MOH- Who Should it Be???
Here’s my situation, it’s a little complicated and you might have trouble following along:
I’m having 4 bridesmaids total: 2 older sisters (#1 & #2), 1 younger sister (#4), and my future sis-in-law. #1 sister got married this past summer and had a fairly easy choice to make our #2 sister her MOH. I am 3rd sister of 4… who am I supposed to choose? I am close to each one of them in a different way, so I feel that I can’t choose my closest sister. I also feel like #2 sister already had a chance. And when #2 sister gets married she’ll probably choose #1 sister to be her MOH- if this happens and I have #1 sister be my MOH, then #4 sister wouldn’t have the chance to be one. But I’m not sure if #4 sister (she is 16) is mature/responsible enough for the duties of a MOH. She can tend to be lazy. I’m not considering my sis-in-law because we aren’t all that close yet.
I considered not having a MOH and splitting up the duties, but I figured that would get even more complicated. I need a few opinions or even some different, creative options. I’m not really worried about hard feelings- none of us are petty in that way- I just don’t know what to do.
Re: MOH- Who Should it Be???
[QUOTE]Here’s my situation, it’s a little complicated and you might have trouble following along: I’m having 4 bridesmaids total: 2 older sisters (#1 & #2), 1 younger sister (#4), and my future sis-in-law. #1 sister got married this past summer and had a fairly easy choice to make our #2 sister her MOH. I am 3 rd sister of 4… who am I supposed to choose? I am close to each one of them in a different way, so I feel that I can’t choose my closest sister. I also feel like #2 sister already had a chance. And when #2 sister gets married she’ll probably choose #1 sister to be her MOH- if this happens and I have #1 sister be my MOH, then #4 sister wouldn’t have the chance to be one. But I’m not sure if #4 sister (she is 16) is mature/responsible enough for the duties of a MOH. She can tend to be lazy. I’m not considering my sis-in-law because we aren’t all that close yet. I considered not having a MOH and splitting up the duties, but I figured that would get even more complicated. I need a few opinions or even some different, creative options. I’m not really worried about hard feelings- none of us are petty in that way- I just don’t know what to do.
Posted by rirvi335[/QUOTE]
Explain these "duties."
Another word for bridesmaids is attendants- I'm not expecting them to be my servants, but I'm not a control freak who needs to oversee every part of the planning either. I know I helped out a lot at my sister's- with flowers, favors, and decorating and I wasn't even the MOH. It's also different since all of them are my sisters, so I know that they'll want to help without my even asking- we're that close and get along super well- and even if BMs are expected to just show up and smile for some people's wedding, I know that my sisters don't want to do just that. So for me and for my wedding, being asked to be a MOH should still be an honor.
So that's where I'm coming from and why I'm having trouble with deciding on who.
[QUOTE]There are no duties. Ignore those lists that you see on wedding websites and in bridal magazines. Those are published by the industry to enforce a sense of entitlement in brides and obligation to their friends. That helps pump money back into weddings. Any guest can sign the marriage license. In my circle it's usually the parents, as a token that their kids are starting their own family, not the wedding party. It's nobody's responsibility to host showers or bachelorettes. That's a gift, not a right, to the bride. Usually the wedding party does, but the bride is not supposed to even think about it. Bridesmaids are selected as a way to honor special people. The MOH is chosen to show she is especially close. It's not required to have an MOH at all....you can tell them you love them too much to pick and choose. Don't choose based on what you think they can, or will want to, do. Nothing stops them from volunteering for things. Think of which one youj'd call if it were 3 am and you needed to get rid of a body.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
Thank you for the opinions about my expectations- my mom and sisters have been talking about those sort of things- since I do live with 2 of my sisters still. They are the ones who have been throwing around the subject of showers and bachelorette party- I'm not viewing those as my rights.
And "Get rid of a body?" Call me crazy if I don't take your advice.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH- Who Should it Be??? : And "Get rid of a body?" Call me crazy if I don't take your advice.
Posted by rirvi335[/QUOTE]
This made me lol. The body thing is purely hypothetical, it gets asked to just about every bride on this board who asks this question. It doesn't mean that the other brides condone murder or think you are a murderer. It just means that you should choose those closest to you as your BP.
It sounds like you are very close to all of these women. I would recommend either not having a MOH at all or having possibly 2 MOHs, if you are closer to 2 of them, to honor your friends.
