass surgery and now all of these studies are coming out that extreme weight loss is causing a decrease in sperm count. The other day BF said if he doesn't lose 50 lbs by the end of the year he's looking into getting the surgery. I started telling him about my friends infertility problems and he agreed that he would wait until we had our kids. It's a scary situation especially when they are so young, but like I stated earlier if it didn't work out we would adopt. My friend and her husband after trying one round of IVF without any luck have applied to adopt a girl from China. I think she's more excited about that than anything else, and I'm excited for her! I'm going to spoil that little girl rotten!

tuarceatha · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pw-jenjenniferf-botb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a34b9eef-859d-4613-a5c0-0c7733bb8c51Post:aa31c135-6a2b-44ec-aab1-3dfe365ac663">Re: PW: jenjenniferf> BotB</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: PW: jenjenniferf /> BotB : Actually my employer has awesome maternity leave benefits but if for some reason we couldn't get pregnant and had to go the infertility route, my employer only offers $3000 towards infertility treatments. The Ivy League university that's affiliated with my employer; their infertility program starts at $10000 so we can either spend our retirement money on having a kid and going through a million rounds of IVF or at that point if we couldn't get pregnant go the route of adoption. Buddy is my fur baby, he's my favorite child lol. My friend who is 30 and her husband who is 32 are going through infertility problems. They've been trying for 3 years and finally went to a infertility specialist. Her H had gastric bypass surgery and now all of these studies are coming out that extreme weight loss is causing a decrease in sperm count. The other day BF said if he doesn't lose 50 lbs by the end of the year he's looking into getting the surgery. I started telling him about my friends infertility problems and he agreed that he would wait until we had our kids. It's a scary situation especially when they are so young, but like I stated earlier if it didn't work out we would adopt. My friend and her husband after trying one round of IVF without any luck have applied to adopt a girl from China. I think she's more excited about that than anything else, and I'm excited for her! I'm going to spoil that little girl rotten!
Posted by buddysmom80[/QUOTE]

My mom keeps bringing up how there are "plenty" of stories of couples getting pregnant right after they adopt. Like the pregnancy is a result of the adoption and I should be aware how possible this is. Thanks, ma.

K Everdeen12 · January 2013

My friend is 26 and has been dealing with infertility for over a year, so it's not like it's such an outside the box concept - for me at least. FI thinks it's just not anything to discuss now. I can see his point though - who knows how we'll feel if it actually comes to that.

My GYN seems unconcerned with my uterus, despite some medical issues I've had, and doesn't feel the need to explore anything at the moment unless I can't conceive or have some serious issues that BC can't fix (like ruling out/diagnosing endometriosis because being on the pill is mostly effective at keeping everything normal).

I do have concerns about my medications, though. I take medicine daily for GERD (acid reflux) and I saw that some aren't okay during pregnancy - and heartburn is really common for pregnant women. That's my biggest worry about pregnancy - heartburn and not being able to eat.

Hummingbird125 · January 2013

BF and I haven't discussed what we would do if we were unable to get pregnant naturally. I would probably want to pursue adoption, while I think BF would prefer we try infertility treatments, IVF, etc. I'm squeamish with medical stuff, and faint easily. Even a normal pregnancy is going to be tough of me, so I don't think I'd be so willing to put myself through invasive procedures, especially since there's no guarantee of anything working.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

My BF and I haven't really discussed what we would do either if we weren't able to have children of our own. We talked once about adoption when a couple at our church was going through the adoption process and I asked him if he would consider adopting a child. He said he isn't opposed to adoption but it wouldn't be his first decision if we decided to have more children once we starting having kids. So I guess that means he would rather go with infertility treatments if I wasn't able to have children but I've never brought up that topic with him since we wouldn't encounter that really until after we get married but it would be interesting to hear his opinion.

LaSak87 · January 2013

We've talked a lot about the possibility of infertility, particularly right before I had surgery because there was the chance of losing my ovaries. H has said that he would prefer to have a biological child, whether through surrogate or fertility treatments. I agreed that if it came to that, we would look at our options and try for a certain period of time. I would like to do the whole pregnancy thing so I'm hoping that when we do try, there aren't any issues. I know my risk for miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies is definitely higher so that scares me a lot.

