Poll.... WWYD

elliemonster2012 · May 2011

Hello ladies! I need your advice!

FI and I had pretty much decided that we wanted to have a smallish DW (think like 20-30 of our closest F&F) and then a semi formal at home reception a few weeks later. My mom passed away very suddendly a few years ago leaving my dad with only one income and the same amount of bills/expenses and I know he won't be able to comfortably help tons with having a big wedding here...and I know he'd try and it breaks my heart to even think about it.

Would you rather have a lavish gorgeous DW wedding with less people and then more of a party back at home (FI's aunt is very wealthy and has a few different houses she'd be more than willing to help us host a party at) or have a really nice smaller wedding here in IL and leave it at that. I just have a feeling that if I start planning a "small" wedding, cutting people/things out will really take a toll on me!

FI is down with whatever I want to do and I know everybody around us will support us regardless, but just wanted some other peoples insight on what they'd do if it was their wedding!

TIA!

mroth2011 · May 2011

i think that it's more important to be around your loved ones. incorporating the "lavish" is always nice, but in the end, it's really about the love you and your fi have for one another.

elliemonster2012 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_poll-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:72Discussion:9b2fd8a2-ae4b-4c55-9692-bc7a3dab00c5Post:44dc3d53-47f0-493d-82c7-46ab38d2eed6">Re: Poll.... WWYD</a>:
[QUOTE]i think that it's more important to be around your loved ones. incorporating the "lavish" is always nice, but in the end, it's really about the love you and your fi have for one another.
Posted by mroth2011[/QUOTE]

Oh no, I completely 100% agree!...but even if we did a full blown DW with a higher package and paid for our wedding parties expenses (we've been working with a travel agent and have seen the numbers), we'd come in around $20-$23k which we could easily do on our own. But even a smaller 80-100 person wedding in Chicago could easily rack up to be much much higher than that.

I think I'd just rather have less people (just people closest to us) in a DW and celebrate here with a party when we got home (no church ceremony/florist/ect) than have the wedding I've always wanted here, but have to have it lower key. FI's family has always had big weddings (think Palmer House) and keeps questioning our decision and I think it is just starting to really bug me and make me think we are making the wrong decision. Just wanted the insight from people who are going thru the planning process now!

Does that make sense?

mroth2011 · May 2011

oh gosh, sorry my brain didnt put 2 and 2 together with DW. im sorry about that. rough day today.

i think the dw with the big party after would be a lot of fun! boy did i miss that!

LawyerLover810 · May 2011

FI and I considered doing a DW to save money but ended up having the wedding here in Chicago as many of our relatives wouldn't be able to travel. We also got a good discount by having our wedding on a Friday.

FI's brother had a destination wedding in Florida, and it was so fun and special. You get to spend a lot of time with the people that do come. You could do something very informal (like backyard bbq) back in Chicago and still get to celebrate with those who couldn't make it or you weren't able to invite. Good luck!

CASK85 · May 2011

I'm having about 80 guests and hoping to keep it around $15k and we're doing it in the city.

It really depends on what you want. Palmer House is definitely out of the question for us and I could see that being suuuuper expensive. Our wedding won't be lavish by any means, but it will have plenty of food, cake, music, pretty details, and love. Personally I'd rather have what we're planning than a lavish DW. Planning two weddings sounds like a nightmare.

But it sounds like you want the DW, and I think you should do what will make you happy!

Miracle520 · May 2011

I just cancelled a big downtown wedding in order to have a DW so I am probably bias at the moment. For us it was just a matter of wanting to have the people most important to us attend. We are taking just a few people and even paying for everything for everyone involved, we're looking at about 25ish + our lost deposit vs the 100k wedding we were planning. I think it's going to be a lot more special now.

I think really it comes down to...do you want to have less people and a fabulous small wedding away or are you okay with cutting back on the original Chicago wedding? You can def make either one happen.

elliemonster2012 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_poll-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:72Discussion:9b2fd8a2-ae4b-4c55-9692-bc7a3dab00c5Post:7d3d8a2b-2334-4463-b567-2cf1f6d6133f">Re: Poll.... WWYD</a>:
[QUOTE]I just cancelled a big downtown wedding in order to have a DW so I am probably bias at the moment. For us it was just a matter of wanting to have the people most important to us attend. We are taking just a few people and even paying for everything for everyone involved, we're looking at about 25ish + our lost deposit vs the 100k wedding we were planning. I think it's going to be a lot more special now. I think really it comes down to...do you want to have less people and a fabulous small wedding away or are you okay with cutting back on the original Chicago wedding? You can def make either one happen.
Posted by Miracle520[/QUOTE]

THANK YOU! This just made me feel *so* much better. My best friend just got married and spent 70k and now, a year later, .finally admits that she wished she wouldn't have gone so over board. We just built a house and spent 80% of our savngs and both have these gigantic (and very opinionated for different reasons) families and neither of us want to try to please both sides. This is about us...nobody else.

