Invitations for Students at our Wedding

MrMrsHunt2010 · February 2010

Hi All! Good Morning!

I am a preschool special education teacher and I will be inviting my current students and some past students that I still keep in touch with their families to the wedding ONLY. A few of the past students' parents have already asked me if they will be able to bring their son/daughter to just the wedding. I said, "Of course!"

I am very excited about it and would love to have a class picture right after the wedding as well.

My question is not whether or not this is a good idea. I'm already set on it, so please hold your feelings back on that topic. I would like to know how to do their invitations?

We are having our invitations for all of the other guests custom made and they are quite pricey. They are pocketfolds with several inserts (where to stay, etc.) Our wedding is outside and then the reception is inside the resort but at the same location. Because we need to know how many chairs for the outdoor wedding, I will need a response from the students/families. If we were having the wedding in a church, I wouldn't request a response at all, but I think we need to in this case? What do you ladies think? Is it okay to have a completely different invitation? How do I make it clear that they are only invited to the ceremony? There are a few parents who already spoke to me and said themselves it would be the ceremony only, but some others who I would be a little worried that they wouldn't understand. Would it be okay to put a matching note inside with information for the parents? (keep in mind the kids are between the ages of 4-6)

The note may read something like this?....

"Dear Parents,

I have loved being a part of your child's growth and education up to this point and would love for you and your family to be a part of this special time in my life. The ceremony will be about 30 minutes long and I simply ask if you wouldn't mind staying for a few minutes after for a class picture. The ceremony site, unfortuneately is 40 minutes from the Bethlehem area so I completely understand if you are unable to come. Please feel free to bring siblings if you feel they will be able to sit for the 30 minute ceremony. In order to be sure we have enough seating, please simply return the attached reponse card."

Let me know what you think!!

Thanks!

crfische · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:3cba007d-6804-4c1d-9ac9-3b274dc1e00a">Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All! Good Morning! I am a preschool special education teacher and I will be inviting my current students and some past students that I still keep in touch with their families to the wedding ONLY. A few of the past students' parents have already asked me if they will be able to bring their son/daughter to just the wedding. I said, "Of course!" I am very excited about it and would love to have a class picture right after the wedding as well. My question is not whether or not this is a good idea. I'm already set on it, so please hold your feelings back on that topic. I would like to know how to do their invitations? We are having our invitations for all of the other guests custom made and they are quite pricey. They are pocketfolds with several inserts (where to stay, etc.) Our wedding is outside and then the reception is inside the resort but at the same location. Because we need to know how many chairs for the outdoor wedding, I will need a response from the students/families. If we were having the wedding in a church, I wouldn't request a response at all, but I think we need to in this case? What do you ladies think? Is it okay to have a completely different invitation? How do I make it clear that they are only invited to the ceremony? There are a few parents who already spoke to me and said themselves it would be the ceremony only, but some others who I would be a little worried that they wouldn't understand. Would it be okay to put a matching note inside with information for the parents? (keep in mind the kids are between the ages of 4-6) The note may read something like this?.... "Dear Parents, I have loved being a part of your child's growth and education up to this point and would love for you and your family to be a part of this special time in my life. The ceremony will be about 30 minutes long and I simply ask if you wouldn't mind staying for a few minutes after for a class picture. The ceremony site, unfortuneately is 40 minutes from the Bethlehem area so I completely understand if you are unable to come. Please feel free to bring siblings if you feel they will be able to sit for the 30 minute ceremony. In order to be sure we have enough seating, please simply return the attached reponse card." Let me know what you think!! Thanks!
Posted by MrMrsHunt2010[/QUOTE]

While it would be great if you could tell me what I can and cannot respond to, I'm going to tell you this this is a really, really sucky and inappropriate idea, in my opinion. So, to answer your question, if there are people who you want to invite to your wedding, then you send them the same invitation to ceremony and reception that you send everyone else.

And don't use your kids for props. Sick.

AmoroAgain · February 2010

I think it's incredibly unprofessional and just plain wrong to invite some students to your wedding and not all. Frankly, I think having your students there at all crosses a line between teacher and student.

kate51485 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:3cba007d-6804-4c1d-9ac9-3b274dc1e00a">Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE] My question is not whether or not this is a good idea. I'm already set on it, so please hold your feelings back on that topic. Posted by MrMrsHunt2010[/QUOTE]

You probably lost any chance of objectivity by saying this, just FYI.