PS Liv you're my endo sister

CASK85 · January 2013

I'm really interested in starting FAM after my current BC script runs out this spring. I want to "chart to avoid" for at least a year after that because DH and I don't want to start our family for at least that long, possibly two years. But I've had enough of being on the pill. Once I have been doing FAM for that long, barring any problems, getting KTFU right away should be easy enough. So in short, yes I'm the type to plan the shiz out of this.

I've been on the pill for almost 12 years, trying to prevent pregnancy pretty much the entire time except a few dry spells :-P

ETA: DH once said he wanted 4 kids. I'm not sure I want that many, but we'll try for at least 2. And if I can't get KTFU for whatever reason, I'd be interested in trying fertility treatments. After that I think we'd be open to adoption, but we haven't discussed it in detail.

steign · January 2013

This may be TMI but, I had to get cyrosurgery on my cervix last January after my HPV ordeal.

I always wonder if that will affect my fertility, even though my doctor said it shouldn't.

Peaseblossom55 · January 2013

buddy- you have to tell when after your friend has adopted her girl from China what she thought the process was like.

suzie211 · January 2013

In Response to Re:PW: jenjenniferf:[QUOTE]I have a question:For those of you who want babies have you and your SO discussed what you would think about doing in the event of infertility? nbsp;Are you on the same page? nbsp;For example: I don't think I'd be willing to take fertility drugs. nbsp;No real reason for it, but I just don't know if I can put in that kind of effort physically and emotionally to get pregnant. nbsp;FI's like, "Oh if you can't get pregnant, we can get a surrogate," so the complete other end of the spectrum. nbsp;He also doesn't really think this is something we should talk about until it happens, if it ever does. nbsp;I think we should talk about it now. Posted by K Everdeen12[/QUOTE

We have talked about it. We both really want kids, but are not willing to wipe ourselves out financially to have them. IUI and IVF procedures can be expensive, and I'd rather adopt and be able to still put food on the table than be able to say a kid is biologically mine. Although insurance is picking it up in more and more states. Right now I live in a state that covers infertility, but my employer and insuranceis in a state that doesn't.

FI really wants to try everything he could first and then is okay with the idea of adoption if it came to that. I've always been on board with adoption. My grandmother was adopted and if she hadn't been, I wouldn't be here. So I'm in the camp that if it doesn't happen one way, maybe an adopted baby was what was meant to be.

I watched my cousin and his wife struggle for 3 years with fertility issues. It was heartbreaking to watch. My GYN says I have the all clear, but who knows. We'll work on that when and if that time gets here.

lavenderfields13 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pw-jenjenniferf-botb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a34b9eef-859d-4613-a5c0-0c7733bb8c51Post:28dda84c-3ed0-4629-9280-2ac2b9a42d1b">Re: PW: jenjenniferf> BotB</a>:
[QUOTE]This may be TMI but, I had to get cyrosurgery on my cervix last January after my HPV ordeal. :( I always wonder if that will affect my fertility, even though my doctor said it shouldn't.
Posted by steign[/QUOTE]

I had the same procedure. I guess I just took my doc's word for it that it wouldn't affect my fertility because I did ask about that. There must be studies or something on the effect it does or doesn't have on fertility.

thejucheidea · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pw-jenjenniferf-botb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a34b9eef-859d-4613-a5c0-0c7733bb8c51Post:a4019dd8-77ab-4fc5-adfd-d204c05c127d">Re: PW: jenjenniferf> BotB</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: PW: jenjenniferf /> BotB : I had the same procedure. I guess I just took my doc's word for it that it wouldn't affect my fertility because I did ask about that. There must be studies or something on the effect it does or doesn't have on fertility.
Posted by leese19[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't think that something in your cervix would affect your fertility unless they really bollocksed up the surgery, but GYN isn't my specialty, so I could be wrong.