The women on these boards give wonderful, if extremely direct, advice. I encourage you to not take anything too personally, as you seem to be doing, and to lurk around to get a better feel for the boards and the questions asked. You may find that many of your questions have been answered previously just a few posts down, or on another board.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH- Who Should it Be??? : Thank you for the opinions about my expectations- my mom and sisters have been talking about those sort of things- since I do live with 2 of my sisters still. They are the ones who have been throwing around the subject of showers and bachelorette party- I'm not viewing those as my rights.<strong> And "Get rid of a body?" Call me crazy if I don't take your advice.</strong>
Posted by rirvi335[/QUOTE]
<div>It's just a figure of speech, nothing to worry about or get offended by. When picking your MOH you should always ask yourself "if it were 3 am and I needed ___, who would I call?" </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH- Who Should it Be??? : This made me lol. The body thing is purely hypothetical, it gets asked to just about every bride on this board who asks this question. It doesn't mean that the other brides condone murder or think you are a murderer. It just means that you should choose those closest to you as your BP. It sounds like you are very close to all of these women. I would recommend either not having a MOH at all or having possibly 2 MOHs, if you are closer to 2 of them, to honor your friends. The women on these boards give wonderful, if extremely direct, advice. I encourage you to not take anything too personally, as you seem to be doing, and to lurk around to get a better feel for the boards and the questions asked. You may find that many of your questions have been answered previously just a few posts down, or on another board.
Posted by missfrodo[/QUOTE]
<font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:10pt;"><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri">Thank you for the reminder- I know there are a lot of helpful women on here. Sometimes a few comments can get too personal or rub you the wrong way- or maybe can be taken the wrong way- and then it discredits anything else they’ve said. That’s what happened with that last one- obviously murder isn’t being condoned, but I wasn’t in the mood to hear that from her. </font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:10pt;"><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri">I appreciate the comments you made- you answered my question instead of giving your opinion about other things I included in my post.</font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font>
If your sisters feel the same way that you do (that you're all very close and would want to choose a sister to be MOH), you could get together with them and maybe decide who will be whose MOH if/when the time comes for them to get married, that way you all get a turn.
Of course, this is assuming that everyone will decide to get married someday, decide to have a bridal party at all, decide to choose a sister instead of a friend for MOH, etc. Life never quite goes the way you plan, so just be sure that nobody will be heartbroken if her chance to be the MOH never comes up for whatever reason.
I've heard of multiple sisters agreeing who will be whose MOH, so this could work if you are pretty sure you're all on the same page.
Stop worrying about the parties and if sister #4 is lazy, because that has nothing to do with it. If you can't pick one person, then don't pick anyone.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH- Who Should it Be??? : It's just a figure of speech, nothing to worry about or get offended by. When picking your MOH you should always ask yourself "if it were 3 am and I needed ___, who would I call?"
Posted by KateH2013[/QUOTE]
<font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:10pt;"><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri">Yeah, I know- overreaction.</font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:10pt;"><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri">Truth is, if I ask myself who I’d call if I needed anything- I’d call all 3! I’ve already said that I’m close to all of them, and I keep being asked- Who are you closest to? So I’ve come to the conclusion- since we’re all close and all 3 of them are already being helpful- there just will be no MOH. I should’ve just asked in the first place if not having one would be ok- some ladies did mention it though, so I suppose it has been done.</font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:10pt;"><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri">Thank you all for the input.</font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font>
[QUOTE]If your sisters feel the same way that you do (that you're all very close and would want to choose a sister to be MOH), you could get together with them and maybe decide who will be whose MOH if/when the time comes for them to get married, that way you all get a turn. Of course, this is assuming that everyone will decide to get married someday, decide to have a bridal party at all, decide to choose a sister instead of a friend for MOH, etc. Life never quite goes the way you plan, so just be sure that nobody will be heartbroken if her chance to be the MOH never comes up for whatever reason. I've heard of multiple sisters agreeing who will be whose MOH, so this could work if you are pretty sure you're all on the same page. Stop worrying about the parties and if sister #4 is lazy, because that has nothing to do with it. If you can't pick one person, then don't pick anyone.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]
<font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:10pt;"><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri">Confession- this example of having a lazy sister for the MOH came from seeing an episode of Bridezillas… Haha! So I can sorta see why the sister would be like that, plus I don’t think I’m a bridezilla… </font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font><p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:10pt;"><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri">And you’re totally right, I shouldn’t worry about something like that. I may talk to them a little more, but I am thinking I may just not have one. Thank you for your helpful comments.</font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000"> </font>