In general I think it's pretty rude, nay, absolutely rude, to only invite someone to the ceremony. ESPECIALLY if it is 40 minutes away. I personally would not want to drive approx. an hour and half round trip to only sit in a ceremony for 30 minutes. And if the kids/their families are so important to you, wouldn't you want them also at the reception where you'd actually have a chance to interact with them? Or is the class photo all you are interested in for some sort of show piece?

MrMrsHunt2010 · February 2010

Well you are obviously not a teacher. Many Many fellow teachers have done this as well as my own family members who are teachers. You have no idea how important a teacher at this young an age is and how much they want to share in this day as much as I want them to. The picture is not for me as much as it is for them to keep and think of how they shared in such a special day.

Not to mention, that as a Preschool special education teacher I am the first "teacher" they come in contact with in their lifetime~ their first glimpse into the educational world and how very important that is.

Also, I thought there were some type of guidelines on these boards that prevented personal attacks such as saying that I am "sick"!

How awful of you!

AmoroAgain · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:e8492a48-0167-482f-846a-f078980b6e87">Re: Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Well you are obviously not a teacher. Many Many fellow teachers have done this as well as my own family members who are teachers. You have no idea how important a teacher at this young an age is and how much they want to share in this day as much as I want them to. The picture is not for me as much as it is for them to keep and think of how they shared in such a special day. Not to mention, that as a Preschool special education teacher I am the first "teacher" they come in contact with in their lifetime~ their first glimpse into the educational world and how very important that is. Also, I thought there were some type of guidelines on these boards that prevented personal attacks such as saying that I am "sick"! How awful of you!
Posted by MrMrsHunt2010[/QUOTE]

You're right, I'm not, but I know several teachers who wouldn't do this because it's not right. Get off your little horse there and think about how it would effect the children who are not invited to your wedding? That's simply awful. If you're their first foray into the educational system, what does it show when you play favorites? That's not right IMO. If you're set on doing this, then invite them all and not just the ones you like particularly well. That's just mean.

tidetravel · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:e8492a48-0167-482f-846a-f078980b6e87">Re: Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Well you are obviously not a teacher. Many Many fellow teachers have done this as well as my own family members who are teachers. You have no idea how important a teacher at this young an age is and how much they want to share in this day as much as I want them to. The picture is not for me as much as it is for them to keep and think of how they shared in such a special day. Not to mention, that as a Preschool special education teacher I am the first "teacher" they come in contact with in their lifetime~ their first glimpse into the educational world and how very important that is. Also, I thought there were some type of guidelines on these boards that prevented personal attacks such as saying that I am "sick"! How awful of you!
Posted by MrMrsHunt2010[/QUOTE]

Perhaps you should ask your fellow teachers how they did it, then?

Because etiquette-wise, your entire post is a big no-no, and you're not going to get the answers that you want to hear.

And as much as I loved my teachers, you are highly - overrating your importance.

AmoroAgain · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:72766f68-2729-4c18-a9f4-4c48a069bb0e">Re: Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]IAnd as much as I loved my teachers, you are highly - overrating your importance.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

Oh, SNAP! lol

kate51485 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:e8492a48-0167-482f-846a-f078980b6e87">Re: Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Well you are obviously not a teacher. Many Many fellow teachers have done this as well as my own family members who are teachers. You have no idea how important a teacher at this young an age is and how much they want to share in this day as much as I want them to. The picture is not for me as much as it is for them to keep and think of how they shared in such a special day. Not to mention, that as a Preschool special education teacher I am the first "teacher" they come in contact with in their lifetime~ their first glimpse into the educational world and how very important that is. Also, I thought there were some type of guidelines on these boards that prevented personal attacks such as saying that I am "sick"! How awful of you!
Posted by MrMrsHunt2010[/QUOTE]

1. A lot of people here are teachers.
2. I think we have all gone to school at some point in our lives and know that teachers can be important.
3. If it is "such a special day" -- why not invite them to the reception too?
4. Your wedding is not as important to anyone else as it is to you. Don't overestimate yourself.
5. The only guidelines we have here are avoiding bad etiquette, which you are going to commit.

MrMrsHunt2010 · February 2010

For example, when one of my parents found out I was engaged she wrote me an email specifically saying, "We were wondering if we could attend your ceremony if you let us know what church it is at? My other son's teacher invited all of her students last year and it was so nice for him to be there" This may not be common to many of you, but it is common among elementary/preschool teachers.

I have had these specific questions asked to me from several parents so I am absolutely NOT going to say no they may not attend the ceremony. That would be RUDE as well! This is NOT for me! It is for my students and their families if they choose to come.

We are not having children at the reception. We are inviting 200 people~ we have huge families and couldn't feasibly invite 25 or so kids and their parents~ that's 75 more people. This is an alternative I have seen done over and over again in the teaching world.