polkadot111 · January 2013

H and I are going to start trying for our first baby in a year. We want to have a kid at the 2 year mark, so will start trying a year or so before that. We'll see though- we want to own a home (out of this tiny apartment!) before I am knocked up. However, I was positive I was pregnant this month and H was super duper excited. I was terrified, and he kept saying, "It will be fun!" It was scary. I had to remind him that we are not doing that for a year +.

jorja86 · January 2013

BF and I both very badly want children. Being a mother is the only thing I've always known I 100% wanted in life. We'd like to have 3 or 4 kids. I love being part of a big family. It's definitely something we've discussed at length, down to what type of discipline we're both comfortable with. I think it's important to be on the same page with that kind of stuff before you commit to having kids with someone.

Our timeline for engagement/marriage is also largely connected to wanting multiple kids. I'm 26 now, and want to be pregnant by 30 if possible. Originally, we wanted to get married and spend a couple child free years before we started trying, but at this point we'll probably start trying right away since its unlikely we'll be married for at least 2 years. We figure since we've lived together for a while, we're having that child free time now.

I went off hormonal birth control about a year ago after being on it for almost 10 years (all spent actively avoiding pregnancy). I now somewhat chart my cycles, and we use condoms. It's easy for me to tell when I'm ovulating, so when we start trying, we'll probably just go by that and move towards more strict charting if that doesn't work.

Infertility is one of my biggest fears. We have talked about what we would do. It's very important to BF to have a biological child, which doesn't really matter to me, except for the fact that I very much want to experience pregnancy and birth. Like, if my eggs weren't viable, I would want to try to use donar eggs or embryos, and at that point BF probably wouldn't have a preference between that and adopting an infant. BF has also said he would want to use donar sperm so the child would be biologically related to at least one of us if he were infertile. I don't really understand his strong feelings on the biological connection, but it's really important to him.

As far as drugs/treatments, I would be willing to do Clomid or other drugs to help, and probably one round of IVF. I would rather adopt than spend years trying for a biological baby, though.

I think it's important to point out that adoption can also be really expensive, especially if you want an infant. Depending on insurance, adoption can be more expensive in some cases.

ETA: formatting and punctuation not available on the stupid mobile site

Vintagelove4 · January 2013

FI and I have talked a lot about having a family. We've agreed we want to wait 4-5 years after we get married to start a family. Our thing is we want to travel all over the world and live in at least one other country first. All that is a lot harder to do once little ones are in the picture. We also want to be financially stable enough for a child and own our own house. We want at least four kids but the more the merrier.

As far as what if we aren't fertile (judging by both our genetics this is highly unlikely), we would adopt. I'd want to adopt from India but FI thinks America should be our first choice.
Is it obvious we've talked a lot about this? haha

peekaboo2011 · January 2013

Both BF and I really want kids. We want 2, and he wants to be done by 30, so 5 years. I don't think it'll happen like that we'll probably start in the next 5 years. I would like them yesterday, but I know it's highly impractical since we don't make enough to have a child comfortably As far as infertility goes, it's something I get periodically worried about. My mom talks about how she got pregnant really easily, so I shouldn't have an issue, but there was a period of about two years where I was almost completely off bc, and not using condoms and didn't get KTFU. That actually worries me.

beanbot2002 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pw-jenjenniferf-botb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a34b9eef-859d-4613-a5c0-0c7733bb8c51Post:b882a6dc-67b7-44e3-a4d2-c008e36ac82b">Re: PW: jenjenniferf> BotB</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: PW: jenjenniferf /> BotB : If I yell it loud enough, he may hear me. You know, cause we are sorta close.
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

Scream it from the mountain tops, sister!

We've been 'sort-of' trying ever since we got the all clear after the you-know-what, but no babies yet. It does scare me a bit that something is wrong. But I have PCOS, so that could be part of it. We've talked about what we will do if we are unable to conceive again. We will adopt, and also try some fertility treatments. I would really really like to go through pregnancy again. I was so young and naive when I was pregnant with Bean, that I let the gyno's push me into an unnecessary induction. I'd really like to go through a natural child birth next time.

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