I know I'd be upset and insanely stressed if I tried to plan a smaller wedding and cut back on everything I'd want and I'd have a hard time remembering what we were really doing. Good luck with everything and maybe I'll see you around the DW board!

elliemonster2012 · May 2011

And thanks for all of your advice girls! Seeing that my FIs aunt will be helping us with our at home reception, I am sure that will include 80% of things a normal wedding would (she is insane...if she needed to work, I think they woman would be a world class party planner....no joke lol) , so I will def need ideas on favors and table numbers and everything else under the sun....just not on venues

KellyBrian2013 · May 2011

FWIW, we're planning a 175ish person wedding for $20K in the suburbs... so if you can comfortably afford $23K for a destination wedding, but would like to incorporate more people, look into suburban venues...

Good luck!

MrsMLRB · May 2011

I guess I am in the minority here, but if you are going to spend $25,000 on a wedding, I would just do a big wedding here for less than a lavish DW wedding. That seems like an awful lot of money for a destination wedding. My aunt had one a year ago and I think she spend $5,000 (though she didn't pay for her guests to come).

I wanted a small destination wedding (I wanted to get married in my uncles backyard in Hawaii where my parents were married) but FI wanted a big wedding in Chicago where all our friends and family could come. There are times when I wish we were doing it that way but I am really glad that all our friends and family will be able to attend and celebrate our marriage.

MrsMLRB · May 2011

Oh and FWIW, we are having a 250 person wedding at an expensive location for $37,000. So you could easily do a 100 person wedding for $20,000.

hz80408 · May 2011

I agree with Mrs. ML, to be anything over $10K for a DW seems very high.

My bro/SIL had a DW in Riveria Maya in 2008 and spent $3K.

Personally I'd never do a DW because too many of the people I want to attend would me able to make it. Healthwise some couldn't travel, like my grandparents and financially a lot of my friends wouldn't be able to afford it (I'm turning 25 next week so most people are just getting "real" jobs, etc).

To me, if wasn't worth me/us spending less on a wedding but making our guests taken on the financial burden (in one frame of thought anyways) instead.

MrsMLRB · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_poll-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:72Discussion:9b2fd8a2-ae4b-4c55-9692-bc7a3dab00c5Post:8728d4c5-436d-4e17-bdd3-ccacfa04277d">Re: Poll.... WWYD</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Mrs. ML, to be anything over $10K for a DW seems very high. My bro/SIL had a DW in Riveria Maya in 2008 and spent $3K. Personally I'd never do a DW because too many of the people I want to attend would me able to make it. Healthwise some couldn't travel, like my grandparents and financially a lot of my friends wouldn't be able to afford it (I'm turning 25 next week so most people are just getting "real" jobs, etc). To me, if wasn't worth me/us spending less on a wedding but making our guests taken on the financial burden (in one frame of thought anyways) instead.
Posted by hz80408[/QUOTE]

This. It broke my heart when my aunt decided to get married in Tulum Mexico on a Friday. She thought everyone was on spring break but didn't bother to check with her family. I really wanted to go but I could only get 1 day off of work before spring break and it would have been around $1000. It makes me sad that I wasn't able to attend.

elliemonster2012 · May 2011

We plan on not inviting too many people and we would be covering our entire wedding party + our parents. That is why our quote was at around $20-25k. Anybody in our extended family/friends that could not come, could celebrate with us at a party we'd be having at home.

It is also not about the money, at all. I'd never try to save money myself and make others pick up where we couldn't. I'd put the wedding off 4 years if I needed to save. Those who we absolutely wanted to be there would be paid for. It isn't that we can't afford a wedding in Chicago, it's that I know if I planned a big-ish wedding here, my dad would feel obligated to pay for alot for it and I'd hate for him to feel stressed.

Thank you for all of your advice, ladies.

thealphabride · May 2011

I'm chiming in late here but wanted to add that we had a gorgeous wedding for 95 guests for less than 20K in Oak Brook. There were some things I cut out to fit my budget, like formal transportation, ceremony musicians. And I Diy my invites and programs and didn't do fancy favors, (which no one remembers anyway)
We didn't do a photobooth, late night snacks etc.

We did very traditional wedding. We had nice food, a beautiful venue, 4hours open bar and champaigne on every table, and It was classy and beautiful, and we and our guests loved it.

Poll.... WWYD

Re: Poll.... WWYD

Choose Another Board

Search Boards