I guess I'm not getting any advice on my actual question here and will figure it out myself.

danieliza1127 · February 2010

You obviously knew this wasn't proper etiquette or you wouldn't have asked us to keep our negative opinions to ourselves.

Since you are set on doing this, I will offer some suggestions. First, ask other teachers for they're opinions since we aren't teachers and obviously don't think your idea is quite appropriate. This topic has come up a lot on the boards though and some teachers think it's fine to invite kids while others think it's terrible. So talk to your own peer group and co-workers to get their opinion. Second, if you include the note that is in your post, I would just take out the line about it being 40 minutes away and you understand if they can't come. That's a given and you don't need to say that.

psichick · February 2010

since i am a teacher, i guess i can jump in here......

what you're doing is terribly wrong and certainly crosses the professional line. what makes you think that a bunch of preschoolers even want to be at your wedding? you really think that they want to sit there for 30 minutes listening to someone babble on and on? and why is this so important to you? next year you will have new students that are just as important as these students, and they won't be at your wedding so does that make them less important??? in 20 years you're not going to remember who these kids were at the wedding, and they're certainly not going to remember going. AND it's completly unprofessional for a teacher to be inviting students to a personal event.

and i agree with tide, you're putting way too much importance on yourself. you're a teacher, not a parent.

MrMrsHunt2010 · February 2010

LOL this is just funny

I am not picking favorites... all of my current students will be invited. The ones that I still keep in contact with from past classes as well.

kate51485 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:ffae4f6a-f91c-46f0-b5ed-46a5bd937374">Re: Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]For example, when one of my parents found out I was engaged she wrote me an email specifically saying, "We were wondering if we could attend your ceremony if you let us know what church it is at? My other son's teacher invited all of her students last year and it was so nice for him to be there" This may not be common to many of you, but it is common among elementary/preschool teachers. Posted by MrMrsHunt2010[/QUOTE]

I would never, ever, EVER email anyone ASKING for an invitation to their wedding.

[Deleted User] · February 2010

I think that every idea you have had is really terrible.

tidetravel · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:ffae4f6a-f91c-46f0-b5ed-46a5bd937374">Re: Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]For example, when one of my parents found out I was engaged she wrote me an email specifically saying, "We were wondering if we could attend your ceremony if you let us know what church it is at? My other son's teacher invited all of her students last year and it was so nice for him to be there" This may not be common to many of you, but it is common among elementary/preschool teachers. I have had these specific questions asked to me from several parents so I am absolutely NOT going to say no they may not attend the ceremony. That would be RUDE as well! This is NOT for me! It is for my students and their families if they choose to come. Posted by MrMrsHunt2010[/QUOTE]

I think you're confused. The ceremony is for YOU. The reception is a thank you for your GUESTS, who attended YOUR ceremony.

FYI - Asking if someone can attend a wedding is rude. Replying "I'm sorry but do to capacity restraints, we cannot invite the students" is not rude.

shellydiane820 · February 2010

Self rightous much?

[Deleted User] · February 2010

Also, my son is in preschool right now and if his teacher invited him to her wedding, I would think it was weird. I think you are overestimating your importance. Just because one rude parent sent you some weirdo email asking to be invited to your wedding doesn't mean that every parent thinks that way.

kat112 · February 2010

I can tell you if I was a parent of one of those kids, I'd never ever even dream of giving up my Saturday to drive 40 minutes to see one of my kid's teachers get married and then not even get to go to the reception on top of that is even worse. I'd think you were rude and nuts. I think your intentions might be in the right place, but you're actions won't reflect that. I hope you would reconsider your decision.

tidetravel · February 2010

Poems make thing so much nicer. Try this one in your invite:

Your kids mean the world to me,
At my wedding I would like them to be

It is 40 minutes away,
But we want you to join us for our special day.

Be sure to dress nice so we can get a class photo,
I'll pass it around as a momento.

But before the reception you'd have to leave,
That's way too many mouths to feed!

SwedishChick2011 · February 2010

It's rude to invite people to the ceremony and not the reception, even if they are only preschool kids. I understand that you want them to be a part of your special day, but it's just not appropriate or professional. Just because some of the parents are asking doesn't mean you have to invite them. They shouldn't be fishing for invitations.

Brie2010 · February 2010

You know what? You don't invite them to the wedding and not the reception. That's rude. Duh.

However, if they ask about it because they are just DYING to go, a church is a public place of worship and open to the public.

