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Which would be worse?
Kinda morbid - But I do wonder about this.
Last summer a classmate of mine from high school got married and a week later, she dropped dead. I absolutely cannot imagine how horrifying that had to be for her husband - to look into the face of the woman you love and promise to love her forever, and a week later be planning her funeral.
My grandfather recently passed - he was 80 years old, and he and my grandma were married for 55 years. My grandma is very healthy and while likely live into her mid 90s, just like her mom did. She is taking his death very hard since they lived a long, happy life together and it's difficult to go on alone after all that time.
Which would be worse? Losing your spouse suddenly early on in life and not having a chance to make happy memories with your soul mate, or living a long happy life together and having your spouse go first?
Last summer a classmate of mine from high school got married and a week later, she dropped dead. I absolutely cannot imagine how horrifying that had to be for her husband - to look into the face of the woman you love and promise to love her forever, and a week later be planning her funeral.
My grandfather recently passed - he was 80 years old, and he and my grandma were married for 55 years. My grandma is very healthy and while likely live into her mid 90s, just like her mom did. She is taking his death very hard since they lived a long, happy life together and it's difficult to go on alone after all that time.
Which would be worse? Losing your spouse suddenly early on in life and not having a chance to make happy memories with your soul mate, or living a long happy life together and having your spouse go first?
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Re: Which would be worse?
When you're older and spent that long together, you have many memories, pictures, videos, thoughts to look back on...Dying suddenly at young age is unexpected. I think if you're 80, you already know and brace yourself for that one 'sad day'
Married in Vegas - June 2011
House / Baby blog
Married Bio
I have very bad death-related anxiety. I should not have read this thread.
wow that is morbid...
and I think in general it would be a great loss because in the beginning you have a lot of what if's, since you were barely going to start a life together. And when you're old you feel like you're missing a part of yourself. Does someone ever get over their spouse passing away unexpectedly? I think even if they re-marry you still remember =/
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I also have death anxiety,GreenPep. And now FI won't be home till really late because he has a volleyball double header.
I made a bio?!?
And one of the bridesmaids in my first wedding (who'd only been married maybe 4 -5 years to her 2nd husband who absolutely adored her) died just before I met John. Her husband is still grieving. I can't even describe the email he sent me when I asked how he was doing.
They are all different kinds of grief. And for my mom's mom, there was some relief built in, because Grandaddy had been suffering for a long time.
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I love you Missy. Even though you are not smart enough to take online quizzes to find out really important information. ~cew
I think I'd rather live a long life together. When my great-grandma died a few months ago, my great-grandpa said he wouldn't trade their life together for the world. He mourned until he died, which was about a month later, but he repeatedly said he didn't regret a thing and that she was the love of his life. I want that kind of love with DH, and a long life together. It may make it harder when death comes, but at the same time you have a lifetime of memories with the one you're meant to be with. Wow, that got sappy.
House / Baby blog
My grandmother lost my grandfather after almost forty years. He died the year before I was born, but I know how much she loved him. She never took her wedding ring off and fondly tells us stories about him because we are his legacy. I would rather be able to look back on a life well lived then wonder what could have been.
House / Baby blog
Also, being blessed with having my grand and great-grandparents for most of my life, I've been able to see how they've handled a loss like that. My one grandmother died 3 years ago from cancer, and it left my grandfather a complete wreck. He died about 3 months ago ... and it may sound terrible, but most of the family is shocked that he held up as long as he did. My grandmother was his world, and we knew he couldn't live without her.
Meanwhile, my great-grandmother lost my great-grandfather 15 years ago, and it completely tore her up, but at the time she was 77 and still saw so many things worth hanging on and pushing forward for. She never remarried or anything like that (And I really don't think she ever would have no matter how young she was), but the majority of my family lives locally, so she's never really been left to be lonely. She's now 92 and only in the past year has her health started failing her, but even with that, she's still fiesty and as energetic as she can be.
So mainly, I think it just depends on the person.
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When you're older, at least you are more prepared for people dying.
He was 32, I was 28, the woman who killed him was 89.
So. I honestly think it's harder to lose someone in the way I did, and here's why.
We're all going to die. Having someone young with their entire lives ahead of them is no more or less sad, but it is far more TRAGIC than someone in their 80s dying.
When Adam was killed I didn't just lose my husband, I lost my entire life- I lost the children we'd imagined having and had already chosen names for, I lost my future. I was 28 years old, widowed and starting life at a deficit.
If you lose someone and you're 80 you don't feel like you have to get out there and struggle to go on. I am very fortunate that 5 years after my husband's death I'm engaged to an amazing guy who gets all my crazy and totally supports me. But if you're 80, you can welcome your grief in, when you're 28 you have to get your sh*t together and keep moving forward, because there's maybe a long, long time ahead of you, and you have to make that decision whether you want to do the easy thing and not care, or the hard thing- keep on living knowing part of you is ALWAYS going to be gone. He took it with him when he died.
When you lose someone after 50 years you have 50 years of memories, happy times, children and grandchildren who remind you of your spouse. That's a blessing.
On the day I realized he been dead for longer than I'd known him I spent the day in bed, out of my head with grief, and it'd been almost 4 years since his death.
I get older, I see life change, I watch his nephew grow up- he never will. His birthday remains the hardest day for me, far harder than anniversaries, etc.
I was woefully unprepared to be a widow- you just don't see it coming at our age. I joined a young widow's group- the next "youngest" widow was 57. I was jealous of all of them.
So, yeah, from my experience, losing someone young, when they're at the prime of their lives is the worst, it's such a shameful waste.
The fact that after her trial for vehicular homicide the bitch who killed my gorgeous husband said to me "I'm a widow, you'll get over it" wasn't much consolation.
House / Baby blog