A friend of mine married a special ed teacher a few years back. Several of his students (and their parents) showed up at the ceremony, uninvited, because they knew the church was public and they genuinely wanted to go. He was not expecting them and was floored by their kind gesture of coming to the church.

My point is, if they want to come, they can, and will, show up to the church on their own. You don't have to invite them there.

MrMrsHunt2010 · February 2010

cocoreo3 thank you for your honest opinion. I respect that you didn't have to attack me to give it like some others felt the need to do.

sucrets4 · February 2010

You should probably spell 'unfortunately' correctly in your little letter since you are a teacher and all.

sucrets4 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:e8492a48-0167-482f-846a-f078980b6e87">Re: Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Well you are obviously not a teacher. Many Many fellow teachers have done this as well as my own family members who are teachers. You have no idea how important a teacher at this young an age is and how much they want to share in this day as much as I want them to. The picture is not for me as much as it is for them to keep and think of how they shared in such a special day. Not to mention, that as a Preschool special education teacher I am the first "teacher" they come in contact with in their lifetime~ their first glimpse into the educational world and how very important that is. Also, I thought there were some type of guidelines on these boards that prevented personal attacks such as saying that I am "sick"! How awful of you!
Posted by MrMrsHunt2010[/QUOTE]

Aren't you supposed to be working with your special ed pre-k kids right now and making a difference in their lives?

And btw, you are so correct in thinking that you are WAY more important than any other teacher a child comes in contact with. Ever.

I mean, a student of mine lost her grandfather/guardian this year, but that doesn't hold a candle to what you did for her in pre-k, right?

kate51485 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:355924cb-9d96-44bc-8309-e5da30df0ecd">Re: Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]cocoreo3 thank you for your honest opinion. I respect that you didn't have to attack me to give it like some others felt the need to do.
Posted by MrMrsHunt2010[/QUOTE]

Uhh...you were the one admonishing us before we even responded, so I think respect is a two way street here. Give it if you want to get it.

SwedishChick2011 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:355924cb-9d96-44bc-8309-e5da30df0ecd">Re: Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]cocoreo3 thank you for your honest opinion. I respect that you didn't have to attack me to give it like some others felt the need to do.
Posted by MrMrsHunt2010[/QUOTE]
Hey, you're welcome! I try to be nice most of the time, although I do have an occasional mean moment. :-)

AmoroAgain · February 2010

Yeah, Coco wasn't the only one who responded without attacking, but you've already made up your mind about what you wanted to do and anything you heard to the contrary upset your poor little head.

microkelly · February 2010

I'm not trying to attack you but I have a lot of patients that are very important to me, but I would definatley NOT invite them to my wedding. In fact, I'd probably get fired if I did.I get how you have personal connections with the people you work with (and yes, thats what your students are) you can risk your future career options by being known as "that tacky teacher who invited her students to the reception." Part of being an adult is knowing when to separtate the professional life with the personal life and following proper social etiquitte guidelines. My second grade teacher got married while I was in grade school (one I still keep in contact with) and I recieved no invitation to her wedding.

MissLeahM · February 2010

If you send them any kind of invitation, they need to be invited to both the ceremony AND reception. Period.

If they ask where you're getting married (ceremoy) you can mention it. But I wouldn't make it a point to invite students to your wedding.

Why not just bring in a photo after the wedding to show your class a picture of the wedding, that way you are including them in your special day, but you aren't crossing the professional line.

louisvillebride21 · February 2010

First of all, I really think it's rude to invite people to the ceremony only. To me, that's saying that you think they're good enough to drive an hour and a half both ways, probably even get you a present (and yes, I know you aren't 'asking' for any, but they probably will get you one), but you're not good enough for me to feed. I really don't think that is the message you are trying to send here, since you really seem to care about your kids, but I'm positive that's the way it will come off to most of the parents.

Just throwing all that aside, have you REALLY thought about this? I'm prepared to get flamed here, but this is based on MY limited experience with special needs kids....do you really think they're going to be able to sit there calmly for half an hour? I would doubt that from a regular pre-school class, but especially not a special needs class. Look, they're going to be there with all their friends, they have to sit for half an hour and they're not going to understand what's going on. Normally, I wouldn't be worried about one little kid screaming or being loud for a second, but an entire pre-school class is an entirely different matter. I'm fairly certain that it's the parents thinking it's a good idea, not really the kids. They are way too young to understand what's going on.

I agree with Brie, (I think?) in that you can't stop them from coming. If you don't invite the whole class, those parents that REALLY want to be there will show up. That way, you won't have the whole class there for everyone to be all wild and distracted, and some of the parents that want to be there will get their chance.

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